If you messaged your crush 'Happy New Year' and they reply 'Enjoy yourself' is that their way of dismissing your message? UPDATED

[Wiseman2]

On 1/26/2024 at 10:25 AM, Yizella said:

 I asked him if he would mind If we pushed the time for the date up rather than cancelling completely in which he said politely that we could just reschedule. 

So you did reschedule and his reply was: "me and my friends are doing this, tag along if you want, but you don't have to be there"?  Please step far away from this type of indifference and disrespect. 

[SlimShadysWife]

14 hours ago, Yizella said:

No I didn’t cancel. When the problem came with the sitter I actually asked if he would mind if we just moved the time for the date up. I was gonna still make it not cancel the date altogether but he insisted that we should just reschedule. 

You want the one on one date, right? Tell him. If he's dodgey you'll have a clear answer.

Also, there's nothing wrong with hanging out with him and his friends, that's how you get to know him- probably the realist form you'll see him in. When you're  trying to get to know eachother, that's better than a one on one date in my eyes- guys tend to put up more of a front when its just you two. You get to listen and observe his convos with others and you'll get a idea of what type of person he is.

Its a good thing that he wants to hang out with you and his friends. Players like to hide their situationships. 

Edited January 27 by SlimShadysWife

[stillafool]

On 1/26/2024 at 10:25 AM, Yizella said:

What worries me is he still hasn’t rescheduled an actual real date, like when he originally asked me on a proper date.

It's been 2 weeks since you said he had to cancel the original date.  What is taking so long for him to ask you out again?

[SlimShadysWife]

I dont really get why hes expected to reschedule a date when the initial date got messed up because something came up with you. And you're the one who seems heavily into him so why does he have to do the chasing. 

 

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Yizella said:

No I didn’t cancel. asked if he would mind if we just moved the time for the date up

Please use this time to reflect if you want to chase indifferent, uninterested men. You tried to reschedule and his "solution" was for you to tag along with his party buddies, but you don't even have to go?. Please understand how disrespectful that is. 

[stillafool]

It sounds like he's in no hurry to get you alone and get to know you better.   Just inviting you to hang out with him and his friends and smoke pot, or shooting a game of pool is not very romantic. 

[basil67]

Agree with what's written above.  It sounds like he doesn't see you in a romantic sense, but is happy enough for you to join as a mate

[Yizella]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

So you did reschedule and his reply was: "me and my friends are doing this, tag along if you want, but you don't have to be there"?  Please step far away from this type of indifference and disrespect. 

Okay I may have confused you. When the issue came up with my sons sitter on the day of the original date he actually asked me on, that same day, rather than cancel, I asked if he would mind if we moved the time up and probably because the time I asked to move the time to didn’t quite work for him considering he was still working that night(I had the night off) he said we could just reschedule. He didn’t approach me about hanging out with him and his friends until a week after saying “Let’s just reschedule.” He also let know after he insisted that we reschedule that it wouldn’t be until another week that he actually rescheduled the date. I didn’t mind rescheduling, because though I didn’t directly cancel, it had to be cancelled because of my issues but it was him that seemed to prefer to set the rescheduled date which is why after  he said we should reschedule and I said I was okay with that his response was“It won’t be this week though.” Which to me meant it would be on his time considering the time he adjusted to originally for me, didn’t work out. When he asked me if I was comfortable with hanging with him and his friends, that was a week later. 

[Yizella]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

It sounds like he's in no hurry to get you alone and get to know you better.   Just inviting you to hang out with him and his friends and smoke pot, or shooting a game of pool is not very romantic. 

Yea. He invited me then told me not to come because he didn’t want me around that environment, them smoking. I suppose maybe he thought about that after initially asking but I’m talking and communicating with other guys so I’m not as invested. Still interested, yes but keeping my options open and choosing to live and have fun and trying not to stress too much over it. When I feel myself getting too deeply emotionally invested with him, I remind myself that I’m technically still a single woman lol 

[Yizella]

3 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said:

You want the one on one date, right? Tell him. If he's dodgey you'll have a clear answer.

