blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 My last relationship, which hasn't ended completely for some godforsaken reason, was with someone who I thought was great. Even now, he's in anger management and not drinking any more -- I thought it would be better. It isn't. He has always done this thing, I didn't notice until about 6 months into it, where he makes me feel like I'm crazy. I mean he knows I have issues, and it's almost like an out for him. Like he can be any way he wants to me, and if I object I'm paranoid, or over sensitive, or my "issues" are flaring up. Nothing he does is ever on him because I'm such a headcase. And it's easy for me to accept that because I am so used to taking the blame.
Author basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 Maybe some time apart from Charlie is in order.. like a few days or a week to see how you feel then.. You might be too close to the situation at this point and need to pull back to get a better picture of what is going on and how to fix it. LoneStar said this same thing in my yesterdays post about Michael.. I have been thinking about this a bit. I need to pull myself emotionally back and logically back for a period- I don't know for how long though.. When I start to think about doing this anxiety starts to creep-in and it makes me feel so uneasy. I think the co-dependency thing is grabbing hold of me again.. Gawd I don't want to be like that again. I need to cry but I can't seem to let it go.. I'm afraid too. I can't even cry in my own house because my son is always home and I can't break down with him there. He can hear everything. I have no privacy in my own home..
l2hvn Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 LoneStar said this same thing in my yesterdays post about Michael.. I have been thinking about this a bit. I need to pull myself emotionally back and logically back for a period- I don't know for how long though.. When I start to think about doing this anxiety starts to creep-in and it makes me feel so uneasy. I think the co-dependency thing is grabbing hold of me again.. Gawd I don't want to be like that again. I need to cry but I can't seem to let it go.. I'm afraid too. I can't even cry in my own house because my son is always home and I can't break down with him there. He can hear everything. I have no privacy in my own home.. Pada, I agree. You do need to have some time apart from him in order to reflect on things. And you need to do it soon. I can understand as I am doing this whole NC with my bf since Sunday (if you want you can read my post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t83077/). It hurts in the beginning but each day gets better. Each day, I am able to think more clearly and logically without getting my emotions involved. Sunday was painful, yesterday even worse (I broke down in my office). But today, I woke up and I don't feel like crying anymore.. The more I am away from him, the more I am able to reflect on what's been going on in our relationship, whether my needs are being met, what I want out of a relationship, things i've said/done, things he's said/done, etc... I hope that helps.
Nur Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 From my point of view, it doesn't seem like you are being insecure. I'm not Miss Experience in relationships, of course, but I'm happy in mine, for the most part. I can see where you're coming from. I actually tend to think along the same lines as Charlie. When my boyfriend and I were first going out, we'd go for walks outside, and if a car started coming by when we were kissing, I'd push his head away and wait till it passed before starting again. It felt wierd holding his hand in public, or having his arm around me all the time, simply because I wasn't used to it. For eighteen years I'd walked alone, and now there was someone beside me. It took a lot of adjustment. I did get used to it, eventually. We'll link a few fingers even when around other people, and when they're not looking give a small kiss. But it still makes me uncomfortable if he "clings" to me in public, or we kiss for too long, and we both feel strange doing that, because we both agree it is inappropriate. I don't get the impression, though, that you are wishing for public slopping all over each other -- just the special glance, the brush of hands, or the swift kiss when no one is looking. Right? He might not be a super-touchy guy. If I were the guy in the relationship, I probably wouldn't have just started doing that one day. Since I was the girl, and my boyfriend was the one doing those things, I just had to go along, and found out that they actually made me feel special and happy, when at first I even felt wierd sitting in his lap! I think you did the right thing telling him how you feel. Either he'll change it (if so, meet the change with a lot of positive feedback, like a big smile, or by saying something like, "Thanks for holding my hand today. It really made me feel nice.") Don't, though, force him into it with challenges, attempts to control his behavior, or passive-agressiveness. It doesn't work. If he doesn't change, maybe you guys just aren't compatible. If he fails to make you feel how a relationship should, then he's just not meeting your needs. Why stay with him, when another guy out there is naturally that way? Either you'll have to accept him as he is, if he refuses to change, or look somewhere else. But I would give him some time, first. I went from feeling strange holding his hand in public to always wanting to be close in only the eight months we've been going out. Perhaps he just needs some time to feel comfortable with you. At the beginning of a relationship, before you've really committed to each other, it's easier just to slip into the friendship mode when around people. I distinctly remember doing that in the beginning of mine.
