Diagnose what is going on, what i should do.

[Anonymous]

So i work with this girl. She started around Christmas or so. Ive been attracted right away, she is beautiful of course but we worked in different departments so our paths didn't really cross. We would speak about work very occassionaly but not often and despite sharing an office for the most part (her office but the computer i use for paperwork and stuff is in there) it was silent.

 

About a month ago the silence was broken. We just kind of started talking more. And it was sporadic. Maybe a quick 1-2 minute conversation of pleasantries every couple days. Then silence for a couple. Then back to it. Then she kind of teased me one day joking that I was "always in the way". 

 

The next day was a 4th of July potluck at work. She was in the room with maybe 5 other people, everyone helping themselves. I walk in and she says "hey (my name) did you try this?" Its normal courtesy but it was weird. My name specifically, I was targeted...abd we didn't really ever talk for months before. Now shes picking me out by name to try the food she made? I thought it was weird.

 

Anyway, the sporadic 1-2 minute talks became daily. She would say hi to me, ask me about my weekend. Again, normal stuff. But I certainly noticed the shift. Relative Silence for 6 months, now we chat each day?

 

Then she would randomly initiate. For example, I passed her in the doorway, she was entering office, I was exiting. She says "another day in heaven huh?". And so I asked about her weekend. She just says it was good but then asks about mine, and asked specifically what I did. I teased her over a tiny work mistake I had to fix, playfully accused her of falling asleep. She playfully responded saying it was just one time. I sarcastically joked about a boring task she was doing. She turned around in her chair, looked up at me and gave me a little crinkle nosed smile. There were other small things too, randomly asking me what's up unprompted. 

 

Again, I know up until this point, this is all "just coworker stuff" I guess. 

 

But over the passed week its escalated. The conversations are longer. A little .ore personal. She told me about a "gluten disease" she has. This lead to a conversation about birthday cake which lead to me asking hers, she asked mine. I walked out of a doorway and she happend to be walking by...she looked at me as she passed, pointed at me while smiling. I said "what?" And she was just like "what did you do?" All playful and accusatory. I had to pass by her and another coworker. As I passed she pointed like a playful "go on, out of the way" and when I looked back she had this...closed mouth almost mischievous smile as we looked at each other. We passed each other in the hall. No words, we just started smiling and when i let her pass me i kind of was dramatic about it, moving way aside and saying "yeah, go on" and she giggled and kept walking. She even said, in her native language, that one of my work decisions was "impressive....like smart...you made a smart choice". Its weird she didnt look at me, she was looking off to the side but smiling as she explained. there's been other stuff too but...

 

I want to ask her out. Get to know her outside of work without all the restraints and stress. But legitimately, women generally arent interested in me. I have no idea what signs are what, just corowker freindly vs flirting. I want to asknhernout but I dont even know if she wants me to. Or if she would say yes. 

[basil67]

All of this reads like a friendly workplace friendship, and I would recommend getting to know her at a deeper level first.    For example, tour question "how was your weekend?" was too vague if her answer was simply "good".  

If you want to get to know her, you need to be asking her targeted questions.  "What are your plans for the weekend?"   "What are you listening to?"   "how did you learn that?"   Listen to her responses and ask follow up questions

 

 

 

 

 

[Anonymous]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

All of this reads like a friendly workplace friendship, and I would recommend getting to know her at a deeper level first.    For example, tour question "how was your weekend?" was too vague if her answer was simply "good".  

If you want to get to know her, you need to be asking her targeted questions.  "What are your plans for the weekend?"   "What are you listening to?"   "how did you learn that?"   Listen to her responses and ask follow up questions

 

 

 

 

 

Well that was early on. Now she gets a little more detailed. When I ask her now she gets a little more detailed, saying shes mostly focusing on studying. Weve talked about what shes studying. To me it all seemed too flirty

 

I dont mind discovering more about her but I also dont wanna wait too long. 

 

Idk, it kind of seemed like she liked me

[basil67]

Do you know for sure that she's single?   

If she is single and has such a heavy workload of study, how would she fit you in to her schedule?

[Anonymous]

36 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Do you know for sure that she's single?   

No clue. I think she is. Shes never dropped any clues or mention of one. 

