What do I do from here?

[Brokenheartedman12]

My finance and I just broke up after 3 years together. We met through a mutual friend. Our first date, I fell in love with her. She was personable, caring and she could hold a conversation. We had our first kiss and after that the rest was history. We were together all the time. We both got new jobs while dating, which is where I feel the relationship failed. She became more stressed and I wasn’t emotionally always available to give her the comfort she was asking for. I never yelled at her, called her any words if I was angry. I truly felt she is my soulmate. She was sad about not having many friends and I introduced her to some of my friends which were girls that she now goes out with all the time which makes me happy. I threw her a huge surprise 30th birthday with family and friends to make her feel special. Yesterday broke me and I feel very lost. There was no hate in the break up, and we kinda just sat with each other, laughing, crying and talking. She kept holding my hand and kissing me which gave me mixed signals. As we said our final good bye for now she said she will reach out in a couple months to reconnect, but for now she needs to heal. A few hours later we sent each other a text hoping the other was okay and reassuring we will be there for each other and still loved each other. I’m so lost it hurts.

[Gebidozo]

Who initiated the breakup? And what was the reason?

 

[Brokenheartedman12]

35 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Who initiated the breakup? And what was the reason?

 

She initiated it, she felt I wasn’t fully supportive, her health, job stress, and her mom’s health. So all that made it hard 

[Brokenheartedman12]

I’m really struggling right now. My finance of 3 years ended it with me a few days ago. We’ve been no contact since. When we broke up it was on good terms, we kissed and hugged and the love was still there. What hurts is that I know with all my heart I was good to her, her family and I would do anything for her. She said in a week she may contact me to exchange items ( she still has the ring). Part of me wants her back the other is so confused, we had our disagreements but I never once belittled her I Always tried to uplift her and make sure she had the best possible outcome. She took it at times as hurt. On top of all that she’s been stressed with a job, her health and her mom and I feel totally lost. Like my world is upside down. I don’t feel like I got total closure and I feel as she left the door somewhat open but I’m at a lost on what I do. I’ve been speaking to people and trying to become better and heal but I also feel I lost my best friend.  

[introverted1]

I'm sorry you're hurting.

Did your fiancee say why she ended things?  

[Alpacalia]

That must be incredibly painful, were there any arguments or maybe since she's been dealing with her job, her health, and her mom, those are enormous pressures. Sometimes people make decisions from a place of being overwhelmed, not from a place of certainty. That doesn't mean she'll come back, but it does mean the ending may say more about where she is than about what you two had.

[Brokenheartedman12]

5 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

That must be incredibly painful, were there any arguments or maybe since she's been dealing with her job, her health, and her mom, those are enormous pressures. Sometimes people make decisions from a place of being overwhelmed, not from a place of certainty. That doesn't mean she'll come back, but it does mean the ending may say more about where she is than about what you two had.

It hurts so much, I feel I was given up on. I know not everyday I gave it 100% but I tried 99% of the time. I felt her grow cold. I tried harder. I was loyal and madly in love and feel my world turned upside down. I hope one day she sees that

[Brokenheartedman12]

6 hours ago, introverted1 said:

I'm sorry you're hurting.

Did your fiancee say why she ended things?  

She claimed she needed to work on herself. Although I saw the levels of stress from her job it hurts she didn’t want me by her side through it. I feel very given up on 

[introverted1]

9 hours ago, Brokenheartedman12 said:

She claimed she needed to work on herself. Although I saw the levels of stress from her job it hurts she didn’t want me by her side through it. I feel very given up on 

How old are you both?

In general, when a partner pulls away like this, it suggests there is something deeper going on.  Has she shown signs of being less than committed prior to this?

[Brokenheartedman12]

On 6/22/2026 at 6:03 AM, introverted1 said:

How old are you both?

In general, when a partner pulls away like this, it suggests there is something deeper going on.  Has she shown signs of being less than committed prior to this?