Author basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 Everyone today has given me great ideas, advice and suggestions. I appreciate everyones input. Slubb and I were chatting about it also today on yahoo and he also gave me very good advice.. You all are offering up wonderful wisdom.. Thank you so much .. Sincerely.. I plan to write Charlie a letter and I plan to share with him some of your insight. He knows I come to LS. I don't hide anything. thank you
alphamale Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I plan to write Charlie a letter and I plan to share with him some of your insight. he doesn't like to read. maybe you can make a video instead
Author basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 he doesn't like to read. maybe you can make a video instead Ahahahah he said that too.. OMG Shyt I don't like video Its hard enough for me to be front of a camera. The only decent pics of me are surprise pics...
alphamale Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Its hard enough for me to be front of a camera. .. I find that hard to believe PADA since you've had many variations of your mug-shot as your avvie ever since you've been on LS....
Author basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 I find that hard to believe PADA since you've had many variations of your mug-shot as your avvie ever since you've been on LS.... I've had approx 3... that is about all I have that I think to be decent and not so scary to make ppl vomit...
RecordProducer Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I think Charlie has personal issues, something from his family where affection was probably taboo. You shouldn't take it personally. Try to show him how to act. Go out with couples who touch each other in public. Why do you go out with your single friend all the time? Go alone somewhere. Wear something very sexy... And hug other men so that everyone thinks you're a couple with them!
Author basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 [FONT=Times New Roman]Here is my letter:[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]My Dearest[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I have been working on figuring out what it is that is making me uncomfortable and so sensitive. I believe I figured it out last week when Rebecca stayed with me. I have been trying to get you to understand this self discovery and see if you can help US with this problem. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]You have seen many personality sides of me and I haven’t hidden who I am from you. I never felt the need to be on ‘good behavior’ with you. I have always been myself. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]You have not run from me yet. I have been feeling distance from you for awhile now and I couldn’t figure it out. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]At first I thought maybe you just weren’t that into me!! [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]But your actions told me differently. You call me everyday, you make an effort to see me 4-5-6 times a week on average. You have showed that you think about me when you have been shopping and buy me things. When you gave me this beautiful ring for Valentines Day; I was blown away. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Your actions have showed me that you are interested in me but just how much I don’t know. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]For a man like you who can easily make $$ in a day the loss of the money you spend on me is like a little mosquito bite in reality to what you have already lost; so, I tend to question if you are making tangible gestures so you don’t have to invest yourself emotionally and knowing I don’t come from a background of money every little bit spent on me is like feeding candy to a child who doesn’t get it.. It is cherished, respected, appreciated and makes me speechless. So for you to do little things like you do you, you may think you can appease me with these gifts so you don’t have to invest yourself emotionally in me and you can still have sex too. I’m sure you would say I am way off base with this assumption and I quite possibly AM but this was only an example to state that I sense you don’t want to invest yourself emotionally with me!![/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I have been working on what it is I have been feeling and where all these insecurities and fears are coming from. I have been inquiring from others by sharing my thoughts and feelings and getting feedback to help me figure out what is happening to me. You can read the attachments of my issues I shared on Love Shack in the printed pages following this letter... [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I was given lots of wonderful insight and suggestions. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]What I do know is I love you Charlie. You are a wonderful man and I desire to feel your touch and to hear you speak words to me of how you feel about me. I am not the kind of woman who can survive or live on in a relationship with someone who can’t show affection of express words of positive feelings for me. I can’t survive in a relationship where the only time I feel your touch or affection is in the bedroom… I want that kiss when we see each other. I want that kiss when we say goodbye for the day/evening.. I want that warm hug – feeling your arms around me the warmth of your embrace from your body being close to mine.. I want to feel the softness of your lips and the warmth of your breath on my face. I want to lose my senses in you Charlie and you won’t allow me too. You minimize your response to me too so it makes it very hard for me to feel like we are connected.