My Girlfriend makes post about being unhappy but acts normal around me

[basil67]

1 minute ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

Uh she’s living in my damn house lol. 

Yes, sorry...I wasn't clear.   Is she using you to keep a roof over her head?  Does she pay you rent or are you giving her free accommodation? 

Aside from her appalling communication, does she behave like a regular loving girlfriend? 

[Jamesdixon2892]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yes, sorry...I wasn't clear.   Is she using you to keep a roof over her head?  Does she pay you rent or are you giving her free accommodation? 

Aside from her appalling communication, does she behave like a regular loving girlfriend? 

She’s very jealous. Very jealous. We were going strong at first. Idk what happened. She doesn’t pay bills no. 

[Alpacalia]

She's not jealous. She's insecure.

It's on her for agreeing to get back together with you after cheating on her and clearly you would be with this other woman if it wasn't for the fact that your family dislikes her. That means that YOU are settling for your girlfriend.

It's not surprising that she would feel insecure in this situation. She probably knows that your heart isn't fully invested in the relationship and that you have feelings for someone else. Stop making her out to be the bad guy. Does her past-aggressive digs and posts help? Absolutely not. And while she may not be handling this situation in the most mature way, it's understandable that she would feel hurt and insecure.

Why isn't she contributing to any of the household expenses? Whose idea was that, yours or hers?

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

She doesn’t pay bills no. 

Why not?  I'd be jealous too.  Jealous I might lose my gravy train.  Make her pay her share of the bills.

[Jamesdixon2892]

19 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

She's not jealous. She's insecure.

It's on her for agreeing to get back together with you after cheating on her and clearly you would be with this other woman if it wasn't for the fact that your family dislikes her. That means that YOU are settling for your girlfriend.

It's not surprising that she would feel insecure in this situation. She probably knows that your heart isn't fully invested in the relationship and that you have feelings for someone else. Stop making her out to be the bad guy. Does her past-aggressive digs and posts help? Absolutely not. And while she may not be handling this situation in the most mature way, it's understandable that she would feel hurt and insecure.

Why isn't she contributing to any of the household expenses? Whose idea was that, yours or hers?

I have not spoken to that other woman in months. Not like a real conversation . I’ll be honest here…. I did make a fake account to look at the other woman’s instagram stories but she is smart and months ago she told  me that there’s nothing for me on her social media and called me an idiot. She also said I ruined her life and now watch her stories to see how she’s doing and she said she’s doing fine and she’s happy I’m not in her life. She said she wasn’t gonna tell my gf because I’m not her problem anymore. I haven’t watched her social media since. And this was months ago. I said all that to say that my gf doesn’t even know about any of that. I stopped looking at that woman’s social media since she told me she didn’t appreciate me looking at her social media. I’ve been committed to my girl ever since. And this was months ago. Just because I had feelings for someone. I know how to let go 

Edited November 19, 2023 by Jamesdixon2892

[Jamesdixon2892]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Why not?  I'd be jealous too.  Jealous I might lose my gravy train.  Make her pay her share of the bills.

Jealous of a woman I don’t even speak to?

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

I have not spoken to that other woman in months. Not like a real conversation . I’ll be honest here…. I did make a fake account to look at the other woman’s instagram stories but she is smart and months ago she told  me that there’s nothing for me on her social media and called me an idiot. She also said I ruined her life and now watch her stories to see how she’s doing and she said she’s doing fine and she’s happy I’m not in her life. She said she wasn’t gonna tell my gf because I’m not her problem anymore. I haven’t watched her social media since. And this was months ago. I said all that to say that my gf doesn’t even know about any of that. I stopped looking at that woman’s social media since she told me she didn’t appreciate me looking at her social media. I’ve been committed to my girl ever since. And this was months ago. Just because I had feelings for someone. I know how to let go 

lol

Dude, it's clear as day that you still have the hots for this other woman that you cheated on your girlfriend with.

Again, why isn't your current GF contributing to any of the household expenses? Whose idea was that, yours or hers?

[Jamesdixon2892]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

lol

Dude, it's clear as day that you still have the hots for this other woman that you cheated on your girlfriend with.

Again, why isn't your current GF contributing to any of the household expenses? Whose idea was that, yours or hers?

I don’t have feelings for the other. I own the home. She contributes to groceries and household things 

Edited November 19, 2023 by Jamesdixon2892

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

She’s very jealous. Very jealous. We were going strong at first. Idk what happened. She doesn’t pay bills no

When I ask if she behaves like a loving girlfriend, I mean do the two of you still have sex?  Do you go on dates?  Does she do nice things for you?  Does she enjoy your company?

