What do you think?

[Alpacalia]

True @Gaetabut in this case I think Fred has a point.

OP had a date and then you cancelled.

Then you're waiting with "yes no pressure if you are heading out, etc."

Maybe he felt like a second option and was pondering whether or not to accept and not be a nice guy or decline to be on the safe side.

[FredEire]

36 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I am a woman, and I have a lot of experience with online dating. If a woman is very interested in you she will be excited that you're offering a time and place to meet. If she leaves you on read it's because she is exploring other prospects or she was not interested in pursuing further. 

You've been on here a while, have you ever read a woman on here saying....the guy I am interested in wants to meet Saturday 2pm for a coffee it's too much pressure for me....nope.

No, but the way you set a date up can matter. Anyway, everyone has different experiences.

I still think OP has been a little harsh just based on what they've shared here. I don't think what this guy has done is too drastic or a huge red flag. A little careless maybe but in the world of OLD there could be a million reasons for that, give him some benefit of the doubt and see how he responds.

[FredEire]

32 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

True @Gaetabut in this case I think Fred has a point.

OP had a date and then you cancelled.

Then you're waiting with "yes no pressure if you are heading out, etc."

Maybe he felt like a second option and was pondering whether or not to accept and not be a nice guy or decline to be on the safe side.

That's what it sounds like to me, I think technology can sometimes cause miscommunication and make two interested people feel that the other isn't and start disengaging.

Edited January 29 by FredEire

[SLB2022]

Update for yous all: finally went on a date Wednesday evening past and we met up quite late (due to my work) spent nearly 3 hours together I thought we had a great time. I went straight home to my bed after  and then I received a Snapchat from him at 12pm the next day it was a general one didn’t even ask how I was etc so I replied to the snap he sent, he opened it and I haven’t heard from him since? Bearing in mind that we never used Snapchat as a form of communication before? So that’s another one to bite the dust! 
 

I have him on other social media platforms and I feel if I hear nothing by tomorrow eve I will remove him from that as I don’t have time for time wasters and tbh I think the way he left it was quite rude! Everyone has a right to their own opinions if they like a person or not but the way he just have cut it like that I find so so rude and I would rather just be told we are speaking nearly a month and I feel he could have had more manners to let me know he wasn’t feeling it and during the date he had the audacity to say to me that he thought I was going to ghost him or not show up lol 

this has made me abit deflated if I am honest …

[Alpacalia]

So you last heard from him 24 hours ago. It's a relatively short amount of time. Try not to read too much into one day of silence. If he continues to not reach out or communicate, then it might be worth questioning his intentions but for now, it's important to give him the benefit of the doubt. Keep yourself busy and occupied and focus on other things in your life rather than worrying about his lack of contact. Remember, if things were meant to work out, they will.

[FredEire]

21 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

So you last heard from him 24 hours ago. It's a relatively short amount of time. Try not to read too much into one day of silence. If he continues to not reach out or communicate, then it might be worth questioning his intentions but for now, it's important to give him the benefit of the doubt. Keep yourself busy and occupied and focus on other things in your life rather than worrying about his lack of contact. Remember, if things were meant to work out, they will.

Amen.

For some reason you seem determined to write this guy off every though by your own admission you had a great night. You said he joked about you ghosting him and it seemed to make you mad. Since you were the one who cancelled first is it really that crazy a comment?

Totally agree with what Alpacalia said, it you're indeed really interested yourself give him a chance.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, SLB2022 said:

I replied to the snap he sent, he opened it and I haven’t heard from him since? 

What was your reply to his snap? 

[Alpacalia]

I'm going to say that sometimes 24 hours to respond is an eternity to high speed daters so 17 days into knowing someone is like a year or three. You thinking of removing him does not bode well for either of you. I think it's important to remember that not everyone is as invested or interested and that it's okay for things to not work out.

[SLB2022]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What was your reply to his snap? 

He sent a general snap along the lines of getting off early for work now and I replied ah you’re so lucky! I’m busy enough etc and I received nothing lol, I’ve not waited this long for a reply or any form of communication from him this long so I feel that in my gut the no reply is my answer? 

[SLB2022]

7 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I'm going to say that sometimes 24 hours to respond is an eternity to high speed daters so 17 days into knowing someone is like a year or three. You thinking of removing him does not bode well for either of you. I think it's important to remember that not everyone is as invested or interested and that it's okay for things to not work out.

I totally get that!, I know sometimes things don’t work out and I’m okay with that but it is too much to ask from him to maybe send a message to say he isn’t feeling it or isn’t ready at the moment? I just think that would have been the nice thing todo, I’ve not waited this long for a reply from him so that’s why I’m feeling it’s very strange and to be honest if I’m not his cup of tea that is completely fine, you can’t make someone like you if they don’t like you, I forgot to add that he was in a relationship up until February 2023 so I’m thinking that maybe he is feeling he isn’t ready for anything serious but then again I can’t make assumptions as I’m not him, honestly I’m the type of person who would have liked to know that if he isn’t feeling it let me know but no reply is a reply in my eyes?

