Perspective

[ExpatInItaly]

33 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I go walking yesterday, see someone who I greet, not only she does not greet she actually looks away.

Come on. 

You can't expect a random woman on the street to feel open to this. I get greeted by strange men with some frequency and it makes me uncomfortable because it has opened the wrong doors in the past. So, I generally don't respond to this now. 

You look for every opportunity to be offended. 

[basil67]

49 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Then I'll pay the price for sticking to what I want. I guess people who date don't settle because they eventually fall in love with someone but for those who struggle to generate any mutual attraction, my guess is many get so desperate they just accept whoever will have them. Am I wrong?

I wasn't talking about dating and romantic relationships.  I was talking about you complaining about being old and alone while also refusing to make friends with ordinary men and women.  

Edited May 2 by basil67

[basil67]

52 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You look for every opportunity to be offended. 

Yes, and he demonstrates complete lack of being able to put himself in the shoes of another

Edited May 2 by basil67

[ZA Dater]

26 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yes, and he demonstrates complete lack of being able to put himself in the shoes of another

Frankly I cannot think of any reason why someone would not greet, I greet people all the time. The above is also completely untrue, if anything I tend to put the wants of others above my own all the time.

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

If by "random people" you mean beautiful women, of course ignoring you (and the other men who greet her) will happen most of the time.  She's sick and tired of it and you're just another annoying man who's objectifying her.   Don't make this about you when she's the one who's being bothered by strangers far too often.  I know a beautiful young woman who gets greeted and approached by men (young and old) multiple times a day...she's sick and tired of it but you don't seem to have empathy for her.   Instead, you make it all about you

Try saying 'good morning' to an old lady as you walk past.  She's likely feeling invisible these days and it will make her day to be acknowledged.   

 

I really do not think people get objectified but having said that if you appear on IG posting endless pictures of your holiday, wearing very little then I guess a person could get objectified. Again what is the point of being superficially attractive but intellectually less so, I maintain its actually very easy to find someone physically attractive, its much more difficult to find someone who is attractive, has their life together, carries themselves with class, has a good job, warm personality and ambition in life.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Frankly I cannot think of any reason why someone would not greet

We outlined it above for you. 

I am not sure we can spell it out more clearly, to be honest. 

[Weezy1973]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

…its much more difficult to find someone who is attractive, has their life together, carries themselves with class, has a good job, warm personality and ambition in life.

And you’ve admitted you don’t fit the above description either. You would have no interest in dating yourself. 

[basil67]

13 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Frankly I cannot think of any reason why someone would not greet, I greet people all the time. The above is also completely untrue, if anything I tend to put the wants of others above my own all the time.

You only put other people's needs above your own if they are pretty women. 

I spelled out why someone would not greet you.  But here it is again:   If someone doesn't respond to a hello, it's not about you.  They are probably having a bad day, or their dog just died, or they are lost in their own world.  Or if she is attractive, she's found that not engaging with strangers helps stop unwanted advances.  

And you didn't respond to my question of whether you greet men or unattractive women.  I also greet people, I greet pretty much whoever is passing me when I walk up the street....except for teenagers who would probably be mortified

[basil67]

19 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I really do not think people get objectified but having said that if you appear on IG posting endless pictures of your holiday, wearing very little then I guess a person could get objectified. Again what is the point of being superficially attractive but intellectually less so, I maintain its actually very easy to find someone physically attractive, i

WTF? 

We're not talking about IG selfies.  We are talking about you only acknowledging women who are pretty or attractive BEFORE you know if they are smart.  And that you likely don't greet old ladies and men or mothers with their babies. 

And what do you mean by the bolded?   Looks and intelligence are not related and there is no "point" to genetics. 

"Its much more difficult to find someone who is attractive, has their life together, carries themselves with class, has a good job, warm personality and ambition in life"  Says the guy who doesn't have his own s*** together in this respect.  Do not judge those who are no better than yourself

Edited May 2 by basil67

[ZA Dater]

3 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

And you’ve admitted you don’t fit the above description either. You would have no interest in dating yourself. 

I actually do fit the above description pretty well for the most part. Admittedly my face does me no favors so that mostly rules me out completely. Doggedly I am not going to go back to OLD ever again which sort of means my opportunity to meet anyone is next to zero. There is a lady behind the counter at the local coffee shop I go to who is very friendly, probably overly so but there is no real attraction though she does have a very vibey personality. Alas there is a significant height difference and I am not going down that road again.

For me whatever I do, so long as I can say I have tried I can take some degree of comfort, the problem with dating is there is no real way to improve the things which matter and heck even when I do by some miracle find someone I enjoy spending time with, there is inevitably something else "wrong" with me which puts me out of the running.

You cannot believe how irritating it is to go on  date after date with people where there is no real attraction, no real interest, very little of interest to talk about, here is a good example

'''is there any place on your bucket list to travel, I have always wanted to go to Bora Bora'

Blank stares. 

Honestly I feel like I need to dumb myself down when I go on dates, spending a few hours with the latest interest, I could be me, she is super smart, has good general knowledge and has passions in life. People I meet are seemingly passionate about nothing and sure I guess ''she was nervous' gets trotted out. Sorry I really do not buy that, its easy to talk about passions and it says a lot about the person and their character.