36 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If she is single and has such a heavy workload of study, how would she fit you in to her schedule?

Don't know. This Friday I said "hey have a good weekend,don't kill yourself with books and studying". She said she would try to make at least 2 hours of free personal time for herself.

 

My thing is...everything she does looks like signals. I mean...think of a male work buddy you have. Do you just make eye contact and start smiling and smirking at him? And then giggle when he makes a joke? Do you say he's impressive and smart?

 

To me shes flirting with me, but inhave been wrong about this before...i can't trust my feelings you know?

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

No clue. I think she is. Shes never dropped any clues or mention of one. 

To be fair, you hardly know each other and all the talk so far has been quite brief and surface-level. There might not have been opportunity to mention it if she does have someone in her life.  

I'm a woman too and don't see very obvious signs of interest. That doesn't mean she isn't interested, but what you have written so far just sounds like two coworkers getting to know each other. All you can do is see if she's free to get a coffee or something outside of work. Her response to that will tell you what you need to know. 

[basil67]

If she hasn't let you know that she's single, she is not flirting.

Flirting looks like 

YOU "hey, have a good weekend, don't kill yourself with books and studying"   

HER "If only I had a great guy ask me on a date and drag me away from the books for a bit"

Edited yesterday at 03:52 AM by basil67

[Anonymous]

I don't get this..all my life in media and in general life, I (and most guys) are taught that if a girl is making eye contact often, smiling at you (like real smile, not just a polite one), teasing you, giggling with you, asking about your life, starting conversations, extending conversations, complimenting you, gives you unique attention. etc...that she likes you.

 

That courtship (for lack of a better word) is like a tennis game, she does something, you hit it back. Vice versa. But when I look or read things now, suddenly all of these things are just being friendly.

 

What do I trust? If theres so much conflicting opinion, maybe no one knows anything. 

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If she hasn't let you know that she's single, she is not flirting.

What?

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Flirting looks like 

YOU "hey, have a good weekend, don't kill yourself with books and studying"   

HER "If only I had a great guy ask me on a date and drag me away from the books for a bit"

 

I have only ever heard women talk like this in movies or when she and the guy are already seeing each other/a couple

 

I thought mutual chemistry was flirting

[Anonymous]

13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

To be fair, you hardly know each other and all the talk so far has been quite brief and surface-level. There might not have been opportunity to mention it if she does have someone in her life.  

Eh, I figured if she had a boyfriend she would have mentioned like "oh me and my boyfriend did this" or "we're gonna do that". 

13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I'm a woman too and don't see very obvious signs of interest. That doesn't mean she isn't interested, but what you have written so far just sounds like two coworkers getting to know each other. All you can do is see if she's free to get a coffee or something outside of work. Her response to that will tell you what you need to know. 

I cant edit posts but also like...she just suddenly wants to get to know me now after 7 months of silence?

I mean what is an obvious sign? Women aren't forward like that. What, if she's not sending me nudes or offering to blow me or something, theres no obvious interest? I dont get it

 

Guess I was wrong again. Always am. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

Eh, I figured if she had a boyfriend she would have mentioned like "oh me and my boyfriend did this" or "we're gonna do that". 

Perhaps, but you can't assume she thinks or would operate the same way you do. The fact that she hasn't mentioned a boyfriend doesn't mean there isn't one. 

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

Guess I was wrong again. Always am. 

You are tryig too hard to read into minor interactions. The only way you are going to know if she is right or wrong is if you ask her out.

Are you normally this defeatist? 

Edited yesterday at 05:25 AM by ExpatInItaly

[Anonymous]

54 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Perhaps, but you can't assume she thinks or would operate the same way you do. The fact that she hasn't mentioned a boyfriend doesn't mean there isn't one. 

You are tryig too hard to read into minor interactions. The only way you are going to know if she is right or wrong is if you ask her out.

They didn't seem minor. This is stuff everybody says are signs a woman is interested in you. Teasing, eye contact, laughing too hard at things that were funny...

 

Im friends with almost every woman I work with, she acts way different 

 

Minor would be regular workplace chat or kind of...neutrality. like said, these things arent signs than what is?

