If you messaged your crush 'Happy New Year' and they reply 'Enjoy yourself' is that their way of dismissing your message? UPDATED

[Wiseman2]

On 1/1/2024 at 12:13 PM, Yizella said:

Well I’m not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship. I just want someone I can date who is genuinely interested in getting to know me as much as I’m interested in getting to know them. 

What exactly is "looking for someone to date"? Either you are hanging out as friends or you are going on dates. You seem to like him and have been initiating most things. Even asking if he has a GF and for his number. 

Hopefully you don't think he just wants to wine and dine you "dating", but you supposedly want "nothing romantic"? 

Perhaps you are trying the all over the place approach to avoid disappointment? Such as you'll be fine just hanging out if he's out of your league?  

So far it seems your interest level is quite high, while his is more indifferent. Perhaps you are trying to protect yourself despite being this forward? 

 

[Yizella]

34 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Respectfully, if this was true, this thread wouldn't exist, let alone four pages of it.  Perhaps this comment is about you trying to manage your expectations? 

The thread exist because simply because dating is a rollercoaster, at least for me. All my responses pertained to interest and the possible lack there of. Everyone wants to feel wanted, it has nothing to do with romance. Not once did I mention being his girlfriend, falling in love with him, getting married and having kids and running far away with him lol. My four pages have nothing to do with seeing him in a romantic sense.  So, what I say is in fact true simply because as I said before, I been there done that. I have lied to myself about my expectations and got used and hurt because of it. 

Edited January 28 by Yizella

[Yizella]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What exactly is "looking for someone to date"? Either you are hanging out as friends or you are going on dates. You seem to like him and have been initiating most things. Even asking if he has a GF and for his number. 

Hopefully you don't think he just wants to wine and dine you "dating", but you supposedly want "nothing romantic"? 

Perhaps you are trying the all over the place approach to avoid disappointment? Such as you'll be fine just hanging out if he's out of your league?  

So far it seems your interest level is quite high, while his is more indifferent. Perhaps you are trying to protect yourself despite being this forward? 

 

Looking for someone to date doesn’t equal romance or being wined and dined. It just means dating, dating to me is having interest in someone or a few someone’s, no commitment and you see how things go. You have fun, if it leads to romance so be it but that’s not what I’m after. I believe in friendship before anything. My interest level is high simply because he’s  a decent guy. He’s not a Ted Bundy or anything like that lol and I don’t think nor do I believe  any man is out of my league. Do I believe, not every person you like and take a interest in is not always for you? Absolutely. It’s either I like you or I don’t. Me coming to a dating advice site and asking questions has more to do with my insecurities as a whole than it has to do with this particular situation in general. This situation just happens to be triggering my insecurities because rather I want romance or not, who doesn’t want to feel or be wanted? 

[Yizella]

Just now, Yizella said:

Looking for someone to date doesn’t equal romance or being wined and dined. It just means dating, dating to me is having interest in someone or a few someone’s, no commitment and you see how things go. You have fun, if it leads to romance so be it but that’s not what I’m after. I believe in friendship before anything. My interest level is high simply because he’s  a decent guy. He’s not a Ted Bundy or anything like that lol and I don’t think nor do I believe  any man is out of my league. Do I believe, not every person you like and take a interest in is not always for you? Absolutely. It’s either I like you or I don’t. Me coming to a dating advice site and asking questions has more to do with my insecurities as a whole than it has to do with this particular situation in general. This situation just happens to be triggering my insecurities because rather I want romance or not, who doesn’t want to feel or be wanted? 

And asking if he had a girlfriend was just something I said to shoot my shot to get things going because just saying “Heyy. Can I have your number?” sounds kind of lame to me lol. 

