Diagnose what is going on, what i should do.

[flitzanu]

13 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I don't get this..all my life in media and in general life, I (and most guys) are taught that if a girl is making eye contact often, smiling at you (like real smile, not just a polite one), teasing you, giggling with you, asking about your life, starting conversations, extending conversations, complimenting you, gives you unique attention. etc...that she likes you.

Psychology

 

 

this is all normal human interaction.  people look each other in the face and smile and joke with each other.  nothing about that is going to indicate someone likes you.

you probably look your friends in the eye, smile and laugh, does that mean you are flirting with them?

[Anonymous]

2 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

this is all normal human interaction.  people look each other in the face and smile and joke with each other.  nothing about that is going to indicate someone likes you.

you probably look your friends in the eye, smile and laugh, does that mean you are flirting with them?

No. But my friends are straight men.  

 

If this is just friendly why is there such a narrative that teasing, constant eye contact, certain types of smiles, starting conversations, etc are indicating interest?

 

Im fairly close, to various degrees, with all the women i work with (i work mostly with women). Why do they all act the same, but none of them act like her

 

That's the thing. Shes treating me....uniquely and thats why I got confused. Its not eye contact or laughing, it laughing combined with a shy demeanor, its a smile thats a cheeky, mischief smile. Its the random initiating out of nowhere, its the interjecting to try to be part of a conversation shes not in. Its that her teasing and jokes and smiles are when its just us, or when others arent looking. Its that she doesn't really act this way with the other people we work with, male or female. She certainly would point and smile and tease at any other man. That's what made me think, partially because society has always said this is how women act when theres a burgeoning attraction or crush or whatever.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

Why would you say yes to a date if you didn't know this ahead of time?

How could one possibly know before going on the first date if there was enough of a connection to continue going on dates and build towards a relationship? You don't seem to understand how dating even works.

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

Women are just mean and deceitful to me. They're never up front.

If this is literally always the case, your picker is either really broken or you are doing something that puts women off but refuse to acknowledge your own role in why they don't stick around. 

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

When you say yes to a date, you are consenting to "hanging out" with a romantic implication or undertone.

Nobody said this wasn't the case. What you seem to assume is that scoring one date a few dates means she should want to be your girlfriend. It sounds like women go out with you, and some realize they don't want to continue going out with you. You leap to the conclusion they never considered you an option to begin with. That is very unlikey to be true about every single woman you have ever dated. It's just as likely that as time went on, and they got to know you, they saw or learned things about you that made them realize it wasn't a match. I am not sure what's so complicated to understand about that. 

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

I mean thats how the world is so i dont see how thats an issue

It could be very well be a factor as to why you apparently struggle so much with women. That's why it's an issue. It points to a lack of relational skills. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Im fairly close, to various degrees, with all the women i work with (i work mostly with women). Why do they all act the same, but none of them act like her

So quit stressing and ask her out.

What are you waiting for, exactly? 

[Anonymous]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How could one possibly know before going on the first date if there was enough of a connection to continue going on dates and build towards a relationship? You don't seem to understand how dating even works.

By talking to them, getting to know them, getting a general sense of their personality..you know, the normal stuff people do with any connection?

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If this is literally always the case, your picker is either really broken or you are doing something that puts women off but refuse to acknowledge your own role in why they don't stick around. 

Well i certainly dont want to acknowledge that im ugly and unworthy of love for whatever reason, despite being everything women claim to like..but maybe its time to face the music

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Nobody said this wasn't the case. What you seem to assume is that scoring one date a few dates means she should want to be your girlfriend.

Why else would she agree to a date?

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It sounds like women go out with you, and some realize they don't want to continue going out with you. You leap to the conclusion they never considered you an option to begin with. That is very unlikey to be true about every single woman you have ever dated. It's just as likely that as time went on, and they got to know you, they saw or learned things about you that made them realize it wasn't a match. I am not sure what's so complicated to understand about that. 

Its not complicated. People arent attracted, fine. Don't keep letting me pay for meals, dont keep going on dates. After whatever date you arent feeling it, say "hey, im not sure we're connecting".  Don't just keep letting the guy expend his time energy and money for no reason

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It could be very well be a factor as to why you apparently struggle so much with women. That's why it's an issue. It points to a lack of relational skills. 

Pretty sure attraction isn't a gray area. You like someone, or you dont

[Anonymous]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So quit stressing and ask her out.

What are you waiting for, exactly? 

Im not exactly in a hurry or wanting to be rejected. Im not waiting on anything.

[ExpatInItaly]

When was the last time you had a girlfriend, and how long did that relationship last? What was it like? 

How are your friendships? 

[Anonymous]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

When was the last time you had a girlfriend, and how long did that relationship last? What was it like? 

Intimacybuilding exercises

My last girlfriend was December 2010 to January 2012. It was incredible. She had self esteem issues of her own which were tough but I really felt...wanted. i felt passion. Like she cared. Sex was great, we were gonna marry blah blah. She cheated and has been with that guy ever since

 

Never got an explanation on what I did wrong. There was a tiny bit of financial hardship...we had to live with my parents because I was fresh out of school and hadn't found work yet. 

 

I also had another...sitatuonship recently but its a very long story,  girl was mentally ill, etc, it never really became a relationship by name so I dont count it

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How are your friendships? 

Great. I have a small group of regular pals. Guys I shoot the s*** with. My best friend is a like a brother to me. Been my best friend for 21 years now. He has 2 little girls that i love like my own and we even joke they have 2 dads. 

 

See my whole thing with starting this thread. I am getting these things from this girl. There's a certain electricity I feel. The WAY she smiles, smiles and looks and talks isn't just like how other women tease and flirt and talk to me in this environment. And truly I don't know whay it means. It FEELS like something special...it doesn't feel "normal". It feels extra. But with my history of rejection and friend zoning and stuff I dont know if I can trust my feelings. I was hoping for some objectivity to say "man, your negative self talk is taking over. These are real signs". 

 

But it turns out I was right i guess. Its just friends. Always is, my feelings and intuition lie to me

[ExpatInItaly]

16 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

But it turns out I was right i guess. Its just friends.

You have no idea if you were right. 

The only person who can confirm that is her. 

[Anonymous]

49 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You have no idea if you were right. 

The only person who can confirm that is her. 

And I want to. Really bad. Sometimes we cant talk because theres people around or we're both work focused.

 

Most of the time our contact is "playing" (for lack of a better term). And we do talk and shes shared information about herself and thats all cool.

 

But...she doesn't know me well. Why would she wanna see me outside work, you know?

 

Yeah she could say yes. But God i so so badly do not want to be misreading things again. Do you know what its like to feel something, make the assumption she wants to see more of you only to have her be embarrassed and put on the spot and tell you "I don't like you that way"? It doesn't get easier