If you messaged your crush 'Happy New Year' and they reply 'Enjoy yourself' is that their way of dismissing your message? UPDATED

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Sorry, guys a player. If the label on the jar says "may cause gastrointestinal distress" most if not all people would avoid it.

He's not engaged with her.  Wouldn't a player be trying to bed her before dumping?

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

He's not engaged with her.  Wouldn't a player be trying to bed her before dumping?

IMO Men who are honestly interested are extremely respectful. They are concerned with making a woman feel comfortable. If they start getting sexual (i.e. Daddy) or saying "I wouldn't say that" (instead of just saying "no") in response to "are you dating anyone?" then I would suspect they maybe like the attention and I question their motives.

I've been around the block several times I've never had a man of general character behave this way.

[Yizella]

12 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Sorry, guys a player. If the label on the jar says "may cause gastrointestinal distress" most if not all people would avoid it.

Well I would now have to disagree after actually engaging in conversation with him last night at work. He’s just a chill guy, he’s confident in who he is and his looks which to me makes him more attractive. I don’t think it’s anything wrong with confidence. When I walked up to him, he was accepting of my presence. He asked what was up with me as in to say “wassup” he had a genuine look of interest. He told me to come and take a walk with him around the job sight, obviously to talk. We communicated for about 5-6 minutes about what we like to do outside of work hobbies, what we like to do for fun. We both recognized that we’re both chill, quiet and to ourselves but we like to enjoy ourselves, respect our time and have fun. When I was making my way back to my work section, I went back toward  the elevator that brought me up to his Siri section.  He was polite and helpful. He even pushed the elevator button for me and told me he appreciated me coming to actually talk to him. We ended up running to each other again at work after that conversation from afar and I caught him staring. So, I’m starting to believe he’s interested, not a player but a confident guy who takes things slow and just isn’t thirsty. He plays things cool which is cool to me lol. 

[Yizella]

Just now, Yizella said:

Well I would now have to disagree after actually engaging in conversation with him last night at work. He’s just a chill guy, he’s confident in who he is and his looks which to me makes him more attractive. I don’t think it’s anything wrong with confidence. When I walked up to him, he was accepting of my presence. He asked what was up with me as in to say “wassup” he had a genuine look of interest. He told me to come and take a walk with him around the job sight, obviously to talk. We communicated for about 5-6 minutes about what we like to do outside of work hobbies, what we like to do for fun. We both recognized that we’re both chill, quiet and to ourselves but we like to enjoy ourselves, respect our time and have fun. When I was making my way back to my work section, I went back toward  the elevator that brought me up to his Siri section.  He was polite and helpful. He even pushed the elevator button for me and told me he appreciated me coming to actually talk to him. We ended up running to each other again at work after that conversation from afar and I caught him staring. So, I’m starting to believe he’s interested, not a player but a confident guy who takes things slow and just isn’t thirsty. He plays things cool which is cool to me lol. 

And after that conversation I now believe the whole “Daddy” contact name was him flirting confidently because as I said he’s just a confident guy. He’s sure in himself. 

[Alpacalia]

4 minutes ago, Yizella said:

Well I would now have to disagree after actually engaging in conversation with him last night at work. He’s just a chill guy, he’s confident in who he is and his looks which to me makes him more attractive. I don’t think it’s anything wrong with confidence. When I walked up to him, he was accepting of my presence. He asked what was up with me as in to say “wassup” he had a genuine look of interest. He told me to come and take a walk with him around the job sight, obviously to talk. We communicated for about 5-6 minutes about what we like to do outside of work hobbies, what we like to do for fun. We both recognized that we’re both chill, quiet and to ourselves but we like to enjoy ourselves, respect our time and have fun. When I was making my way back to my work section, I went back toward  the elevator that brought me up to his Siri section.  He was polite and helpful. He even pushed the elevator button for me and told me he appreciated me coming to actually talk to him. We ended up running to each other again at work after that conversation from afar and I caught him staring. So, I’m starting to believe he’s interested, not a player but a confident guy who takes things slow and just isn’t thirsty. He plays things cool which is cool to me lol. 

Well, sounds like you have it figured out! Glad to hear that your interaction with him AT WORK was positive. Did he make any plans to hang out outside of work or has he contacted you out of work? Just curious. Sounds like he's confident, but also knows how to keep it professional with coworkers during work hours. A good quality to have.

Edited January 5, 2024 by Alpacalia

[NuevoYorko]

29 minutes ago, Yizella said:

And after that conversation I now believe the whole “Daddy” contact name was him flirting confidently because as I said he’s just a confident guy. He’s sure in himself. 

