Can opposite sexs just be friends?

[alphamale]

She just can't stand other women for the most part.

examine this stmt closely WOGGLE....that is like a elephant saying it prefers the company of mice. Or a rich person saying they prefer poor people. It doesn't make sense and tips you off that they don't get along with their own gender for some reason.

 

One will often hear an attractive female saying that she prefers the company of men because women are "catty" and talk behind you back, etc.... well, maybe other women don't like her cause she's just a beeyotch.

[basscatcher]

examine this stmt closely WOGGLE....that is like a elephant saying it prefers the company of mice. Or a rich person saying they prefer poor people. It doesn't make sense and tips you off that they don't get along with their own gender for some reason.

 

One will often hear an attractive female saying that she prefers the company of men because women are "catty" and talk behind you back, etc.... well, maybe other women don't like her cause she's just a beeyotch.

 

You just described Charlies Xgf.

 

:lmao:

Or shes been known to steal other womens men...

:lmao:

[Woggle]

examine this stmt closely WOGGLE....that is like a elephant saying it prefers the company of mice. Or a rich person saying they prefer poor people. It doesn't make sense and tips you off that they don't get along with their own gender for some reason.

 

One will often hear an attractive female saying that she prefers the company of men because women are "catty" and talk behind you back, etc.... well, maybe other women don't like her cause she's just a beeyotch.

 

She has female friends but she feels that most women sweat the small stuff too much and don't know how to enjoy life. She is very much a live life to it's fullest type. I am in my 20s in god health and I have trouble keeping up with her because she has so much energy. She just can't relate to most women.

[alphamale]

She just can't relate to most women.

well i'm 40 and i've had more experience with women than you and i'm telling you this is a red flag.

[Woggle]

well i'm 40 and i've had more experience with women than you and i'm telling you this is a red flag.

 

It's not that she goes out of her way to not have female friends but gender is not a factor in who she includes in her circle. She has female friends but most of them are a lot like her. Women who live life to it's fullest and don't dwell on drama.

[witabix]

I have to agree with Alpha here.

 

This situation was something I went through recently, its f***ing murder let me tell you.

 

My gf had/has (not sure which at the moment) a male friend. He asked her to go out to various places with her. She agreed to go to all his requests but only actually went to lunch with him a few times.

 

I did the "I'm uneasy with this" thing, didn't cut the mustard though.

 

Eventually things came to head and I blew up over it all. Not very mature I know. I am easier in my mind now, not because he's history, because I don't know if he is, but because I have clearly stated my position. No equivocation, or bullshyt, just the facts as to how I feel about her having a male friend that she seems to not want me to meet.

 

I got the "You over analyse", "It's nothing", "I don't fancy him at all" stuff. But as I slowly uncovered the history between them I got more and more uncomfortable.

 

Pada, this is making you worry, decide what will stop you worrying and do it, that is my straightforward and honest advice.

 

You will not get any peace if you are constantly generating scenarios in your head, just like I did. Talling to him about is a start, but don't let him brush off your concerns with platitudes. But for gawds sake don't start blowing your top and accusing him of stuff. Stick to the facts. What you can see for yourself.

 

If it walks like a duck etc etc.

[jerbear]

This situation was something I went through recently, its f***ing murder let me tell you.

 

Eventually things came to head and I blew up over it all. Not very mature I know. I am easier in my mind now, not because he's history, because I don't know if he is, but because I have clearly stated my position. No equivocation, or bullshyt, just the facts as to how I feel about her having a male friend that she seems to not want me to meet.

 

 

I do believe men & women can be friends. Women can be friends with men but it is harder the other way around. I've seen women who has lots of men friends who when they are down; they run to the guy and sleep with him. So yes it can happen.

 

Men who had relationships with a woman is much harder; especially when sex is involved. I would help my ex's but not hang out, talk like one of the girls, etc... Who wants to hear that she is doing this, doing that, doing him, then getting married.

 

I told my love interests/good friend that I had feelings for her, and bought up facts of why we should be together. She then said she started to see someone who I didn't know and sorry about the mixed signals like hell, then drops the bomb! Right now we are in NC. I've known her for 5+ years, why would I want to be her friend and meet her new bf?

[cal gal]

Yes, they can be friends!

 

I have several for many years now. Never shagged any of them, just so nice to hear a man's perspective often enough.

