What do you think?

[SLB2022]

So I’ve been chatting to this guy for nearly 3 weeks, we were meant to meet up last Saturday I cancelled due to being unwell, we get on well over texts etc but we had planned to meet up yesterday and he messaged me to say that he had to go away on the Saturday but what about Sunday (text me on Friday evening to cancel), at the time I said yes no pressure if you are heading out etc I hasn’t heard from him since Friday evening and then he text me this morning which is now Sunday asking if I am free later, I just feel in genuine the two planned dates haven’t been that well organised like I have been given no time or place to meet and it’s just really annoying, yes I cancelled the first but I was unwell and yeah he is single he is out of a relationship a year now and I have him on all social media and I Snapchat him so I have seen him. Am I being too harsh? It’s just the lack of organisation that is bugging me? I am out atm and I have a lot of work todo for later so I will probably be unable to meet at this stage, any advice? 

[Weezy1973]

2 minutes ago, SLB2022 said:

Am I being too harsh? It’s just the lack of organisation that is bugging me? I am out atm and I have a lot of work todo for later so I will probably be unable to meet at this stage, any advice? 

Well he asked if Sunday worked for you and you said yes. And now it seems you’re changing your mind and Sunday doesn’t work for you anymore. I think next time if he asks does Sunday work, you can let him know when you’re available like “sure Sunday sounds good; I’m busy but will have some time in the afternoon to meet up.” 
 

But if his lack of planning is a deal breaker for you, it is what it is. Break the deal. Move on.

[SLB2022]

3 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Well he asked if Sunday worked for you and you said yes. And now it seems you’re changing your mind and Sunday doesn’t work for you anymore. I think next time if he asks does Sunday work, you can let him know when you’re available like “sure Sunday sounds good; I’m busy but will have some time in the afternoon to meet up.” 
 

But if his lack of planning is a deal breaker for you, it is what it is. Break the deal. Move on.

Yes it’s the fact we never planned anything definite and i’’m not waiting about for no man to text whenever a time suits him!, but i think you’re right i need to make it clear i am busy too and that these things need to be arranged better!

[Gaeta]

Why did you say Sunday was ok if it was not?

He did not specify a time when he asked about Sunday and you said yes you were ok. That implied all Sunday was ok.  Why didn't you ask what time Sunday?

He may not be the best organizer but you're not either. Both of you don't sound too motivated either.

You sound more like someone who wants to punish him for Saturday.

[SLB2022]

Just now, Gaeta said:

Why did you say Sunday was ok if it was not?

He did not specify a time when he asked about Sunday and you said yes you were ok. That implied all Sunday was ok.  Why didn't you ask what time Sunday?

He may not be the best organizer but you're not either. Both of you don't sound too motivated either.

You sound more like someone who wants to punish him for Saturday.

I actually did ask a time and he brushed over that and I said ‘i can try and see for Sunday let me know the plans’ and then he never replied to me from the Friday evening…

 Also I would never want to punish someone for going out and having fun! People are busy and schedules change just as mine has today? I just wanted advice on the lack of planning really but I think I’ve my answer to be honest! 

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, SLB2022 said:

So I’ve been chatting to this guy for nearly 3 weeks,  I have been given no time or place to meet and it’s just really annoying, 

Unfortunately he's either a scammer, catfish, in another relationship or just a timewaster. Please try not to get caught up in texting with someone who makes multiple excuses not to meet or refuses to make concrete plans. Perhaps delete and block so you can move on to someone more viable. 

Is this the same man?:

 

[SLB2022]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately he's either a scammer, catfish, in another relationship or just a timewaster. Please try not to get caught up in texting with someone who makes multiple excuses not to meet or refuses to make concrete plans. Perhaps delete and block so you can move on to someone more viable. 

Is this the same man?:

 

No different man and I know this one though and I think this one is a time waster to be honest but thank you for this!

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, SLB2022 said:

I actually did ask a time and he brushed over that and I said ‘i can try and see for Sunday let me know the plans’ and then he never replied to me from the Friday evening…

 Also I would never want to punish someone for going out and having fun! People are busy and schedules change just as mine has today? I just wanted advice on the lack of planning really but I think I’ve my answer to be honest! 

Then l would not meet him if he had not gotten back in touch with you since Friday. He's not that interested, you're an option in case he has nothing else.

Also it's important to meet quickly when we use online dating, there are a lot of time wasters out there that are only interested in chatting. If he can't find time to meet in 3 weeks then he can't date.

[Alpacalia]

So you both cancelled. He then asked if you're free Sunday. You said "Yes, no pressure if you are heading out", but you said "I haven't heard from him since Friday".

Am I reading this right?

The fact that he messaged you again and ON Sunday to ask if you were free later that day (since you gave him freedom to make plans Saturday), shows you how his plans changed and he's making the effort to meet up with you. If I were planning to meet someone and they said they were sick and couldn't make it but gave me the freedom to make plans in their absence, I would do just that. 

