Ami1uwant Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 6 minutes ago, flitzanu said: one of these days, when i have time to dedicate to this, i'll tell you the one story that goes against all the very valid opinions on here. that someone from our "childhood" and 20 years ago is romanticising and a fairy tale, and they aren't even the same person anymore. it's true. except when it isn't. i've fought and struggled with this exact same notion, for about the same time (since about 2002), always having her in the back of my mind, never being able to make my heart stop feeling. i truly thought about (recently) seeking therapy to be still thinking so deeply of someone like that. well, she came back. and somehow, it is exactly the same, both of us are, and always have been, and the pain that i felt for 20 years? turns out she was doing the same, and believing she was crazy and it was stupid to think any of it was real. never believe in "the exceptions" and especially never believe your story is different, because i fought for decades convincing myself that my story wasn't unique and that i was just insane, and somehow it turned out that this particular time, it is the exception. so yes, "bucket" exists, and also "bucket" is a fairy tale. I can see that happening pre text/ social media because you lose contact with someone. With various social media it’s easier to keep in touch and reconnect. I have a belief that there is a window of opportunity for a relationship. If you don’t make the jump it’s very very hard to get it. It means you taking a risk of friendship over a relationship Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 (edited) This is a man that you said broke it off and came back, then he broke it off again. Then he moved away and you never heard from him once he moved. He blocked you and that was truly the end. For you, you had hearts and flowers feelings for him. That sounds more to me as your desire to be loved and wanted by someone. Then when it ended for you, you were left with that desire to be wanted and back to that dumping feeling you feel now. In a sense. You were dumped by him twice and that desire to be wanted kicks in. I believe that it is possible to have more than one "Bucket" in a lifetime. Each relationship is unique and brings joy, love, and passion in different ways. Just because someone may remind you of that one person you had an intense connection with, doesn't mean they will be a mere replacement for them. Give this current relationship the chance to grow and evolve into its own special, unique dynamic. Edited March 22 by Alpacalia 2 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 The people that are really lucky are those where the Earls of the world are their Bucket! 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted March 25 Author Share Posted March 25 On 3/22/2024 at 2:43 PM, Alpacalia said: This is a man that you said broke it off and came back, then he broke it off again. Then he moved away and you never heard from him once he moved. He blocked you and that was truly the end. For you, you had hearts and flowers feelings for him. That sounds more to me as your desire to be loved and wanted by someone. Then when it ended for you, you were left with that desire to be wanted and back to that dumping feeling you feel now. In a sense. You were dumped by him twice and that desire to be wanted kicks in. I believe that it is possible to have more than one "Bucket" in a lifetime. Each relationship is unique and brings joy, love, and passion in different ways. Just because someone may remind you of that one person you had an intense connection with, doesn't mean they will be a mere replacement for them. Give this current relationship the chance to grow and evolve into its own special, unique dynamic. Yes. Absolutely. He was the a*****e not me. We all have things in our pasts that still haunt us but he didn't want to get past his and I did. I would not compare my man now with Bucket because he's a different person and I am now as well. I cry still thinking of Bucket (like I am now, just the mention of him now makes me) but I did the right thing turning him away when he tried to come back years ago. Life is complicated. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 Why do you cry over Bucket? Have you done any therapy to get over him? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted March 25 Author Share Posted March 25 8 hours ago, basil67 said: Why do you cry over Bucket? Have you done any therapy to get over him? I have been in for the last 25 years. That was actually one of the reasons he broke it off - because I told him I saw / see a psychiatrist. I see a shrink for many reasons. Life is complicated. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 14 hours ago, mortensorchid said: Yes. Absolutely. He was the a*****e not me. We all have things in our pasts that still haunt us but he didn't want to get past his and I did. I would not compare my man now with Bucket because he's a different person and I am now as well. I cry still thinking of Bucket (like I am now, just the mention of him now makes me) but I did the right thing turning him away when he tried to come back years ago. Life is complicated. I'm so sorry that he treated you like that and that you're still hurting from it. It sounds like you made the best decision for yourself at the time and I hope you continue to heal and find happiness in your current relationship. I totally relate to the bucket thing. I broke it off with someone after they made a rude comment and there was always this little 10% of me that still missed them years after it ended. But it sounds like you've really done the right thing to prioritize your own well-being and happiness over trying to rekindle something with him. That can be hard but it's so important. I'm always so grateful to read these happy updates about your amazing current relationship now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 12 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I have been in for the last 25 years. That was actually one of the reasons he broke it off - because I told him I saw / see a psychiatrist. I see a shrink for many reasons. Life is complicated. I'm so sorry that you fell in love with a guy who was so judgmental. How awful of him. Are you able to turn your previous love for him into disdain? Because that's all he's worthy of. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 13 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I have been in for the last 25 years. That was actually one of the reasons he broke it off - because I told him I saw / see a psychiatrist. I see a shrink for many reasons. Life is complicated. Your past “Bucket” sounds like a very poor receptacle of “bucketness”. You might be just nostalgically infatuated with a romantic past. It’s your own feelings you are missing, not him. You aren’t longing for him; you’re longing to experience your own emotions again. Remove that miserable excuse of a “Bucket” from your memory and try to kindle the fire of “bucketness” within your current relationship. Turn your current “earlish” man into a real Bucket for yourself. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted March 27 Author Share Posted March 27 I realize there are a lot of reasons for it - be it nostalgia, youth, hope, etc. But the primary reason is what motivates all of us to do the things that we do : We want to be loved. And when you don't get love from others (or a certain person) it frustrates us. I am older now and far more mature (at least I'd like to think). When you get together with someone, you can't expect it to be better or the same as it was with someone past, because this is a different person than the past one(s) and this is a different experience. He was not perfect, he was cowardly and self centered and he had his own issues from his past (which I won't get into here). And this is the case with many things in our past - just because this / that happened in the past doesn't mean that you have to resign yourself to being the same or to be living under a black cloud. We have to have hope, and hope is all we have sometimes. Someday, somehow it can happen, and that could happen to you. You have to believe that. Positivity. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 On 3/24/2024 at 10:11 PM, mortensorchid said: I cry still thinking of Bucket (like I am now, just the mention of him now makes me) but I did the right thing turning him away when he tried to come back years ago. Yes you did the right thing and you are a strong woman for being able to leave him behind. You are strong for acknowledging you need(ed) the help of a professional and actually seeking and sticking with it for years. Bravo to you! I am sure sometimes your head goes back there often and then you have long periods it doesn't. You probably have triggers. You will be alright. Concentrate on your man and at creating memories and unique experiences with him. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Esteban Posted March 30 Share Posted March 30 When we're younger romance and passion can be more intense and it can be hard to recreate that strength of feeling when we're older but that doesn't mean the relationships are less good. A first love seems to stay with us a bit more than it should. It's certainly possible to have two Buckets, but it seems more common for there to be only one. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 31 Share Posted March 31 6 hours ago, Esteban said: When we're younger romance and passion can be more intense and it can be hard to recreate that strength of feeling when we're older but that doesn't mean the relationships are less good. A first love seems to stay with us a bit more than it should. It's certainly possible to have two Buckets, but it seems more common for there to be only one. It’s definitely possible to have two or more Buckets. I once thought that nothing could compare to that “bucketess” from almost 30 years ago, but my current relationship is even more “buckety” than that one! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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