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Are you afraid of me? [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Are you afraid to allow yourself to feel deeper for me? [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Are you afraid to invest yourself emotionally into me? [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Money can’t replace love. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Money can’t fix the emotional starvation. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Gifts can’t replace love or create it. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]You knew I was an affectionate person before we meet. It was on my profile Together Dating sent you. I made myself clear to you in the beginning about myself. I have not hidden anything. Either you are afraid of what you want or you didn’t pay attention to who I was and just needed me for companionship. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Now that I have strong feelings developed for you I want to continue to build on this and that means being physically closer and emotionally closer. I don’t sense you want the same thing. You are distant in your feelings and sharing of your emotions. I NEED to hear how you feel about me!! I NEED to feel your loving touch on my body (not sexual). [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Love is like children. Children need hugs, kisses, reassuring touches and words of affirmation in order to develop and grow balanced. Relationships need this also. I NEED THIS TOO.. You take for granted that because of how much time you spend with me and how often you call me and by the gifts you have given me that I should be satisfied and fulfilled.. You think that those things should be expressions of how you feel for me; they do express your feelings but, I need a deeper connection with you. I want the vulnerability between us to one another. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]What you do is the same as—my girlfriends and I call each other, spend time together and buy gifts for one another. So what is the difference?? [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I want your touch, your kisses, your fingers intertwined in mine. I want your lingering hugs and looks into one another’s eyes. I need this language of love. I want to hear you tell me that you like me, you love me you want me or need me.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]If you don’t have it in you to give me a little bit of this then we will die. I will always feel like this relationship is not fulfilling. I don’t want a empty relationship. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Like a child needs a hug and kiss when they fall down and get hurt. I need that hug and kiss to know you love me.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Why is it so hard for you to understand this? Why is it so hard for you to open up to this? Are you not really that into me? Are you not developing deeper feelings for me? [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I am asking you to give me a little bit of what I NEED and WANT, I am not asking you to be my skin or the air I breathe![/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT]
SmoochieFace Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 [FONT=Times New Roman]Here is my letter:[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]My Dearest[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I have been working on figuring out what it is that is making me uncomfortable and so sensitive. I believe I figured it out last week when Rebecca stayed with me. I have been trying to get you to understand this self discovery and see if you can help US with this problem. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]You have seen many personality sides of me and I haven’t hidden who I am from you. I never felt the need to be on ‘good behavior’ with you. I have always been myself. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]You have not run from me yet. I have been feeling distance from you for awhile now and I couldn’t figure it out. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]At first I thought maybe you just weren’t that into me!! [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]But your actions told me differently. You call me everyday, you make an effort to see me 4-5-6 times a week on average. You have showed that you think about me when you have been shopping and buy me things. When you gave me this beautiful ring for Valentines Day; I was blown away. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Your actions have showed me that you are interested in me but just how much I don’t know. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]For a man like you who can easily make $$ in a day the loss of the money you spend on me is like a little mosquito bite in reality to what you have already lost; so, I tend to question if you are making tangible gestures so you don’t have to invest yourself emotionally and knowing I don’t come from a background of money every little bit spent on me is like feeding candy to a child who doesn’t get it.. It is cherished, respected, appreciated and makes me speechless. So for you to do little things like you do you, you may think you can appease me with these gifts so you don’t have to invest yourself emotionally in me and you can still have sex too. I’m sure you would say I am way off base with this assumption and I quite possibly AM but this was only an example to state that I sense you don’t want to invest yourself emotionally with me!![/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I have been working on what it is I have been feeling and where all these insecurities and fears are coming from. I have been inquiring from others by sharing my thoughts and feelings and getting feedback to help me figure out what is happening to me. You can read the attachments of my issues I shared on Love Shack in the printed pages following this letter... [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I was given lots of wonderful insight and suggestions. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]What I do know is I love you Charlie. You are a wonderful man and I desire to feel your touch and to hear you speak words to me of how you feel about me. I am not the kind of woman who can survive or live on in a relationship with someone who can’t show affection of express words of positive feelings for me. I can’t survive in a relationship where the only time I feel your touch or affection is in the bedroom… I want that kiss when we see each other. I want that kiss when we say goodbye for the day/evening.. I want that warm hug – feeling your arms around me the warmth of your embrace from your body being close to mine.. I want to feel the softness of your lips and the warmth of your breath on my face. I want to lose my senses in you Charlie and you won’t allow me too. You minimize your response to me too so it makes it very hard for me to feel like we are connected.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Are you afraid of me? [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Are you afraid to allow yourself to feel deeper for me? [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Are you afraid to invest yourself emotionally into me? [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Money can’t replace love. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Money can’t fix the emotional starvation. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Gifts can’t replace love or create it. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]You knew I was an affectionate person before we meet. It was on my profile Together Dating sent you. I made myself clear to you in the beginning about myself. I have not hidden anything. Either you are afraid of what you want or you didn’t pay attention to who I was and just needed me for companionship. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Now that I have strong feelings developed for you I want to continue to build on this and that means being physically closer and emotionally closer. I don’t sense you want the same thing. You are distant in your feelings and sharing of your emotions. I NEED to hear how you feel about me!! I NEED to feel your loving touch on my body (not sexual). [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Love is like children. Children need hugs, kisses, reassuring touches and words of affirmation in order to develop and grow balanced. Relationships need this also. I NEED THIS TOO.. You take for granted that because of how much time you spend with me and how often you call me and by the gifts you have given me that I should be satisfied and fulfilled.. You think that those things should be expressions of how you feel for me; they do express your feelings but, I need a deeper connection with you. I want the vulnerability between us to one another. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]What you do is the same as—my girlfriends and I call each other, spend time together and buy gifts for one another. So what is the difference?? [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I want your touch, your kisses, your fingers intertwined in mine. I want your lingering hugs and looks into one another’s eyes. I need this language of love. I want to hear you tell me that you like me, you love me you want me or need me.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]If you don’t have it in you to give me a little bit of this then we will die. I will always feel like this relationship is not fulfilling. I don’t want a empty relationship. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Like a child needs a hug and kiss when they fall down and get hurt. I need that hug and kiss to know you love me.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Why is it so hard for you to understand this? Why is it so hard for you to open up to this? Are you not really that into me? Are you not developing deeper feelings for me? [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I am asking you to give me a little bit of what I NEED and WANT, I am not asking you to be my skin or the air I breathe![/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] Here's my critique... do something about those *font=times new roman* distractions fer god's sake! Send it to him like it is and he will trash it I guarantee you.
Author basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 Here's my critique... do something about those *font=times new roman* distractions fer god's sake! Send it to him like it is and he will trash it I guarantee you. I was cleaning it up but you interrupted. once another post is made I can't clean it up. Thanxs SMOOCH Let me reply with it cleaned up.
SmoochieFace Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I was cleaning it up but you interrupted. once another post is made I can't clean it up. Thanxs SMOOCH Let me reply with it cleaned up. I'm waiting with baited breath...
