Update

[Tagalz]

Hey! 

Seems like I cannot make a new post on my previous one so I will make a new thread instead.

Looking back at this I do have some thoughts. Firstly I want to thanks everyone for helping me realize that we were compatible. I do agree on this yes. Maybe not at that time since it was difficult to accept. I also want to update on what has happened since before I break down my thoughts. 

Last weekend she reached out to me on snapchat. It was the typical catch up. How she came forward was to write "My name.... is writing" to me on snap and I wrote that it must been mistake, I was out. She proceeded to write that she saw my name writing but did not see any messages. I then asked: if she were expecting any messages? and she told me no she just saw my name writing without getting any. So then I replied with: Weird but I'm writing now, did you get the message? afterwards the conversation were leading into the typical questions like how have you been, how are you etc... Since after she ended it we have had no contact for 1 month before she broke it. 

2 days later she texted me asking if I wanted to come online to play a few games and I said yes. We chatted and kept it casual, even flirted to. She said I was her "Boo-thang" But I also felt used as her therapist. She were telling me she recently found out that her ex bf (That she was in relationship with after ex husband) cheated on her with another woman. I felt used in a sense that I'm lending my ear to hear. She is just reaching out to me whenever she wants to get attention and whenever she feels like to which is not okay for me. I do know she does this because she has me on her little finger like she knows where I stand with her. 

Yesterday I decided to call it off. I cannot be friends with her. She is just playing with my feelings and she may play with others. It was a difficult message to send but I wrote; "Hey I've been thinking a bit and realized that this type of relationship is not good for me. Not because you've done anything wrong, but more because I can feel myself getting emotionally pulled into it in a way that isn't healthy for me. The best for me right now would take a distance from this. I'm not going to delete you from socials plattform but right now I need to step back from this dynamic I wish you all the best  

She replied with. I understand. That's unfortunate. I'm sorry If I hurted your feelings. It was not my intention. I replied with: "I'm not hurt. The whole situation is wrong" and she wrote: " I get that" 

1 day has gone and she sends me a snap all of a sudden hahhaa. We can clearly see that she is admitting to having hurting my feelings which is true and when she says that it was not her intention - might as well not be but one thing is for sure and that is she knew all along what she were doing! 

My thoughts: 

Besides from being incompatible, the outcome would be the same regardless if I was more confident man, setting boundaries or what not. She knew from very beginning what she were doing. She lost interesert in me as my personality, but it could very well be that she lost the interest because inside she does not know how she wants to feel and does not know what she is looking after. She met a good guy who treats her right, who is not a fck boy, who knows what he wants and then she threw that away because all she wants are to date casually and get laid with other men. I know I have treated her right as she said so. We could see signs of it as well. She asking if she can "Spare me" is in hindsight that she wants to keep my jersey warm and come back to me in case she could not find a man she is looking after. Well I'm not a person's second choice. You either choose me or the other. 

Another signal are her jumping into an relationship after her ex husband means she has not process all of this. She just want a guy for the sake of having company without any labelling. 

Her trauma is very true indeed and indeed she lied to me when she said she were not ready for relationship. Actions speaks louder than words. 

My lesson from this is to try to filter people out, to try to see what their intentions are. 

Seems like I writing lots of negative thing about her but it is of course my fault for still continuing this after she were honest about her feelings. If you're not in it then you'll never know. 

And I want to end this saying that this was extremely difficult because I'm struggling with other parts of my life and getting help from this community has been crucial. I'm not going to date for awhile before I have everything in check. 

[Tagalz]

Edit: To elaborate more on how it was to be with her. During conversation she was more dominant and talked alot. Was very difficult for me to find and open space to jump in. I'll let her finish speaking before I spoke but got interrupted alot. I think this is a matter of different communication style. Seems like she seems eager to jump into different topics here and there while I'm more of a chill guy who listen to what you have to say first then it's my turn to speak and I can speak about a topic as long as i'm tired of it. Well we have to adjust to each other but in this case it's both of our fault? 
 

Her because she interrupts me making no room for me to talk but also uses lot of energy to carry the conversation. Me because I need to adjust to her communication style

[Sanch62]

35 minutes ago, Tagalz said:

Well we have to adjust to each other but in this case it's both of our fault? 
 

Her because she interrupts me making no room for me to talk but also uses lot of energy to carry the conversation. Me because I need to adjust to her communication style

It doesn't need to be anybody's fault when a connection doesn't work out. It's just like two pieces of a puzzle that don't match. Both are equally valid, they just don't belong together.