 

Asking her out still doesnt clear things up. Ive had women go on dates with me, many dates, and then say it isnt romantic. Women say yes to dates because theyre bored, want free food, or an ego boost. That isnt all women who go on dates of course, but "asking her is the only way to find out how she feels" isn't accurate

54 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Are you normally this defeatist? 

Yes, but for good reason. I haven't been in an actual mutual relationship for 14 years and every woman I have tried to be with, date, whatever has no interest in me at all. Defeatist is subjective, like you assume or think that things are going to fail. I dont assume failure off of nothing, when you always fail, its not defeatist to realize it

 

I thought this time would be different. Certaintly felt different. Women dont smile at me (in this way) or ask things about me (like about my band) or compliment me, so when she did i thought it was different this time.  But uts not.

 

Shes the same as every other. I evidently mistake friendliness as interest. I ask for date, girl says yes out of pity, boredom, ego, whatever. I text them, they take their sweet time responding and giving attention back. They continue to go on dates and when I make my intentions more clear, im just a friend to them.

 

Im just tired of deluding myself and I dont know why I keep doing it to myself

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I don't get this..all my life in media and in general life, I (and most guys) are taught that if a girl is making eye contact often, smiling at you (like real smile, not just a polite one), teasing you, giggling with you, asking about your life, starting conversations, extending conversations, complimenting you, gives you unique attention. etc...that she likes you.  That courtship (for lack of a better word) is like a tennis game, she does something, you hit it back. Vice versa. But when I look or read things now, suddenly all of these things are just being friendly.

Conversation with normal friends also involves all of this stuff.  And friendship also involves bouncing the ball back and forth

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

What do I trust? If theres so much conflicting opinion, maybe no one knows anything. 

You can only trust yourself.  If you think she's flirting, go ahead and ask her out.  

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

[If she hasn't let you know that she's single, she is not flirting]  What?

Let me correct myself.  One can flirt, but not want to take it further.  But if she wants to take it further, she'll let you know she's single.  Or she'll drop stronger hints.  Or ask you out herself

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I have only ever heard women talk like this in movies or when she and the guy are already seeing each other/a couple

Some of us are an open book and don't play games.  I would easily let that slip if I was interested.   That said, I wouldn't drop this hint if we were already seeing each other because I wouldn't need to.  Instead, I'd say "hey do you want to go do X and Y this weekend"

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I thought mutual chemistry was flirting

It is.  But I'm not seeing any flirting in what you've written, and I'm not seeing chemistry.   I'm seeing friendship. 

There's no hints about going on a dinner date, no discovering that you both want to see the same movie and agreeing to go.  You haven't asked what she's doing on the weekend.

[ExpatInItaly]

58 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

asking her is the only way to find out how she feels" isn't accurate

Good grief, so don't ask her out, then. 

Fretting about it here instead of taking action doesn't sound like a reasonable plan either, though. You are very much standing in your own way. 

[SurfCity]

Is there an age difference here? If you often go after women much younger than you, that could be the reason you haven't had much success. 

Despite what podcast bros tell you, very few women are willing to go on a date with someone they don't like just for a free meal or to relieve boredom. 

The only way to know if she'd like to date you is by asking her out. 

[Anonymous]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Good grief, so don't ask her out, then. 

Fretting about it here instead of taking action doesn't sound like a reasonable plan either, though. You are very much standing in your own way. 

Eh. Better than going through the "youre a great guy but i dint like you like that" speech again. She was just acting different than the others...thought things were changing

 

Ill hopefully keep this thread in mind next time my head gets too big

2 hours ago, SurfCity said:

Is there an age difference here? If you often go after women much younger than you, that could be the reason you haven't had much success. 

Despite what podcast bros tell you, very few women are willing to go on a date with someone they don't like just for a free meal or to relieve boredom. 

The only way to know if she'd like to date you is by asking her out. 

There is some age difference here but thats not like normal for me

 

Its not a podcast thing, its just what keeps happening over and over and over and over

 

What I hear often is if you have to ask a woman out to find out, the answer is no. If she wanted to, there wouldn't be any mystery about it

 

And to be honest I thought this one was making it obvious (not super obvious but somewhat) because she was treating me different than what im used to. Women dont compliment me or anything so when she does i though we were on some sort of path, like there was possibility that this dynamic would evolve into more

 

But I was deluding myself again, I suppose 

 

I will try to retain this and not get carried away next time

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

But I was deluding myself again, I suppose

We have no idea if that's actually the case, though. 

