flat chested and hating it

[mini696]

I guess I'll have to hopefully find someone who doesn't mind being with a girl with no boobs . Eeek. Does any such person exist?

 

Yes we do exist... *pick me... pick me*

 

PS. Nice shoes.

[lifeasiknowit]

mini696:

PS. Nice shoes.

 

 

thank you. They're vintage ballet flats that I got for my birthday present last year.

[puffy]

Also, in all these years that I haven't worn bras, I find that I have to wear lots of layers not only out of self consciousness, but also because my nipples are sensitive and tend to show:o , and then it is quite obvious that i'm not wearing a bra. I've seen women who wear tanktops and were clearly braless, and I've never cared, but I was wondering if that bothers most people?

Wearing a bra won't change much about your nipples showing or not. It's just another thin layer of lace or cloth...

 

If you can wear tanktops without bras, then do it, nobody minds (at least I don't and I'm pretty prudish. ). I don't feel comfortable not wearing a bra, but I also don't like the straps showing, so I very rarely wear tanktops even though I think they are pretty cool in summer. I always thought that girls with small breast who could afford to wear tanktops without bras looked very carefree, hot and sexy. I'd find it very weird if they wore their tanktops with bras just for the sake of wearing a bra.

[dgiirl]

Oh, it definitely was not too small. It was riding up, because there wasn't anything there to keep it in place:lmao: !

 

Life, dont be so pessimestic. I dont think you are wearing the bra properly. There's two places it needs to fit. The cup itself, and then the band size. So the cup could be large, but if the band size is too small then it will ride up. I dont think the boobs really hold the bra down. Try adjusting the band OR the straps. It's highly possible you bought the wrong bra too. I mean, this is your first bra! The chances are high that you dont know how to find one that fits properly. I know I had issues for a long time. But read up on it and keep trying.

 

 

It is a psychological thing, the desire to wear a bra to give me some shape, but then I find, that it doesn't help that much, because I end up feeling like a fraud. By the way, the bra was padded a little. I agree that non-padded bras wouldn't do anything for me (unless I had falsies).

 

Well, you'll still have this issue inside your head, unless you work on yourself. You mentioned in a later post you are sexually frustrated too. You have to learn to love your body the way it is and start to think of yourself more than your boobs. But once you get your self esteem back, then the padded bra or even surgery will help. But they wont be the magic pill and all your issues will be solved. It always starts with the way you see yourself! I know you are frustrated, but keep trying and tackle the feelings you face when put into this situation. The more you tackle these feelings and resolve them inside you, the better you'll feel.

 

Would you look down on someone else who was flat chested? Would you think any less of them? If not, why is it ok to do it to yourself? Chin up girl!

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Having a big chest is really overrated. Especially when it causes you medical problems.

[the whoa man]

i feel for you. im only 17 but i have the same problem. literally, A cups are too big..lol. but really i think most of the time i make it up in my head that it turns guys off, anyone i've been with has never said anything one way or the other. its stupid, because i'll be all into a guy, but i'll do exactly what you said, i push him away because i cant see how i would be, for lack of a better phrase, up to his standards. i dwell on the fact that i have basically no boobs, and suddenly that determines what my sex life will be, or in this case lack there of. perhaps you think im too young to be discussing things of this nature, but i felt like saying something. lately i've been trying to just put myself out there, because the self consciousness will never go away if you dont expose yourself and start to fell more comfortable. i dont know how long ago you posted this, but im hoping you'll still end up getting this.

[mini696]

So how are you feeling at the moment Life?

[Hot Coco]

Well....she started a thread about suicide:eek:

 

It can't be THAT bad Life! Hang in there...early 20's is a tough time. You're still trying to figure out who you are and where you're going. I PROMISE you it gets better. You really remind me of myself at your age. I felt like you did. Hang in there!

[lifeasiknowit]

Yeah, um. My self conciousness and desire to be "normal" according to the dumb standards of the media and almost every other person on the planet is actually the least of my worries. (My mother had an affair, my father is depressed, and my sister and I hate each other).

 

But I'm surviving.

[Hot Coco]

Yeah, um. My self conciousness and desire to be "normal" according to the dumb standards of the media and almost every other person on the planet is actually the least of my worries. (My mother had an affair, my father is depressed, and my sister and I hate each other).

 

But I'm surviving.

 

Sounds like a LOT of people's lives!