Art_Critic Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Cleaned up version by ART Here is my letter: My Dearest I have been working on figuring out what it is that is making me uncomfortable and so sensitive. I believe I figured it out last week when Rebecca stayed with me. I have been trying to get you to understand this self discovery and see if you can help US with this problem. You have seen many personality sides of me and I haven’t hidden who I am from you. I never felt the need to be on ‘good behavior’ with you. I have always been myself. You have not run from me yet. I have been feeling distance from you for awhile now and I couldn’t figure it out. At first I thought maybe you just weren’t that into me!! But your actions told me differently. You call me everyday, you make an effort to see me 4-5-6 times a week on average. You have showed that you think about me when you have been shopping and buy me things. When you gave me this beautiful ring for Valentines Day; I was blown away. Your actions have showed me that you are interested in me but just how much I don’t know. For a man like you who can easily make $$ in a day the loss of the money you spend on me is like a little mosquito bite in reality to what you have already lost; so, I tend to question if you are making tangible gestures so you don’t have to invest yourself emotionally and knowing I don’t come from a background of money every little bit spent on me is like feeding candy to a child who doesn’t get it.. It is cherished, respected, appreciated and makes me speechless. So for you to do little things like you do you, you may think you can appease me with these gifts so you don’t have to invest yourself emotionally in me and you can still have sex too. I’m sure you would say I am way off base with this assumption and I quite possibly AM but this was only an example to state that I sense you don’t want to invest yourself emotionally with me!! I have been working on what it is I have been feeling and where all these insecurities and fears are coming from. I have been inquiring from others by sharing my thoughts and feelings and getting feedback to help me figure out what is happening to me. You can read the attachments of my issues I shared on Love Shack in the printed pages following this letter... I was given lots of wonderful insight and suggestions. What I do know is I love you Charlie. You are a wonderful man and I desire to feel your touch and to hear you speak words to me of how you feel about me. I am not the kind of woman who can survive or live on in a relationship with someone who can’t show affection of express words of positive feelings for me. I can’t survive in a relationship where the only time I feel your touch or affection is in the bedroom… I want that kiss when we see each other. I want that kiss when we say goodbye for the day/evening.. I want that warm hug – feeling your arms around me the warmth of your embrace from your body being close to mine.. I want to feel the softness of your lips and the warmth of your breath on my face. I want to lose my senses in you Charlie and you won’t allow me too. You minimize your response to me too so it makes it very hard for me to feel like we are connected. Are you afraid of me? Are you afraid to allow yourself to feel deeper for me? Are you afraid to invest yourself emotionally into me? Money can’t replace love. Money can’t fix the emotional starvation. Gifts can’t replace love or create it. You knew I was an affectionate person before we meet. It was on my profile Together Dating sent you. I made myself clear to you in the beginning about myself. I have not hidden anything. Either you are afraid of what you want or you didn’t pay attention to who I was and just needed me for companionship. Now that I have strong feelings developed for you I want to continue to build on this and that means being physically closer and emotionally closer. I don’t sense you want the same thing. You are distant in your feelings and sharing of your emotions. I NEED to hear how you feel about me!! I NEED to feel your loving touch on my body (not sexual). Love is like children. Children need hugs, kisses, reassuring touches and words of affirmation in order to develop and grow balanced. Relationships need this also. I NEED THIS TOO.. You take for granted that because of how much time you spend with me and how often you call me and by the gifts you have given me that I should be satisfied and fulfilled.. You think that those things should be expressions of how you feel for me; they do express your feelings but, I need a deeper connection with you. I want the vulnerability between us to one another. What you do is the same as—my girlfriends and I call each other, spend time together and buy gifts for one another. So what is the difference?? I want your touch, your kisses, your fingers intertwined in mine. I want your lingering hugs and looks into one another’s eyes. I need this language of love. I want to hear you tell me that you like me, you love me you want me or need me. If you don’t have it in you to give me a little bit of this then we will die. I will always feel like this relationship is not fulfilling. I don’t want a empty relationship. Like a child needs a hug and kiss when they fall down and get hurt. I need that hug and kiss to know you love me. Why is it so hard for you to understand this? Why is it so hard for you to open up to this? Are you not really that into me? Are you not developing deeper feelings for me? I am asking you to give me a little bit of what I NEED and WANT, I am not asking you to be my skin or the air I breathe!
