Should I have continued to go out with her in this situation?

[Alpacalia]

Vaguebooking.

Have not heard of that. Reminds me of the people that say "I have my thoughts but I'll refrain from posting blah blah blah." Or, "I would get into it but I'll save that for another time."

Clear as bells.

Yeah, total attention seeking behavior and you're (kindly...) a sucker that is falling for it. Why engage with that?

It's like making a post that you're sick "Oh no! What's wrong?" "I'm sick" Well, okay... Hope you feel better?🤷‍♀️

Whatever she is doing, stop responding, stop taking calls, stop texting her. You are part of her fix, her thrill seeking addiction. Did she once have an addiction to drugs? It doesn't matter, she is addicted to something. You are something for her to use to get off with. Her thinking creates a cycle: addiction, happy happy, oh woe is me, then, and on and on and on. You are one of several something that she is using for this.

[glows]

4 hours ago, marcheem1 said:

Thank you all for the responses again. Fast forward to almost a month later, I have started seeing another girl, who genuinely makes me smile and reciprocates the same feelings.

However, the girl I have been talking about previously on this thread, found out. It was probably a friend of her who asked me if I was interested in meeting her cousin but told her that I was already happily seeing someone.

Here is how the conversation went when we met at a work conference after two months of not seeing each other:

"Long time no see! How are things going? I can see that smile in your face, have you been seeing someone?"

"Hey yes, things are going well! Hope you are doing okay. Well, it was great seeing you, see you around!"

"Well, I am happy for you, but wait. I need to tell you that I really should have communicated things better, because I have felt so safe whenever I have been with you. My mom and friends keep talking about you, and I really should have communicated things better. I really do want a relationship after working on myself, but I was just so scared to have a conversation with you, and the guys I have been dating are not intentional like you. I just want you to know that you have nothing to feel sorry about, because you really are exceptional, and as your friend, I hope it works out."

"Thanks a lot, I hope you understand that I am very intentional in everything I do, as you can tell. I just respected your boundary when you said that you did not want anything serious and all the rest, but there are no hard feelings."

"Okay, yeah, because I have been seeing a guy lately, but he does not act right. He always walks ahead of me, his actions do not align with his words, he is inconsistent, he always asks me why I act a certain way around him. I think he is gaslighting me, and I already told him that I did not want anything to do with him, but he keeps reaching out to me. We went to a concert last weekend, and he always kept walking ahead of me, and did not introduce me to any of his friends. He did not even open doors for me or offered to pick me up!"

"Sorry to hear that, but as a friend, like you said, I need to ask you: why are you entertaining this with someone who does not seem sure about wanting to be with you? I do not see this guy respecting your boundaries, based on what you are telling me, but it is your decision at this point."

"I just do not know where I stand with him, but I am going to handle this now, I am tired of it. See? This is what I am saying, you are so different and mature, not like the other guys. It was great talking to you like usual."

"Thanks again, I have to go now, have a good one!"

One day later, she texted me, saying "It was really great seeing you again!  " I just replied with a thumbs up.

On social media she also posted: "There are still good men in this world, you just have to be willing to see it when they come to your life."

What is your interpretation? Is she really regretful?

Let me be clear: I am not looking to get her back, simply because things are going well with the girl I am seeing now, because I do not have need to doubt her intentions, and she feels the same way, which makes us happy.

Just let me know your thoughts.

Thank you!

I think it was a harmless post and more of a compliment. She was obviously talking about you. No, it doesn’t mean she’s regretful in particular. That is way too specific and you’re overthinking. Learn to take a compliment. There is no hidden agenda or meaning behind this. Continue being your secure self and stop thinking everything is bad or negative ie with regrets etc. 

The interaction also sounded random and she was just venting about the guy she’s seeing - not exactly tasteful but hey, people go through rough times too. Just limit your time chatting with her in future or cut conversations shorter if you can’t be bothered hearing about her dating issues.

[FredEire]

On 11/26/2023 at 11:33 PM, marcheem1 said:

Thank you all for the responses again. Fast forward to almost a month later, I have started seeing another girl, who genuinely makes me smile and reciprocates the same feelings.

However, the girl I have been talking about previously on this thread, found out. It was probably a friend of her who asked me if I was interested in meeting her cousin but told her that I was already happily seeing someone.

Here is how the conversation went when we met at a work conference after two months of not seeing each other:

"Long time no see! How are things going? I can see that smile in your face, have you been seeing someone?"

"Hey yes, things are going well! Hope you are doing okay. Well, it was great seeing you, see you around!"