Also, there's nothing wrong with hanging out with him and his friends, that's how you get to know him- probably the realist form you'll see him in. When you're  trying to get to know eachother, that's better than a one on one date in my eyes- guys tend to put up more of a front when its just you two. You get to listen and observe his convos with others and you'll get a idea of what type of person he is.

It’s a good thing that he wants to hang out with you and his friends. Players like to hide their situationships. 
 

Yea. I don’t have a problem in general with  hanging out with him and his friends but I just feel with me being the only girl around a bunch of guys and only one being the one I’m interested in, things can go from smooth, laughing and talking to awkward really quick lol. 

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Yizella said:

I’m talking and communicating with other guys so I’m not as invested. When I feel myself getting too deeply emotionally invested with him, I remind myself that I’m technically still a single woman lol 

Please continue taking to and dating other men. Even though you have a crush on him, he's not really that interested. Please wait for guys who treat you a lot better than this. Asking you to tag along with his party buddies is lazy garbage. Please raise your standards and you'll be a lot happier. 

[Yizella]

2 minutes ago, Yizella said:

3 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said:

You want the one on one date, right? Tell him. If he's dodgey you'll have a clear answer.

Also, there's nothing wrong with hanging out with him and his friends, that's how you get to know him- probably the realist form you'll see him in. When you're  trying to get to know eachother, that's better than a one on one date in my eyes- guys tend to put up more of a front when its just you two. You get to listen and observe his convos with others and you'll get a idea of what type of person he is.

It’s a good thing that he wants to hang out with you and his friends. Players like to hide their situationships. 
 

Yea. I don’t have a problem in general with  hanging out with him and his friends but I just feel with me being the only girl around a bunch of guys and only one being the one I’m interested in, things can go from smooth, laughing and talking to awkward really quick lol. 

Also, it’s funny how you said “Players” because everyone here has officially deemed him that lol but I personally don’t see any of this as red flags because it’s all dating, flirting and fun. Now, when I originally updated, my mind was spinning and going and I came off as worried and took the fun out of just enjoying getting to know him and seeing where it goes simply because of something as small as him inviting me to hang with he and his friends. Forgetting that he did make the effort the first time to ask me out properly and we were scheduled and set to go out but it was my issues that got in the way, not his. Now that I see that, I’m thinking clearer. I also think it’s odd that some commentators are saying he isn’t dating material just because he smokes. I have no idea what world the forum dating advice community lives in but I will say everything isn’t so deep and everything isn’t a red flag. Now, if I were to see signs that he was hiding a girlfriend or wife or something like that, then that would be a completely different story lol. Saying he doesn’t see me romantically or he can take or leave me or is a player(Not saying any of those can’t be the case) but all of that is reach because I only know so much about him. 

[SlimShadysWife]

37 minutes ago, Yizella said:

Also, it’s funny how you said “Players” because everyone here has officially deemed him that lol but I personally don’t see any of this as red flags because it’s all dating, flirting and fun. Now, when I originally updated, my mind was spinning and going and I came off as worried and took the fun out of just enjoying getting to know him and seeing where it goes simply because of something as small as him inviting me to hang with he and his friends. Forgetting that he did make the effort the first time to ask me out properly and we were scheduled and set to go out but it was my issues that got in the way, not his. Now that I see that, I’m thinking clearer. I also think it’s odd that some commentators are saying he isn’t dating material just because he smokes. I have no idea what world the forum dating advice community lives in but I will say everything isn’t so deep and everything isn’t a red flag. Now, if I were to see signs that he was hiding a girlfriend or wife or something like that, then that would be a completely different story lol. Saying he doesn’t see me romantically or he can take or leave me or is a player(Not saying any of those can’t be the case) but all of that is reach because I only know so much about him. 

I'm not seeing red flags either. The point in getting to know someone is seeing where it goes, so even if he doesn't see you romantically- doesn't mean he won't eventually. You guys didn't even go on a first date yet. Again, you seem to be very interested in him...you make moves.