[Yizella]

2 minutes ago, Yizella said:

Looking for someone to date doesn’t equal romance or being wined and dined. It just means dating, dating to me is having interest in someone or a few someone’s, no commitment and you see how things go. You have fun, if it leads to romance so be it but that’s not what I’m after. I believe in friendship before anything. My interest level is high simply because he’s  a decent guy. He’s not a Ted Bundy or anything like that lol and I don’t think nor do I believe  any man is out of my league. Do I believe, not every person you like and take a interest in is not always for you? Absolutely. It’s either I like you or I don’t. Me coming to a dating advice site and asking questions has more to do with my insecurities as a whole than it has to do with this particular situation in general. This situation just happens to be triggering my insecurities because rather I want romance or not, who doesn’t want to feel or be wanted? 

and no I’m not all over the place. I may over think which is what brought me to this thread in the first place but after I calm my overthinking, my responses change to more logical things. 

[basil67]

23 minutes ago, Yizella said:

Everyone wants to feel wanted, it has nothing to do with romance.

If we're not talking about romance, what do you mean by "Everyone wants to feel wanted"?

23 minutes ago, Yizella said:

Not once did I mention being his girlfriend, falling in love with him, getting married and having kids and running far away with him lol. My four pages have nothing to do with seeing him in a romantic sense.  So, what I say is in fact true simply because as I said before, I been there done that. I have lied to myself about my expectations and got used and hurt because of it. 

OK, I get that.  So why is this thread about him and dating him rather than the broad topic of managing your expectations when dating?

[SlimShadysWife]

18 minutes ago, Yizella said:

Looking for someone to date doesn’t equal romance or being wined and dined. It just means dating, dating to me is having interest in someone or a few someone’s, no commitment and you see how things go. You have fun, if it leads to romance so be it but that’s not what I’m after. I believe in friendship before anything. My interest level is high simply because he’s  a decent guy. He’s not a Ted Bundy or anything like that lol and I don’t think nor do I believe  any man is out of my league. Do I believe, not every person you like and take a interest in is not always for you? Absolutely. It’s either I like you or I don’t. Me coming to a dating advice site and asking questions has more to do with my insecurities as a whole than it has to do with this particular situation in general. This situation just happens to be triggering my insecurities because rather I want romance or not, who doesn’t want to feel or be wanted? 

I get what you're saying. I'm in the same boat with someone. I'm highly attracted to him, flirt with him, but I don't feel romantic feelings like that- we dont know eachother in a deeper level to ever have romantic feelings. I recognize I just enjoy his attention and presence because he is fun- and attractive.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

30 minutes ago, Yizella said:

, dating to me is having interest in someone or a few someone’s, no commitment and you see how things go. You have fun, if it leads to romance so be it but that’s not what I’m after.

Yes. Dating is to have fun getting to know someone and of course if you hit it off great and if not, that's ok too. 

However the concept of dating to boost someone's ego who has zero romance interest or potential is going to be a very difficult lonely road and hard to sell. Realistically, who would sign up for this and why?

If you just want friends, join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses and broaden your social horizons. 

If you want to date, meaning meeting and going out with men but with zero interest in them besides ego boosts and company, it's going to get confusing and hurtful for everyone involved. 

 

Edited January 28 by Wiseman2

[Yizella]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If we're not talking about romance, what do you mean by "Everyone wants to feel wanted"?

OK, I get that.  So why is this thread about him and dating him rather than the broad topic of managing your expectations when dating?

Feeling wanted doesn’t mean you want romance, at least to me it doesn’t mean that. If you ask me, it’s not one and the same. You just like the thought of someone is interested in me or likes me and you may or may not like them back but that’s to me. I have no idea what you view romance to be because it’s different for everyone. 

[Yizella]

2 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

I get what you're saying. I'm in the same boat with someone. I'm highly attracted to him, flirt with him, but I don't feel romantic feelings like that- we dont know eachother in a deeper level to ever have romantic feelings. I recognize I just enjoy his attention and presence because he is fun- and attractive.

 

 

See you get me. 

[Yizella]

3 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

I get what you're saying. I'm in the same boat with someone. I'm highly attracted to him, flirt with him, but I don't feel romantic feelings like that- we dont know eachother in a deeper level to ever have romantic feelings. I recognize I just enjoy his attention and presence because he is fun- and attractive.

 

I don’t get why just because you like someone everyone just believes you should instantly jump to “Do you see yourself marrying this person?” “Do you see a future with them?” Geesh, we’ve known each other for all of two seconds. Maybe those thoughts/feelings will come, maybe they won’t lol. Right now, I find him or her attractive, they’re nice to be around, they seem to like me too and We’re enjoying each other. That’s it.