 

I know what you're saying Life...sorry. I really wasn't trying to make light of things. You'll get through things just like we all have had to. Hang in there, girl!

[Seton]

I'm not sure if this is "cosher" but I must admit to "hoping" that my wife will take her tax refund this year and make me a happier man. She's a nice woman, petite - and somewhat pushy... but I love her nonetheless. We have alot in common, she with her pushyness and me - a whimp, with a dominant alter ego. what can I say. I'd feel better if she had big guns and a face that didn't point at all my misgivings.

 

I hope she does the right thing.

[fellowflat]

Life - - I know and understand your suffering. I imagine it was hard to post all this, but thank you. Now I know I'm not alone. I think about my flat chest daily and how it makes me feel less of a woman. I have struggled for years to find a bra. I dreamed and dreamed for a growth spurt. I am 24 now. I've researched implants in and out and decided against them. I am currently 5'7 and 115 with small bone structure. I have had weight gains in the past up to 122. Where did it all go? My hips and thighs. I recently visited the gyno for a check up. She told me if I ever wanted to get pregnant I needed to gain some weight, specifically fat. She said fat contains small amounts of hormones that stimulate ovulation, periods, etc.

 

It makes me sick also when people say paris hilton or julia stiles or debra messing or whoever is "flat." Ha! They don't know the meaning of the word. Nor do they know how that makes us, the truly flat, feel.

 

All of my bras are too big by the way. They are 32A and with padding that forms a "mold." It is very hard to find bras that have a natural shape, but it's possible. When you try them on, put a tight shirt on with them to get a better idea of the shape. I don't come close to filling them, but they work. Target is much better than Wal-Mart by the way. Victorias Secret is better. And I've also had some luck at Maidenform (2 hrs away from me!) The Playtex nearly A bras suck in my opinion.

[odanit]

Life, I must say I am intrigued. I found this forum while googling how to gain curves. I am a little over 5'4 and weigh 102lbs. I am asian too (go asian sistas!). I am also 21 and am in university and used to be active but not so much anymore. We have so much in common!

 

This is going to be a long post since I'm gonna try and say all the things I want to say...so bear with me!

 

I used to be REALLY skinny...like deathly ethiopean war-child skinny before i turned 18. I was 5'4 since I was 14 and weighed under 95. If you thought you were a late boomer, I didn't get my period until I was 16 and a half yrs old. I had such a low fat ratio even though I ate a lot.

 

However, the difference between you and I is that now at 21, I do have regular periods (usually), I am a AA in bra size, and I have had a boyfriend for almost a year now. I really feel for you and know exactly what you go through when other girls who are A or B cups say that they have no boobs. I also want a bigger chest and I realise what it's like for you to hear this, given you are in a negative cup.

 

I honestly hate padded bras too, because I feel fake in them. Sometimes I'm apprehensive when I hug people because I dont' have a softer, plush chest. Also, I worry when I wear low cut tops because certain positions (like bending forward) leave a hollow gap between my breast and the bra cup. I have yet to find my holy grail bra!

 

My opinion on GAINING WEIGHT:

 

I definitely think you do need to gain weight. The fact that you have a really low fat ratio and irregular periods concerns me. I think you should gain enough fat to have regular periods and also gain muscle mass. My goal right now is to worry less about my chest and focus on my overall figure and health. I have gained weight since leaving my teenage years but I have found that this was mostly in the form of fat. Although fat is good for hips, butt, and breasts, the side effect is that the rest of your body isn't firm. I think you shoudl definitely try WEIGHT/STRENGTH TRAINING as apposed to so much cardio (cardio workouts are more likely to burn off all the fat that you accumulated). It will give you muscle and generally make you healthier. Don't worry about becoming bulky...it's harder than you think and is extra hard for a female asian! I am 99% sure you won't become butch! The best advantage for you in strength training is that you can work your upper body. One of the keys to develop a shapelier chest is to develop the muscles underneath so that your breasts have something to sit on top of. I think this might be why you have a negative cup size...you're chest is concave due to lack of muscle development. This also leads to my question: How is your posture? A lot of times, girls who are self conscience tend to hunch over....this makes your chest look concave and can actually cause further muscle imbalance! Your chest muscles are tightened, while your back muscles are stretched. Essentially, your chest muscles become useless in holding yourself up and they start to atrophy (deplete) due to lack of use. I used to have bad posture as a teen (I also developed scoliosis, but that's another topic) but learned to change that because I wanted a better figure. I realised standing up tall (and sticking out your chest a bit) made me look sooooo much better. People also saw me as having more confidence. I know it sounds counterintuitive, since you are trying to HIDE your flat chest, but really, standing straight and sticking out your chest a bit works.