[smackie9]

You need to set a stronger boundary ....completely cut her off. She is not respecting you or your set boundary...she just laying on the guilt, trying to pull you back in....she enjoys that sense of control over you and she's still F&*$ing doing it. Stop talking to her. It's bold, and it's tough, but it's so needed. 

[ShySoul]

I read this post and the previous ones. I am failing to see where she has done anything wrong or is deserving of being cut off. I see a person that has been hurt previously and is unsure of herself and her feelings. And I see a person that has been honest with you from the start and been very reasonable. 

"I understand. That's unfortunate. I'm sorry If I hurt your feelings. It was not my intention." Those are the words of a person who is trying to show she cares about you. She sent you a message because she still wants you in her life. She likes you as a friend. You have been a good person to her in a time where she needed it. You clearly got along and liked being together. She did what a mature and healthy person does when they aren't ready for a romantic relationship, you come clean and say it's not personal, it's just not the right time. You ask to remain friends because this person does mean something to you and you know being in each others life is more important than the romance. That's not wrong. Not sure if the sex continued, as that should be cut out to avoid further emotional ties. But talking to each other is still a fair and reasonable thing. 

Instead, and sorry if this is a matter of the language barrier, but it seems like the second she said she wanted to be friends, you checked out. As you said "the conversation for me was an important point for me to detach and not invest to much as she is not investing in me." You decided to "be prepared that she could end things at any point." You took her words as "I'm like a lab rabbit to her." You went right to needing to protect yourself from getting hurt and that has colored the way you view the interactions. You are seeing a person reaching out to you and working through things as using you. 

She was never using you. It's entirely possible she just isn't sure what she wants. Part of her might want to be with you. But another part is afraid to let go and actually have one. When you are torn you might not always be consistent. But she wasn't making you second choice. She isn't putting you on hold. She's trying to keep a friend, which is something everyone needs.

My first love did something similar. She had been hurt from past relationships. I was the kind gentleman who let her take her time and was always there when she needed someone to listen. She went back and forth, getting close to me than pulling away. She said we were just friends but then her actions showed different. I never thought she was using me. I never thought it was wrong. The couple times she did something upsetting, I was honest about how it hurt me and she did feel bad. Even when it ended for good, we were able to remain friends with no hard feelings.

You have nothing to feel sorry about. It isn't your fault. You actually did the right thing in still talking to her and I hope you consider continuing to talk to her. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I would say you could work on communication styles and maybe taking turns talking about things so you don't feel talked over. But I would hate to see you lose what could possible be a very nice friendship because of the tendency of people to read into actions more than is really there.

[ShySoul]

Also, something I noticed on the previous thread. 

Quote

She has a suprising snapscore of 19,000 while I have 154,063. Her usage of snap is not alot. She is not very active there in general as I've noticed. When we are together she rarely uses her phone and she has group chat with her family and work. When I send her snaps she takes days to answer, I'm talking 3/4 days and If I'm lucky she will answer within the same day or day after. She is just not prioritizing me.

She's not someone who uses snap a lot. She probably only does it with work and family because it's an obligation. That doesn't mean she's not prioritizing you, it means she isn't using it period. People have different ways they like to communicate. It's not personal, it's just what they like. I've never used Snap. I don't use social media period. I've never had X, Instagram, TikTok, or pretty much anything else. I made all of two Facebook posts back in 2008 and long ago deleted the account. I only really even text with one person, and even that has gone more to straight phone calls. That doesn't mean I don't care about people and prioritize them. It just means I prefer an email or phone call.

If one form of communication doesn't work out, try to consider the person and see what method works better for them. Maybe instead of waiting for a reply on a service you know she doesn't use much, you could have pressed a button and called her number directly?

[Tagalz]

On 5/25/2026 at 11:30 PM, ShySoul said:

I read this post and the previous ones. I am failing to see where she has done anything wrong or is deserving of being cut off. I see a person that has been hurt previously and is unsure of herself and her feelings. And I see a person that has been honest with you from the start and been very reasonable. 

"I understand. That's unfortunate. I'm sorry If I hurt your feelings. It was not my intention." Those are the words of a person who is trying to show she cares about you. She sent you a message because she still wants you in her life. She likes you as a friend. You have been a good person to her in a time where she needed it. You clearly got along and liked being together. She did what a mature and healthy person does when they aren't ready for a romantic relationship, you come clean and say it's not personal, it's just not the right time. You ask to remain friends because this person does mean something to you and you know being in each others life is more important than the romance. That's not wrong. Not sure if the sex continued, as that should be cut out to avoid further emotional ties. But talking to each other is still a fair and reasonable thing. 