 

[SLB2022]

8 hours ago, FredEire said:

Amen.

For some reason you seem determined to write this guy off every though by your own admission you had a great night. You said he joked about you ghosting him and it seemed to make you mad. Since you were the one who cancelled first is it really that crazy a comment?

Totally agree with what Alpacalia said, it you're indeed really interested yourself give him a chance.

Ah no it didn’t make me mad it made me laugh as he has actually ghosted slightly? Lol I haven’t heard from him so from Thursday so I don’t know…I just felt the date went really well but maybe I was wrong? 

if he wasn’t feeling it then that’s perfectly fine, I just would have liked atleast a message to say I’m not feeling it nice date etc? 

also I’ve never waited this long for a reply off him so that’s why I feel no communication is my answer? And no I didn’t want to write it off but I don’t want to be a fool either? Lol 

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, SLB2022 said:

I totally get that!, I know sometimes things don’t work out and I’m okay with that but it is too much to ask from him to maybe send a message to say he isn’t feeling it or isn’t ready at the moment? I just think that would have been the nice thing todo, I’ve not waited this long for a reply from him so that’s why I’m feeling it’s very strange and to be honest if I’m not his cup of tea that is completely fine, you can’t make someone like you if they don’t like you, I forgot to add that he was in a relationship up until February 2023 so I’m thinking that maybe he is feeling he isn’t ready for anything serious but then again I can’t make assumptions as I’m not him, honestly I’m the type of person who would have liked to know that if he isn’t feeling it let me know but no reply is a reply in my eyes?

It's definitely not too much to ask for a simple message. I agree with you, it would have been considerate for him to at least reply. 

Try not to fixate on his behavior. Instead of wasting your time worrying and creating explanations in your mind, understand that there could be several reasons why he hasn't contacted you. 

He could just not had a chance to reply yet. Or maybe he's subtly trying to let you know he's not interested.

I know, it sucks, but some guys would rather avoid confrontation and hope you get the hint. Give him a couple of days and try reaching out with a simple message like "Hey, how are you? Saw something that reminded me of you." If there is something like a running joke or something that he told you that he's been dying for ages to get all like a Lego set or something that you like about him I would mention it in the message. But please move on if he doesn't respond for the second time. X

Edited February 10 by Alpacalia

[Gaeta]

He was not worth your time from the beginning. The signs were there that he was only semi interested but you ignored the signs because you felt you had invested too much time in him to just dump him before a meeting.

Now you met him and he's the same semi-interested guy that can't put a few words together to be nice. He sent you a snapchat with nothing else as a mean of getting back to you after a date - how old is he! 12! 

Dump him. Do not chat with men that won't make a real effort to meet you.

A man that is interested will setup time to meet you, he will communicate with you after the date and have a real conversation, he will mention a second date.

Please please, don't waste your time with these clowns.

[SLB2022]

20 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He was not worth your time from the beginning. The signs were there that he was only semi interested but you ignored the signs because you felt you had invested too much time in him to just dump him before a meeting.

Now you met him and he's the same semi-interested guy that can't put a few words together to be nice. He sent you a snapchat with nothing else as a mean of getting back to you after a date - how old is he! 12! 

Dump him. Do not chat with men that won't make a real effort to meet you.

A man that is interested will setup time to meet you, he will communicate with you after the date and have a real conversation, he will mention a second date.

Please please, don't waste your time with these clowns.

Appreciate this!, I give him a chance and I know my answer but I totally agree with everything you said there, I am not wasting my time on someone who is like this, he is 33 so you would think he would know better unfortunately I’ve learned the hard way lol thank you though! 🩷

[Alpacalia]

It's a first real date and these things are part of dating. If this is making you this upset and worried is this the best time to be dating? Going forward try not get so worked up over cancelled dates. Every time I am sure someone gets a legit reason sometimes it's not when you are giving people space but it's important to realize things happen not every date pans out.

Lack of organization can be a red flag, especially if it's a recurring pattern. But you both cancelled dates so it's hard to say if this is just one instance of disorganization or if it's a habit.

You're upset because he didn't reply to your text. It's okay to move on.

If you're feeling deflated after only a few weeks of talking and trying to plan a date, it might be best to take a step back. It's important to have a healthy mindset and not get too emotionally invested too quickly.

Edited February 10 by Alpacalia

[stillafool]

On 1/28/2024 at 9:22 AM, SLB2022 said:

I actually did ask a time and he brushed over that and I said ‘i can try and see for Sunday let me know the plans’ and then he never replied to me from the Friday evening…

 Also I would never want to punish someone for going out and having fun! People are busy and schedules change just as mine has today? I just wanted advice on the lack of planning really but I think I’ve my answer to be honest! 

It sounds like he's gone cold on you.  He lost excitement after the first date didn't take place because you were sick.  Probably is talking to others as well.  Don't be angry just move on.

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

It sounds like he's gone cold on you.  He lost excitement after the first date didn't take place because you were sick. 

My thoughts too!