Author basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 Here is my letter: My Dearest I have been working on figuring out what it is that is making me uncomfortable and so sensitive. I believe I figured it out last week when Rebecca stayed with me. I have been trying to get you to understand this self discovery and see if you can help US with this problem. You have seen many personality sides of me and I haven’t hidden who I am from you. I never felt the need to be on ‘good behavior’ with you. I have always been myself. You have not run from me yet. I have been feeling distance from you for awhile now and I couldn’t figure it out. At first I thought maybe you just weren’t that into me!! But your actions told me differently. You call me everyday, you make an effort to see me 4-5-6 times a week on average. You have showed that you think about me when you have been shopping and buy me things. When you gave me this beautiful ring for Valentines Day; I was blown away. Your actions have showed me that you are interested in me but just how much I don’t know. For a man like you who can easily make $$ in a day the loss of the money you spend on me is like a little mosquito bite in reality to what you have already lost; so, I tend to question if you are making tangible gestures so you don’t have to invest yourself emotionally and knowing I don’t come from a background of money every little bit spent on me is like feeding candy to a child who doesn’t get it.. It is cherished, respected, appreciated and makes me speechless. So for you to do little things like you do you, you may think you can appease me with these gifts so you don’t have to invest yourself emotionally in me and you can still have sex too. I’m sure you would say I am way off base with this assumption and I quite possibly AM but this was only an example to state that I sense you don’t want to invest yourself emotionally with me!! I have been working on what it is I have been feeling and where all these insecurities and fears are coming from. I have been inquiring from others by sharing my thoughts and feelings and getting feedback to help me figure out what is happening to me. You can read the attachments of my issues I shared on Love Shack in the printed pages following this letter... I was given lots of wonderful insight and suggestions. What I do know is I love you Charlie. You are a wonderful man and I desire to feel your touch and to hear you speak words to me of how you feel about me. I am not the kind of woman who can survive or live on in a relationship with someone who can’t show affection of express words of positive feelings for me. I can’t survive in a relationship where the only time I feel your touch or affection is in the bedroom… I want that kiss when we see each other. I want that kiss when we say goodbye for the day/evening.. I want that warm hug – feeling your arms around me the warmth of your embrace from your body being close to mine.. I want to feel the softness of your lips and the warmth of your breath on my face. I want to lose my senses in you Charlie and you won’t allow me too. You minimize your response to me too so it makes it very hard for me to feel like we are connected. Are you afraid of me? Are you afraid to allow yourself to feel deeper for me? Are you afraid to invest yourself emotionally into me? Money can’t replace love. Money can’t fix the emotional starvation. Gifts can’t replace love or create it. You knew I was an affectionate person before we meet. It was on my profile Together Dating sent you. I made myself clear to you in the beginning about myself. I have not hidden anything. Either you are afraid of what you want or you didn’t pay attention to who I was and just needed me for companionship. Now that I have strong feelings developed for you I want to continue to build on this and that means being physically closer and emotionally closer. I don’t sense you want the same thing. You are distant in your feelings and sharing of your emotions. I NEED to hear how you feel about me!! I NEED to feel your loving touch on my body (not sexual). Love is like children. Children need hugs, kisses, reassuring touches and words of affirmation in order to develop and grow balanced. Relationships need this also. I NEED THIS TOO.. You take for granted that because of how much time you spend with me and how often you call me and by the gifts you have given me that I should be satisfied and fulfilled.. You think that those things should be expressions of how you feel for me; they do express your feelings but, I need a deeper connection with you. I want the vulnerability between us to one another. What you do is the same as—my girlfriends and I call each other, spend time together and buy gifts for one another. So what is the difference?? I want your touch, your kisses, your fingers intertwined in mine. I want your lingering hugs and looks into one another’s eyes. I need this language of love. I want to hear you tell me that you like me, you love me you want me or need me. If you don’t have it in you to give me a little bit of this then we will die. I will always feel like this relationship is not fulfilling. I don’t want a empty relationship. Like a child needs a hug and kiss when they fall down and get hurt. I need that hug and kiss to know you love me. Why is it so hard for you to understand this? Why is it so hard for you to open up to this? Are you not really that into me? Are you not developing deeper feelings for me? I am asking you to give me a little bit of what I NEED and WANT, I am not asking you to be my skin or the air I breathe!