Instead, and sorry if this is a matter of the language barrier, but it seems like the second she said she wanted to be friends, you checked out. As you said "the conversation for me was an important point for me to detach and not invest to much as she is not investing in me." You decided to "be prepared that she could end things at any point." You took her words as "I'm like a lab rabbit to her." You went right to needing to protect yourself from getting hurt and that has colored the way you view the interactions. You are seeing a person reaching out to you and working through things as using you. 

She was never using you. It's entirely possible she just isn't sure what she wants. Part of her might want to be with you. But another part is afraid to let go and actually have one. When you are torn you might not always be consistent. But she wasn't making you second choice. She isn't putting you on hold. She's trying to keep a friend, which is something everyone needs.

My first love did something similar. She had been hurt from past relationships. I was the kind gentleman who let her take her time and was always there when she needed someone to listen. She went back and forth, getting close to me than pulling away. She said we were just friends but then her actions showed different. I never thought she was using me. I never thought it was wrong. The couple times she did something upsetting, I was honest about how it hurt me and she did feel bad. Even when it ended for good, we were able to remain friends with no hard feelings.

You have nothing to feel sorry about. It isn't your fault. You actually did the right thing in still talking to her and I hope you consider continuing to talk to her. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I would say you could work on communication styles and maybe taking turns talking about things so you don't feel talked over. But I would hate to see you lose what could possible be a very nice friendship because of the tendency of people to read into actions more than is really there.

That is an interesting perspective! She did hurt my feelings by not offering what I want but besides that yes she has done nothing wrong and I also think it’s unfair to her off. 

I told her that I need space but that’s because I need to know if I can handle being her friends when she’s out there partying or even dating. I don’t think she does that now as she needs to figure things out. 
 

Maybe I should have not sent her a text saying I need distance? I just need it now to figure out if I can be friends with her.

 

 

[ShySoul]

7 minutes ago, Tagalz said:

That is an interesting perspective! She did hurt my feelings by not offering what I want but besides that yes she has done nothing wrong and I also think it’s unfair to her off. 

I told her that I need space but that’s because I need to know if I can handle being her friends when she’s out there partying or even dating. I don’t think she does that now as she needs to figure things out. 

Maybe I should have not sent her a text saying I need distance? I just need it now to figure out if I can be friends with her.

It's okay if you do need space. It's not easy to work out the balance of friendship and still feeling more for a person. Sometimes a break is healthy for both sides. All I'm trying to say is don't write the person off entirely. 

In my case we didn't speak for four months, but that was after she actually did do something that was pretty bad. Space was good for a time. But I always wanted to work it out and thankfully we were able to come back later and make peace. 

You don't have to stay friends if you can't emotionally handle it. Nothing wrong with that. Every person's threshold is different. Do what you feel is right for you. I just always try to be cautious about people finding fault with others and think it's best to at least keep good thoughts of a person rather than dwelling on negative thoughts.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Tagalz said:

Maybe I should have not sent her a text saying I need distance?

This was absolutely fine. 

This is not a person you really need to communicate with anymore. Your goals are different and your intentions with each other didn't line up. It's best for you to move on in all ways possible. 

[Tagalz]

8 hours ago, ShySoul said:

It's okay if you do need space. It's not easy to work out the balance of friendship and still feeling more for a person. Sometimes a break is healthy for both sides. All I'm trying to say is don't write the person off entirely. 

In my case we didn't speak for four months, but that was after she actually did do something that was pretty bad. Space was good for a time. But I always wanted to work it out and thankfully we were able to come back later and make peace. 

You don't have to stay friends if you can't emotionally handle it. Nothing wrong with that. Every person's threshold is different. Do what you feel is right for you. I just always try to be cautious about people finding fault with others and think it's best to at least keep good thoughts of a person rather than dwelling on negative thoughts.

Agree. To go from dating exclusively to friends are not that bad. Many people being in relationships for years and trying to be friends after is more difficult. I think all people are traumatized in some way or another it comes down to if the person is willing to work with it and not stand still. This is talking in general but in her case It seems she has not worked it through which is going to further damage her.. 

