No more gorgeous?

[KDJ_17]

I've been dating a guy for 5 months now. Everything was going well. When he would text me. It would be good morning, gorgeous. How are you gorgeous? What are you up to gorgeous? And then we had a disagreement via text. We didn't talk for a week. We ended up straightening things out last week and are back to normal. Although now the texts are dry, there is no more gorgeous. It's just good morning, how are you, what are you up to, I know this sounds stupid but it just feels different like more distant. Should I just give it more time? It's not like I could say Hey, why don't you call me gorgeous anymore. Thoughts?

[Wiseman2]

What was the argument about and how was it resolved? Yes give it some time for the dust to settle. 

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, KDJ_17 said:

I've been dating a guy for 5 months now. Everything was going well. When he would text me. It would be good morning, gorgeous. How are you gorgeous? What are you up to gorgeous? And then we had a disagreement via text. We didn't talk for a week. We ended up straightening things out last week and are back to normal. Although now the texts are dry, there is no more gorgeous. It's just good morning, how are you, what are you up to, I know this sounds stupid but it just feels different like more distant. Should I just give it more time? It's not like I could say Hey, why don't you call me gorgeous anymore. Thoughts?

I’m hyper-sensitive to words just like you are.  I don’t think there is anything wrong in asking casually, maybe jokingly (“Hey, what happened to ‘gorgeous’?”) as long as you don’t smother your partner with incessant inquiries.

Sometimes the change of words really means nothing, sometimes it’s a symptom of something serious. The much more important issue here is your argument. What did you disagree about? Why in text (arguing in text is a terrible idea)? Not talking at all for a week seems like a bit much, it might have taken its toll on your relationship.

[FredEire]

It sounds like it could be a slow ghost. If your gut says something has changed, it probably has.

[Sony12]

It's hard to say completely without knowing exactly what the disagreement was about. But often when there is a change in communication patterns it means there is a change in interest levels.

[Wiseman2]

He still seems sore and the argument, so although you think it's straightened out, there seems to be residual resentment. 

[SunnySide0418]

42 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He still seems sore and the argument, so although you think it's straightened out, there seems to be residual resentment. 

Agreed. It definitely changed something. It seemed normal Friday agreed we were together last.  I'll give it a week and see what happens.  I can't force him to feel something he doesn't. 

[SunnySide0418]

4 hours ago, Sony12 said:

It's hard to say completely without knowing exactly what the disagreement was about. But often when there is a change in communication patterns it means there is a change in interest levels.

That's the thing,  it wasn't even an argument.. we were texting and I felt he was being vague. I made the sparky comment that I see my place and apparently that turned him off and we didn't talk for a week.  He didn't call or text me and I didn't call or text him.  I finally reached out and he said he thought my comment was bratty and made it seem that what we had was less than.  Total misunderstanding via text. He apologized for going radio silent and we hung out Friday. He just not being the same communication wise. 

[SunnySide0418]

11 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I’m hyper-sensitive to words just like you are.  I don’t think there is anything wrong in asking casually, maybe jokingly (“Hey, what happened to ‘gorgeous’?”) as long as you don’t smother your partner with incessant inquiries.

Sometimes the change of words really means nothing, sometimes it’s a symptom of something serious. The much more important issue here is your argument. What did you disagree about? Why in text (arguing in text is a terrible idea)? Not talking at all for a week seems like a bit much, it might have taken its toll on your relationship.

He's going away for Easter with his kid.  Of no improvement I'll have to tell him and move on.  I like him but this doesn't feel good. 

[ZA Dater]

12 minutes ago, SunnySide0418 said:

He's going away for Easter with his kid.  Of no improvement I'll have to tell him and move on.  I like him but this doesn't feel good. 

As with most things it's often better to sit down face to face and discuss. If you like him it might be well worth trying to resolve.

[Gaeta]

41 minutes ago, SunnySide0418 said:

That's the thing,  it wasn't even an argument.. we were texting and I felt he was being vague. I made the sparky comment that I see my place and apparently that turned him off and we didn't talk for a week

That's worse than an argument. He was vague and instead of having a conversation about it you made a *kill the love* comment. 

Acknowledging your fault would be a good start. 

I find if you feel the need to make passive agressive  comments after 5 months dating then you're not with the right partner.

[SunnySide0418]

46 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

That's worse than an argument. He was vague and instead of having a conversation about it you made a *kill the love* comment. 