 

My opinion on BC to make your boobs bigger:

 

Ok, I was guilty of using this as one of my excuses to go on the pill. My main excuse was protection of course, but I sort of relished the possibility that I might gain weight and make my boobs bigger. Sadly, NOTHING happened. My boobs only hurt for a month and that's all. I didn't gain weight or anything. I got my pills for free through my student health plan at school. I just went to see one of the doctors there and she prescribed me Alesse. Since it was through the student health plan, I could only get whatever pills were the most generic, cheap. Alesse is apparently a low dose pill with supposedly little to no side-effects since the estrogen in it is much lower (i think estrogen is the main factor of weight gain, circulatory side effects, etc.). For me though, Alesse was HORRIBLE. I believe the lower ratio of estrogen caused a hormonal imbalance for me. Be really carefull if you do go on the pill. I was on it for about 6 months and had to stop because I developed depression/anxiety on it. I have to say, I was really f'd up on it and didn't know it was the pill until I stopped. I even went to see a counsellor at school for therapy because I thought I was going crazy. The counsellor was really awesome and I really recommend therapy if you are or think you are experiencing any sort of depression/anxiety.

 

My opinion on childhood experiences:

 

These experiences really shape who you are. I encountered numerous situtations when people said really negative things about my physical appearence, whether they meant well or not. I've been so effected by this that many of these memories have been subconsciously blocked out from my memory. I have felt insecure about my body for a loooooooong time and thought that I would never escape. I was exactly like you...I would shut people out when I felt they got too close. I was so ashamed about the secrets that I hid....how I used to wear pants underneath pants, extra layers of clothing even in the summer, padded bras. I was so excited to leave highschool and escape the people who were mean to me...escape having no real friends because I was shutting people out. University really changed things for me...I had never been hit on by a guy and when I started first year, I was getting asked out left right and centre! At first, I felt so confused, but then I learned let myself feel empowered. Yes, I admit that it's not always healthy to feel empowered from sexual attention, but I used this to boost my confidence, and it worked. I learned to step away from my insecurities and try to look at the big picture of myself, rather than focusing on specific details. I have now been able to let a lot of my childhood insecurities go

 

My opinion on having no boobs and sexual intimacy:

 

For a long time I resented anyone looking at my naked body. Like you, I also resented looking at myself. I liked my face, but my body just didn't go. The first time a guy saw my boobs, I espected him to be disappointed. Even though I was already comfortable with him and knew he wouldn't be mean about my small chest, I felt inadequate as a female. To my surprise, he loved my body and was totally "wow'd"...and I definitely knew he wasn't lying from his physical reaction, if you know what I'm saying (wink wink, nudge nudge). Anyways, as soon as someone else accepted my body and actually thought it was beautiful and sexy, I started feeling beautiful and sexy myself. Again, validation from the opposite sex that you are beautiful and sexy is not how you should measure yourself, but this first experience made me realise how hard I was being on myself. It really opened my eyes to the fact that not a lot of people think like me. It was really hard for me to overcome my fear of sexual intimacy but this time, I finally said what the hell and jumped into the water. i had to stop holding myself back. I realised that anyone who knew me but rejected me once they foudn out I had a small chest was not worthy of my time. They were below me because they had an ugly personality. I think anyone would agree that having a personality flaw is worse than having a physical flaw.

 

My opinion on breast augmentation:

 

I think this should be a last resort. I'm sure you are aware of the health negatives so here are some negatives that you may not be aware of. I have a lot of guy friends and almost everyone of them says they like the look of (well done) breast augmentation, but the feel is just HORRIBLE. I bet if you squeezed some fake boobs you would run away! Unless you like the feel of hard, plastic-y feeling cold boobs I definitely don't recommened going under the knife. Having falsies would probably harm your intimacy rather than improve it. Guys don't really say it to your face when they aren't happy about your boobs, but most would rather have a soft, flat chest rather than two pairs of big rocks. I recommend fake boobs only if you are a stripper/porn star who is paid to be a visual stimulant. Nevertheless, falsies WILL look bad on skinny/flatter girls. The reason is because there is not enough breast tissue to make the edges of the implants blend with your body. Implants look the best on girls with more fat because the edges don't show.