Nobody here (you included) knows how she would respond to an invitation to meet. Just because we are saying there are no obvious signs of romantic interest does not mean there is none at all. 

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

She was just acting different than the others...thought things were changing

And maybe they are. That's why some of us have said you will only know that by asking her out. There is a chance she will decline, sure. But you seem to be looking for concrete, foolproof signs that she will accept, which none of us can confirm. 

 

7 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I ask for date, girl says yes out of pity, boredom, ego, whatever. I text them, they take their sweet time responding and giving attention back. They continue to go on dates and when I make my intentions more clear, im just a friend to them.

This is worth exploring. How long do these women take to respond and give attention back? If they take a while, why are do you keep asking that person out? 

[Els]

10 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I don't get this..all my life in media and in general life, I (and most guys) are taught that if a girl is making eye contact often, smiling at you (like real smile, not just a polite one), teasing you, giggling with you, asking about your life, starting conversations, extending conversations, complimenting you, gives you unique attention. etc...that she likes you.

Pretty sure that's called being friendly.

You could ask her if she's single, though... But if she says "yeah but I'm not looking for a guy right now, I'm busy with my studies", that means "no", not "yes".

[Anonymous]

19 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

We have no idea if that's actually the case, though. 

Nobody here (you included) knows how she would respond to an invitation to meet. Just because we are saying there are no obvious signs of romantic interest does not mean there is none at all. 

Fair enough but why is there so much media (not like fiction. Just articles and whatever) saying "if a girl does this this this and xyz, shes into you"? 

19 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And maybe they are. That's why some of us have said you will only know that by asking her out. There is a chance she will decline, sure. But you seem to be looking for concrete, foolproof signs that she will accept, which none of us can confirm. 

 

This is worth exploring. How long do these women take to respond and give attention back? If they take a while, why are do you keep asking that person out? 

Person? No, this is every woman since I was 20 years old. Over a decade ago. Im not asking jusy one person out.

 

They just have always taken time to respond. Hours. Whenever its "convenient" for them. I dont like texting women for this reason. Because I text something...and wait. And wait. And wait. And get anxious. And wait. Until finally she decides to reply with some boring, non engaging response.

 

Its what all if them do, its not a specific single person who treats me this way.

 

My issue is not...being rejected or treated as just a friend. Sure, that hurts...but what I dont get is why women will go on dates, give me their number, and even move in with me (long story on that one) when they have no intention of being a couple.

 

This is why even a yes to coffee wouldn't have given me any peace with the current girl I like. Because women have a habit of somehow doing all of the "I like you back stuff" and it be meaningless. Why even bother anymore

 

I wanna be in love, be kissed, have sex again maybe be married or have kids someday. 

 

But how many times do you do this before it becomes self sadistic, you know? 

[Anonymous]

2 minutes ago, Els said:

Pretty sure that's called being friendly.

You could ask her if she's single, though... But if she says "yeah but I'm not looking for a guy right now, I'm busy with my studies", that means "no", not "yes".

Then why is there decades on decades of culture saying its flirting? Do you see why im confused? Culture has in the past said women dont put effort or go out of their way unless they're at least somewhat into the guy. When did this change?

Sure, if I had known this girl for 10 years, it would be one thing.

 

But I haven't. We arent friends. I don't know her. And all the sudden shes just being playful, asking personal questions about me. Etc. We were essentially silent with each other for months. Now shes doing all...this stuff. She's all shy around me, she always smiling and smirking

 

Maybe youre right and its just friendly. But these were all like "flirting signs" as I understood it.

[Els]

3 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Culture has in the past said women dont put effort or go out of their way unless they're at least somewhat into the guy. When did this change?

I don't know, maybe in like the 1950s? It's really not uncommon for women to want to be friends with men in this day and age. You've known each other for at least 8 months, it's not like you just met yesterday. I don't see why you think you'd need to know each other for 10 years to have the kind of friendly conversations that you're having with her.

