15-Month silent relationship with a Barber. Highly restricted environment, zero resets over massive gaps. Want a human gut-check on our timeline.

[bendingtherules]

This is really long, sorry, but appreciate anyone who takes the time to read the whole thing.

"I am looking for real human perspectives on a unique, deeply intense dynamic that has been developing over 15 months. This is NOT modern, app-based dating, and it shouldn't be looked at through that lens.

The Context: We met at his workplace. My son and I had been regular clients for around 6 months before #1, #1 is just the first time i noticed something out of the ordinary. He is a barber in a walk-in shop with no computer bookings. His chair is directly between a coworker and his boss, meaning we cannot just walk up and talk freely, and we have zero outside contact or an easy way to exchange numbers.

Because of these massive workplace constraints, our relationship has developed largely non-verbally through a shared code of interactions, though we have flirted with words when possible. There are zero 'resets' when we see each other after gaps of 5 to 8 weeks. I am not passive; I reciprocate completely. Here is a breakdown of our key visits over the last 15 months:"

#1 – With My son

My son and I walked in and went and sat down at the communal waiting table.  After sitting down, The Barber turned his whole body around and looked at me.  When I looked back, he blushed and stammered, ‘oh oh I was just seeing who was next’.  Turned back and continued cutting his adult clients hair.  I noticed him looking at me in his mirror and I was doing the same.

#2 – 5-week gap – With My son

My son and I walked in early on a Saturday and The Barber took My son.  He asked me to sit in another barber’s chair that wasn’t being used right then.  I asked, ‘are you sure?’ The Barber said, ’yes’.  The Barber cut My son’s hair and was chatting with him.  When he finished. he walked with us to the counter to take payment.  Before taking payment, he turned to fully face me and said, ‘how old is he again?’ I said, ‘he is 17’.  Instead of processing the payment, The Barber paused, had his face scrunched a bit, head tilted upwards and eyes looking upwards.  Then after a few seconds he processed the payment.

#3 – 5-week gap – With My son

Went in again when it was quiet.  The Barber took My son again.  Again, he asked me to sit in the chair next to him.  I again asked, ‘are you sure?’ to which The Barber again said, ‘yes’.  He was chatting with My son and at one point The Barber stopped cutting My sons hair and turned from his waist up to face me and had a look of surprise on his face and said, ‘oh, are you guys moving?’ to which I replied, ‘yes, but not until next year’.  The Barber then went back to cutting.  When finished, he walked with us to the counter, fully facing me behind the counter and processed payment and then said, ‘see you guys’ next time’ (his usual goodbye was just see you).

#4 – 5-week gap – With My son

Again, quiet and The Barber took My son.  Again, he asked me to sit and again I asked if he was sure to which he said yes.  He was cutting My son’s hair and chatting with him, and again he stopped cutting My son’s hair turned to face me (upper half again) and had a bounce in his step.  Then he said, ‘I’m a bit of a hermit vampire’.  He held eye contact with me when he said it and as I smiled and gave a small chuckle and he smiled.  Then he went back to cutting.  When finished, he walked to the payment counter and again used the ‘see you guys’ next time’

#5 – 5-week gap – With My son

Was a busy Saturday.  When we walked in The Barbers boss said 'hey guys' I answered 'hey' When I spoke The Barber turned quick and looked at me and then back to his client and back to me again.

There was one person ahead of My son in the queue.  Another barber and The Barber were almost finished, The Barber visibly slowed down.  The other barber finished and took the client before My son.  The Barber finished and before he went to process his current client’s payment he came over to us, put his hand on My sons shoulder (never done before) and told him to go sit in his chair.  He then went and processed his other client’s payment.

When walking back to his chair, he walked with visibly larger strides and held direct eye contact with me for a few seconds. I went up to get My sons glasses; The Barber stood with his upper half slightly leant backwards and looked at me and said 'oh I love your earrings'.