[Yizella]

18 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If we're not talking about romance, what do you mean by "Everyone wants to feel wanted"?

OK, I get that.  So why is this thread about him and dating him rather than the broad topic of managing your expectations when dating?

Well it is now about me managing my dating expectations considering my last few responses were pertaining to that. This is why I enjoy threads because the initial question/topic often leads to the deeper issue/problem and that’s why the start of this thread had nothing to do with managing my expectations when dating but now it is. 

[Yizella]

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. Dating is to have fun getting to know someone and of course if you hit it off great and if not, that's ok too. 

However the concept of dating to boost someone's ego who has zero romance interest or potential is going to be a very difficult lonely road and hard to sell. Realistically, who would sign up for this and why?

If you just want friends, join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses and broaden your social horizons. 

If you want to date, meaning meeting and going out with men but with zero interest in them besides ego boosts and company, it's going to get confusing and hurtful for everyone involved. 

 

Realistically who would sign up for this? Anyone who’s not in that moment looking for anything serious but still wants to live their life. The person you date is in fact still your friend and yes broadening your friend groups and socializing more is very important but in this point of my life everyone is either a friend or a family member. Even someone I’m going on dates with or hanging out with. From this thread alone I can see everyone’s view on romanticism, dating and friendships are different and I respect that but I personally don’t see my take on it and the way I’m going about it as issue contrary to you believing it’s all for a ego boost and not realistic, I can say I disagree to both because I know where my views stand with this. 

[Alpacalia]

39 minutes ago, Yizella said:

You just like the thought of someone is interested in me or likes me and you may or may not like them back but that’s to me. 

But you've pursued him initially to where he finally asked you out, you cancelled, he rescheduled and then he canceled. Doesn't seem like whatever attention it is that you're seeking from him is working. 

Edited January 28 by Alpacalia

[SlimShadysWife]

2 hours ago, Yizella said:

3 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said:

I get what you're saying. I'm in the same boat with someone. I'm highly attracted to him, flirt with him, but I don't feel romantic feelings like that- we dont know eachother in a deeper level to ever have romantic feelings. I recognize I just enjoy his attention and presence because he is fun- and attractive.

 

I don’t get why just because you like someone everyone just believes you should instantly jump to “Do you see yourself marrying this person?” “Do you see a future with them?” Geesh, we’ve known each other for all of two seconds. Maybe those thoughts/feelings will come, maybe they won’t lol. Right now, I find him or her attractive, they’re nice to be around, they seem to like me too and We’re enjoying each other. That’s it.

 

Yes, now I see why you posted under the flirting sub form.

Sometimes you just want to get a good flirting session in over dinner and go home. Lol.

Edited January 29 by SlimShadysWife

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Yizella said:

I don’t get why just because you like someone everyone just believes you should instantly jump to “Do you see yourself marrying this person?” “Do you see a future with them?” Geesh, we’ve known each other for all of two seconds. Maybe those thoughts/feelings will come, maybe they won’t lol. Right now, I find him or her attractive, they’re nice to be around, they seem to like me too and We’re enjoying each other. That’s it.

If you're in a country where multi dating is acceptable, literally nobody believes you should instantly jump to "Do you see yourself marrying this person".   The general narrative is to not rush into things while you're still getting to know each other.   But I do think that if you definitively know that you don't want a future with a person, then dating them is just wasting their time.  Especially if they are paying for you - then it's downright selfish

[basil67]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

If you're in a country where multi dating is acceptable, literally nobody believes you should instantly jump to "Do you see yourself marrying this person".   The general narrative is to not rush into things while you're still getting to know each other.   But I do think that if you definitively know that you don't want a future with a person, then dating them is just wasting their time.  Especially if they are paying for you - then it's downright selfish

Sorry, I can no longer edit.  I should have used the word "one" instead of "you", as I'm speaking in the broad sense

[Alpacalia]

Your intentions go beyond just flirting. In fact, you expressed that you were hurt by the fact that he did not reciprocate your feelings for him. Putting on a facade can only go so far... 