Please note that contributing to groceries and household expenses is the absolute minimum one would expect from any person who shares a house, so that counts for nothing

 

1 hour ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

Jealous of a woman I don’t even speak to?

Well, you did cheat on her, so the jealousy/insecurity stands to reason.  The fact that you don't speak to your affair partner does not mean that your "girlfriend" shouldn't have lingering resentment....and it does not reflect well on you that you scoff at the idea that her bad feelings haven't just gone away

[Alpacalia]

42 minutes ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

I don’t have feelings for the other. I own the home. She contributes to groceries and household things 

So, there's no mortgage or rent?

Does she pay for things like utilities (gas, electric, water, cable/satellite, Internet, phone, insurance, food, all household and grocery items, etc.)?

One of the steps you take after cheating is not to play the victim after you **** up

It's concerning that you went so far as to make a fake account to look at your ex's social media that you cheated on your girlfriend with.

You've been back with your girlfriend for over a year and yet you still went behind her back to try get information about another woman. Instead of taking responsibility for your actions and apologizing, you are playing it off like it was no big deal and trying to make your girlfriend feel like she is this jealous overreactive type.

This is not fair to your girlfriend and shows a lack of respect and trust in your relationship. Doesn't matter that she doesn't know about it, it still shows that you still have unresolved feelings for the other woman and are not fully committed to your current relationship.

Your girlfriend's post about being around energy she shouldn't be around and not being inspired by anyone but her best friend shows that she feels unfulfilled or unhappy in the relationship. Her deleting the promotion of you djing at her club is a sign of her distancing herself from you.

I would say put all the card on the table.. if she still wants to be with you she would have to work with you in explaining why she is posting all these things.

But you also need to understand that your past infidelity has affected the trust and stability in your current relationship. And keeping tabs on exes through fake accounts is not getting you any brownie points. Even if it's behind your girlfriend's back.

[MsJayne]

10 hours ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

I also kinda had strong feelings for the girl I cheated on her with but my family hated her so it wouldn’t work. I cut that girl off to be with her. That one girl I cheated with…. She’s so insecure about her

And who could blame her? You cheated and only ditched that person because your family didn't like her, and then you got engaged to someone else. You moved on very easily after treating her so badly and this time around she's worked out that she's your second choice. Putting a roof over her head and paying the bills is just material stuff which isn't worth much if she's living with the belief that she's the girl you settled for. If that's what's going on, the best thing she could do is leave, because it sounds like she has a constant gut feeling she can't trust you and it's affecting her choices. 

[Wiseman2]

Why not text and call your GF and ask what's up? It seems like social media is a downfall of yours. Maybe it's time to review and reset your privacy settings and content and delete some dead weight? There seems to be too much avoidable and unnecessary drama going on. 

There's no reason for you two to even have to communicate your personal business publicly through social media and there's no reason to make fake profiles and stalk exes. Detox from social media and clean it up a bit. Review your settings.  For example maybe mute some stuff, limit some access and place people in groups such as friends, work, family, etc. 

Edited November 20, 2023 by Wiseman2

[d0nnivain]

21 hours ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

Also why would you refer to her as a placeholder? And I was engaged to someone while me and current gf were broken up. We were broken up for a few years. And I was engaged to someone else. I also kinda had strong feelings for the girl I cheated on her with but my family hated her so it wouldn’t work. I cut that girl off to be with her. That one girl I cheated with…. She’s so insecure about her

You cheated on your GF & when you reconciled you moved her into a house you bought while engaged to another woman.   She's understandably insecure about the woman you cheated on her with.  You admit you had strong feelings for the girl you cheated on your GF with & you make it sound like the only reason you broke up is because your family didn't like her.  That makes it sound like if your family approved you would be with her now instead of your GF.  Plus you are still going out of your way to look at her social media.  You want her but she told you to go away & you are not her problem.  If she expressed interest, you'd be there.  To add a 3rd woman in this -- a FI no less -- in a brief 5 year period in your GF's shoes I would feel like a placeholder, the girl you settled for because the ones you really wanted:  the cheater who you have (present tense) strong feelings for & the woman you proposed to didn't work out.  No wonder she's unhappy.   Either put your energy in this relationship or let her go.  

Edited November 20, 2023 by d0nnivain

[Jamesdixon2892]

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You cheated on your GF & when you reconciled you moved her into a house you bought while engaged to another woman.   She's understandably insecure about the woman you cheated on her with.  You admit you had strong feelings for the girl you cheated on your GF with & you make it sound like the only reason you broke up is because your family didn't like her.  That makes it sound like if your family approved you would be with her now instead of your GF.  Plus you are still going out of your way to look at her social media.  You want her but she told you to go away & you are not her problem.  If she expressed interest, you'd be there.  To add a 3rd woman in this -- a FI no less -- in a brief 5 year period in your GF's shoes I would feel like a placeholder, the girl you settled for because the ones you really wanted:  the cheater who you have (present tense) strong feelings for & the woman you proposed to didn't work out.  No wonder she's unhappy.   Either put your energy in this relationship or let her go.  