"Well, I am happy for you, but wait. I need to tell you that I really should have communicated things better, because I have felt so safe whenever I have been with you. My mom and friends keep talking about you, and I really should have communicated things better. I really do want a relationship after working on myself, but I was just so scared to have a conversation with you, and the guys I have been dating are not intentional like you. I just want you to know that you have nothing to feel sorry about, because you really are exceptional, and as your friend, I hope it works out."

"Thanks a lot, I hope you understand that I am very intentional in everything I do, as you can tell. I just respected your boundary when you said that you did not want anything serious and all the rest, but there are no hard feelings."

"Okay, yeah, because I have been seeing a guy lately, but he does not act right. He always walks ahead of me, his actions do not align with his words, he is inconsistent, he always asks me why I act a certain way around him. I think he is gaslighting me, and I already told him that I did not want anything to do with him, but he keeps reaching out to me. We went to a concert last weekend, and he always kept walking ahead of me, and did not introduce me to any of his friends. He did not even open doors for me or offered to pick me up!"

"Sorry to hear that, but as a friend, like you said, I need to ask you: why are you entertaining this with someone who does not seem sure about wanting to be with you? I do not see this guy respecting your boundaries, based on what you are telling me, but it is your decision at this point."

"I just do not know where I stand with him, but I am going to handle this now, I am tired of it. See? This is what I am saying, you are so different and mature, not like the other guys. It was great talking to you like usual."

"Thanks again, I have to go now, have a good one!"

One day later, she texted me, saying "It was really great seeing you again!  " I just replied with a thumbs up.

On social media she also posted: "There are still good men in this world, you just have to be willing to see it when they come to your life."

What is your interpretation? Is she really regretful?

Let me be clear: I am not looking to get her back, simply because things are going well with the girl I am seeing now, because I do not have need to doubt her intentions, and she feels the same way, which makes us happy.

Just let me know your thoughts.

Thank you!

She's probably able to express regret now rather than anger because she's with a new guy, and he is the "problem" she's working on rather than you. In a way your position in her past may make you the one that got away, in a sense, now that she's no longer emotionally triggered by you.

Nonetheless I agree with others that it doesn't seem to be coming from a bad place. Take the compliment and move on.

Edited December 5, 2023 by FredEire

[marcheem1]

Thank you all for the responses, there is just one more thing that is crossing my mind.

I was just thinking to put a comment on a photo of a national park she posted that I genuinely believe is a nice shot, that is it. Would you suggest I do that to show that I am not am cutting her off since she is still a colleague, I am not going to be in the office for a while, and I did not text her for xmas nor nye (applying no contact rule), after she texted me for thanksgiving (last contact we had)? My birthday is also coming up so I have the feeling that she is going to text, but as said before I am happy with the girl I am with now and would not want neither of them to think that I am talking to other girls, but also showing that I have no hard feelings.

Edited January 3 by marcheem1

[Alpacalia]

12 minutes ago, marcheem1 said:

My birthday is also coming up so I have the feeling that she is going to text, but as said before I am happy with the girl I am with now and would not want neither of them to think that I am talking to other girls, but also showing that I have no hard feelings.

I think the message you sent initially ""I really appreciate you being honest with me, and I respect that. I also enjoy spending time with you, but I believe that we accept the love we think we deserve. If I can give you some advice too, do not let your past shape your future” was showing that you have no 'hard feelings.'

Is there something else you'd like her to know?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, marcheem1 said:

I am happy with the girl I am with now and would not want neither of them to think that I am talking to other girls.

Please step back . There's no need for continued personal contact on social media. She's not blocked and knows how to reach you. Please focus on your current relationship. 

[marcheem1]

Thank you, yeah you are right, there is sufficient closure on this already, I realized how silly that was after posting it. It is just that in the past, I have always tried to be the bigger person in most situations, so I am just slowly learning how to detach from that feeling and care less about how others would perceive things. Going to surprise my girlfriend with two tickets for a concert tonight, we are surely going to have fun! Thank you both!

Edited January 3 by marcheem1

[NuevoYorko]

It would be good if you could learn how to take things at face value and back off from trying to analyze every word or gesture.

At the very start when she told you she could not be available, you could have just accepted that, remained pleasant acquaintances, and gone on your way without such extreme mental gymnastics.

I'm glad you have a girlfriend and that things are going well for you.

[NapoleonBonaparte]

Never agree to 'going out as friends' or 'spending time as friends' with a woman you're interested in, you're a man. Be flirty, create that sexual tension and be shameless for being a man. You take charge, you lead, you set the frame. If you are single and dating, you should be talking to multiple women at once because it's also a numbers game, so don't put all your eggs in one basket WHILE single. Your attention and time is extremely valuable, do not give it away for free.