On 1/1/2024 at 8:31 AM, Yizella said:

I replied okay and told him that we could figure something out for a date. He never replied which I got because he did say he wasn’t a texter. I didn’t double text. When I sent him the Happy New Year text it had been a day since he hadn’t replied to the other text. So I suppose it could just be because he’s not a texter like he said but how hard is it to just say Happy New Year back? but I can’t just judge off that but it did hurt my feelings a bit because I feel he may not be as interested as I hoped he would be and I can’t force him too.

Edited January 29 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Yizella said:

The person you date is in fact still your friend and yes broadening your friend groups and socializing more is very important 

It seems confusing because your thread title specifically says "If you messaged your crush".   Seems to indicate more than looking for friends. 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Yizella said:

The person you date is in fact still your friend and yes broadening your friend groups and socializing more is very important but in this point of my life everyone is either a friend or a family member.

A person you date is different to a friend.   A friend will be there for you while you're dating others and living your life.  But if someone you're dating is open to a relationship and/or sex and you're not, they will move on from your life when they realise that the two of you are wanting different things.    

Besides, I don't know anyone who really wants someone who the partner used to date hanging around.

[Yizella]

46 minutes ago, basil67 said:

A person you date is different to a friend.   A friend will be there for you while you're dating others and living your life.  But if someone you're dating is open to a relationship and/or sex and you're not, they will move on from your life when they realise that the two of you are wanting different things.    

Besides, I don't know anyone who really wants someone who the partner used to date hanging around.

Respectfully I’m gonna just say this again. I don’t see him romantically, if romance happens it happens if it doesn’t it doesn’t. Yea, I had certain questions and vented about his level of interest simply because, I’m interested in him too. Yes my feelings were a little hurt when he texted “Enjoy yourself.” Because I expected a different response not because I wanted more than what I’m saying I want now but I was still on a high from him being acceptive of me making the first move and getting his number. I was excited, so when he texted that, even when he told me he wasn’t a texter, it made me come down off that exciting feeling.  Even if we’re just flirting, going out, having conversations, laughing or even if it somehow got intimate, sexually, none of that means thing will become romantic as well as it doesn’t mean it won’t. You can always go back to what I said earlier in the thread post but even what you guys bring back up it doesn’t disqualify my comment about not seeing him in a romantic way. Yes, this thread exist because I developed a crush, I liked what I saw on surface and thought “Why not actually talk to him.” And I did and it turns out he’s a decent guy who I don’t mind having in my life in some way shape or form. That’s all. I don’t get why you guys are digger deeper than I have already dug. I’ve reached my understanding.

[SlimShadysWife]

Just now, Yizella said:

Respectfully I’m gonna just say this again. I don’t see him romantically, if romance happens it happens if it doesn’t it doesn’t. Yea, I had certain questions and vented about his level of interest simply because, I’m interested in him too. Yes my feelings were a little hurt when he texted “Enjoy yourself.” Because I expected a different response not because I wanted more than what I’m saying I want now but I was still on a high from him being acceptive of me making the first move and getting his number. I was excited, so when he texted that, even when he told me he wasn’t a texter, it made me come down off that exciting feeling.  Even if we’re just flirting, going out, having conversations, laughing or even if it somehow got intimate, sexually, none of that means thing will become romantic as well as it doesn’t mean it won’t. You can always go back to what I said earlier in the thread post but even what you guys bring back up it doesn’t disqualify my comment about not seeing him in a romantic way. Yes, this thread exist because I developed a crush, I liked what I saw on surface and thought “Why not actually talk to him.” And I did and it turns out he’s a decent guy who I don’t mind having in my life in some way shape or form. That’s all. I don’t get why you guys are digger deeper than I have already dug. I’ve reached my understanding.

I think your ego was "hurt"- but it didnt really have so much to do with him per say. 

 

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Yizella said:

my feelings were a little hurt when he texted “Enjoy yourself.” Because I expected a different response not because I wanted more than what I’m saying I want now but I was still on a high from him being acceptive of me making the first move 

Exactly. Chasing indifferent men won't make you feel better or "wanted". Whatever hurt or loneliness or unresolved feelings you're going through aren't going to be resolved with quick ego boosts. Or using men for "dating", meaning entertainment. 

