ExpatInItaly Posted September 16 Posted September 16 59 minutes ago, ForbiddenLove said: What would you make of someone saying they’re kind of seeing someone and unavailable, unfortunately but then immediately making it clear they still want to talk, suggesting coffee, asking why you’re interested in them, and opening up about personal stuff? That he feels kind of bad for turning you down but still wants to be friendly with you. Try not to read anything more into it. It's disappointing but he is interested in someone else.
Author SillyDonkey Posted September 16 Author Posted September 16 (edited) 22 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: That he feels kind of bad for turning you down but still wants to be friendly with you. Try not to read anything more into it. It's disappointing but he is interested in someone else. I can see that. However, it doesn’t explain the depth of the conversation we had. It was way beyond being friendly or trying to soften the rejection. I’m not saying it means he secretly wants something more, but I do think there was more to the interaction than him simply feeling bad for turning me down. It was more like he was talking to someone he trusted, explaining parts of himself that don’t usually come up in normal coworker conversation. Edited September 16 by ForbiddenLove
Sony12 Posted September 17 Posted September 17 He's saying he is unavailable for a relationship but sex might be a different matter.
Author SillyDonkey Posted September 17 Author Posted September 17 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Sony12 said: He's saying he is unavailable for a relationship but sex might be a different matter. BookRomantic Getaways As soon as I got the email it was you, I thought, “I miss Sony. I’m definitely not going to agree with them.” jk Anyway, I don’t think that’s what he meant. There was no sexual innuendo at all, although who knows what the future holds. I definitely wouldn’t go there while he’s seeing someone though. Edited September 17 by ForbiddenLove
ExpatInItaly Posted September 17 Posted September 17 7 hours ago, ForbiddenLove said: I’m not saying it means he secretly wants something more, but I do think there was more to the interaction than him simply feeling bad for turning me down. I don't think it changes anything for you, though. He is still interested in someone else and prioritizing that person, so you already have your answer. 1
Author SillyDonkey Posted September 17 Author Posted September 17 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I don't think it changes anything for you, though. He is still interested in someone else and prioritizing that person, so you already have your answer. I agree that he’s interested in someone else and I’m not trying to argue with that. That wasn’t really my question though. I’m more curious about how people interpret the fact that after setting that boundary, while knowing I’m interested in him, he still actively kept the personal connection open and the conversation became much more emotionally personal.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 17 Posted September 17 Yes, and a couple of us have given our interpretations. It seems you are hoping it means something more. 1
introverted1 Posted September 17 Posted September 17 You gave him the green light to take the relationship further. So he's exploring. Impossible to say whether he's hoping to get some on the side, monkey-branching, or just interested in an EA.
Author SillyDonkey Posted September 17 Author Posted September 17 44 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Yes, and a couple of us have given our interpretations. It seems you are hoping it means something more. Thank you for your interpretation. Maybe I’m not explaining myself clearly, but I don’t want to keep going in circles.
Sony12 Posted September 17 Posted September 17 You know the guy has already sent you a shirtless pic of himself and now he is trying to open things up for you guys to get 'coffee' despite the fact that he says he is already in a relationship. You think guys who do stuff like that wouldn't be trying to get a little something on the side? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 17 Posted September 17 3 hours ago, ForbiddenLove said: Maybe I’m not explaining myself clearly You are. It simply seems you are hoping for a different response from posters. I think you are wasting your time and emotional energy on a dead-end with this guy, personally. If you are hoping for to find someone to date, I would keep looking. This guy isn't him. 1
basil67 Posted September 17 Posted September 17 12 hours ago, ForbiddenLove said: I agree that he’s interested in someone else and I’m not trying to argue with that. That wasn’t really my question though. I’m more curious about how people interpret the fact that after setting that boundary, while knowing I’m interested in him, he still actively kept the personal connection open and the conversation became much more emotionally personal. Our "interpretations" are nothing more than educated guesses. The only thing you can do is look at his behaviour and decide on whether or not this works for you. 1
La.Primavera Posted September 17 Posted September 17 In my experience, it sounds like he is playing both sides intentionally. He can claim plausible deniability that he was honest about his relationship from the beginning, yet still give you just enough encouragement to keep your interested. It is not surprising the conversation became more personal after that. It is intentional. A man with clear boundaries in his relationship and good character wouldn't entertain the idea of meeting up with you for coffee or continuing to build a personal connection. Your response to his offer will tell him everything he needs to know about you and what you will put up with from him going forward. If you decide to ignore this insight into his character, you could end up used, rejected, or in relationship with a guy with poor boundaries with women. Proceed with caution. 1
smackie9 Posted September 20 Posted September 20 On 9/17/2026 at 3:27 PM, La.Primavera said: In my experience, it sounds like he is playing both sides intentionally. He can claim plausible deniability that he was honest about his relationship from the beginning, yet still give you just enough encouragement to keep your interested. It is not surprising the conversation became more personal after that. It is intentional. A man with clear boundaries in his relationship and good character wouldn't entertain the idea of meeting up with you for coffee or continuing to build a personal connection. Your response to his offer will tell him everything he needs to know about you and what you will put up with from him going forward. If you decide to ignore this insight into his character, you could end up used, rejected, or in relationship with a guy with poor boundaries with women. Proceed with caution. This 100%.^^^^^. You came here for advice, and with everyone's extensive lifetime of experience, we are all pointing in this one direction. I suspect your heart has taken you in the wrong direction a few too many times leaving you disappointed, and you wish just this once you would be in the right. From what I have learned over my 62 years is that human behavior is quite predictable. I know your gut is telling you something...that's why you are here. Take your time to think things over and maybe try to ask a friend, or family member and see what they say about this matter.
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