Update

[Tagalz]

Hey! 

Seems like I cannot make a new post on my previous one so I will make a new thread instead.

Looking back at this I do have some thoughts. Firstly I want to thanks everyone for helping me realize that we were compatible. I do agree on this yes. Maybe not at that time since it was difficult to accept. I also want to update on what has happened since before I break down my thoughts. 

Last weekend she reached out to me on snapchat. It was the typical catch up. How she came forward was to write "My name.... is writing" to me on snap and I wrote that it must been mistake, I was out. She proceeded to write that she saw my name writing but did not see any messages. I then asked: if she were expecting any messages? and she told me no she just saw my name writing without getting any. So then I replied with: Weird but I'm writing now, did you get the message? afterwards the conversation were leading into the typical questions like how have you been, how are you etc... Since after she ended it we have had no contact for 1 month before she broke it. 

2 days later she texted me asking if I wanted to come online to play a few games and I said yes. We chatted and kept it casual, even flirted to. She said I was her "Boo-thang" But I also felt used as her therapist. She were telling me she recently found out that her ex bf (That she was in relationship with after ex husband) cheated on her with another woman. I felt used in a sense that I'm lending my ear to hear. She is just reaching out to me whenever she wants to get attention and whenever she feels like to which is not okay for me. I do know she does this because she has me on her little finger like she knows where I stand with her. 

Yesterday I decided to call it off. I cannot be friends with her. She is just playing with my feelings and she may play with others. It was a difficult message to send but I wrote; "Hey I've been thinking a bit and realized that this type of relationship is not good for me. Not because you've done anything wrong, but more because I can feel myself getting emotionally pulled into it in a way that isn't healthy for me. The best for me right now would take a distance from this. I'm not going to delete you from socials plattform but right now I need to step back from this dynamic I wish you all the best  

She replied with. I understand. That's unfortunate. I'm sorry If I hurted your feelings. It was not my intention. I replied with: "I'm not hurt. The whole situation is wrong" and she wrote: " I get that" 

1 day has gone and she sends me a snap all of a sudden hahhaa. We can clearly see that she is admitting to having hurting my feelings which is true and when she says that it was not her intention - might as well not be but one thing is for sure and that is she knew all along what she were doing! 

My thoughts: 

Besides from being incompatible, the outcome would be the same regardless if I was more confident man, setting boundaries or what not. She knew from very beginning what she were doing. She lost interesert in me as my personality, but it could very well be that she lost the interest because inside she does not know how she wants to feel and does not know what she is looking after. She met a good guy who treats her right, who is not a fck boy, who knows what he wants and then she threw that away because all she wants are to date casually and get laid with other men. I know I have treated her right as she said so. We could see signs of it as well. She asking if she can "Spare me" is in hindsight that she wants to keep my jersey warm and come back to me in case she could not find a man she is looking after. Well I'm not a person's second choice. You either choose me or the other. 

Another signal are her jumping into an relationship after her ex husband means she has not process all of this. She just want a guy for the sake of having company without any labelling. 

Her trauma is very true indeed and indeed she lied to me when she said she were not ready for relationship. Actions speaks louder than words. 

My lesson from this is to try to filter people out, to try to see what their intentions are. 

Seems like I writing lots of negative thing about her but it is of course my fault for still continuing this after she were honest about her feelings. If you're not in it then you'll never know. 

And I want to end this saying that this was extremely difficult because I'm struggling with other parts of my life and getting help from this community has been crucial. I'm not going to date for awhile before I have everything in check. 

[Tagalz]

Edit: To elaborate more on how it was to be with her. During conversation she was more dominant and talked alot. Was very difficult for me to find and open space to jump in. I'll let her finish speaking before I spoke but got interrupted alot. I think this is a matter of different communication style. Seems like she seems eager to jump into different topics here and there while I'm more of a chill guy who listen to what you have to say first then it's my turn to speak and I can speak about a topic as long as i'm tired of it. Well we have to adjust to each other but in this case it's both of our fault? 
 

Her because she interrupts me making no room for me to talk but also uses lot of energy to carry the conversation. Me because I need to adjust to her communication style

[Sanch62]

35 minutes ago, Tagalz said:

Well we have to adjust to each other but in this case it's both of our fault? 
 

Her because she interrupts me making no room for me to talk but also uses lot of energy to carry the conversation. Me because I need to adjust to her communication style

It doesn't need to be anybody's fault when a connection doesn't work out. It's just like two pieces of a puzzle that don't match. Both are equally valid, they just don't belong together.