But seriously, if you like her, just ask her if she's single first? And if she says something along the lines of "oh, yes, very much single", then ask her out? It's not rocket science my dude.

Edited yesterday at 03:00 PM by Els

[Gebidozo]

12 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

why is there so much media (not like fiction. Just articles and whatever) saying "if a girl does this this this and xyz, shes into you"? 

Because anyone can post any dumb advice on social media and there will always be enough gullible people mistaking it for some profound wisdom.

 

17 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

what I dont get is why women will go on dates, give me their number, and even move in with me (long story on that one) when they have no intention of being a couple.

Because women are independent individuals who have the right to choose, act, and make decisions according to their feelings?

Yes, women will go with you on dates and flirt with you and kiss you and sleep with you without having an intention of being a couple sometimes. Or sometimes they would be open to that possibility in the beginning but lose their attraction later and leave. Or sometimes they don’t intend to become a couple but things develop well and then they become a couple with that person. There are many possible scenarios. Surely that can’t be news to you?

 

22 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I wanna be in love, be kissed, have sex again maybe be married or have kids someday. 

Valid wishes, many people have them. The problem is that you sound like you’re entitled to have all these. Which, obviously, lessens the possibility of that happening, since (again obviously) women can sense your entitlement, and let me tell you that few things repel women as much as that.

 

20 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Culture has in the past said women dont put effort or go out of their way unless they're at least somewhat into the guy. When did this change?

I don’t know, but I started dating girls in 1990 and back then it was already completely normal for women to be friendly and even flirty without necessarily wanting to have sex - or having sex without necessarily wanting to be a couple. I believe that was normal in certain circles already in the 1920’s, in Western countries at least.

Do you have a very conservative, patriarchal cultural background?

 

 

[Gebidozo]

24 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Maybe youre right and its just friendly. But these were all like "flirting signs" as I understood it.

There is one thing I don’t understand here. Why are you torturing yourself with these questions when there is a very simple way to get the answer by asking her out?

[ExpatInItaly]

48 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Person? No, this is every woman since I was 20 years old. Over a decade ago. Im not asking jusy one person out.

You're taking my word far too literally. 

I realize you meant more than one woman. If whatever women are not texting to your liking, why do you keep asking them out? You must have persisted after seeing these incompatiblities, or they would have no invitations to keep saying yes to. I don't get your approach on that. 

51 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

but what I dont get is why women will go on dates, give me their number, and even move in with me (long story on that one) when they have no intention of being a couple.

Do you not think that any one of these women was interested at first and changed her mind later? You act as though saying yes to a few dates is a surefire bet to couple-dom, but it isn't. It isn't for anyone. People change their minds all the time and stop dating people as they notice incompatibilities or whatever else arise. Saying yes to a first or handful of dates doesn't mean that person knows for sure that the other is a good match. That's what dating is. I don't date men with the intention of being their girlfirend right off the hop - I date them to see if we are a match. Then I will consider being in a relationship You don't appear to understand that desires and intentions may shift as we get to know someone. It doesn't mean there was zero intention to begin with, which is what you seem to be assuming. 

56 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

but why is there so much media (not like fiction. Just articles and whatever) saying "if a girl does this this this and xyz, shes into you"? 

Because writers and content-creators are selling you something. Most of us should be capable of understanding that human behaviour isn't that rigid and concrete. 

What I am seeing in your posts is that you struggle to understand grey area or nuance. You seem to see things in very rigid, black-and-white ways. This could very much be part of the issue. 

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

They just have always taken time to respond. Hours.

Some of us are busy with work and other social activities? I am crazy about the man I am dating and don't have time in the day to text him. Neither does he. We both have busy jobs. I would be concerned if I thought this was going to be a problem for a man. I would know then that he's too dependent on his phone. 

 

[Anonymous]

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You're taking my word far too literally. 

I realize you meant more than one woman. If whatever women are not texting to your liking, why do you keep asking them out? You must have persisted after seeing these incompatiblities, or they would have no invitations to keep saying yes to. I don't get your approach on that. 

Its not incompatiblities. Women are just mean and deceitful to me. They're never up front. 