You’re perspective is neutral and positive.  She knew all along she was not ready and was being honest about it. It was my fault for wanting to continue. It was alot of sex which I think was the point were I caught feelings. 

Right now my feelings are towards having her as a friend. We don’t need to speak everyday. 

We have been in touch last week and week before. Now it’s silence 

She agreed to run 5km/ 5miles with me. Just need space before I reach out to her to find a date and time. 

 

[Tagalz]

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This was absolutely fine. 

This is not a person you really need to communicate with anymore. Your goals are different and your intentions with each other didn't line up. It's best for you to move on in all ways possible. 

Dating can be different depending on where you are in your country. I’ve learn that dating in you’re 30’s is difficult in a sense that people already been through alot when it comes to dating so they have their own preferances. Also women’s fertility is a questions as well. Mostly you got to see them as a friends. Many women in my country wants to have a chat and then see where it goes. 
 

I’m trying to say that I scare women away when saying I want long term. That’s maybe why me and her don’t have the same intention. I’ve learnt that it’s better to go with the flow and see where it leads rather than having intention. Not everything needs to be serious. 

Even after today I still feel I lost her because of my intention and not me lacking masculinity. 
 

Sometimes people are not compatible due to where that seperate person is in their life and me and her was that. It’s not always personal even if she felt really sorry 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Tagalz said:

She knew all along she was not ready and was being honest about it. It was my fault for wanting to continue

Eh, I don't agree that she is absolved of responsibility here. She's not a totally innocent party. 

Yes, it's true that you knew the score. However, a more upstanding and mature person wouldn't have done this, knowing she didn't want more with you:  

On 5/11/2026 at 10:41 PM, Tagalz said:

She said I was her "Boo-thang"

Sorry, but I would not give her a pass for this. She sounds self-serving and you need better boundaries in general. Both of you play a role in this mess. It's not all on you. Watch out for behaviour like in the future and ask yourself what sort of "friend" this person really is to you. It doesn't sound to me as though she has your best interests at heart here. 

[Tagalz]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Eh, I don't agree that she is absolved of responsibility here. She's not a totally innocent party. 

Yes, it's true that you knew the score. However, a more upstanding and mature person wouldn't have done this, knowing she didn't want more with you:  

Sorry, but I would not give her a pass for this. She sounds self-serving and you need better boundaries in general. Both of you play a role in this mess. It's not all on you. Watch out for behaviour like in the future and ask yourself what sort of "friend" this person really is to you. It doesn't sound to me as though she has your best interests at heart here. 

People makes mistakes and it’s normal.. some even don’t realize it until the damaged has been done like her  

Yes 100% agree with you on that one! That it’s not only her fault but mine as well. I’m equally stupid as her in this relation  

No it’s fine that you are stating your opinion and views on this! I just read the last part and I did not understand it fully.
 

Could you elaborate when you write that I need to set better boundaries? 

and what do you mean by that it doesn’t sound she has your best interest at heart here? That she wants to save me for «later» in case her next relationships fails?

[Tagalz]

I’m thinking to text her this weekend or next week. Don’t really have a plan on day and time just whenever I feel like it. Have to do what’s best for me. 
 

She agreed to run with me so I could either do that and keep it «clean» meaning I won’t speak about our relation. Just enjoy the time together.

Or I could invite her to coffee and talk about how I feel, the relation etc.. could also invite her to coffee after run as well.

My feelings now are leaning towards keeping her as a friend. So I need to prepare on what I want to say.

On top of my head I’m thinking som sort of:  Hey! I’ve been taking my distance and had time to reflect. I appreciate that you were honest with me through it all and we seem to not align on what we want which I think also was the issues combined with your EX drama. Don’t misunderstand I did not wanted to have distance because you were talking about your EX. It’s more like I still had feelings for you. Now that it has gone some time It’s fine for me to be friends. I’ve been there for you when you had a tuff period in live and I think we have lots in common we can build on and talk about. What do you think? Could you see yourself being friends?

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Tagalz said:

People makes mistakes and it’s normal.. some even don’t realize it until the damaged has been done like her

This is where my views differ. I don't think any of this was a "mistake" on her part. That would suggest she is not that intelligent and very ignorant as to how her behaviour affects others. I don't buy she's that ignorant. I just think she's selfish and wasn't that concerned with how it might affect you. That's also why I say she doesn't have your best interests at heart. If she did, she wouldn't be tossing juvenile terms of endearment at you when she knows you want more and she doesn't. That isn't mindful or respectuful of her. 