I couldn’t be with the other woman! She was one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever laid eyes own but she had a fiery temper! We always argued and it just wasn’t healthy!! I did care about her and I loved her and I even told her years ago I would leave everything for her but we just couldn’t work because we had too much history…. I let her go. She asked me to stop looking at her page and I stopped. I’m giving my full attention to my current gf. She thinks I hate the other woman. I haven’t spoke to other woman in years. When she DID speak to me she was mean and said mean things because of how we ended. So I let her go. How am I wrong ? I let her go. I’m giving my all to my current gf now

[Jamesdixon2892]

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not text and call your GF and ask what's up? It seems like social media is a downfall of yours. Maybe it's time to review and reset your privacy settings and content and delete some dead weight? There seems to be too much avoidable and unnecessary drama going on. 

There's no reason for you two to even have to communicate your personal business publicly through social media and there's no reason to make fake profiles and stalk exes. Detox from social media and clean it up a bit. Review your settings.  For example maybe mute some stuff, limit some access and place people in groups such as friends, work, family, etc. 

even when we travel she takes selfies of herself and only post those so idk why she’s so mad. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

even when we travel she takes selfies of herself and only post those so idk why she’s so mad. 

Ask. And please stop communicating through social media like a couple of tweens. She's annoyed because of bad blood and past history and you're well aware of that.

If your living arrangements are mutually convenient where you get sex, housekeeping, house sitting, etc and she gets an affordable place to stay, then that's working for now. But you know you're still holding a torch for the exhottie so why play games and be obtuse about it? 

[Jamesdixon2892]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ask. And please stop communicating through social media like a couple of tweens. She's annoyed because of bad blood and past history and you're well aware of that.

If your living arrangements are mutually convenient where you get sex, housekeeping, house sitting, etc and she gets an affordable place to stay, then that's working for now. But you know you're still holding a torch for the exhottie so why play games and be obtuse about it? 

I asked her and she always “I’m fine” “nothings wrong” and again I let the ex go. Dude she’s mean lol

[stillafool]

39 minutes ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

I asked her and she always “I’m fine” “nothings wrong” and again I let the ex go. Dude she’s mean lol

Well if she says nothings wrong tell her to stop posting about being so unhappy.  After that don't look or ask her anymore.  That's her problem.

[Jamesdixon2892]

26 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Well if she says nothings wrong tell her to stop posting about being so unhappy.  After that don't look or ask her anymore.  That's her problem.

It’s my girl…. How’s it not my problem lol

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

It’s my girl…. How’s it not my problem lol

Because you keep asking her and she says nothing is wrong.  What else can you do?

[d0nnivain]

It is kind of your problem because your GF is either lying when she says nothing is wrong or she is lying when she posts sad stuff.  If she won't reconcile those two concepts why do you want to be with a woman who hides her feelings from you?   I suspect she's conflicted over the EX & over living in a house you bought with / for another woman but she doesn't want to rock the boat because she understands selling this house & buying another one isn't like changing apartments.  

[Alpacalia]

To solve your problem, you need to be aware of it.

It's a bit ironic because part of the issue involves creating fake social media accounts to keep an eye on this other woman. What if GF is aware but chooses not to address it? Whatever it is, she's upset and irritated. Maybe she is avoiding discussing it to prevent an argument, preferring to say she's fine. You can play guessing games all day long, but you will never know the true reason unless you drill down deeper.

Edited November 21, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Jamesdixon2892]

31 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

To solve your problem, you need to be aware of it.

It's a bit ironic because part of the issue involves creating fake social media accounts to keep an eye on this other woman. What if GF is aware but chooses not to address it? Whatever it is, she's upset and irritated. Maybe she is avoiding discussing it to prevent an argument, preferring to say she's fine. You can play guessing games all day long, but you will never know the true reason unless you drill down deeper.

How would she know? She thinks I hate other women

[Alpacalia]

2 minutes ago, Jamesdixon2892 said:

How would she know? She thinks I hate other women

Do you?

[Jamesdixon2892]

35 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Do you?

No….. she just drives me nuts. She knows how to push my buttons more than anyone. But we can never be together. So I talked crap about her to my family and my gf because I was being Childish. So they are convinced I hate her. I don’t hate her but she gets on my nerves so bad