He cut My son's hair while I sat at the waiting table. He looked at me a lot more than usual in the mirror this visit.  He didn’t look away ad much when I looked back.  When he finished, I went up to give My son his glasses, The Barber walked beside me slowly to the payment counter, he had his fingers pressed together at his chest. He said 'I know it costs money, but would you, ah you guys be interested in supernova. It’s on today and tomorrow'.  He stood fully facing me and not right behind the counter, I said, 'yes'.  He said, 'from talking to him, it would probably be something he would be interested in'.  I spoke with My son and asked him and My son said he would and I said, 'yes it would be' and then remembered I already had a market stall the next day (not something I can just drop) so I said 'but we couldn’t go because we have a market on'.  The Barber then said, 'I’m going dressed as a knight'.  I said 'that sounds cool.  'Then The Barber said, 'but would it be something you would be interested in?  'To which I replied 'yes, I just can’t this time'. He looked slightly disappointed. Processed the payment and said goodbye

#6 – 2-week gap - Solo

His work used to sell 3d printer filament.  I order some online and did click and collect.  I wanted to go in on my own and see The Barber.  I went in and The Barber served me. He had my filament there and was going to process payment. I said 'I ordered it online and already paid for it' He looked down at the counter and said 'no one ever tells me anything around here. 'Then he bagged the filament. He looked at me and in a softer tone he said 'are you good with this. 'Passed the back to me and visibly moved his fingers away from mine as I took the bag and as he gave me the bag, he held eye contact and said in a quieter soft tone 'of course you are' with a slight smile and softer face

#7 – 2-week gap - Solo

Was quiet. I went in myself again, but had organised or ordered filament I just showed up. The Barber was helping his boss’s wife with a client. Boss was cutting, another barber served me. The Barber had been looking in the mirror at me and a few times directly. I paid for my filament and then the barber who served me started chatting with me. The Barber walked past us and looked at me, went into the staff room, then came out with nothing in his hands. He looked and me and we held eye lock for about 5 seconds with room fade and time distortion happening. He quick broke and shook he is head. Went back to the client. Then a few minutes later he came past again and we held eye contact for about 3 seconds and he had a questioning or searching look on his face. He came out of the staff room again with nothing. Looked at me again for about 1.5 seconds. I finished my conversation and then left

#8 – 2-week gap - Solo

This visit was prearranged with his boss. I had messaged him for certain filament colours and told him when I would be in to pick it up.

The barber shop is a huge warehouse with a massive roller door opening. I pulled into the driveway and I could see The Barber standing by the counter, facing the carpark as I drove in. When I walked in, he was 'busy'. This part of the conversation was super polite professional. He said with half scrunched face, 'Me? First time he had used my name 'I said 'yes'. He said 'how are you today?'. I said 'good thank you, how are you?'. He said 'I am very good thank you'. He then said something about having to finish up something before he served me. I went to the filament rack and was squatting on the floor, I picked up a filament box.

I stood up and turned around. The Barber was standing with his whole body facing me, hands clasped low around his belly/groin area. When I looked at him his head dropped a little. He went behind the counter to serve me. His tone shifted here to a more comfortable tone. He said 'I had the price all worked out for you. I will have to work out the price with this box'.

I then went to hand him the box. He stepped backwards and bent his upper half back and looked under the box, then at me and held eye contact with me as he took the box. He placed his hands over my entire hands and slowly slide his hands down my hands and fingers, while holding eye contact. He worked out the price. I had my hand down by the terminal with my card in my hand. He was looking down there. My hand gave a tremor, it felt like an electrical bolt from my upper arm that came out my fingers. He looked up quickly at my face and had wide eyes and O mouth, looked surprised.

Processed payment. His tone shifted here again into friendly relaxed. As he was doing that, he said 'I don’t think we have any bags' 'no we don’t have any bags, I can carry these for you'. Payment finished and then he said 'do you want me to carry these for you?' I said 'if you want to, that would be nice'. He said in a firm tone 'I want to'.

Then we walked side by side out to my car. His tone changed here again to a soft very relaxed tone, like talking with a friend. While walking slowly, he said 'what this filament will last you a week'. I said 'maybe' with a grin and I twisted at my waist and lifted my heels then said 'I have heaps, just not the colours I need'. He said in an almost inaudible soft tone 'I bet you do'.

We didn’t talk anymore but turned and looked at each other a few times. When we got to my car, I opened the door. He said 'do you just want them in here? 'I said 'yes thanks'. He put them in and I closed the door and turned to face him. He was standing full body facing me, hands clasped low belly/groin again and held eye contact with me for and said 'I hope you have a very good rest of your day'. Holding eye contact I said 'thank you, I hope you do too'. Then we held eye contact for about 2 seconds before he kind of lifted off his feet, like he had to push himself to move, and went back into his work

#9 – 5-week gap – With My son

My son and I walked in. Boss greeted us. I said 'hey'. The Barber turned quick and looked at me, back to his client and back to me again.