1 hour ago, Tagalz said:

Could you elaborate when you write that I need to set better boundaries? 

Sure. People with greater self-respect generally don't let people like her keep coming around when they've already been clear they don't want a relationship. But you keep running right back, trying to be "friends", twisting yourself into knots over her, trying to flirt - and you're no closer to where you really want to be with her. Women (and I am one) don't have much respect for guys who behave that way with us. We tend to just see you as a back-up option. You don't want to set yourself up for that, but that's what you'd be doing here: 

1 hour ago, Tagalz said:

keeping her as a friend

I can't really advise you there as I think it will make you look a bit desperate. Sorry, man. 
 

[Tagalz]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is where my views differ. I don't think any of this was a "mistake" on her part. That would suggest she is not that intelligent and very ignorant as to how her behaviour affects others. I don't buy she's that ignorant. I just think she's selfish and wasn't that concerned with how it might affect you. That's also why I say she doesn't have your best interests at heart. If she did, she wouldn't be tossing juvenile terms of endearment at you when she knows you want more and she doesn't. That isn't mindful or respectuful of her. 

Sure. People with greater self-respect generally don't let people like her keep coming around when they've already been clear they don't want a relationship. But you keep running right back, trying to be "friends", twisting yourself into knots over her, trying to flirt - and you're no closer to where you really want to be with her. Women (and I am one) don't have much respect for guys who behave that way with us. We tend to just see you as a back-up option. You don't want to set yourself up for that, but that's what you'd be doing here: 

I can't really advise you there as I think it will make you look a bit desperate. Sorry, man. 
 

I understand where you’re coming from now. It’s that she was «toying/playing» with my feelings all the way and that’s disrespect.. but she did apologized and felt bad for it. 

If I have understood you correctly you’re saying that I should have left this situation when she told me she was not ready for relationship? If so the reason I still gave her access is because I wanted to see if things could develop into further. I don’t want to be closer.. there is no need. I just want her as a friend and should be clearing that up as fast as possible because I don’t want to be dragged down anymore. 

I understand you’re saying that I should have self respect and to not be friends with her because that would look desperate. You’re opinion is to cut her off completely and move on

If I’m honest I’m still firm on being friends and I want to meet with her and talk

[Gebidozo]

8 hours ago, Tagalz said:

If I’m honest I’m still firm on being friends and I want to meet with her and talk

For what?

It’s not about how you look to others, which is completely unimportant. It’s about your intentions. What is it that you really want? Do you really want to be friends with her? Or are you secretly hoping that she will change and you can resume your romantic connection?

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Tagalz said:

If I’m honest I’m still firm on being friends and I want to meet with her and talk

Have at it. 

I don't think you're going to enjoy the friendship that much, nor do I think she is all that interested in being buddies, but it's your choice. It wouldn't be the one I would make, that's for sure. 

[Tagalz]

On 6/2/2026 at 5:54 AM, Gebidozo said:

For what?

It’s not about how you look to others, which is completely unimportant. It’s about your intentions. What is it that you really want? Do you really want to be friends with her? Or are you secretly hoping that she will change and you can resume your romantic connection?

No, If I'm being friends with her I would behave like a friend. I can meet up with her but questions is if she would be fine with that. I don't have any expectations she might even say "No" to be friends. I'm well aware that if we both are willing to pursue this romantically again I would need to prepare to be hurt again. I don't want anything from her being as her friend. What I'm trying to say is that It's better to be off as a friends because then the "Compatibility" part does not matter. Me an her have lots in common we can talk about wether it's on the phone, gaming together or meet up. Whatever happends, happends 

 

[Tagalz]

On 6/2/2026 at 6:49 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

Have at it. 

I don't think you're going to enjoy the friendship that much, nor do I think she is all that interested in being buddies, but it's your choice. It wouldn't be the one I would make, that's for sure. 

I'm not sure if I understand you when you mention that being friends with her is making me desperate. If my end goal is to be friends because I want to see her as a romantic partner in the future, then yeah I do look desperate but that is why I think it's healthy to communicate that I don't expect anything romantically. Just being friends is enough and I will behave that towards her. 

May I ask why you think she does not want to be friends with me? 

[Tagalz]

My plan: Me an her have already established that we want to meet each other to run but I'm in no rush for that "Meeting" I've told her that I still need to have my distance and will let her know when ready. I will keep my word about having distance now . The reason as to why I want to keep distance is to let my feelings die and to guard myself because I cannot be dragged down my this. I probably would need couple of months but there is no confirmed day or time when I will reach out. I'm feeling much better now than I did before thanks to you and my friend. 