Yeah I tended to take that as general flirting that seems to have fallen flat for most here - but not indicative that he necessarily thinks of himself as a porn king or anything like that.

Anyway nice that you have had a pleasant interaction and maybe you will go out for coffee or a drink sometime.  Just take it slow and be observant, and have a good time.

[introverted1]

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

He's not engaged with her.  Wouldn't a player be trying to bed her before dumping?

Only if the woman who he is declining to call a gf is unavailable.

He's doing just enough to keep OP on the hook.  He'll circle around when/if it suits him. 

[Yizella]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

Only if the woman who he is declining to call a gf is unavailable.

He's doing just enough to keep OP on the hook.  He'll circle around when/if it suits him. 

After the conversation I had with him, I think it may not be that deep. He could have possibly said “I wouldn’t say that.” Simply because he’s just dating. He’s not exclusive. How I see it is, he  doesn’t owe me anything to have to keep me hooked.  He really didn’t even owe me the answer of “I wouldn’t say that.” He’s either interested or he isn’t. All I got from him is he’s confident, he’s use to the attention but I don’t think he gets hydrated off of the attention. He accepts it politely and keeps it cool and professional and if the attention is coming from someone he’s interested in also, he’ll let be known, just not all loudly. We as women are use to guys coming on so strong.  Calling us beautiful, pretty, constantly validating us that the moment we come across a chill guy, we think “Player”. Now I’m not saying it isn’t a possibility but the replier who mentioned I didn’t give enough info nor did I talk to him enough and have enough conversation prior to yesterday night to randomly throw random labels on him, is helping me see it differently

[Yizella]

6 hours ago, Yizella said:

Well I would now have to disagree after actually engaging in conversation with him last night at work. He’s just a chill guy, he’s confident in who he is and his looks which to me makes him more attractive. I don’t think it’s anything wrong with confidence. When I walked up to him, he was accepting of my presence. He asked what was up with me as in to say “wassup” he had a genuine look of interest. He told me to come and take a walk with him around the job sight, obviously to talk. We communicated for about 5-6 minutes about what we like to do outside of work hobbies, what we like to do for fun. We both recognized that we’re both chill, quiet and to ourselves but we like to enjoy ourselves, respect our time and have fun. When I was making my way back to my work section, I went back toward  the elevator that brought me up to his Siri section.  He was polite and helpful. He even pushed the elevator button for me and told me he appreciated me coming to actually talk to him. We ended up running to each other again at work after that conversation from afar and I caught him staring. So, I’m starting to believe he’s interested, not a player but a confident guy who takes things slow and just isn’t thirsty. He plays things cool which is cool to me lol. 

 When he first said “I wouldn’t say that.”, just like most replies to this thread said, I thought “He must have a gf.” Assuming that’s it’s one specific special person when it could be one two or three different women that prompted that response because in dating your options are kept open. In that case it wouldn’t be a player, it would be a single or woman just dating lol. 

[Yizella]

2 minutes ago, Yizella said:

 When he first said “I wouldn’t say that.”, just like most replies to this thread said, I thought “He must have a gf.” Assuming that’s it’s one specific special person when it could be one two or three different women that prompted that response because in dating your options are kept open. In that case it wouldn’t be a player, it would be a single or woman just dating lol. 

So it’s like you just never know. All thoughts are debatable until you really get to know the entire situation truthfully not through opinions, thoughts and feelings. 

Edited January 5, 2024 by Yizella

[Alpacalia]

You need to be a bit more discerning. You've got him pegged out to be a shiny prince on a white unicorn that's going to whisk you away on a life journey. I hate to be harsh, but you're nothing to him right now. You're just some woman he works with who he's had a bit of back and forth teasing with, nothing more. You need to seek out men who make an effort, and this guy isn't making any effort. He's making excuses and you are buying them.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Yizella said:

We communicated for about 5-6 minutes about what we like to do outside of work hobbies, what we like to do for fun. 

This is far more appropriate for getting to know him.  Jumping to the conclusion that he's a player is sort far-fetched considering you approached him while he was just minding his own business working. It's also a bit sexist to assume his personality ( player, porn addict etc.) based on the fact that he's attractive. The best bet is to try to get to know him without prejudice. 

[Yizella]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

You need to be a bit more discerning. You've got him pegged out to be a shiny prince on a white unicorn that's going to whisk you away on a life journey. I hate to be harsh, but you're nothing to him right now. You're just some woman he works with who he's had a bit of back and forth teasing with, nothing more. You need to seek out men who make an effort, and this guy isn't making any effort. He's making excuses and you are buying them.