When we sat at the waiting table, he made direct eye contact with me and his shoulders visibly dropped and his movements slowed down, he almost looked relieved.

There was all direct looking this visit. I talked with My son until it was his turn to have his haircut, another barber took him. Then I looked at The Barber, he was busy cutting and I scanned his body, lingering on his groin. I looked back up at him and he was looking at me; I quickly looked away.

Then turned back and he looked at me. Then moved to the opposite side of his client, he was fully facing me, he pushed his lower half forward and smiled (while he was doing this, he was holding his client’s hair so it looked like he was still busy. So, I just looked directly at his groin. He went back to the other side, made eye contact with me and had wide eyes and an O mouth; his eyes were like glistening.

I looked at him again and he seemed busy cutting. I scanned his body again and lingered on his groin. When I looked back at his face, he was looking at me again. I could see my reflection in the mirror and I was leaning back slightly on my stool and had an 'okay you caught me again' look and I let him see it.

Then he finished with his client, took payment.  Then came to the waiting table and stood in front of me and leaned in (would have been around 50 cm between us), he made eye contact and very visibly dropped his eyes to my chest, held for a few seconds and back looked back up to my eyes.  I leant back on my stool a little and bit my bottom lip. Then he spoke to the guy next to him, it was his next client. There was more direct eye contact and then My son was finished so I left

#10 – 3-week gap, Solo

I had arranged to pick up filament with his boss. I walked in and the first thing my eyes went to was him. He had his back to me talking to a client. I stood there for a few seconds and then he turned to face me and said 'hey' relaxed friendly tone and I replied 'hey' and as he had a micro freeze, he had his arms out to the sides as he turned.

I stayed where it was and he disengaged completely from the guy he was talking to and started walking towards me, we were already holding eye contact. His boss called out and said 'I'll take this one' (meaning me). The Barber turned from waist up to his boss to acknowledge him. But continued walking to me.

This whole interaction had room fade and time slow.  We were about 1 1/2 metres apart and held eye contact for a few seconds then he stood still with feet planted, leaning back slightly, arms straight out at his sides and stared looking at my body, he was moving his head and upper body as he very slowed looked, every inch of me, over.

At the same time, I looked him up and down, not slow the first time. Then when I looked back at him and saw how slow he was going and the way he was moving, I went back and slowly scanned his body a lot more deliberately and not leaving an inch of body out of that scan, just like he was doing to me.

We both finished looking and both looked up at each other at the same time and held eyes for a few seconds. Then he moved closer to me (less than a metre apart) and stood slightly on a lean with his top half slightly bent sideways, we held eye contact for a few seconds while he had O mouth and 'whoa' look, eyes wide, glistening and was nodding his head, this look and nods stayed for this whole lock.

Then he moved away (probably around 1 and a half metres away) and started pacing backwards and forwards, both holding eye contact.  He had his hands clasped lower belly area and did this sequence:

·       paced, holding eye contact, questioning/unbelievable look on his face, head shake

·       pacing holding eye contact, looking with that same look again

·       pacing, holding eye contact, head shake and a chuckle

Then he broke eye contact and walked away from me, stood with his back to me. The room fade and time slow stopped when he turned away. I however did not take my eyes off him even after he broke eye contact.

Then he turned back around and started walking back towards me, his posture looked like he was walking taller, eyes wide, genuine big smile on his face and hands clasped low belly area.

Our eyes locked as he walked back to me and then he stopped directly in front of me, about 1 metre apart, and we held an eye lock for around 10 seconds. During the lock I gave 2 chin flicks, raising my eyebrows and had a big genuine smile on my face. He was micro nodding and we both smiled for the whole 10 seconds. Then we both gave a small nod and broke eye contact.

The Barber went back to his client and I talked with his boss. The Barber was standing side on one side and head to client and one side my way and I was doing the same.