But your dates or supposed dates sound extremely casual... First dates... should be planned and well organized including a time, place to meet, etc. 

What was the reason for not meeting for three weeks initially?

Edited January 28 by Alpacalia

[SLB2022]

22 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

So you both cancelled. He then asked if you're free Sunday. You said "Yes, no pressure if you are heading out", but you said "I haven't heard from him since Friday".

Am I reading this right?

The fact that he messaged you again and ON Sunday to ask if you were free later that day (since you gave him freedom to make plans Saturday), shows you how his plans changed and he's making the effort to meet up with you. If I were planning to meet someone and they said they were sick and couldn't make it but gave me the freedom to make plans in their absence, I would do just that. 

But your dates or supposed dates sound extremely casual... First dates... should be planned and well organized including a time, place to meet, etc. 

What was the reason for not meeting for three weeks initially?

Yes he asked me Friday Eve was I free on Sunday and at the time I said yes I should be what time etc and then I never heard anything from him then he had sent me a message today around 1pm asking me if I was free later but I honestly think that is a bit slack on his behalf is it not?? As I agree think that the first date should be organised including time and place and I didn’t get that, first week we were just chatting the 2nd week he asked me for a date but I was unwell and then this week (during the week )he asked originally asked if I wanted todo something on Saturday and I said yes I can and then he sent me a message Friday evening saying he can’t do Saturday (which is fine) and maybe we could do Sunday but I never heard from him after this so I wasn’t going to sit around all day waiting for him to text me when it was convenient for him, am I wrong in this? I feel like it’s just abit too much this early in lol 

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, SLB2022 said:

he sent me a message Friday evening saying he can’t do Saturday (which is fine)

No, it's not fine unless he has a good reason. What was his reason for cancelling the date less than 24 hrs ahead?

Edited January 28 by Gaeta

[Alpacalia]

10 minutes ago, SLB2022 said:

Yes he asked me Friday Eve was I free on Sunday and at the time I said yes I should be what time etc and then I never heard anything from him then he had sent me a message today around 1pm asking me if I was free later but I honestly think that is a bit slack on his behalf is it not?? As I agree think that the first date should be organised including time and place and I didn’t get that, first week we were just chatting the 2nd week he asked me for a date but I was unwell and then this week (during the week )he asked originally asked if I wanted todo something on Saturday and I said yes I can and then he sent me a message Friday evening saying he can’t do Saturday (which is fine) and maybe we could do Sunday but I never heard from him after this so I wasn’t going to sit around all day waiting for him to text me when it was convenient for him, am I wrong in this? I feel like it’s just abit too much this early in lol 

Not once have I ever been sick for a first date but I realize that things will happen. Sounds like he lost interest. Usually when it's this difficult to plan a first date, I take that as a sign that one (or both) of you is not that interested. In this case I think it's the guy. Move on.

Edited January 28 by Alpacalia

[SLB2022]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

No, it's not fine unless he has a good reason. What was his reason for cancelling the date less than 24 hrs ahead?

Apparently it was a leaving do for one of his colleagues that he had forgotten about I’m all about giving people the benefit of doubt but I don’t know….

[SLB2022]

4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Not once have I ever been sick for a first date but I realize that things will happen. Sounds like he lost interest. Usually when it's this difficult to plan a first date, I take that as a sign that one (or both) of you is not that interested. In this case I think it's the guy. Move on.

Sorry that may have been worded wrong, I was unwell for the first date and not him. 

[Gaeta]

Just now, SLB2022 said:

it was a leaving do for one of his colleagues

Sorry, l don't understand what you nean.

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, SLB2022 said:

Sorry that may have been worded wrong, I was unwell for the first date and not him. 

No, you're good. It was worded fine.

I know that you initially cancelled to being unwell.

[SLB2022]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Sorry, l don't understand what you nean.

He said that it was for a leaving party for one of his friends, they are going abroad to live. 

[Gaeta]

Just now, SLB2022 said:

He said that it was for a leaving party for one of his friends, they are going abroad to live. 

A first meeting should be a coffee, no more. It's just a meeting to break the ice. It can be done quickly in the afternoon any day of the week. He could have moved your meeting earlier in the day, he could have booked you Sunday with a time and place right there on your Friday communication. 

This guy is not serious. I have a feeling he just dumps you when something better comes along. 

Do you live far from each other?

[smackie9]

First impressions count. You have a bad feeling you have a bad feeling...trust your gut. IMO when someone texts you for weeks instead of asking you out after a few text messages, leads me to believe you are not of high interest to them. Send him sailing to the curb.

[Versacehottie]

I think you both are too loose with the plans and it's taken too much time to meet up the first time. Doesn't mean it's unsalvageable but it would be very hard to get back on track. I think if a person cancels or is flakey about the first date (as I understand that it was you that did that in this case bc you were unwell), the momentum gets thrown off. Everything is in doubt. He can't tell if you're lying or serious, or if what you are aiming for is casual etc. Then you gave the easy breezy remark which further backs up that assumption he likely has. So now things have sort of devolved into each of you taking each other's time for granted. 

