blind_otter Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I don't think it's possible. I used to have almost all male friends, ironically. My exH and exBFs always complained, even though we would all hang out together. Whenever I was single I would lose 3 or 4 male friends because they would hit on me. This continued until I basically had gone through all my male friends. When I was younger I thought it was possible. Now, I don't. But you can't tell someone who to be friends with! Link to post Share on other sites
7on Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I definitely don't have any female friends - acquaintances yes, but none that I'd want to hang out with after classes etc. unless one of my male friends was going. I'm just not that way. And I pretty much ignore women until I see one I fancy. I've tried having friendships with women, but it never works. Link to post Share on other sites
TeaCooler Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I've never had a man who was just a friend.. There has ALWAYS been a attraction.. Because of this I question whether it is possible to be JUST friends with the opposite sex. as some people have already said, as long as there is no attraction, yes it is possible. i have lots of guys friends, had them for years. not my type at all, but they are really great friends and i wouldn't have it any other way. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 can you be serious friends with a member of the opposite sex? Yes, but you've got to be in agreement that your relationship is a true friendship, not a guise for an easy lay when you need it. There has to be a strong basis for respect and trust to do that. two of my dearest friends are guys I met in college, and my husband has known from the get-go about them, about how much and why I love them, and he understands that these two are never ever going to be considered f-ckbuddy material because they're the family I wish I had. One of the guys tells every girl he goes out with about me, I've had them tell me they've wanted to meet me to see why he it was so important they know upfront about me. Other friend introduced me to the woman he married almost immediately after they began dating because he wanted her to know me because I was important in his life. In fact, his wife often gives us time alone together to hang out, which I think is so incredibly cool of her because it shows she trusts me and she trusts him. All parties involved understand that we've formed a close friendship that we aren't interested in ruining it with the possibility of sex. looking at your situation from this viewpoint, Pada, I'd say that your guy loves his friend dearly, but doesn't see her as anything more than a beloved friend. YOU are his woman, and he wants you to be part of his circle of friends with her and others he knows. I'd gander that he sees her more like a sister than anything else, because if he really and truly wanted her over you, he wouldn't be with you, you know? he wants the two people he cares dearly about to meet and to get along with each other. After all, he'd prolly introduce you to his closest guy friends without thinking twice about it, so his female friend is no different, in his eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 .....you've got to be in agreement that your relationship is a true friendship, not a guise for an easy lay when you need it. There has to be a strong basis for respect and trust to do that. I agree, but I don't know if they ever had a talk like this. I do know that they must have had a attraction to one another if they kissed.. That is a little red flag for me. They didn't persue any further because they both were still hung up on their X's at the time. looking at your situation from this viewpoint, Pada, I'd say that your guy loves his friend dearly, but doesn't see her as anything more than a beloved friend. YOU are his woman, and he wants you to be part of his circle of friends with her and others he knows. I'd gander that he sees her more like a sister than anything else, because if he really and truly wanted her over you, he wouldn't be with you, you know? I can understand and see this point too. I tell myself this already, but it doesnt' help my concerns. I don't know if he see's her as sister type. He claims he talks to her about anything and everything. That spurs up a bit of jealousy in me because I want to be the one he does that with of the opposite sex. I am not comfortable with my man running to another woman with his problems. I would rather him to come to and talk to me about them. he wants the two people he cares dearly about to meet and to get along with each other. After all, he'd prolly introduce you to his closest guy friends without thinking twice about it, so his female friend is no different, in his eyes. He says we both are a lot alike and he thinks we could become the best of friends. Also, I have met two of his close friends. One is his Xbrother in law and I havent met him yet. He says he hasn't spent much time with any of his friends and he hasnt' spoken to them much since I came into his life. I have become the one who has taken up most of it not almost all of his free time. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I do know that they must have had a attraction to one another if they kissed.. That is a little red flag for me. They didn't persue any further because they both were still hung up on their X's at the time. maybe they saw red flags (or mentally gagged) after kissing, realizing that their relationship wasn't like that? He claims he talks to her about anything and everything. That spurs up a bit of jealousy in me because I want to be the one he does that with of the opposite sex. I am not comfortable with my man running to another woman with his problems. I would rather him to come to and talk to me about them. as time passes, he probably will come more and more to you to discuss things because you're the primary person in his life. That strong friendship will adapt to this change, too, so if she's any kind of real friend to you, she's going to go out of her way to make sure you are not threatened by the relationship even if it means stepping aside until you feel comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 maybe they saw red flags (or mentally gagged) after kissing, realizing that their relationship wasn't like that? I wish this were true. He told me they didn't persue on because they both were still hung up on their Xs. They both had just gotten out of. as time passes, he probably will come more and more to you to discuss things because you're the primary person in his life. That strong friendship will adapt to this change, too, so if she's any kind of real friend to you, she's going to go out of her way to make sure you are not threatened by the relationship even if it means stepping aside until you feel comfortable. This I think is true. She knows about me according to him. He said she asks about me and how we are doing all the time. He said she wants to make sure he is happy. She wants to see him happy. She is willing to meet me. Like I told Charlie when I'm ready and on my grounds. I dont' want to meet her when were out dancing and drinking with my friends. I think its better for us to be able to talk and get to know one another without many distractions. Like in a neutral place with no loud music or major destractions. There are too many b-day partys on the weekends right now. