Gebidozo Posted June 17 Posted June 17 On 6/15/2026 at 4:27 AM, Anonymous said: Am I being a bad friend? Yes, absolutely. Your analysis of the situation is so self-centered and lacks empathy to such a degree that it’s a wonder that person agreed to be your friend for such a long time in the first place. 2
Acacia98 Posted June 17 Posted June 17 On 6/16/2026 at 2:07 AM, Anonymous said: Yeah, I want to be respected. Thank you for saying I don't owe her the $500. You see, the way I was brought up is that if you made your bed you lie in it. I've worked hard. I know she has mental issues like depression that she's been dealing with. But, if she made better choices, then maybe she wouldn't be so depressed. And I was fine with how the friendship was going up until now. Am I getting what I need from it? I was, but now I'm expected to pay.. That's what gets me. The problem is not that she expects you to pay. The problem is that you're stringing her along. And that is an unkind and disrespectful thing to do to someone. Just tell her you're unable to assist her after all, and let the chips fall where they may. But you can't lie to someone (you essentially lied to her), pretend nothing has happened, and expect her to behave normally toward you when you KNOW she has struggles that you said you'd help with and she doesn't know why you changed her mind. For all she knows, maybe you resent her (which is true), or maybe you're enjoying toying with her. She asked for your help because you're a friend. People typically ask friends and family for help. As a friend, you should have told her you were not in a position to help financially. It's not too late to do that. Afterward, please leave her alone to figure out her life in the best way she can. 2
Acacia98 Posted June 17 Posted June 17 On 6/16/2026 at 2:30 AM, Sanch62 said: Oh, c’mon. You offered it, told her when you would have it for her, skipped your own deadline, and now you want to make her tap dance for it? That really stood out to me. The tap dancing bit, I mean. There's something uniquely cruel and imperious about expecting her to perform under these circumstances. @OP, kindly tell this woman that you won't be helping her. Then remove yourself from her life and stick to cultivating friendships with people who are as economically successful as you. You don't seem to have the emotional toolset (including empathy) to handle differences in life situations well. 2
Acacia98 Posted June 17 Posted June 17 (edited) On 6/16/2026 at 2:30 AM, Sanch62 said: Duplicate. Please ignore. Edited June 17 by Acacia98
Anonymous Posted June 17 Posted June 17 I called her, but there was no answer. So then I texted and she said that she noticed I had called. I said I just wanted to check up on her to find out how she was doing. She said she didn't sleep well. So I asked if she is eating and she said not much. Then I asked if she would like a visit this afternoon and she said she was too down and that she had some important calls to make. I said no problem. That's how it ended. Maybe i should have said I'd lend her the money or bring her groceries or something, but I didn't. I guess it's the end of the friendship. I don't know. I'll contact her for her birthday and see how she is, but after that I'll leave it alone and move on, as was suggested.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17 Posted June 17 7 minutes ago, Anonymous said: Maybe i should have said I'd lend her the money or bring her groceries or something, but I didn't. What is the reason you are not being upfront with her? You seem to be needlessly dragging this out. Your behaviour doesn't make a lot of sense. 1
stillafool Posted June 17 Posted June 17 (edited) If you now don't want to lend your friend the money, you owe it to her to let her know so she can make other arrangements. If you were supposed to give the money to her last week; but didn't, and are now calling to ask how she is without bringing up why you didn't come through with the money last week it's making you look like a flake. I wouldn't be surprised if she blocks you. Edited June 17 by stillafool
stillafool Posted June 17 Posted June 17 Why w On 6/15/2026 at 8:35 AM, Anonymous said: I said I could do $500. She caught me off guard. Why would you offer her $500 if you know you don't like to lend money? She didn't ask you for it, you volunteered and then didn't come through. On top of that you called her and didn't have enough respect for her to tell her what happened as to why you didn't come through with the money you promised. Now you are upset because she didn't say "love you too". Do you actually think that is fair? She was probably counting on that $500.
Anonymous Posted June 17 Posted June 17 She did ask me for money. She said she was trying to raise 5K. I said I could do $500 which was supposed to be last week. I guess I thought she'd bring it up again when we spoke on the weekend. But she didn't, so I assumed she didn't need my help anymore. Now she's distant with me, so she's obviously angry. I offered to visit her today. So I'm trying to show her that I still want to be a part of her life. But I guess she doesn't want me for me. She just wants the money. Anyway, I will contact her for her birthday and see what the vibe is.
stillafool Posted June 17 Posted June 17 41 minutes ago, Anonymous said: She did ask me for money. She said she was trying to raise 5K. I said I could do $500 which was supposed to be last week. I guess I thought she'd bring it up again when we spoke on the weekend. But she didn't, so I assumed she didn't need my help anymore. Now she's distant with me, so she's obviously angry. I offered to visit her today. So I'm trying to show her that I still want to be a part of her life. But I guess she doesn't want me for me. She just wants the money. Anyway, I will contact her for her birthday and see what the vibe is. How is telling a friend you are trying to raise $500 asking you for money? "Can you lend me $500?" is asking for money, you offered $500. When someone knows a friend is in need, they don't offer them money and then wait for them to ask again for what was already offered. That is demeaning. Of course she's angry, disappointed and probably embarrassed. I wouldn't want to see you either after this. It isn't the money, it's the principle. 1
Gebidozo Posted June 18 Posted June 18 3 hours ago, Anonymous said: But I guess she doesn't want me for me. She just wants the money. The way you tease, manipulate and string along that woman, only to engage in victim-blaming afterwards, urges me to ask you to leave her alone and perhaps seek therapy. Your entire way of interacting with her and evaluating your relationship is troubling. You must harbor some conflicting emotions you’re perhaps unaware of. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18 Posted June 18 7 hours ago, Anonymous said: I guess I thought she'd bring it up again when we spoke on the weekend. But she didn't, so I assumed she didn't need my help anymore. Come on. You know most people aren't going to press for money - she likely feels very awkward bringing it up now since you are clearly avoiding the topic. 7 hours ago, Anonymous said: I offered to visit her today. So I'm trying to show her that I still want to be a part of her life. No, you are trying to make her do backflips in part of this weird litmus test you've crafted. 7 hours ago, Anonymous said: But I guess she doesn't want me for me. She just wants the money. You realize how manipulative you're being, right? 1 1
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