Gaeta Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 41 minutes ago, Bellabee10 said: I do trust him, but I’m not sure if I trust her So you view your boyfriend as weak, unable to establish limits, unable to reject women's interest, he's like a raggy doll with no spine? If you trust him, what could she possibly do/say that would shake his commitment to you? So deep down it's him you don't trust OR you have very low self-confidence and you feel you don't have what it takes to keep his full attention. Why do you feel he would trade you/ betray you so easily? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 1 hour ago, Bellabee10 said: I do trust him, but I’m not sure if I trust her. Frankly, there's no such thing. No one can "steal" your BF away. Unfortunately you seem to have a particular jealousy and insecurity about this old flame from back in the day, even though you met her, she's happily married and wholly uninterested in your BF. You were even insulted that your BF and she were talking at a party with everyone present including you, your children, her husband and their children. Please focus on your obsession with her and why that is. Is there something about her that threatens you this much? Age, appearance, personality, etc.? Your BF seems happy and seems to treat you well, so perhaps there are underlying situations? Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 1 hour ago, Bellabee10 said: I do trust him, but I’m not sure if I trust her. This is just a way of saying you don't trust your bf. Looking at your post history, it's clear you don't feel secure in your standing with your bf. Time to start thinking about whether this is the relationship you want. If it is, you need to stop snooping on your bf's phone and hyper-analysing everything he does, particularly when he hasn't done anything wrong. If there are things lacking in the relationship, then you need to consider whether they are realistically going to happen and, if not, move on. If you think your bf is unaware of how insecure you are, you are likely wrong. And if you think it's not exhausting being with someone who is constantly twisting and analysing mundane events, you are definitely wrong. You will sabotage your relationship if you continue this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 1 hour ago, Bellabee10 said: I do trust him You most definitely do not. This thread wouldn't exist if you did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 35 minutes ago, introverted1 said: If you think your bf is unaware of how insecure you are, you are likely wrong. And if you think it's not exhausting being with someone who is constantly twisting and analysing mundane events, you are definitely wrong. You will sabotage your relationship if you continue this way. No kidding. It WILL be the death of a relationship. OP: You are not even present for your actual relationship when you are spending all of this emotional energy on stuff like this. Not only this one woman but the perceived slight about Thanksgiving and other things as well. This guy seems extremely adept at compartmentalizing so you have that in your favor but it still cannot be sustainable with this level of ... instability. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 I'm really not sure why you didn't ask your bf about this when it originally happened. You said everything has been going great between you two, yet you don't feel comfortable enough to ask him a question you badly want the answer to. Why is that? How long ago did this happen? The story is very familiar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 15 hours ago, stillafool said: I'm really not sure why you didn't ask your bf about this when it originally happened. You said everything has been going great between you two, yet you don't feel comfortable enough to ask him a question you badly want the answer to. Why is that? How long ago did this happen? The story is very familiar. This has been an issue since September: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 This relationship is doomed unless you, OP, get some kind of handle on your jealousy. I think you will need some help beyond a message board like these and spinning in your own head in order to work through it. I think that any relationship will not be workable for you unless you get past this tendency - but this one, which is already long term and very compartmentalized so there are always big chunks of the man's life and your own that have, and probably will never merge, seems to be driving you over the edge. Link to post Share on other sites
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