[ZA Dater]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

 

"Its much more difficult to find someone who is attractive, has their life together, carries themselves with class, has a good job, warm personality and ambition in life"  Says the guy who doesn't have his own s*** together in this respect.  Do not judge those who are no better than yourself

I do not lack ambition by any measure and no I cant change my genetically ugly face.

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I do not lack ambition by any measure and no I cant change my genetically ugly face.

Exactly my point.  Of all those traits you seek, ambition is the only thing you can acknowledge having yourself

[Weezy1973]

6 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I do not lack ambition by any measure and no I cant change my genetically ugly face.

In your own words, you’re not attractive and you’re not warm. You describe yourself as the opposite. So again, you would not date you. 

[basil67]

10 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

''is there any place on your bucket list to travel, I have always wanted to go to Bora Bora'

They might be doing the awkward pause because your social skills are lacking.  For starters, when you ask a question, you should pause at the question mark and let them answer.  Don't make the question about you

[ZA Dater]

Just now, basil67 said:

They might be doing the awkward pause because your social skills are lacking.  For starters, when you ask a question, you should pause at the question mark and let them answer.  Don't make the question about you

Obviously I waited for them to answer the question which mostly gets blank responses most of the time and at this point I just switch off and write the date off completely. At least I stopped wasting money on dinners where this happened because I'd need to sit through an hour or more of whatever conversation.

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I do by some miracle find someone I enjoy spending time with, there is inevitably something else "wrong" with me which puts me out of the running.

This is like how you rule out the woman at the cafe because she's short.   Plenty (most!) men date shorter women because women tend to be genetically shorter than men.  My daughter and I are both taller than our partners, but we are an anomaly.

This is all karma coming back to you 

[basil67]

Just now, ZA Dater said:

Obviously I waited for them to answer the question which mostly gets blank responses most of the time and at this point I just switch off and write the date off completely. At least I stopped wasting money on dinners where this happened because I'd need to sit through an hour or more of whatever conversation.

Perhaps they are content where they live.  What travelling have you done?  

[ZA Dater]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

This is like how you rule out the woman at the cafe because she's short.   Plenty (most!) men date shorter women because women tend to be genetically shorter than men.  My daughter and I are both taller than our partners, but we are an anomaly.

This is all karma coming back to you.

Why should I date someone shorter when there are taller people? 

[ZA Dater]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Perhaps they are content where they live.  What travelling have you done?  

Once again it points to a lack of interest in the world around them. For me, it does not matter if she is a world famous model a lack of interest in the world is a total red flag. 

[Weezy1973]

9 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Why should I date someone shorter when there are taller people? 

It’s pretty simple. The more “requirements” you have, the fewer compatible people there are to date. If height is not a factor one way or the other, your options go up.

 

But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. Short women that you find attractive won’t want to date you any more than tall women that you find attractive. You wouldn’t even date yourself.

[ZA Dater]

14 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

It’s pretty simple. The more “requirements” you have, the fewer compatible people there are to date. If height is not a factor one way or the other, your options go up.

 

But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. Short women that you find attractive won’t want to date you any more than tall women that you find attractive. You wouldn’t even date yourself.

Yes and having no requirements is simply settling. I have met enough people I know what I find attractive and what I do not, hence the "requirements" and I can tell you I feel a lot better not sitting on dating apps looking at unattainable and better yet to not get matched with people I do not find attractive. Its made a big difference. 

Inherently in  every single thing I do, I am chasing the seemingly impossible, if something is easy I inherently am not interested.

So yes for me I am always chasing experiences which make me feel good, company which makes me feel good and inspire. I'd love to take someone for a really good Italian dinner, I'd experience life with someone, yes I had some of these with my ex but there was never that physical attraction which is probably why it all fell apart in the end. I like to be challenged, find someone who makes me want to be better, do more, open up more. 

I've give up on  all of that but every so often there is someone who makes me want it again.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Once again it points to a lack of interest in the world around them. For me, it does not matter if she is a world famous model a lack of interest in the world is a total red flag. 

And again, what travelling have you done?  With all this world interest, I would expect you to be well travelled

[basil67]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Why should I date someone shorter when there are taller people? 

OK, so height discrimination is fine.  So I guess you're also very understanding that the 5'8 women may hold out for guys who are over 6'? 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

I like to be challenged, find someone who makes me want to be better, do more, open up more. 

So you can only be your best self if you have a partner who makes you want to be that best self?   And here you are trying to tell us that you're ambitious....

Will you just listen to yourself?  Can you really not see why women aren't attracted to you?  Seriously, your problems are far more than skin deep.  Perhaps you're best off going back to incel groups...they will give you the affirmation that the women are the problem and you are just fine and then you can carry on blaming everyone else

[SoulCat]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

 

Someone asked why my confidence is low, here is a good example, I go walking yesterday, see someone who I greet, not only she does not greet she actually looks away. Water off a duck's back but it's telling.

Oh, get the absolute **** out of here with this sort of ridiculous nonsense!

Random women on your daily constitutional are NOT responsible for your confidence levels, they are NOT required to interact with some strange man just because he's decided that she's attractive enough for him to accost her.
You are not EVER entitled to someone's time and attention like that.

NOT EVER.