Edited January 28 by SlimShadysWife

[Weezy1973]

@Yizella I just think the balls now in your court. Why don’t you ask him out? You needed to cancel (and wanting to change the time is the same as cancelling) the first date; the second suggestion was more of a get together with friends so not really a date. You have a kid so I suspect a less flexible schedule. So might be a good idea to ask him out and show him you’re still interested.

[Alpacalia]

54 minutes ago, Yizella said:

Now, when I originally updated, my mind was spinning and going and I came off as worried and took the fun out of just enjoying getting to know him and seeing where it goes simply because of something as small as him inviting me to hang with he and his friends. Forgetting that he did make the effort the first time to ask me out properly and we were scheduled and set to go out but it was my issues that got in the way, not his. Now that I see that, I’m thinking clearer. I also think it’s odd that some commentators are saying he isn’t dating material just because he smokes. I have no idea what world the forum dating advice community lives in but I will say everything isn’t so deep and everything isn’t a red flag. Now, if I were to see signs that he was hiding a girlfriend or wife or something like that, then that would be a completely different story lol. Saying he doesn’t see me romantically or he can take or leave me or is a player(Not saying any of those can’t be the case) but all of that is reach because I only know so much about him. 

Then shoot your shot, again.

You're obviously very into him and don't mind being invited to tag along with him and his friends while they smoke pot. So, what's stopping you? This guy doesn't have to do a single thing other then invite you to hang out with his friends and you think he's the best thing since sliced bread. Try communicating with him and asking him if he wants to hang out and get to know each other outside of his friends and their pot-smoking sessions. If he says yes, great! If he says he's busy or already has plans, then maybe it's time to move on and find someone who is more available and interested in you.

Edited January 28 by Alpacalia

[Yizella]

37 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Then shoot your shot, again.

You're obviously very into him and don't mind being invited to tag along with him and his friends while they smoke pot. So, what's stopping you? This guy doesn't have to do a single thing other then invite you to hang out with his friends and you think he's the best thing since sliced bread. Try communicating with him and asking him if he wants to hang out and get to know each other outside of his friends and their pot-smoking sessions. If he says yes, great! If he says he's busy or already has plans, then maybe it's time to move on and find someone who is more available and interested in you.

“This guy doesn't have to do a single thing other then invite you to hang out with his friends and you think he's the best thing since sliced bread.” Lol alapacalia I mean this in the most respectful way, you need help. 

[Alpacalia]

Just now, Yizella said:

Lol alapacalia I mean this in the most respectful way, you need help. 

Thanks.

I'll take that on board. lol😇

Seriously though, I'm not opposed to rescheduling the date. In fact I think that the person that cancels the date should make the effort to reschedule if they want to see the other person again. It shows that they are still interested and values the other person's time. But I just don't think this particular guy is worth the effort nor do I think he sees you as anything more than someone he flirts with at work.

If his romantic interest were high, when you cancelled, he would not want to lose the opportunity to see you again. He most likely would have suggested an alternative date were he really interested and not asking you to tag along with his friends. I know you want to give him the benefit of the doubt here but that's not how attraction works. Attraction doesn't need benefits or doubts - it's either there or it isn't.

In this situation, he's not making enough effort and isn't really showing any interest besides flirting at work. I would suggest not investing so much in someone who isn't reciprocating your efforts.

If I were in your shoes I would just keep things light, joking around when you're at work and see where that goes. If something more grows from that, then you know he's really interested.

[Yizella]

1 hour ago, SlimShadysWife said:

I'm not seeing red flags either. The point in getting to know someone is seeing where it goes, so even if he doesn't see you romantically- doesn't mean he won't eventually. You guys didn't even go on a first date yet. Again, you seem to be very interested in him...you make moves.

Trust me, I’ve made moves. The first one to be exact. We actually have both been reciprocating in our show of interest. In our own way. The only thing that stuck in neutral is the date part lol other than that I have no problem with him possibly not seeing  me in a romantic way because I don’t see him in that way either. I just like him, his company and talking to him but i don’t have an image of us actually being a “couple” that’s all in love, not saying it can’t happen if it’s meant to happen but I’m okay with just being simply interested. I think people put too much pressure on forcing romanticism rather than just enjoying the ride that comes with intimacy with a new interest/person. 