 

I don't hold back telling them that they are special to me and my life, they just understand I won't ruin it all for a few moments of pleasure.

 

They know I need them, and I know they need me....

[basscatcher]

I posed this to my mom just a little while ago. She is 60 yrs old and has been married 3 times. Her last two husbands passed away of heart attacks. She was president of a support group for divorced, widowed, and seperated for many years. She has experience and wisdom. Here is a copy of our conversation:

(beware its long.)

 

Pamela says:

Question:

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

yes

 

Pamela says:

if a man had a lot of female friends would you be suspicious

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

yes

 

Pamela says:

why

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

it depends how close contact he is with them

if it is a close contact yes I would be

 

Pamela says:

how about use to talk on phone once a week but only get together for a beer about once a month to once every two months

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

it depends

are you invited

 

Pamela says:

I am now

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

if you are invited than nothing is there

when you arent than I would worry

 

Pamela says:

i was told we are a lot alike but im cuter.

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

cute

it sounds like he wants you to be a part of his life

if you are invited than I wouldnt worry

 

Pamela says:

he said theyve known each other for about a year . they met between one of him and kims breakups. they kissed and that was it. they both were still hung up on their Xs and it didn't develop anywhere but friendship.

 

Pamela says:

they talked on the phone about once a week.

met up for beer once a month or every two months

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

is she dating anyone

 

Pamela says:

i guess according to him

she has problems with men

from what im hearing

he said she could be a nun

whatever that is suppose to mean, he said she has a neat personality

when he talks of her i can hear a tone in his voice that makes me feel jealousy and resentment towards her

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

humm

 

Pamela says:

he thinks so damn highly of her it leaves a bad taste in my mouth

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

I can see where you are coming from

 

Pamela says:

he says all he talks about to her is me and the kids

she asks.

he said he tells EVERYONE about me

we went to the music cafe one night and ran into a gal named Patty

she shook my hand all smiles and said I have heard all about you. Dont worry its all good.

You have a good man.

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

do you feel that he wants to persuade a relationship with her but knows he cant have her

 

Pamela says:

He said NO, I don't know myself

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

I felt the same way with Ron and Donna S

but there was nothing there

 

Pamela says:

I told him if they kissed then there was/is an attraction. So who is to say they wont hook up down the road especially if they have this great and wonderful friendship where he can talk to her about anything.

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

just good friends

 

Pamela says:

You see sherrie and him crossed the line with a kiss in the beginning.

then stepped back because they were both still hung up on their Xs.

he got back with Kim and she didn't she ended up with another guy

now he is with me and she is suppose to be with someone.

but they still talk

He told me not to worry about anything.

he said they are JUST friends

He wants me to meet her.

she wants to meet me but she said she understood if I felt uncomfortable and didn't want too

I havent spoken to her.

weird she would think so deeply on it.

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

I wont persuite it. Meet her and than see what happens

 

Pamela says:

unless he has spoken to her since he spoke to me about it and gave her my feedback and that is where she is drawing these ideas.

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

there is nothing wrong in a woman friend

especially when he needed one with problems of x

with that kiss and nothing more ever happened he knows if he drawn the line or not

he could of gotten with her after her break up and they didnt

but they still are friends

maybe there isnt any attraction there just friends

meet her. She might give you an honest answer why they didnt get together

be open to it

there is a reason why you met his family and children so soon. If he didnt think the best of you he wouldnt have opened his doors.

 

Pamela says:

k

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

no one wants to go through a heart ache again

a man falls harder then a woman

so if he has you he wont give up too quickly

he wants you to meet her so you can be on the same level

I dont think he would use you if he did you would of known it by now in his actions

you would of gotten flags

if he is a honest man

meet her and see if there is any red flags

that is all I can say

 

Pamela says:

good advice. wow

glad your here....

i have little flags but I don't think they are standing tall in the wind.

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

that is good to hear

 

Pamela says:

I just have normal questions anyone has in a new relationship. Along with the scars of the past.

The scars really mess things up in a way yet they are also lessons of caution so as to not jump to fast too soon too hard

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

yes and that is normal

 

Pamela says:

thank you.

 

llil"annie (ctrhnb) says:

your welcome

[Curmudgeon]

But for men and women to meet isnt there typically a initial physical attraction to begin with?