So what's stopping you from saying, hey, how you doing? Now I know it's not your job as a woman, you know?

Are you more concerned with pride or progress?

If you didn't cancel initially on your FIRST DATE and he didn't reach out at all after meeting then I would change my perspective. Was his text after your first date mentally stimulating? No, not exactly.

But if you like him, what stopped you from initiating a text the following day.  "Hey, I had a great time yesterday. I'm looking forward to seeing you again sometime." Did you do that or were you waiting for him to text you first following the first date? Now don't get me wrong, I have been in situations where I didn't have to put forth zero effort and the man was still highly proactive with finding out when he could see me next. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he found his Susie Bae or that he turned out to be my Mr. Right.

I'm not saying that you need to reach out, but if you are really feeling him, then go for it. It's three strikes and you're out, so like I said, you might have one more strike. And I understand where you come from because I think that's every girl's main perspective is I am not chasing you. Trust me I get it, but don't let your pride get the best of you, you could potentially miss out on a great guy.

Overall, don't rely on a "well rounded" internal idea of what dating is supposed to be because let me tell you, there is no right or wrong way to date. You do what you feel is right. Don't wait for him, but don't completely shut the door.

You don't need to dumb yourself down because he does not understand what a fulfilling text is. Instead, focus on your own personal goals in life and allow yourself to be open and honest with your emotional process when it comes to dating. You must be honest with yourself about what you really want and who you really are and then with time you will be able to ultimately attract someone who gets you. It's not about "catching" someone, you must bring your whole self to the table. Enjoy your time with him and maybe he is not the one this time. Maybe it's the next. Just my two cents. I hope it helps.

[Gaeta]

21 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Trust me I get it, but don't let your pride get the best of you, you could potentially miss out on a great guy

The guy is mid-30s and sends a snapchat with no message as a follow up after a date...then OP replies to the snapchat and *crickets* nothing from him since.

Alpacalia,  you wouldn't go after this guy.

[SLB2022]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The guy is mid-30s and sends a snapchat with no message as a follow up after a date...then OP replies to the snapchat and *crickets* nothing from him since.

Alpacalia,  you wouldn't go after this guy.

Exactly lol he is in his 30’s not his teens but is acting like he is, it’s mind games, I was the one that followed up by saying let’s go here and a time and showed interest and then I get nothing so I won’t be reaching out to him at all….why would I? And it’s not pride it’s knowing my worth lol 

[Alpacalia]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The guy is mid-30s and sends a snapchat with no message as a follow up after a date...then OP replies to the snapchat and *crickets* nothing from him since.

Alpacalia,  you wouldn't go after this guy.

No, I wouldn't start bombarding with texts. But if I cancelled a first date and didn't seem so enthusiast after the date with her "ah you’re so lucky!" Like, what is that even? It comes across as she's trying to be cool by not showing interest.

[Alpacalia]

14 minutes ago, SLB2022 said:

I was the one that followed up by saying let’s go here and a time and showed interest

You did that after you cancelled the first date, no?

Edited February 10 by Alpacalia

[SLB2022]

5 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

No, I wouldn't start bombarding with texts. But if I cancelled a first date and didn't seem so enthusiast after the date with her "ah you’re so lucky!" Like, what is that even? It comes across as she's trying to be cool by not showing interest.

I didn’t say he was lucky to be on date with me, I said he was lucky to be getting off work early? Lol I think you’ve read that bit wrong, I would never be so big headed lol 

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

No, I wouldn't start bombarding with texts. But if I cancelled a first date and didn't seem so enthusiast after the date with her "ah you’re so lucky!" Like, what is that even? It comes across as she's trying to be cool by not showing interest.

She cancelled yes but with  genuine reason than she practically took him by the hand and setup the first meeting with time and place (something he could not gome up with). That's her taking the bull by the horns and showing her interest, exactly like you're suggesting her to do. She did it.

[SLB2022]

Just now, Alpacalia said:

You did that after you cancelled the first date, no?

I did what? I’m so confused lol I cancelled the first date as I was sick and we rearranged and then he cancelled the second and then third attempt was on Wednesday past if that makes sense, I don’t feel that I did anything wrong if I’m honest? 

[Alpacalia]

2 minutes ago, SLB2022 said:

I did what? I’m so confused lol I cancelled the first date as I was sick and we rearranged and then he cancelled the second and then third attempt was on Wednesday past if that makes sense, I don’t feel that I did anything wrong if I’m honest? 

LOL. Me too! 😂

I'm just saying, when someone cancels a first date, and while I understand you were sick and all, it just shows a lack of interest whether that is your intention or not. So, if someone cancels a first date with me, they would have to make some sort of effort to make up for it or show that they are still interested. Otherwise, I am not going out of my way to reschedule or pursue the date. Of course, if the person has a valid reason for canceling and makes an effort to reschedule or expresses continued interest, then I may be more understanding and willing to give them another chance. But if it becomes a pattern or they don't show any effort, then I will not waste my time further. It's just poor form to cancel a first date.