15-Month silent relationship with a Barber. Highly restricted environment, zero resets over massive gaps. Want a human gut-check on our timeline.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Sony12 said:

If the guy fancied her as much as she fancies him they would have been knockin boots a long time ago. 

Yes, I agree. 

15 months would not have passed with essentially zero progress towards anything meaningful. There is also no way to tell if the man in question is even single. He could have a partner at home for all OP knows. 

[bendingtherules]

10 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Yep. The OP is clearly going to ignore anything that doesn't back-up the idea that there is a non verbal thing going on between the two of them. She's only going to see what she wants to see at this point and it will keep on going until she actually has a legitimate conversation with him. 

She said there is an age gap between them so I am guessing he is in his 20's (as that's how old many of the people who hold these types of jobs are unless they run their own shops). He probably gets a thrill out of attracting people as most people in their 20's do. And he throws those looks and what not around to lots of people.

What's one of the best ways for establishments that depends on a walk-in client base to get business? Hire good looking and friendly 27 year olds.

You say I'm reading too much into this, yet you're making a hell of a lot of assumptions about two people and a situation you know very little about.

He's not your stereotypical hot, cocky, 20-something barber. In fact, he's not particularly good-looking by conventional standards. He's a nerdy, reserved guy, which makes your assumptions about him and his motives all the more interesting.

Likewise, I'm not your stereotypical 40-something woman who's bored, lonely and looking for a fantasy to entertain herself with. I've lived enough life to know the difference between wishful thinking and an interaction that makes me stop and pay attention. Over the time this has developed, I've also had other options and opportunities to pursue, but I've chosen not to because this connection felt more genuine and worth exploring to me.

I have months worth of interactions to reflect on. You weren't there, you don't know either of us, and you haven't experienced the things I'm describing firsthand. Yet you've reduced the entire situation to a bored woman projecting a fantasy onto a young man. That's a pretty dismissive conclusion to reach based on such limited information.

Thanks for your narrow-minded replies, but you seem to have a very limited view of how relationships develop. Not every connection begins with swiping right on an app or an immediate, explicit declaration of interest. Some connections develop in the real world, through repeated interactions, growing familiarity, attraction and the gradual building of trust.

You seem quite comfortable accusing me of making assumptions, while making plenty of your own about my character, his personality and what has taken place between us.

You don't have to agree with my interpretation, but there's a difference between offering an alternative perspective and confidently deciding that you know what's happening between two people you've never met.

Perhaps keep that in mind before dismissing someone else's experience as fantasy.

[bendingtherules]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That's what I find  concerning. 

She's referred to it as a "silent relationship," which I find very telling. It's troubling when someone is so fixated on another person they barely know, but particularly when they adamantly refuse to consider alternative perspectives. That's the sort of mindset that can quickly lead someone down a slippery slope of unhealthy obssession. 

If I knew the man in the question, I would suggest he keep his distance. She doesn't seem the type who would handle "thanks, but no thanks" very well. 

Thank god you're not this guy, then.

You've managed to decide what sort of person I am, label me obsessive and predict how I'd handle rejection, all based on a forum post. You don't know me, you don't know him, and you certainly don't know how I'd behave in a situation you've invented in your own head.

Disagree with my interpretation all you like, but deciding I'm obsessive and wouldn't handle rejection well is a pretty big assumption to make about a complete stranger.

[Sony12]

Ok maybe it's time for the mods to close this thread. The OP clearly intends to fight anyone who doesn't share her opinion on things.

[bendingtherules]

On 10/22/2026 at 1:23 AM, smackie9 said:

Well passive enough...you spent 15 months non-verbally flirting. All you have been doing is playing a fantasy in your head...with all this intense detail, you are obsessed. Not good because he could turn out to be a bit of a dip. 

As you requested: I am an assertive put it out there women and my perspective is you had plenty of opportunity to ask him if he was married, put your input of your status, and basically ask him out for a coffee when he goes on break. YOU are the one that has to make the move. He is at work, and it's most likely there is a policy where there is no fraternizing with clients when on the clock. 

Now that ship has sailed, have you tried to locate him on social media? As a professional, it would surprise me if he didn't have an account of some kind. Google his name and profession and you will probably have all your information you need, and a way to contact him to ask him out. 

I think you've got the sequence of events backwards. I wasn't interested in him to begin with. He was the one who initiated the attention, repeatedly inviting me to sit beside him, initiating conversations, blushing and stumbling over his words, and asking whether I'd be interested in attending Supanova.

Over time, his behaviour made me start wondering whether he was attracted to me. By #10 in the OG post, the attraction between us had become unmistakably mutual, and the attention from him continued in the visits that followed. This wasn't 15 months of me chasing a man or inventing a fantasy. These were real interactions that I experienced firsthand.

You're right that I could have asked him directly sooner, but I wasn't interested in him at the beginning, and I wasn't going to ask him out before I had reason to think there was mutual interest. I also know I am older than him, and I'm not a teenager or a young 20-something, so I wanted to be sure he was interested before taking it further.

I was in a long-term relationship for 20 years, and I'm now widowed. My previous relationship was also abusive. That's why I didn't just ask him out sooner. I've been able to use the times I see him to observe his character, how he treats other people, and work out whether his interest in me was genuine.

I've now contacted him directly and asked whether he wants to take things further outside work. You would have approached it differently, and that's fine, but please don't mistake my taking time to understand what was happening between us for me making the whole thing up.