Acknowledging your fault would be a good start. 

I find if you feel the need to make passive agressive  comments after 5 months dating then you're not with the right partner.

I did apologize and acknowledge my fault.  I'm not looking to get married.  But he's Mr. Right now and I like him 

Edited March 26 by SunnySide0418

[Wiseman2]

5 months is the getting to know you period and apparently you were upset about something making that remark. Pay attention to your feelings. Also you've seen that radio silence is his response, so while he's away, reevaluate if you're compatible. 

[SunnySide0418]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

5 months is the getting to know you period and apparently you were upset about something making that remark. Pay attention to your feelings. Also you've seen that radio silence is his response, so while he's away, reevaluate if you're compatible. 

Great advice. Thank you.  I will do that.  The problem when someone goes radio silent and not discuss things is I am left wondering all the time what he's thinking.  Kind of sucks

[Lotsgoingon]

17 hours ago, KDJ_17 said:

I know this sounds stupid but it just feels different like more distant. Should I just give it more time? It's not like I could say Hey, why don't you call me gorgeous anymore. Thoughts?

Yes you can say hey, what happened to the "gorgeous"?  In fact, you have to do that! And there's nothing stupid about your reaction at all. 

To back up, you guys had an argument. Let's correct that: a MAJOR argument. Not talking for one week in a five-month relationship--that's a big deal.  I'm not sure you're getting that. You say you guys have straightened things out. What does that mean? You don't straighten out an argument like that by snapping your fingers. Clearly someone (or both of you) felt extremely unhappy--even mad--otherwise, you don't stop talking for a week. A week of no contact is closer to breakup territory than "straightening out" territory. 

Some people just back off in an argument.

Some people, wanting to be positive, put on a reconciling face (I've done this) while inside, they are not feeling secure or good about the relationship. In other words, the argument is NOT really resolved to their satisfaction. They just try to declare peace and move on---without having really come to terms with what the conflict was about. It would help to discuss what the conflict was about if you want better feedback from us.  

Anyone in your position should notice the change in how he greets you.  That's a red flag that he’s either still angry at you or unhappy about how things got "resolved." Far from being stupid, you reaction and concern is quite smart--if only you can see that. 

When couples really work things out, they feel closer than before, more tender in reconciling and learning each other's sore spots. You have to talk to him about the change in language. Someone earlier gave you good wording for this. But more, you have to deal with the conflict. News to you: you guys didn't "straighten" things out. 

There is a very good chance he’s in the process of breaking with you.

 

Edited March 26 by Lotsgoingon

[SunnySide0418]

29 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Yes you can say hey, what happened to the "gorgeous"?  In fact, you have to do that! And there's nothing stupid about your reaction at all. 

To back up, you guys had an argument. Let's correct that: a MAJOR argument. Not talking for one week in a five-month relationship--that's a big deal.  I'm not sure you're getting that. You say you guys have straightened things out. What does that mean? You don't straighten out an argument like that by snapping your fingers. Clearly someone (or both of you) felt extremely unhappy--even mad--otherwise, you don't stop talking for a week. A week of no contact is closer to breakup territory than "straightening out" territory. 

Some people just back off in an argument.

Some people, wanting to be positive, put on a reconciling face (I've done this) while inside, they are not feeling secure or good about the relationship. In other words, the argument is NOT really resolved to their satisfaction. They just try to declare peace and move on---without having really come to terms with what the conflict was about. It would help to discuss what the conflict was about if you want better feedback from us.  

Anyone in your position should notice the change in how he greets you.  That's a red flag that he’s either still angry at you or unhappy about how things got "resolved." Far from being stupid, you reaction and concern is quite smart--if only you can see that. 

When couples really work things out, they feel closer than before, more tender in reconciling and learning each other's sore spots. You have to talk to him about the change in language. Someone earlier gave you good wording for this. But more, you have to deal with the conflict. News to you: you guys didn't "straighten" things out. 

There is a very good chance he’s in the process of breaking with you.

 

I definitely feel as if he's going to break up with me.  I did mention to him that I felt he was being distant and he said he didn't see it.  How can he not? I'm not an idiot. 

[Mrin]

Three thoughts:

1) This story is a reminder to all of us dudes how aware many women are of slight changes in our behavior. I once dated a woman who would be like, "you're breathing differently. What's going on?". And she was always spot on.