Right now IMO the way for you to get it back on track is to be more firm with your side of things. You have to get the first date under your belt. So I wouldn't be available at the last minute but the next time a possible plan is suggested, make the plans right then and there--don't leave it open-ended, or you each will continue to jerk each other around and be disappointed with each other. If he's already categorized you as back burner, last minute girl (or if he's just a last minute person/ie unserious about you), then he won't commit to a plan and you have your answer. 

I wouldn't be so easy breezy about plans in the future. IMO you won't get anywhere with lecturing this guy or 99% of guys who you are not in a relationship with. You need to lead with actions. If you want people to respect your time, start by respecting your own time. It's mixed messages about that right now IMO. So he's treating you like an option.

[FredEire]

I think you're being way too harsh, personally. You were a little flaky with him initially (with good reason), so I don't think it's entirely fair to feel this way over his not being super duper organised as he's probably not sure it's going to happen. Maybe just ask him when and where he wants to meet for the date?

Personally I think first dates should be somewhat casual and fun and you just need to get organised and meet up for that coffee/beer. Any talk of blocking and deleting is ridiculous IMO.

Another thing is that I think men who lay out very strict plans straight out the gate can be seen as overbearing. Depends on the girl obviously but it's something to keep in mind.

Overall I think just give it a chance. Go on that date and then see how you feel. Most of what you described is fairly normal stuff.

That being said there is a limit and personally if someone cancels on me twice it's bye-bye. The first time they deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Edited January 29 by FredEire

[Gaeta]

22 hours ago, SLB2022 said:

He said that it was for a leaving party for one of his friends, they are going abroad to live. 

meh....what are the chances of someone forgetting they have a go-away party for a friend? 

Anyway, let us know what you decide to do. 

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, FredEire said:

I think you're being way too harsh, personally. You were a little flaky with him initially (with good reason), so I don't think it's entirely fair to feel this way over his not being super duper organised as he's probably not sure it's going to happen. Maybe just ask him when and where he wants to meet for the date?

Personally I think first dates should be somewhat casual and fun and you just need to get organised and meet up for that coffee/beer. Any talk of blocking and deleting is ridiculous IMO.

Another thing is that I think men who lay out very strict plans straight out the gate can be seen as overbearing. Depends on the girl obviously but it's something to keep in mind.

Overall I think just give it a chance. Go on that date and then see how you feel. Most of what you described is fairly normal stuff.

That being said there is a limit and personally if someone cancels on me twice it's bye-bye. The first time they deserve the benefit of the doubt.

I kind of agree with this,

I will say though SLB2022 that I think it's more so the lack of planning that has left a sour taste in your mouth.

It's one thing to be cancelled on due to lack of notice (last-minute plan with another friend or family member, I understand that could come up), it's another thing for someone to be wishy-washy with the plan itself and not showing strong intent in wanting to meet. Since you mentioned him saying "what about Sunday" but not nailing down a definitive definite time/place since then...that lack of strong intent may be what's off-putting you.

[FredEire]

44 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I kind of agree with this,

I will say though SLB2022 that I think it's more so the lack of planning that has left a sour taste in your mouth.

It's one thing to be cancelled on due to lack of notice (last-minute plan with another friend or family member, I understand that could come up), it's another thing for someone to be wishy-washy with the plan itself and not showing strong intent in wanting to meet. Since you mentioned him saying "what about Sunday" but not nailing down a definitive definite time/place since then...that lack of strong intent may be what's off-putting you.

Just speaking from a male perspective in the past I used to arrange first dates saying let's meet X date at X time in X place and would get left on read a lot. I realised at least some of the women I was meeting thought it was coming on too strong.

Either way yeah he should have probably said on Sunday "hey let's meet up at X and do Y, how does that sound?", but if that's considered a huge read flag these days I really think people expect too much. I suspect he maybe was unsure how interested you were as you'd already cancelled previously.

Why not give him a break, suggest a place/day yourself and actually give him a chance to see if there's chemistry there? If he continues to flake then yeah better off moving on but I find advice about blocking or deleting way overreacting when busyness or uncertainty on his side could easily explain things.

Edited January 29 by FredEire

[Gaeta]

32 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Just speaking from a male perspective in the past I used to arrange first dates saying let's meet X date at X time in X place and would get left on read a lot. I realized at least some of the women I was meeting thought it was coming on too strong.

I am a woman, and I have a lot of experience with online dating. If a woman is very interested in you she will be excited that you're offering a time and place to meet. If she leaves you on read it's because she is exploring other prospects or she was not interested in pursuing further. 

You've been on here a while, have you ever read a woman on here saying....the guy I am interested in wants to meet Saturday 2pm for a coffee it's too much pressure for me....nope.