On the drive home I just remember not being able to wipe the smile off my face and had a 'euphoric' feeling for a few hours after all that and couldn’t stop grinning like a tool

#11 – 8-week gap – With My son

It was super quiet. I was the only one sitting at the table. Another barber cut My sons hair. The Barber looked as soon as he heard my voice. While he was cutting an adult client hair, we made eye contact twice, neutral face. Then The Barber moved to the back of his chair, angled towards me, lifted his heels, looked at his boss, flicked his eyes to me with a wide alert look, micro nodded and looked back at his boss. Then continued cutting his clients hair. I was trying not to make too much eye contact and watched Star Wars on the TV

#12 – 4-week gap – With My son – They were no longer selling 3D printer filament anymore here

Okay it was their 1st year anniversary in the warehouse so they had people decked out in Star Wars costumes and it was busy. Walked in and first thing I looked at was him and he had back to the open doorway talking with his adult client. I really can’t say when he noticed I was there because when I was greeted by his boss I just waved not spoke.

And I was talking with My son and watching Star Wars. Once I noticed he had noticed I was there, he stood side on with his adult client and when he was on the right side of his client, he was always angled my way so he was fully facing me. I was standing and we both had perfect line of sight.

First time we made eye contact was short, neutral faced and held. He was 'scanning the room' a lot and always started at me and came back to me.

His second client was a young kid. He had his chair facing towards the waiting area and the mum with her kid on her lap facing that way. When he was left side, he was always side on to me. When on the right side he was fully facing me and would look up often.

The Barber had been scanning the room (like I said he started with me and would come back to me) and I noticed he was moving quicker cutting the little kids’ hair, there was a point his foot slipped in the hair on the floor around him. While he was doing that another barber called My son over. The other barber was talking to The Barber before he did My son's hair and they must have been talking about who was next (boss was busy outside so The Barber and Co-worker were keeping track of who was next).

The Barber turned and faced me and pointed directly at me and then started looking for My son, he actually looked from me around the room a bit and Co-worker must have told him he had My son already. The Barber looked at Co-worker's chair and saw him there, he turned and his back was to me and started walking to his client, as he did, he turned his head to me and made eye contact and held, he looked disappointed, like he was sharing his disappointment with me.

At one stage here I was hyper focused on his forearms, to the point I could see the hairs on his arm and then the way he was holding the scissors and moving his hands. I know I was totally locked on because My son said mum and I turned and said 'huh' he must have said mum more than once.

The Barber went back to finishing the little kids’ hair and had gone back to a slower pace. Again, when he was on the kids’ right side he would look up at me, these weren't held, just looks because he was cutting hair.

Then made we made eye contact held, he was fully facing me and top half slightly back, lower half forward (same stance as #9) Then he looked down my chest and I looked at his groin at the same time he was looking at my boobs, and he got that O mouth and then we made eye contact again and held while he still had the O mouth. And that one hit me with chest warmth, and kids’ shot down stomach and through my pelvis and I scrunched my toes in my shoes.

Over the whole hour we made eye contact a lot and every time we hit eyes at the same time it was held it would have been 15 - 20 times eye contact and held, it was softened face and eyes, sometimes with slight smile. It was definitely a different feeling from before #10. It felt so much more natural to look and hold eye contact, like not trying to hide it anymore. Even the checking out was more natural and no feeling like being caught, considering we both did it at the same time.

#13 – 5-week gap – With My son

My son and I walked in. Co-worker said Hey (he was free and cleaning his chair) and the boss said Hey. I said Hey and The Barber looked over at me when I spoke. He was cutting a kid’s hair and the mum was standing nearby and she was chatting with The Barber. During the time he was cutting the kids hair we made eye contact 4 times briefly, he kept his head down but eyes up to make eye contact.

I sat down at the table and Co-worker called My son over. I looked at The Barber and he looked at me briefly because the other woman was standing right there. His boss was looking my way, he was cutting a client’s hair and he said, 'oh I really like your hair colour, it looks really nice'. I don’t know if I smiled or not but I did say, 'thanks' and I looked at The Barber right after and he was looking at me (maybe not such a subtle move when the boss's attention was on me).

The Barber had finished with the kid’s hair and at that stage there was 1 guy at the table who was his boss’s client (boss has people that book him specifically). The Barber went and did payment, came back and was cleaning up the hair on the floor. He had gone to put the broom away and was on his way back past the table (he was close to the table even thought there was a big space to walk in) we both watched his boss walk past to take payment and then we both looked at each other and held for a few seconds. He had his head tilted to the side, chin slightly up, face softened, slight smile while we held that look, it felt like the world disappeared for a few seconds.