 

2) Bring it up. Obviously, you enjoy the routine and the pet name. It would be good for him to know that. If roles were reversed and some change you made was making him feel unwanted/unloved, wouldn't you want to know?

 

3) When you're bringing it up, why don't you ask that very question. He may be reacting to something in your behavior. And... Given your pessimistic mindset right now, you actually might be throwing off prickly vibes as a defense mechanism and not even know it.

Edited March 26 by Mrin

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, SunnySide0418 said:

That's the thing,  it wasn't even an argument.. we were texting and I felt he was being vague. I made the sparky comment that I see my place and apparently that turned him off and we didn't talk for a week.  He didn't call or text me and I didn't call or text him.  I finally reached out and he said he thought my comment was bratty and made it seem that what we had was less than.  Total misunderstanding via text. He apologized for going radio silent and we hung out Friday. He just not being the same communication wise. 

Why do I get the feeling that when you made the passive aggressive comment about his being vague, you actually hit the nail on the head? Maybe he was already starting to pull away or contemplating it, and your comment put him on the defensive.

 

[smackie9]

Well the way I see it, you both don't know how to handle things like adults...snarky comment? Why not approach it with "What you said made me feel uncomfortable, you having a bad day? Want to talk about it? What can I do to help?" 

IMO when someone stonewalls you for a week is ripe for booting to the curb. Such terrible behavior. Just end it. 

Edited March 26 by smackie9

[Wiseman2]

Please don't ask him what happened to "gorgeous". It sounds desperate and won't result in anything worthwhile. You've already men your concerns about being vague and distant. Step back. 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, SunnySide0418 said:

I did apologize and acknowledge my fault.  I'm not looking to get married.  But he's Mr. Right now and I like him 

Mr. Right now aren't meant to stay. They leave when they're ready to explore something else. 

It is possible you want  more than a temporary relationship? Was he being vague because you were asking questions on where he stands in this relationship? Because your remark afterward was that 'you knew your place' as in  you know you're not a 'girlfriend'?

All this is vague, would you please give us more details. 

[Alpacalia]

43 minutes ago, Mrin said:

Three thoughts:

1) This story is a reminder to all of us dudes how aware many women are of slight changes in our behavior. I once dated a woman who would be like, "you're breathing differently. What's going on?". And she was always spot on.

 

That's gold.🤩 I notice that with my friends and family as well. I'm like, "What's up, meg?" And she's like, "I'm going through it, Alpacia."😂

If he's holding back his "wubby-dubby talk," following an argument, apparently something is still bugging him.

Show him you're still his honey. Tell him, "I'm sorry for being brattie. When you come over next time, a brattieboard is waiting for you."

Not that it matters if he is going to break up with you anyway. He may have already checked out about something completely different.

[SunnySide0418]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please don't ask him what happened to "gorgeous". It sounds desperate and won't result in anything worthwhile. You've already men your concerns about being vague and distant. Step back. 

I wouldn't ask him about gorgeous.  I'd feel like an idiot! He's obviously not feeling something he used to feel.  Define stepping back? 

[Lotsgoingon]

55 minutes ago, Mrin said:

Three thoughts:

1) This story is a reminder to all of us dudes how aware many women are of slight changes in our behavior. I once dated a woman who would be like, "you're breathing differently. What's going on?". And she was always spot on.

Ditto the previous praise for this insight. OMG. Totally on the money.

I do think there is a reverse dynamic as well. Guys miss out that when a woman suddenly goes a bit quiet or withdrawn or not interested in touch that something is up with her!

[SunnySide0418]

12 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Mr. Right now aren't meant to stay. They leave when they're ready to explore something else. 

It is possible you want  more than a temporary relationship? Was he being vague because you were asking questions on where he stands in this relationship? Because your remark afterward was that 'you knew your place' as in  you know you're not a 'girlfriend'?

All this is vague, would you please give us more details. 

It's not that I want a temporary relationship.  I just don't want marriage.  Been there,  done that.  I was not asking where we stand in our relationship.  He was saying he is going to therapy,  I asked why, he said I don't want to repeat past mistakes.  I said that's kind of vague,  he said vague how blah blah blah, I said OK,  I know my place. That was basically it.  It was via text.  Once we talked about it he said he doesn't want to repeat past mistakes such as financial, parenting, relationships ... I was only looking for that.  Not every nitty gritty detail. We got together Friday and had a nice time,  poor so I thought...