 

Do you literally actually think im asking out women knowing ahead of time how insane, rude, etc they will be? Like i can see them going on countless dates and then refusing me, and inask them out anyway. Dude...come on

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Do you not think that any one of these women was interested at first and changed her mind later?

Nope

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You act as though saying yes to a few dates is a surefire bet to couple-dom, but it isn't. It isn't for anyone.

It should be. That's the point of doing it. There is a specific thing that separates "date" from hanging out. I was out with my boys until 11pm last night. Was that a date? No. Because date has explicit romantic intent and implications to it. When you say yes to a date, you are consenting to "hanging out" with a romantic implication or undertone.

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

People change their minds all the time and stop dating people as they notice incompatibilities or whatever else arise. Saying yes to a first or handful of dates doesn't mean that person knows for sure that the other is a good match.

And that is fair..what is not fair is pretending there is something there and enjoy the free ride only until the guy gets fed up.

 

If you go on a few dates and dont feel anything, dont wait until he tries to kiss you or he brings up exclusivity. Say it as soon as you want out.

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That's what dating is. I don't date men with the intention of being their girlfirend right off the hop - I date them to see if we are a match.

Why would you say yes to a date if you didn't know this ahead of time?

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Then I will consider being in a relationship You don't appear to understand that desires and intentions may shift as we get to know someone. It doesn't mean there was zero intention to begin with, which is what you seem to be assuming. 

 

Why would you go on a date with someone you weren't sure about? Doesn't it make more sense to go on explicitly non platonic dates (because thats what a date is) only if you knew the guy well enough and liked him?

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

 

 

What I am seeing in your posts is that you struggle to understand grey area or nuance. You seem to see things in very rigid, black-and-white ways. This could very much be part of the issue. 

 

I mean thats how the world is so i dont see how thats an issue. A room is either lit or dark. A cup is either empty or not. You either face left or right. 

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Some of us are busy with work and other social activities? I am crazy about the man I am dating and don't have time in the day to text him. Neither does he. We both have busy jobs. I would be concerned if I thought this was going to be a problem for a man. I would know then that he's too dependent on his phone. 

Not phone...communication. if you are passive and "meh" about someone, why bother?

If im into a woman, I would take any available opportunity to see her, talk to her, etc. 

It is because women are addicted to their phones that there is an expectation of reciprocity. If youre on some social media rag all the time, the "im too busy to text" excuse doesn't hold water.

[Anonymous]

57 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

 

Because women are independent individuals who have the right to choose, act, and make decisions according to their feelings?

Ah and f*** everyone else's feelings..its totally not rude and disgusting to let guys pay for your food and dates when you never had an intention of dating him

57 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Yes, women will go with you on dates and flirt with you and kiss you and sleep with you without having an intention of being a couple sometimes.

Vile behavior 

57 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Or sometimes they would be open to that possibility in the beginning but lose their attraction later and leave.

Totally different thing altogether. Liking someone and then losing it overtime is not the same as never liking them but taking the free meals, rides, etc anyway

57 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Or sometimes they don’t intend to become a couple but things develop well and then they become a couple with that person. There are many possible scenarios. Surely that can’t be news to you?

I mean, I dont live in a lifetime movie so...

57 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Valid wishes, many people have them. The problem is that you sound like you’re entitled to have all these. Which, obviously, lessens the possibility of that happening, since (again obviously) women can sense your entitlement, and let me tell you that few things repel women as much as that.

Everyone is generally entitled to respect at the very least.

 

Im not entited to dates or anything. I am entitled to honesty and being told upfront if a woman isnt interested

If ya don't like me, don't say yes to a date and let me pay and pick you up and drive you home etc. Just say "no thanks" or whatever.

 

57 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I don’t know, but I started dating girls in 1990 and back then it was already completely normal for women to be friendly and even flirty without necessarily wanting to have sex - or having sex without necessarily wanting to be a couple. I believe that was normal in certain circles already in the 1920’s, in Western countries at least.

Ew

57 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Do you have a very conservative, patriarchal cultural background

I was born at the end of the 80s in the US. I grew up in one of the most liberal, feminine centered societies in recent centuries.

 

Even still where I was raised doesn't have much impact on culture or society around me