[Acacia98]

6 hours ago, Yizella said:

I didn’t mind rescheduling, because though I didn’t directly cancel, it had to be cancelled because of my issues but it was him that seemed to prefer to set the rescheduled date which is why after  he said we should reschedule and I said I was okay with that his response was“It won’t be this week though.” 

If I were him or you and I really wanted to go on a date, I would have suggested a tentative date by now. Even if it were one or two weeks away, I would have suggested something.

4 hours ago, Yizella said:

I just like him, his company and talking to him but i don’t have an image of us actually being a “couple” that’s all in love, not saying it can’t happen if it’s meant to happen but I’m okay with just being simply interested. I think people put too much pressure on forcing romanticism rather than just enjoying the ride that comes with intimacy with a new interest/person. 

Be careful, though. In my experience, people who insist they're just enjoying the ride often have strong feelings below the surface and end up being hurt when the flirtation doesn't progress into something stable and sure.

Edited January 28 by Acacia98

[Yizella]

1 hour ago, Acacia98 said:

If I were him or you and I really wanted to go on a date, I would have suggested a tentative date by now. Even if it were one or two weeks away, I would have suggested something.

Be careful, though. In my experience, people who insist they're just enjoying the ride often have strong feelings below the surface and end up being hurt when the flirtation doesn't progress into something stable and sure.

Trust me, I get it. I’ve been  that person who pretended to be cool with just having fun and not getting invested and I did get hurt, broken down if I must say. The difference now though when I say it vs when I said it then is my confidence, both physically, emotionality and mentally. It’s all different now vs then. I said it then to mask my true feelings and because he said it first and it threw me off mentally because I didn’t build expectations around him not wanting me seriously but I say it now because now I can’t help but to unapologetically be me. I’m not trying to mold myself to be something or someone I’m not for the sake of pleasing someone else. Growth, is the biggest difference with me and dating and relationships now. 

[ExpatInItaly]

He's just not that into you. 

 

[Alpacalia]

Did you cancel your initial pool outing because you were trying to get him to plan a more romantic date, or because you were genuinely unable to go on the first date but didn't want to completely reschedule? I think you're feeling like you're in the friendzone. I understand if an emergency came up, but it did and now it doesn't sound like he's wanting to make a new date. 😕

It's been what, a month now? Not one proper date.

I'm sorry OP but it sounds like he's just trying to keep things casual when you're trying to move past that. I'd start dating others. That way, at least he knows you're not going to be pining for him and maybe his attitude toward you will change. But I wouldn't wait around.

Edited January 28 by Alpacalia

[introverted1]

On 1/26/2024 at 10:25 AM, Yizella said:

I didn’t mention it in the op but I do have a son

Did he know about this prior to you trying to change the time of the first date?

[SlimShadysWife]

18 hours ago, Yizella said:

Trust me, I’ve made moves. The first one to be exact. We actually have both been reciprocating in our show of interest. In our own way. The only thing that stuck in neutral is the date part lol other than that I have no problem with him possibly not seeing  me in a romantic way because I don’t see him in that way either. I just like him, his company and talking to him but i don’t have an image of us actually being a “couple” that’s all in love, not saying it can’t happen if it’s meant to happen but I’m okay with just being simply interested. I think people put too much pressure on forcing romanticism rather than just enjoying the ride that comes with intimacy with a new interest/person. 

I mean make moves in setting up a date.

He could be thinking "you're not that into him" same way as it's assumed he's not into you. Works both ways.

[basil67]

18 hours ago, Yizella said:

 The only thing that stuck in neutral is the date part lol other than that I have no problem with him possibly not seeing  me in a romantic way because I don’t see him in that way either. I just like him, his company and talking to him but i don’t have an image of us actually being a “couple” that’s all in love, not saying it can’t happen if it’s meant to happen but I’m okay with just being simply interested. I think people put too much pressure on forcing romanticism rather than just enjoying the ride that comes with intimacy with a new interest/person. 

Respectfully, if this was true, this thread wouldn't exist, let alone four pages of it.  Perhaps this comment is about you trying to manage your expectations?