d0nnivain Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 Please get an STD test. Then go see your lawyer as planned. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 You didn’t cause her to cheat. She cheated because she could. that’s only on her. Do NOT take responsibility for her behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 9 Share Posted February 9 (edited) On 2/7/2024 at 10:36 PM, USMC556 said: . She begged me not to tell friends and family, I told her if she leaves my pensions alone then we cant broach the topic through attorneys. Please consult an attorney asap for advice, information, support and help navigating all this. Please only discuss this privately and confidentiality with your attorney. Please avoid DIY or pre-divorce off the cuff discussions. For example coercing her about division of martial assets and pensions through extortion, could severely backfire and give her more ammunition against you. In some jurisdictions it's illegal and could completely tank your case. Unfortunately infidelity isn't illegal even if it is a common precipitation for divorce. Toe the line, keep your cool and serve things up in legally bulletproof ways. Edited February 9 by Wiseman2 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMC556 Posted February 10 Author Share Posted February 10 Update: Had a productive discussion with the attorney today. She agreed that we are going to push for her not to go after my pensions. To my knowledge, my STBX has not retained an attorney. The paperwork is being drawn up and she will be served. I asked her to leave the house, she complied. She still wants to reconcile, I told her no. In fact, I did one better. I met up with an old coworker who I used to work with who is with another agency, had drinks and she came back to my house. We made love. I don't feel guilty, I feel relieved. In fact we took a selfie in bed together, nothing crazy and I sent it to my soon to be ex. Karma sucks. Now she knows how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 I think sending the picture was a bad move. She now can claim that you both cheated. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 I don't know why you felt the need to lower yourself to her level to make a point. Moving on with your integrity intact would have been a better vengeance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMC556 Posted February 10 Author Share Posted February 10 1 hour ago, Bryanp said: I think sending the picture was a bad move. She now can claim that you both cheated. It really doesn't matter does it? Most have pointed out that infidelity rarely plays a role in divorce proceedings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMC556 Posted February 10 Author Share Posted February 10 54 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I don't know why you felt the need to lower yourself to her level to make a point. Moving on with your integrity intact would have been a better vengeance. She felt the need to emasculate me in a horrible manner, now she knows how it feels. Juvenile yes, necessary absolutely. Now she knows that I will not pine and cry over her and she is replaceable. Her actions had consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 (edited) 37 minutes ago, USMC556 said: She felt the need to emasculate me in a horrible manner, now she knows how it feels. Juvenile yes, necessary absolutely. Now she knows that I will not pine and cry over her and she is replaceable. Her actions had consequences. You know you are lying to yourself. It's ok, it's part of the process. Right now you are mad, that will pass, then you'll be sad, then you'll be in denial, then you'll go through a period of depression. And those feelings will come back randomly like when you select shuffle on your playlist. You think by sleeping with this woman you've hurt her as much as she's hurt you, you did not. What you did is make her feel less guilty about what she did because now you're even. She now has immunition to negociate with you to come back....and my experience tells me you will take her back. You cheated on her because you were hurting, and in your dysfonctional way you love her more than you love yourself. That love is not gonna go away just cause you hooked up with some random woman. Edited February 10 by Gaeta 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMC556 Posted February 10 Author Share Posted February 10 12 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You know you are lying to yourself. It's ok, it's part of the process. Right now you are mad, that will pass, then you'll be sad, then you'll be in denial, then you'll go through a period of depression. And those feelings will come back randomly like when you select shuffle on your playlist. You think by sleeping with this woman you've hurt her as much as she's hurt you, you did not. What you did is make her feel less guilty about what she did because now you're even. She now has immunition to negociate with you to come back....and my experience tells me you will take her back. You cheated on her because you were hurting, and in your dysfonctional way you love her more than you love yourself. That love is not gonna go away just cause you hooked up with some random woman. I don't think you can be more wrong in all due respect. I wouldn't take her back if someone offered me 300 million dollars tax free cash. Of course I am hurting. Not everyone grieves the same way in situations in life, I have learned that. Your experience is NOT my experience and vice versa. There is no cookie cutter emotional healing process for anything, that I am certain of. My intention was not so much to hurt her, but to show her that I too can get someone else, and yes it validated my ego. I have no regrets, none whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 8 minutes ago, USMC556 said: Your experience is NOT my experience and vice versa What l'm reading in your story has nothing to do with my story, l did not hook up with a random guy to prove something to myself. I don't know why you think l reflect my story on yours. I am not. I have an opinion based on my undertanding of human nature & 10 years of reading similar stories. It's ok you disagree. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 11 Share Posted February 11 It's not good to be vindicative and you know it won't solve any problems, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't feel any satisfaction from it. Hopefully it will not backfire and make the divorce process more difficult and hostile. But, that's your choice and your life at stake. I hope you have friends that are helping you cope and protect you through this process. Two of the common negatives experienced by people going through a divorce are anger and guilt feelings. These two feelings, when left to linger out for too long, press people’s and intimacy's "pause button" for much longer than life usually allows... Link to post Share on other sites
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