I feel like I am being discerning. I don’t have  him pegged  as a prince charming at all. I just noticed his confidence after actually speaking to him and not assuming who he was anymore. Confidence doesn’t mean perfect, it’s just awareness and secureness of who you are. I don’t think he’s flawless. As you get to know someone, you realize that. I don’t have him  on a pedestal in my mind like we often do when we take a liking to someone but I will say I’m seeing him from a different light vs when I was just making assumptions and putting titles on him and painting him out to be someone he possibly wasn’t because I never seriously conversed with him. I also think he’s made about as much effort as I expect someone who I have only had any interaction with at my job to make. I don’t expect him to skip around, on and over the moon and earth for me and run off into the sunset with him and we’re just getting the ball rolling. I think that’s a crazy expectation. I don’t think he’s made excuses as in a bunch of them because before speaking to him the only thing that I could possibly say was an excuse was him saying he wasn’t a texter and now I can see he may really just not be that. I get you’re just giving  advice based on experience and what you know and telling me to be aware which I am but I truly don’t think he’s this bad guy looking to string someone along and play around. I believe he’s young and wants to date and have fun just like me.  That’s all I got from yesterday. Not that he’s a player, playing mind games, putting me in loops and getting me “Hooked”. That takes more effort than just simply actually getting to know someone. Things like that  do happen and occur but I feel we get so caught up in making sure we don’t get “Played” and being too aware that we end up getting ourselves played even if playing us was never their intentions to begin with because you move a certain way when you think a certain way. 

Edited January 6, 2024 by Yizella

[Alpacalia]

8 hours ago, Yizella said:

I feel like I am being discerning. I don’t have  him pegged  as a prince charming at all. I just noticed his confidence after actually speaking to him and not assuming who he was anymore. Confidence doesn’t mean perfect, it’s just awareness and secureness of who you are. I don’t think he’s flawless. As you get to know someone, you realize that. I don’t have him  on a pedestal in my mind like we often do when we take a liking to someone but I will say I’m seeing him from a different light vs when I was just making assumptions and putting titles on him and painting him out to be someone he possibly wasn’t because I never seriously conversed with him. I also think he’s made about as much effort as I expect someone who I have only had any interaction with at my job to make. I don’t expect him to skip around, on and over the moon and earth for me and run off into the sunset with him and we’re just getting the ball rolling. I think that’s a crazy expectation. I don’t think he’s made excuses as in a bunch of them because before speaking to him the only thing that I could possibly say was an excuse was him saying he wasn’t a texter and now I can see he may really just not be that. I get you’re just giving  advice based on experience and what you know and telling me to be aware which I am but I truly don’t think he’s this bad guy looking to string someone along and play around. I believe he’s young and wants to date and have fun just like me.  That’s all I got from yesterday. Not that he’s a player, playing mind games, putting me in loops and getting me “Hooked”. That takes more effort than just simply actually getting to know someone. Things like that  do happen and occur but I feel we get so caught up in making sure we don’t get “Played” and being too aware that we end up getting ourselves played even if playing us was never their intentions to begin with because you move a certain way when you think a certain way. 

Are you sure about that? Because three pages of justification and rationalization tells an entirely different story.

Edited January 6, 2024 by Alpacalia

[Yizella]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Are you sure about that? Because three pages of justification and rationalization tells an entirely different story.

Yea I’m actually very sure about. The three pages wasn’t justification or rationalization but respectful and accepting responses to all advice I received which helped me see it in different perspectives. I’m not a black and white kind of person. I open my mind to multiple things because I feel it’s easier to get revelation that way vs seeing things in “It’s either this or that. Nothing else.” Kind of way.

[Yizella]

Update guys. He did actually ask me out on a date, properly. I didn’t push him. I won’t say I fell back but I gave him the same attention he gave me and showed him the same amount interest he was showing in me. Before he asked, we would pass by each other. Speak and smile and tonight while in my work section he messaged me and ask where I was located(at the job). Then, he asked me to meet him because he wanted to ask me something. That’s when he asked me if wanted to go with him to shoot pool on Saturday. I said yes but I also let him know I didn’t know how to play so in other words saying “You can teach me.” Flirting And that was exactly his response, that he can teach me and that it would be something new to learn and experience. 

[d0nnivain]

Enjoy the date.  Have fun learning a new skill.  Update us afterwards.  

[Alpacalia]

Great, let us know how it goes! Good luck on your date!

[Yizella]

Update. So unfortunately, the date had to be rescheduled because of me. I didn’t mention it in the op but I do have a son. The sitter who was suppose to keep him the day of the date, something came up with her that was an emergency and at first I asked him if he would mind If we pushed the time for the date up rather than cancelling completely in which he said politely that we could just reschedule. 
 