The Barber had gone to the counter and was chatting with the boss’s son. This is hard to explain but I was at the table, there was a big display cabinet at the end of the table which blocks view of the counter. But when I looked over at The Barber, he was standing side on to me and back a fair way (it would have been over a metre) so we actually had view of each other. If he stood by the counter closer to talk with the boss’s son, I would not have been able to see him from where I was sitting. I looked twice while he was there but no eye contact made those 2 times, The Barber was standing side on to me.

Then another client walked in and The Barber went with him to his chair. He briefly looked at me as he walked to his chair.  Then Co-worker finished with My son. I went to do payment. Said goodbye to Co-worker, looked over at The Barber and he was chatting with his client. Then we left.

#14 – 5-week gap – With My son – This is not in the exact order it happened

It was busy and for context, his chair is in between his boss and coworker. Boss didn’t greet us today because he didn’t see us when we walked in. When The Barber first saw me, he looked and held 2 seconds or so, eyes widened a little.

He looked, I looked, we looked at each other on occasions short not held like other times, there was also mirror looking used. Neutral face, but at times there were parents standing there, he had adult clients.

My son and I were there for almost an hour and a half.  During the visit he stood side on a lot, other times he stood fully facing the waiting area.  I always sit where it is easy for us to both see each other and there were times, we looked at each other while he was standing facing the waiting area. There were a few times I may have looked him up and down and briefly lingered on his groin and one time he turned his body angled to me and lower half very slightly thrust out and there was the first time I looked he noticed and he blushed

 His boss cut My sons hair.  My son and I had spent a lot of time talking and I was looking between My son and The Barber and the TV. There was one moment when My son was playing and pretending to chop my head off with his hands and arms and as he slowly swung them towards me, I grabbed both his arms, we were both just having fun like we always do. When I grabbed My sons arms, I looked over at The Barber and he was looking.

The one moment that has stood out the most was I was looking at him in the mirror because he had his back to me and The Barber was looking at the client’s hair talking to him about what he wanted done.

The Barber looked away from the client and met my eyes in the mirror and it held, his eyes were open more and his mouth was open a bit, it almost looked trance like.

There was also a time he came up to the table to collect his next client. He leant on his fist on the table and did that eyes up head down look at me.
 

When I went up to get My sons glasses, he was in the boss’s chair, his boss had gone to process the last client’s payment, The Barber was side on and turned his head a bit to look my way and his hands seemed to get a bit jerky movements.

#15 – 4-week gap – With My son

I didn’t speak when I first came in, I just waved to the boss. But the boss used my name and told me to take a number (they now have numbers to take when its busy) and I was looking to see where the numbers were so didn’t see if The Barber looked or not.

There were a couple of times we had brief eye contact in the mirror. But it’s hard when he has adult clients. There was one adult guy he had and I was looking in the mirror at The Barber and the client noticed me looking a lot.

There were a few times we made very brief direct eye contact and his face was neutral and a few times he looked while I was mucking about with My son.

Most of the time he was side on and his body was angled towards the table, like I could see all of him. There were a few times he was fully facing the waiting area and times he had his back to which was necessary for what he was doing.

His movements seemed slow, relaxed. Boss cut My sons hair again and when I went to get My sons glasses, The Barber was facing me and did the head down eyes flicked up, boss was right there when I got My sons glasses.

The times he did look at me and he did scan once or twice but didn’t hold it, it was looking and including me in his scan and brief.

There was a moment he was laughing with a client and he was standing bent at his waist with his head facing my way (like in half) and his eyes looked over to me while he was laughing. I did the same a few times while I was laughing with My son and I looked over to The Barber.

There was one moment that stood out to me when he was standing similar position to the earlier just more upright and he looked at me with a softened face

#16 – 3-week gap - Solo

Was a solo visit to pick up some resin printing they did for me. I walked in and it was dead quiet. Boss was cutting hair; The Barber was at his chair tidying up and Co-worker was in the 3d printing workshop area (can see the whole warehouse from there. Boss said hello and I was starting to say hey when The Barber turned and looked at me. They knew I was coming in. Boss stopped cutting his clients hair and came over to me. He asked The Barber to get the prints. The Barber walked over in line with where I was standing and as he got closer, he looked at me with a neutral face for a few seconds (boss was right there) then he turned a bit to the left so he walked to his boss. Then The Barber went off to the workshop, he was standing side on. Boss served me, we chatted a bit and then I left.