[Yizella]

48 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

I think your ego was "hurt"- but it didnt really have so much to do with him per say. 

 

I don’t even think it was my ego that was hurt. The deeper meaning for all of this, for me is I’m use to dealing with a certain kind of guy. Someone I was with for years and so rather than realizing every guy isn’t him I put guys in a “Think too high” or “think too low.” Of them kind of box. I let my thoughts get in the way rather than going to the guy himself. The guy I’m speaking of now told me straight out of his mouth “If I didn’t want you around me. I would let you know that.” And he told me that because every time I came around him at the job to speak to him, I was nervous. This guy boxes, trains for boxing matches, still works overnight etc all things I left out so coming from him, this is not me making excuses or being delusional because I feel like that’s gonna be the following responses lol, him not texting much is understandable. I don’t text as much myself. Not like I use to before I had a child. So, here I was, questioning what he texted and wondering if he was interested all while looking back on the few texts we have sent one another  and texts between other friends and family, realizing, I’m not that great at it either. My thoughts overclouded the reality of the situation. That’s the point I’ve been trying I get across to a lot of the responder’s but you seem to be the only one that gets it.  He has told me directly many things even that he wasn’t into texting and I somehow still ended up here getting advice from everyone that knows him less than I even know him and not even realizing what perspective all of this advice is coming from. I should have took him at his word from the “I’m not a texter.” Text and went from there. Now I’m not saying things are ruined but now I not only have my thoughts getting in the way and creating scenarios that haven’t even happened but now I also have the opinions of strangers I never met and have never met me lol. I love these threads and how they open  you up to new ways of looking at your situation but realistically I am the only one truly experiencing it so only I know what the deal is with this situation. I believe he’s interested despite what others may have suggested based off so little information I gave because I’ll be writing an essay if I spoke descriptively on all our encounters, but I also recognize that there is no feeling of romance but just excitement from both of us.  What’s posted here is a very shortened version.

 

54 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

I think your ego was "hurt"- but it didnt really have so much to do with him per say. 

 

So when I continue to see comments where people seem to be diagnosing my problem or even his or the situation in general it’s off putting. 

[Yizella]

So you guys know the story, I started to like a guy who I worked with.I made the first move. I got his number. I found out he wasn’t much of a texting guy. He did eventually ask me out two weeks ago but due to my circumstances, he thought it would be best to reschedule.  Thursday night at work, rather than let him plan the next date considering I caused him to want to reschedule, I asked if he was doing anything this Sunday(tomorrow) and he said no and I then asked if he wanted to do anything and he said yes. He even said he wanted to take me to an Indian restaurant and considering I never had Indian food, I was all for it. So, things were going good between He and I. We both seemed to be interested in each other, I made the first move but he seemed accepting. I wasn’t pushy. We had good interactions at work. We would have good conversations, we joked, laughed and we would flirt. As you guys know. The Thursday night when I asked if he wanted to go out things were normal between us. It was our Friday work night where he started acting a bit weird.  When we  first saw each other that night at work night we spoke and said hello as usual. Nothing was official as you guys also know. There’a no title between us two. Just two co workers, who like one another. So, I often see him talking to other women and I mind my business. Today was no different. I saw him talking to another co worker that I always see him talk with. We made eye contact when I saw them but I simply smiled and kept going. We ended up on break together and usually when that happens he or I usually would go to the others table depending on who was down for lunch first. It’s usually him, so often, I would go to him. Today, I was down for lunch before he was, scrolling on my phone. I saw him enter the break room and just assumed after he warmed up his food and everything he would come over to me but he didn’t. My lunch ended and I just ignored it but I ended up walking by him at the end of my shift. He looked at me and looked away and kept doing what he was doing. My feelings were hurt but I haven’t texted him or approached him about it. I don’t know what happened or what I could have possibly did. Maybe this is the answer to my original question. He was never truly interested to begin with. I’m just glad we didn’t get intimate or anything like that. 

Edited February 4 by Yizella