We are both 31,  once we both got new jobs it seemed we got so consumed with that. I never questioned her loyalty. The first couple years she bragged about me it wasn’t until this year things started to fall apart a bit. Her stress levels rose mine did and then the communication started lacking. 

[flitzanu]

On 6/21/2026 at 7:36 PM, Brokenheartedman12 said:

She claimed she needed to work on herself. Although I saw the levels of stress from her job it hurts she didn’t want me by her side through it. I feel very given up on 

unfortunately this is just another variation of the excuse of "it's not you, it's me"

it just means they've checked out already and don't want to keep stringing you along when they are no longer into it.

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, Brokenheartedman12 said:

We are both 31,  once we both got new jobs it seemed we got so consumed with that. I never questioned her loyalty. The first couple years she bragged about me it wasn’t until this year things started to fall apart a bit. Her stress levels rose mine did and then the communication started lacking. 

It seems she had checked out and the stress brought that into focus for her.  

As hard as it is now to realise this, it is far better that she pulled the plug now than after you got married/had children.

Take care of you.  Time is a great healer. 

[Brokenheartedman12]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

It seems she had checked out and the stress brought that into focus for her.  

As hard as it is now to realise this, it is far better that she pulled the plug now than after you got married/had children.

Take care of you.  Time is a great healer. 

 

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

It seems she had checked out and the stress brought that into focus for her.  

As hard as it is now to realise this, it is far better that she pulled the plug now than after you got married/had children.

Take care of you.  Time is a great healer. 

Do you think she ever comes back? I’ve been nothing but loyal and supporting 

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, Brokenheartedman12 said:

 

Do you think she ever comes back? I’ve been nothing but loyal and supporting 

Let's say she comes back... Should you reconcile? Considering how deeply she hurt you, wouldn't you be scared of her doing the same thing again?

When you're ready to be in a relationship again, won't you want to be with someone who will open up to you and lean on you when she's going through difficult times (instead of distancing herself or pushing you away)?

I think it's wonderful that you're thoughtful and have so much love to give. But you should love yourself too. You should care about yourself too. You matter, @Brokenheartedman12.

[Alpacalia]

On 6/21/2026 at 5:34 PM, Brokenheartedman12 said:

It hurts so much, I feel I was given up on. I know not everyday I gave it 100% but I tried 99% of the time. I felt her grow cold. I tried harder. I was loyal and madly in love and feel my world turned upside down. I hope one day she sees that

Most people don't just up and leave without signs beforehand. Some, sure, but usually there is a slow fade first. The pulling away, the coldness you felt, the communication dropping off... those were the signs. 

You even tried harder because of them. Part of you knew something was shifting, you just didn't know it would end here.

Sometimes people check out emotionally long before they actually leave.

That's why it feels so sudden to you but maybe not to her.

[basil67]

9 hours ago, Brokenheartedman12 said:

Do you think she ever comes back? I’ve been nothing but loyal and supporting 

Has she never complained about anything you do?   

[Sanch62]

When someone distances themselves it can prompt the other to lean in more, hold on tighter, try harder, instead of letting them loose. But that just feels suffocating to the one who needs the distance, and it makes them all the more determined to push away harder.

Her final push is done. That means you need to let her go, not try harder to get her back.

Nobody who’s broken up with someone ever wants to return to the exact same relationship with the exact same person they left. The only reconciliation that can occur would be between two people who have taken the time to grow into their future selves. Then maybe someday their paths will cross and they can meet on higher ground.

Your focus can’t remain on stagnating in wait for her to return. It needs to invest in reaching your own higher ground. From there you’ll find a new perspective that you can’t fathom right now. Go pursue your best life and make yourself proud of your resilience. You will thank yourself.

[Brokenheartedman12]

16 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Most people don't just up and leave without signs beforehand. Some, sure, but usually there is a slow fade first. The pulling away, the coldness you felt, the communication dropping off... those were the signs. 

You even tried harder because of them. Part of you knew something was shifting, you just didn't know it would end here.

Sometimes people check out emotionally long before they actually leave.