 

I guess I would fear if there was an attraction that it could be rekindled in the future if they remain in contact even if one or both are involved in other relationships.

I met a woman at work whom I found rather alluring intellectually and somewhat exotic looking but not in the sense of physical attraction. She was just very different and interesting in some way. Over the course of the next five years we developed a lovely workplace friendship because we could talk. She was very intelligent and we were in the same profession (politics) so conversation came easily. There was still no physical attraction, per se, just a lot of trust, respect and admiration.

 

So far, so good but I have to ruin it now. Three years after we met the ex left me and we divorced. Two years later I asked my friend to join me for brunch at the beach one weekend and we've now beern married over nine years.

 

To get back on track, she left the agency we were with after three and a half years but we kept in touch professionally because we enhanced one another that way. No matter what twists or turn my life took I know we'd still be friends even if we weren't married.

 

Of course, it's so much nicer that we are!

[Outcast]

But for men and women to meet isnt there typically a initial physical attraction to begin with?

 

NO. You meet people at work or through friends or in associations and you have some things in common but not nearly enough to make you a couple. So you're friends and nothing more.

 

Don't listen to Alpha.

 

If your bf wants you to get together with him and his friends, then you have nothing to worry about. If he was going out with them alone and hiding it from you or wanting you to stay home, different story. It's more than possible that he likes these women somewhat, but not enough to be partners with.

 

Some men are attracted to anything with a crotch. Others are more discerning. It sounds like you might have one of the latter bunch.

[Devildog]

wow outcast, so you get to decide whose advice is of any value to other posters now? If Padameckla wants to give consideration to what Alpha or any other posters here have to say it is her decision.

 

I think there is a reason that you hear things like "your SO should be your best friend" and "friends make the best romantic partners". Intimate relationships that start out as friendships are usually some of the greatest and strongest relationships. So yeah, I think there is an element of danger in those kinds of situations.

[Curmudgeon]

i would agree cause they are either gay or have a hard time finding women for romantic relationships (for whatever reason). men who are real men don't hang out with a bunch of females who are "just friends".

 

I vehemently disagree with this generalization. I have always had far more female friends than male friends. I find that men in groups generally, while beating their chests and whooping it up, fall into the collective category of those whose greatest daily challenge is walking upright. I think it immature. Wopmen's deportment is, in my experience, generally much more stimulating intellectually.

 

I'm anything but gay and have never had a problem with romantic relationships. I haven't had a lot but those I have had have been extremely long-term; e.g. three years in college, a 25-year marriage and my current marriage which is in its 10th year.

[Outcast]

DD, I said it because stuff like this:

 

i would agree cause they are either gay or have a hard time finding women for romantic relationships (for whatever reason). men who are real men don't hang out with a bunch of females who are "just friends".

 

is just pure bullfeathers.

[Devildog]

DD, I said it because stuff like this:

 

 

 

is just pure bullfeathers.

 

In your opinion perhaps. But in Aplha's opinion this idea has merit. This entire forum is about sharing our views and opinions. It is up to the OP, and other readers, to determine which opinion holds weight with them.

 

Personally, I tend to agree that a person who has mostly friends of the opposite sex have issues. Women with mostly guy friends are usually enjoying the attention of having all these guys around, or they are a bit butch and fit in better with guys. Guys with mostly women friends are either a bit effeminate or just don't fit in with "the guys".

[Curmudgeon]

Women with mostly guy friends are usually enjoying the attention of having all these guys around, or they are a bit butch and fit in better with guys. Guys with mostly women friends are either a bit effeminate or just don't fit in with "the guys".

Now I think That's bullfeathers. Define "the guys." Does that mean chest-beating, knuckle-dragging, living their lives and getting their manhood vicariously through sports figures, hard-drinking, functional illiterates who chew and spit and love their cars and trucks more than the women in their lives?

[Devildog]

No, those are not "the guys". But then "the guys" are also not the ones going to get their nails done and get excited about a shoe sale either.

 

Why do some people take this to the extreme? Can't guys like to go camping once in awhile? Or play some pick up basketball from time to time? Sure the extreme stereotype of "the guys" is a bunch of uncouth, hairy backed morons belching on the couch while watching ESPN 24/7. But I have yet to meet any "guys" that fit that stereotype.

[Curmudgeon]

Good! You had me worried for a minute there.

