Update

[Tagalz]

@ExpatInItaly and anyone else... 

My mind is seriously still stuck. I've talked to my friends too. I've been reading everyone's comment and have received lots of new perspective who I would not usually have thought of. I can see this has gained lots of views it seems. Even if my English is not my language and I still try best I can.

From what I've gathered: 

During all of this I've had time to think and gathered my thoughts. This is my thought which I hope would bring clarity to the rollercoaster of relation to this woman. Call me out if my way of thinking is wrong. You got to understand that I think she's the right person but wrong timing and I've gave it my all and wanted things to work out - that's why I'm hurted by this. I've written this before and I will again. In my relation to this girl, not only is she the right person, wrong timing but our compatibility where solely relying on that both me and her were in different stages in our life's 

Yeah I've come to terms of that she is indeed looking for a partner judging by the her updating her dating profile. Fair - we dated for about 3 months so she gave me a chance. The attraction was there and romantically as well. Otherwise we would not have kept it going for 3 months. The emotional part was not there but the intimacy was. She knew from the beginning what she were doing and even she knew were this would lead to. Why? Well she told me early on: "I don't want to lead you on" after 2 months of dating. How can she expect her feelings to grow so early? Not saying I was a rebound, I was just next on the list to fill her "Void" or she could not find better alternatives and I was just the next best options available. Before we matched she knew about me 1 week before. The football shop I was working on is close to her home and she told me she has seen me many times before the initial "Match"

I don't care about her trauma. Not my job to fix her. As many of you said that it does not do anything for me BUT the her being divorced with no kids after a 7 year long marriage is not something to take lightly and issues and baggage's DO come with that. Also does not seem like she has done the internal work and just wants to fill the void inside of her. 

What I still try to understand are, why it did take her so long to give me an explanation about her being emotionally affected by her ex? She just gave me that explanation 1/2 weeks ago. Makes me believe that from April when she broke it off to end of May she were FOR REAL trying to figure out about her feelings and what she wants with me but ended up with a conclusion to ends things wholeheartedly. I think she gave me explanation for me to move on. I still thinks that's an weak method to ends things. She uses her EX as an excuse but it could be that she were seriously not over her EX yet and I filled that empty space for her. To understand this the context is that while we were gaming she found out about her EX cheating while they were a couple back in 2025. So the fact that she WAS in the drama and talks about her EX to me would signal that she were not over her EX. One way to look at it!  

I cannot lose a girl if she were never mine to begin with. When she has issues and are emotionally unstable/unavailable that's a woman who is not ready for relationship. It can take time to "Heal" I'm not mentioning trauma. I try to see this as objectively as how it is. She used "Trauma" and her "Ex" as an excuse not to date me because she lost interest in me during the 3 months but let me ask everyone this, how come you expect someone to have a relationship when she has baggage's? 

I don't know if she dating or casually swiping. My feelings says that after she broke up with me she realised her pattern of hurting people because I got hurt so might be a chance she's taking a break and just uses dating profile to casually see if there is attractions and chemistry there. Might go on dates here and there maybe for her. 
 

Edited 5 hours ago by Tagalz

[Tagalz]

Don't know If I've written this information here but even after she gave me an explanation I've told her my feelings and said honestly that she needs to work on herself, that she needs to figure things out, that the relation was weird etc.. but I also said that: "I'll hope we can find our way back to each other if this is in a romantic way or as friends" and she replied with: "Yes <3" 

She still likes and comment on my pictures on social plattforms. Not that it matters. She's just loves to keep tabs on me 

I've come to conclusion that it's worth to give it a shot to go on run with her and have a coffee afterwards. We can talk it out and see where it goes on from there. Important to communicate our feelings and if we end up being friends it is best to communicate that too 

Edited 5 hours ago by Tagalz

[Gebidozo]

OP, your mind is way too preoccupied with this girl. You’re overthinking to the point of near obsession.

This is not the mindset of someone who is completely over her and honestly just wants to be casual friends.