That's why it feels so sudden to you but maybe not to her.

I would say definitely noticed change, I think the stresses from our jobs played a major role in the communication. The first two years were wonderful, she use to brag about me. The. She got this job and her roles became a lot more then when hired, her stress went sky high, her health declined and on top of it all so is her moms. She’s not a party girl she doesn’t go out , she barely had friends and I helped her with that. It had a lot to do with communication and sometimes I’d come with emotion rather than ration and it affected her too. The message wasn’t always directed the best way but the idea was nothing but love. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Brokenheartedman12 said:

It had a lot to do with communication and sometimes I’d come with emotion rather than ration and it affected her too.

Can you be more specific? 

What sorts of things did you say to her that upset her? 

[Brokenheartedman12]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Can you be more specific? 

What sorts of things did you say to her that upset her? 

 

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Can you be more specific? 

What sorts of things did you say to her that upset her? 

She’d bring up something that bothered her, I told her it will be okay but I also told her a solution to the problem, to advocate for herself ( she just wanted the it’s going to be okay) not the solution. 

[Brokenheartedman12]

So it’s been 11 days I texted her basically saying I guess I know where I stand. I asked for the engagement ring and clothing back. She can keep everything else including other rings and jewelry I got her. She has not answered. I don’t know what to do? I hate that this is how it is. I thought we broke up on good terms and now she’s mute? I still see her interact on my social media so I don’t quite understand ? At the end this is what she wanted so idk why I can’t get even okay or talk to you in a couple days. 

[Brokenheartedman12]

It’s been 11 days since my fiancé and I split. We had some problems and I thought we would get out of them. She’s been stressed, her health isn’t good and neither is her mom’s. I still tried to show up everyday for her. We broke up on good terms. But she did not give back the engagement ring. I had texted her asking for it along with some clothing, she still has not replied. I hate that it ended like this and really felt she was the one, what do I do from here? I’m trying to stay calm, I’ve been nice and the love is still there but after 3.5 years she treats me like I’m worthless? 

[Lauriebell82]

On 6/24/2026 at 12:25 PM, Sanch62 said:

When someone distances themselves it can prompt the other to lean in more, hold on tighter, try harder, instead of letting them loose. But that just feels suffocating to the one who needs the distance, and it makes them all the more determined to push away harder.

Nobody who’s broken up with someone ever wants to return to the exact same relationship with the exact same person they left. The only reconciliation that can occur would be between two people who have taken the time to grow into their future selves. Then maybe someday their paths will cross and they can meet on higher ground.

 

YES. An anxious attachment style + codependency. OP's now ex fiance may be avoidant or a secure turning avoidant like my ex, as the result of the anxious attachment. It creates a push pull dynamic. 

The only people who want to return to the exact same relationships are anxious types like OP and I. Because we can't handle the pain of seperation and feel so disconnected it makes us nuts. However OP-take it from me you have to let her go. I know you said she ignored your text but go NC as well. IF she reaches out in order to exchange things then fine but at this point I would not worry about the ring (yes I know it's an engagement ring and it was probably expensive but worry about you, not her) and personally seeing her will just be a huge trigger for you anyway. Again, take it from me! I know this from lots of previous experience. I'm still NC from my breakup last weekend and I will not reach out to him because I know it will reignite the cycle. I want to talk to him but I know it won't help me in the long run. I have to heal. And so do you. PM me if you need to talk. We got this! 

[stillafool]

Sorry about your breakup with your fiancé and I'm sure it must be kind of rough for you right now.  I would call her and tell her you'd like to come by and pick up your clothe and the ring.  Ask her what a good time is to do that.  

[Brokenheartedman12]

11 hours ago, stillafool said:

Sorry about your breakup with your fiancé and I'm sure it must be kind of rough for you right now.  I would call her and tell her you'd like to come by and pick up your clothe and the ring.  Ask her what a good time is to do that.  

I did, she won’t reply! Even asked if I should give her stuff to someone and nothing!!