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 He told me they didn't persue on because they both were still hung up on their Xs. They both had just gotten out of. it's entirely possible that their "missed opportunity" was actually the whole reason for such a strong friendship. That they were meant to be good friends and not something more. That "something more" might be more than awkward because that's what their relationship isn't about. I think you'll do fine, Pada – she wants to meet you (which I interpret as a good sign), she wants was best for his happiness (it's not dependent upon a competition between the two of you) and you're willing to meet her when you can do so without having to deal with other things going on (you're being very open about your feelings without being snotty). Remember, because she's his friend, she's rooting for him because she wants her friend to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 ack! dreaded double post! Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Thanks Quank... You give encouraging words... "Hugs.." Much needed.. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I will be really interested to hear how this turns out Pada. Wish my gf was as open and cool with her friends of the opposite sex. I am awaiting further developments with a little trepidation. Keep us posted please. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I am wondering what people think about men and women being just friends? Do you think it is possible to just be friends? Do you think there is always an attraction between the two or one for the other? If your SO had friends mostly of the opposite sex would it bother you? I have heard that men and women can never JUST be friends. One or the other wishes they could actually have that person as more.. Do you believe this? I have been told to be careful with men who say they have mostly female friends. Is there a alterier motive in those relationships? Hi, I did a course recently and studied with a lady much older than myself out of class at her place. I can feel the tension around her, as im always aroused. we are going out for lunch next weekend to celebrate our passing but when we were studying i couldnt help being close to her and just touching her with my leg against her leg, or my hand touching her hand when writing. Even though she is nearly 20 years older i feel a little bit bad, as i know it could end up in the bedroom with no real relationship possible. i dont want to hurt her as she is really nice lady. im confused, but what the hell you only live once, so im just going to enjoy the lunch and see what desert i may get. Link to post Share on other sites
Shark Skin Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I can honestly say that I have more female friends than male friends. My 2 BEST FRIENDS are female. I feel that females are more open, honest and caring and I have found that unconditional friendship with females that I never seem to find with guys. Have I ever been attracted physically to a female friend? Yes, I have. For the most part, you just learn to seperate yourself, because you don't want to ruin the friendship you have. But think about it this way, isn't it better to be friends first before you enter into a physical relationship? I would think so. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I think that men and women can be just friends, but I think they have to have decided to be just friends. I don't really think you can go backwards in a relationship, so I don't think that once you have had a sexual relationship that you can be just friends. My BF has female friends, and I'm fine with them, but I'm not cool with all of his exes sniffing around. It could just be them in particular, but I get a really uncomfortable feeling about it. I also think that when a female friend calls too much, or text messages too much, they aren't just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
BruiserKC Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 The important thing to make sure with male-female friendships is to get feelings out in the open, especially at the beginning. In another post, I have stated I have three fairly close friends that are women. There are no feelings of attraction on either side...and I had with each one of them a frank, honest discussion about feelings. This way, all was in the open and we could decide what to do with them from there. Link to post Share on other sites
sexyLMC Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 men and women can most deffinatly be " just " friends if thats what they want. ive got a few best friends and most of them happen to be guys.. one of my truely amazing friends is a guy and theres nothing there except love for friendship.. you know.. i can always tell if a mans my friend or not cause when i talk to him he just looks at my boobs but with my mates they dont.. we just all get along fine.. its abit far fetched saying men an women cant be friends they definatly can cause im living proof.. x lisa x Link to post Share on other sites
inconsiderado Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 no way...you can pretend all you want, but it's impossible... Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 no way...you can pretend all you want, but it's impossible... Right....just because men and woman are opposite sexes, it is impossible to have just a friendship with them because all that we should be doing with them is f*cking them. Link to post Share on other sites
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