Author basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 Cleaned up version by ART :lmao: You beat me to it. Golly... Multiple posts.
alphamale Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Are you afraid of me? Are you afraid to allow yourself to feel deeper for me? Are you afraid to invest yourself emotionally into me? Money can’t replace love. Money can’t fix the emotional starvation. Gifts can’t replace love or create it. wow PADA! this does not sound like a letter one whould write to someone they've been dating for three months. sounds like a letter you'd write to someone you've been married to for 20 years
SmoochieFace Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 What I do know is I love you Charlie. You are a wonderful man and I desire to feel your touch and to hear you speak words to me of how you feel about me. I am not the kind of woman who can survive or live on in a relationship with someone who can’t show affection of express words of positive feelings for me. I can’t survive in a relationship where the only time I feel your touch or affection is in the bedroom… I want that kiss when we see each other. I want that kiss when we say goodbye for the day/evening.. I want that warm hug – feeling your arms around me the warmth of your embrace from your body being close to mine.. I want to feel the softness of your lips and the warmth of your breath on my face. I want to lose my senses in you Charlie and you won’t allow me too. You minimize your response to me too so it makes it very hard for me to feel like we are connected. He has his way of showing love - you have yours. To be blunt: they are simply incompatible. You are expecting him to change completely, it seems, and yet you do not have to change. Why is that? Why is this all seemingly HIS fault?
SmoochieFace Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 wow PADA! this does not sound like a letter one whould write to someone they've been dating for three months. sounds like a letter you'd write to someone you've been married to for 20 years Agreed. I would run like hell if a GF of only three months sent that to me. WAAAY too much WAAAY too soon. Then again... Charlie is to bear quite a bit of blame as well... all those gifts and *The Ring* oh so soon...
SmoochieFace Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 :lmao: You beat me to it. Golly... Multiple posts. More like behind-the-scenes collaboration.
Art_Critic Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I like your letter.. I don't think he will apprieciate what the letter means to you.. I also don't think he will really read it and understand it. I would keep the letter to yourself and decide if you should continue the relationship.. It sounds to me that you guys are on different planets.. If you decide to stay together then read the letter together
Lishy Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Send it! You have to sort this out and soon, it would be a shame to lose what you have!
Author basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 Not 3 months-- 5 months on the 6th I am a intense and deep person. I am not shallow and I take relationships with my heart and soul. My friendships are the same.. I am not a shallow person. I am very in touch with my feelings. I have spent my life so far looking in myself and trying to understand my feelings and who I am. Touchy-Feely people generally are very compassionate and heartfelt people.. I can say this with much confidence because I am one of them.. That is one thing people have appreciated about me when they get to know me if they aren't afraid of feelings and truth.. I am honest and I feel deeply for people I care about.... I may get scared of my feelings sometimes and they may confuse me but I am very much in touch with them and I WONT refuse them, neglect them, try to defuse them. or change them... They ARE real and they tell me the truth when I figure them out..
SmoochieFace Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Send it! You have to sort this out and soon, it would be a shame to lose what you have! *shaking my head* I think the relationship is doomed regardless of whether the letter actually gets sent AND assuming that it will even be read. They are simply incompatible. Too much drama, too many highs and lows... one day, ecstatic over a ring, the next, angry and frustrated because the basic problems are still there. A ring doesn't change anything. Incompatible. Like mixing oil with water.
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