whatwentwrong Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I am at 30 years together 21 married and my husband left 10 days ago for a trial separation with him promising only a slight chance of reconciliation. The advise I have been given is to let him go and not have any contact with him accept if needed about the children as I have a 19, 15, and 10 yr old. I have also been told not to help in any way. I have been told to get going and have as good a time as possible, stop acting needy or desperate even though that is how you feel. My best resource to recommend and i will use it if I get a chance with my husband, Harville Hendrix Getting the Love you Need or something like that. There are courses in this imago type of therapy and I think it sounds great. There is probably on available in your area. PS My husband has lost weight and looks great and he too says there is no one else. I will send positive thoughts your way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quickie Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Haven't contributed for a while. Have now seperated, and did so as soon as xmas parties etc were over. Have only so far told our grown up kids that we are seperated, it's a secret from everyone else so far. Hopefully the rift will heal before too long and before too many people have to know. Should be reviewing at the end of the month, and absolute limit is six months. My wife has now moved out to her brother's spare room, I have stayed in the family home with eldest daughter. I helped her to move, and in fact am helping as much as I can. We are in regular contact. Have had a couple of evenings out and she came over to cook the family lunch last Sunday. Meeting tomorrow for an official function, where we will attend as man and wife. It's all very strange to say the least. My main emotion, up until Tuesday was anger, though that has now subsided, I think since a long chat with her on Tuesday evening. Kids have been a great help. Must say that we are still talking, via email, phone and in person, and after the first couple of days, that side of things feels normal. Sorry to hear about you problems whatwentwrong. Can't offer any help since I have failed to keep my own marriage together, and the seperation is still very new. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Thanks for update! Your thread generated a lot of interest. Are you still in marriage counseling? Is that going well? And what are you learning about what happened and how things got to be this way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quickie Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 We won't be marriage counselling until next month. Things move very slowly in the UK, so we are no closer to finding out how things got this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 You can start working on the marriage counseling thing on your own by taking the emotional needs inventory on http://www.marriagebuilders.com and talking about it one night over dinner. That might be helpful. My husband and I spend about 1 1/2 hrs. every week or two (as time allows) just reading the site together and talking about it. I'm always amazed and so is he that we've been together 1/4 of a century and didn't have any idea that the other felt the way they do. This helps us know what to take into marriage counseling (we only meet 1-2x/mth) with regard to where we're at an impasse and need an outsider's help. Link to post Share on other sites
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