He rescheduled but what he rescheduled no longer seemed like a date. He invited me to hang out with he and two guy friends, who work at the job with us and his brother. Initially, I agreed. He had told me I didn’t have to come if I wasn’t comfortable with that. So, I thought maybe he wanted to start things off more friendly rather than instantly pushing romantic but, I thought about how weird it would look with me being the only girl with a bunch of guys. Before I could say I wasn’t down with that hang out, he approached me and told me I didn’t have to come anymore because they are gonna be smoking and getting high and he didn’t want me around any of that. It sounds that could be the truth and seems as though he does care but he also could just be nicely friend zoning me, in an indirect way. What worries me is he still hasn’t rescheduled an actual real date, like when he originally asked me on a proper date. I mean he flirts. He tells me that he wants me to be  comfortable around him. We’ve had good conversations to the point we both forgot we were even at work having the conversations but the hang out with him and his friends part is what’s throwing me off. 

[Alpacalia]

Yes, definitely doesn't seem like a romantic date. It seems more like a hangout with friends.

He invited you to play pool initially and then later invited you to chill with him and his friends. 

Also, if you're not comfortable being around certain things, it's completely understandable for you to say so. So, it's up to you to decide if you want to go to his friends' place or not.

Just continue getting to know him and see where things go. I still think he is a bit of a flirt. So, just be mindful of that.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Yizella said:

He rescheduled but what he rescheduled no longer seemed like a date. He invited me to hang out with he and two guy friends, who work at the job with us and his brother. Initially, I agreed. He had told me I didn’t have to come if I wasn’t comfortable 

 Sorry this happened. Agree, it's not really a date to ask you to tag along if you want while he's with friends. 

Telling you he doesn't really care if you show up or not is rather insulting. Please step back.

If he ever asks you on a real one-on-one date indicating interest, and you're still interested, reconsider things at that point. For now, please don't pursue him any further. 

[Kassieee]

13 hours ago, Yizella said:

Update. So unfortunately, the date had to be rescheduled because of me. I didn’t mention it in the op but I do have a son. The sitter who was suppose to keep him the day of the date, something came up with her that was an emergency and at first I asked him if he would mind If we pushed the time for the date up rather than cancelling completely in which he said politely that we could just reschedule. 
 

He rescheduled but what he rescheduled no longer seemed like a date. He invited me to hang out with he and two guy friends, who work at the job with us and his brother. Initially, I agreed. He had told me I didn’t have to come if I wasn’t comfortable with that. So, I thought maybe he wanted to start things off more friendly rather than instantly pushing romantic but, I thought about how weird it would look with me being the only girl with a bunch of guys. Before I could say I wasn’t down with that hang out, he approached me and told me I didn’t have to come anymore because they are gonna be smoking and getting high and he didn’t want me around any of that. It sounds that could be the truth and seems as though he does care but he also could just be nicely friend zoning me, in an indirect way. What worries me is he still hasn’t rescheduled an actual real date, like when he originally asked me on a proper date. I mean he flirts. He tells me that he wants me to be  comfortable around him. We’ve had good conversations to the point we both forgot we were even at work having the conversations but the hang out with him and his friends part is what’s throwing me off. 

You cancelled the date, so you plan a one on one date. He's probably thinking omg this girl cancelled on me and feeling dumb.

Edited January 27, 2024 by SlimShadysWife

[Yizella]

1 hour ago, SlimShadysWife said:

You cancelled the date, so you plan a one on one date. He's probably thinking omg this girl cancelled on me and feeling dumb.

No I didn’t cancel. When the problem came with the sitter I actually asked if he would mind if we just moved the time for the date up. I was gonna still make it not cancel the date altogether but he insisted that we should just reschedule. 

[Weezy1973]

9 hours ago, Yizella said:

No I didn’t cancel. When the problem came with the sitter I actually asked if he would mind if we just moved the time for the date up. I was gonna still make it not cancel the date altogether but he insisted that we should just reschedule. 

Yeah I agree though - you wanted to move the date to a time he wasn’t available which is why he said to reschedule. It’s just semantics but you’re the one that cancelled, it’s up to you now to plan the rescheduled date.

[Alpacalia]

I wouldn't bother rescheduling. He sounds like he can take you or leave you. I don't mean that to be offensive.

Plus, he invited you to hang out with his friends to smoke pot.  If he didn't come off the way he did initially and showed at least some level of dating decorum, different story. 

Unless you don't mind more of the same dodge-ball. Also, someone to smoke pot with.