Also I don't think she's dating other people otherwise her followers numbers on IG would go up. I have not checked her socials for a long time. I checked today after curiosity. Seems like she updated her dating profile but not any new followers on IG but she's very active on Strava.Even if she did update her dating profile it's just to go back and swipe when she's bored or to talk to those men casually. I believe that we men and women needs to talk to each other if not it would make us go crazy - meaning If I were not even talking to a women for days, weeks or month it would make me go crazy. We would loose our game, our confident maybe etc.. same with Woman I believe no? 

What I'm saying is that I think she realised after being with me that she hurted my feelings so bad that she now knows her pattern of hurting other because she was hurt by the divorce. With that being said she is now focusing on herself. Everyone has been traumatized and everyone needs to work on themself which is normal but in this case like her - she married him which they started as friends, bestfriends, Bf and GF and then they married each other. She were thinking that she was set for life, that they will have kids, living happily together and raising a child but all that has been destroyed. That must have hurted her ALOT, that she feels the emptyness and needs to fill the void by projecting her trauma to other men. Altough being sexually abused as a child and her ex husband cheating and her ex as well - her nervous system creates those pattern. More like "I got hurt, so now I hurt people" pattern. Sometimes people don't understand what they have done until the damage has been done. 

Yes her explanation of saying that she was emotionally affected by her ex without her realising it can be an excuse to not proceed things with me romantically but crazy to say. I believe in her. She would not have projected her trauma to other men if it wasn't for me. She hitting the gym, keeping her body in shape but also her mind out of it. She's now in a good path to heal. 

Edited June 3 by Tagalz

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Tagalz said:

May I ask why you think she does not want to be friends with me? 

Because she hasn't really indicated she's interested in that. The one who really wants to be friends is you. 

Anyway, I personally think you are still far too invested in her. It woud be wiser to give yourself time and space away from her, stop over-analyzing her, and focus on other things and friendships for a while. You might find you're not even that bothered about being friends once you have healed from all of this. 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Tagalz said:

Even if she did update her dating profile it's just to go back and swipe when she's bored or to talk to those men casually.

This is why friendship is a bad idea right now too. You think you know her own thoughts, feelings and intentions. You don't (none of us do, of course) You don't know why she has updated her dating profile. You're just projecting your hopes here, because the possibility that she could actually be looking for a boyfriend is too painful to face. 

[Tagalz]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Because she hasn't really indicated she's interested in that. The one who really wants to be friends is you. 

Anyway, I personally think you are still far too invested in her. It woud be wiser to give yourself time and space away from her, stop over-analyzing her, and focus on other things and friendships for a while. You might find you're not even that bothered about being friends once you have healed from all of this. 

We have different opinion it seems when it comes to this. I said that I’ll hope we can find a way back together as friends and she said yes.  I could always ask her to confirm it. 100% agree I need space and as you said maybe I find out that being friends is not for me

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is why friendship is a bad idea right now too. You think you know her own thoughts, feelings and intentions. You don't (none of us do, of course) You don't know why she has updated her dating profile. You're just projecting your hopes here, because the possibility that she could actually be looking for a boyfriend is too painful to face. 

Very true. I’m judging by that she has updated her dating profile 3 times already so it may seems like she’s desperate to find a partner or it could be that she will project trauma to next one. Remember she was being cheated on by her ex and ex husband. Even if it was a while ago it takes time for her to heal

I think time will tell

Edited June 4 by Tagalz

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Tagalz said:

I’m judging by that she has updated her dating profile 3 times already

Then I think you need to accept that she is indeed looking for a new partner. She wouldn't be updating that often if she weren't actively searching. Also, you need to stop checking her profile. 

3 hours ago, Tagalz said:

Remember she was being cheated on by her ex and ex husband.

This doesn't change anything for you, though. Yu keep repeating this as though it makes much difference, but it doesn't change the fact that she doesn't want to date you. 

3 hours ago, Tagalz said:

it could be that she will project trauma to next one

Maybe - or maybe not. I would stop telling yourself this, though, as it's not your concern and again doesn't change anything for you.

3 hours ago, Tagalz said:

100% agree I need space and as you said maybe I find out that being friends is not for me

Ask yourself if you will still want to be friends with her if you find out she is dating someone who isn't you. Will you still want to go on runs then?