 

Sure, guys can go camping, hunting, have a pick-up game now and then, work on their cars, "fix" things, all of it.

[Pyro]

I am wondering what people think about men and women being just friends?

Do you think it is possible to just be friends?

Do you think there is always an attraction between the two or one for the other?

If your SO had friends mostly of the opposite sex would it bother you?

 

I have heard that men and women can never JUST be friends. One or the other wishes they could actually have that person as more..

 

Do you believe this?

 

 

Of course its possible to be friends with the opposite sex. I have plenty of friends that are female. In fact, one of my best friends is female. We go out for drinks, go to concerts and talk on the phone for long periods of time. As far as attraction goes, I don't have any for any of my female friends, otherwise I would not be friends with them. If my girl had a list of friends that were mostly of the opposite sex, then it may bother me at first. As long as I introduce myself to them and we all end up getting along, then it is fine.

[Chocolate Thunder]

depends on the maturity levels of both parties involved

[travellingman]

helps if the friend provides benefits

[newbby]

I'm thinking a lot like you do.. I feel the same why.. I think by being friends with the opposite sex is only temptation and flirting with disaster. Even if you arent physically attracted to the friend there could still be a moment of sexual weakness.

This happened to me with a former coworker. My marriage was a nitemare. This man befriended me, His marriage was a trainwreck, and even though I wasnt immediatly physically attracted to him it did develope and things happened.. Which I have to live with..

Compassion, high emotions, confusion, kindness, listening ear, understanding confirmations will make you weak when you are down.

 

This is why I am leaning to the NO..

I still want to hear more opinions.

 

in other words things only happened between you after the breakdown of both of your relationships. you were both weak, your relationship then was (i assume) a more immature one than the ones you will be having now (only because with experience we evolve the way we handle relationships). as long as you strive to be honest and open in your relationship with charlie and settle for nothing less than the same from him, then that is the best thing you can do to ensure that he will not cheat on you (if anyone can ensure such a thing).

also what can you do? ask him to give up his friendships for you?

i have male friends and always have done. even those where there is an attraction have never progressed further, just because we are friends nothing more. in friednships people behave differently, even if they flirt a little bit, there isnt a romantic game being played out. therefore i think people are more likely to have an a with someone they barely know than a long term friend.

[Quinch]

I once dated a girl who became a 'just friend'. It was hard at first - especially when she started dating other men again. The trick was to learn to think of her as like a sister. I still care about her and, now she's with a guy who treats her right (and I approve of him) everything is cool. It would be too weird getting together again now, but I wouldn't give up my friendship with her for anyone. If my SO couldn't deal with me having female friends (and she's okay with it so far) then she can walk away. If you care about someone then you have to respect them and trust them. If you can't trust then there is no love. Just my two cents.

[Milo]

Men and women can be friends and friends alone, but this most certainly does NOT work with all combinations. Even if you have the friendship routine down, taking care not to drop any inuendos, expressing and actually feeling joy when your friend meets a suitable person to date, etc., things can go awry. And that means both you and the other person can slip up. So there is a risk in all things ventured and some friendships can derail through no fault of your own because the other person started having feelings of attraction. In addition, friendships can just end on their own for reasons having nothing to do with you being of the opposite sex.

[basscatcher]

Its uncomfortable for most women I think if the man they love talks highly about another woman other then a family member.

We like to be the center of attention to our mate. We don't want to think that there is another woman out there that is better then us for our man. We want to be the center of his world.

When Charlie talks about this other woman his is always smiling and his eye sparkle. He says she could be a nun. He said she is a 'neat' person. Its the tone of his voice, the look on his face and all the possitive words he says about her that makes me uncomfortable. When he speaks about her I feel like I am no better then 'chopped liver'... Yuck..

I wonder if he talks so highly of me and has that sparkle in his eyes when he talks to his friends. One of his female friends (associate) that i met said she heard all about me. She said I had nothing to worry about and that Charlie is a good man..

 

Charlie would still like for me to meet this woman. He thinks she and I would become great friends because we have the same values, morals and he said we are so much alike.. (Too me that is a call for disaster with him inbetween us... I DON'T SHARE...)

 

One day at a time. I take things as they come, think about them before I deciede to act upon them. Time will tell what happens and where it all goes. He and I have made it to 4 months seeing each other almost every day and talking on the phone several times every day..