#17 – 2-week gap – With My son

We walked in, boss said hello and I said hello back. The Barber turned when I said hello and his eyes 'lit up' and he gave me a proper smile, no neutral face today. Then there was just him working, me mucking about with My son and looking at each other on occasions. Boss cut My sons hair and told me to take a seat in the spare barber’s chair. He cut My sons hair and there were a few occasions The Barber and I could actually see each other and made brief eye contact. There were some groin and some boob looks. when we were walking to the counter to make payment, I looked over at him and saw him looking, he was watching me walk away, checking out my arse it looked like. he also stood side on while I was at the waiting table before My son got his hair cut and the usual stance of side on with his waist down turned in my direction

#18 – 5-week gap – With My son

Walked in and the boss gave me a thumbs up, I waved back. As the boss gave me the thumbs up, The Barber turned and saw me and gave me one of those proper smiles with the little up eyes again. It was busy so we were there for about an hour and a half.

He moved around his clients like normal, standing where I could see him. I noticed his pants were tighter than normal and took full advantage of the view. I also had a dress on with the most cleavage I have shown there and he noticeably (to me) looked a few times.

There was one time while My son was with me, he turned fully to face me as a new client was getting in his chair and The Barber was behind the chair, and held eye contact with me for a few seconds.

There were a few brief looks from him. Then the moment I had to contain myself, The Barber called My sons number and he cut his hair. Then we got payment counter and I finally got to speak to him again after 10 months.  This was the conversation, My son was standing with me and there was bosses son was about 1.5 metres away and clients coming in and ones sitting about 2 metres away, he used a polite tone and I was so nervous He said, 'It’s nice to have you guys here again' I said, 'you too' He said, 'thanks for hanging out with us today' I just looked at him and smiled (I didn’t verbally respond because I wanted to say something about it being nice to get to hang out with him, not very appropriate for his workplace).  The Barber got the payment terminal and I noticed he stepped back a little after he put the terminal down and had his fingers pressed together up around his chest, he the stepped forward once I tapped and I did a bad tap  and then He said, 'oops you will have to try that again' Then he said holding eye contact, 'I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend' I said, 'you too'  Then he said, 'see you guys next time you are here' and as he said that he looked at me with his head tilted back, chin up and soft eyes and a bigger smile than in #13, he looked so happy

Edited 20 hours ago by bendingtherules

[Sony12]

The first thing I need to ask is are you married? You don't really say one way or the other during your post. If you are married it's best to just keep this thing a non verbal fantasy like you have been.

The second thing I have to ask is what would you be looking for from a situation like this? Would you want to date this guy or just have sex with him. You make a lot of references to being hyper focused in on his groin area so are you just interested in sucking his cock a few times or wouldn you be looking for more then that?

One thing to keep in mind is that being social and friendly with customers is really part of the job description for people in those positions as it helps bring in more customers and repeat customers. Doesn't mean they aren't actually interested in any of their customers but at the same time you wouldn't really know until you interacted with him outside of the workplace because who he is there might not be who he is outside of work.

If you are single the best thing to do is next time before you go right out a pre-written note before hand telling him that you are attracted to him and if he is currently single if he might be interested in getting together with you sometime. Put your phone number down and give it to him. If he is truly interested in you as well he will most likely respond and then you two can go on a date to develop a relationship or have sex (whatever you two might be looking for from the situation).

While I wasn't a barber when I was in my 20's I worked at a position where I had interactions with a lot of female customers and that is what one of them did to me. She just asked if I would be interested in getting together outside of the office. I accepted and we stayed casually involved for quite a few years. 

So that is what you should do next time you see him if you are in a position where you could get involved with him.

[ExpatInItaly]

Is there a TL, DR version of this? 

I started reading but the level of detail is a bit much to get through. I am also curious to know how to recall all these micro-expressions and body language and posititioning from interactions that would have occrured months ago. Were you writing this all down for your own records, or..?

From what I gathered from the parts that I looked at, you are reading a heck of a lot into every single detail of every single interaction but you two have never actually had much substantial interactions that offer anything meaningful. There is no relationship, apart from a little mild flirting. I would not attach much significance to that, personally. 

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Is there a TL, DR version of this? 

I started reading but the level of detail is a bit much to get through. I am also curious to know how to recall all these micro-expressions and body language and posititioning from interactions that would have occrured months ago. Were you writing this all down for your own records, or..?

From what I gathered from the parts that I looked at, you are reading a heck of a lot into every single detail of every single interaction but you two have never actually had much substantial interactions that offer anything meaningful. There is no relationship, apart from a little mild flirting. I would not attach much significance to that, personally. 

Intimaterelationship support

 

Yep. It's pretty much a 100% fantasy at this point and he may or may not like her as well. She won't really know until she actually talks to him.

He may be up for getting involved with her or he may not. This is similar though to how I got involved with the lady I had a long term fling with though so she just needs to pass him a note and attach her number to it. And see if he responds.

[smackie9]

Well passive enough...you spent 15 months non-verbally flirting. All you have been doing is playing a fantasy in your head...with all this intense detail, you are obsessed. Not good because he could turn out to be a bit of a dip. 

As you requested: I am an assertive put it out there women and my perspective is you had plenty of opportunity to ask him if he was married, put your input of your status, and basically ask him out for a coffee when he goes on break. YOU are the one that has to make the move. He is at work, and it's most likely there is a policy where there is no fraternizing with clients when on the clock. 

Now that ship has sailed, have you tried to locate him on social media? As a professional, it would surprise me if he didn't have an account of some kind. Google his name and profession and you will probably have all your information you need, and a way to contact him to ask him out. 

[Sony12]

37 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Well passive enough...you spent 15 months non-verbally flirting. All you have been doing is playing a fantasy in your head...with all this intense detail, you are obsessed. Not good because he could turn out to be a bit of a dip. 

As you requested: I am an assertive put it out there women and my perspective is you had plenty of opportunity to ask him if he was married, put your input of your status, and basically ask him out for a coffee when he goes on break. YOU are the one that has to make the move. He is at work, and it's most likely there is a policy where there is no fraternizing with clients when on the clock. 

Now that ship has sailed, have you tried to locate him on social media? As a professional, it would surprise me if he didn't have an account of some kind. Google his name and profession and you will probably have all your information you need, and a way to contact him to ask him out. 

I do wonder if she is married. When I was in positions like that where I had a lot of interaction with clients/customers I had a policy where I wouldn't ask them out myself. But if a lady made some moves on me that was a different story.

Edited 7 hours ago by Sony12

[smackie9]

49 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

I do wonder if she is married. When I was in positions like that where I had a lot of interaction with clients/customers I had a policy where I wouldn't ask them out myself. But if a lady made some moves on me that was a different story.

Of course that would change everything but....I just stick with whatever information is given....I leave it up to them to figure out next steps. IMO they just want to talk about it, so they can relive the experience...that's what dopamine will do to the brain. She's just getting a dose of it. 

[Sony12]

18 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Of course that would change everything but....I just stick with whatever information is given....I leave it up to them to figure out next steps. IMO they just want to talk about it, so they can relive the experience...that's what dopamine will do to the brain. She's just getting a dose of it. 

True. We'll see if she posts again about it and expresses an interest in potentially getting something going with this guy.

You are right about just wanting to talk about it though. It wouldn't be much different then all those people who spend time on apps mainly just interested in checking out attractive photos and flirting with a few of them. But without any real intention of meeting any of them.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Sony12 said:

It's pretty much a 100% fantasy at this point

That's what I thought, yes. A fantasy with weirdly minute details. 

 

[Sony12]

18 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That's what I thought, yes. A fantasy with weirdly minute details. 

 

The details she gave was odd. It isn't uncommon for people to develop crushes on people in public positions like that but most of the time they would just be thinking that that individual is hot and perhaps wouldn't mind going to bed with them and that usually would be the extent of it.

It would help if the lady came back and gave more details about herself. Is she in an unhappy marriage for instance and has to live vicariously through these thoughts? Is this barber individual much younger than her and she wouldn't feel comfortable pursuing something with someone so much younger but still enjoys the thoughts? Is her son disabled and is a full-time caregiver of his and doesn't really have the opportunity to pursue relationships?

Things like that would help the story make more sense.