 

All in all, I just want to say that you should definitely make yourself feel better, but don't hate yourself if you don't. It seems to me that you are really resentful of your body image (specifically your breasts, or lack thereof). I don't think I'm perfect (and probably never will), hence why I'm trying to gain curves, but I don't hate myself for not having many curves. I believe in constantly improving oneself but also accepting onself each stage of the way.

 

Please let me know if any of my advice helped and good luck with everything!

 

-Tina

[odanit]

Life, I must say I am intrigued. I found this forum while googling how to gain curves. I am a little over 5'4 and weigh 102lbs. I am asian too (go asian sistas!). I am also 21 and am in university and used to be active but not so much anymore. We have so much in common!

 

This is going to be a long post since I'm gonna try and say all the things I want to say...so bear with me!

 

I used to be REALLY skinny...like deathly ethiopean war-child skinny before i turned 18. I was 5'4 since I was 14 and weighed under 95. If you thought you were a late boomer, I didn't get my period until I was 16 and a half yrs old. I had such a low fat ratio even though I ate a lot.

 

However, the difference between you and I is that now at 21, I do have regular periods (usually), I am a AA in bra size, and I have had a boyfriend for almost a year now. I really feel for you and know exactly what you go through when other girls who are A or B cups say that they have no boobs. I also want a bigger chest and I realise what it's like for you to hear this, given you are in a negative cup.

 

I honestly hate padded bras too, because I feel fake in them. Sometimes I'm apprehensive when I hug people because I dont' have a softer, plush chest. Also, I worry when I wear low cut tops because certain positions (like bending forward) leave a hollow gap between my breast and the bra cup. I have yet to find my holy grail bra!

 

My opinion on GAINING WEIGHT:

 

I definitely think you do need to gain weight. The fact that you have a really low fat ratio and irregular periods concerns me. I think you should gain enough fat to have regular periods and also gain muscle mass. My goal right now is to worry less about my chest and focus on my overall figure and health. I have gained weight since leaving my teenage years but I have found that this was mostly in the form of fat. Although fat is good for hips, butt, and breasts, the side effect is that the rest of your body isn't firm. I think you shoudl definitely try WEIGHT/STRENGTH TRAINING as apposed to so much cardio (cardio workouts are more likely to burn off all the fat that you accumulated). It will give you muscle and generally make you healthier. Don't worry about becoming bulky...it's harder than you think and is extra hard for a female asian! I am 99% sure you won't become butch! The best advantage for you in strength training is that you can work your upper body. One of the keys to develop a shapelier chest is to develop the muscles underneath so that your breasts have something to sit on top of. I think this might be why you have a negative cup size...you're chest is concave due to lack of muscle development. This also leads to my question: How is your posture? A lot of times, girls who are self conscience tend to hunch over....this makes your chest look concave and can actually cause further muscle imbalance! Your chest muscles are tightened, while your back muscles are stretched. Essentially, your chest muscles become useless in holding yourself up and they start to atrophy (deplete) due to lack of use. I used to have bad posture as a teen (I also developed scoliosis, but that's another topic) but learned to change that because I wanted a better figure. I realised standing up tall (and sticking out your chest a bit) made me look sooooo much better. People also saw me as having more confidence. I know it sounds counterintuitive, since you are trying to HIDE your flat chest, but really, standing straight and sticking out your chest a bit works.

 

My opinion on BC to make your boobs bigger:

 

Ok, I was guilty of using this as one of my excuses to go on the pill. My main excuse was protection of course, but I sort of relished the possibility that I might gain weight and make my boobs bigger. Sadly, NOTHING happened. My boobs only hurt for a month and that's all. I didn't gain weight or anything. I got my pills for free through my student health plan at school. I just went to see one of the doctors there and she prescribed me Alesse. Since it was through the student health plan, I could only get whatever pills were the most generic, cheap. Alesse is apparently a low dose pill with supposedly little to no side-effects since the estrogen in it is much lower (i think estrogen is the main factor of weight gain, circulatory side effects, etc.). For me though, Alesse was HORRIBLE. I believe the lower ratio of estrogen caused a hormonal imbalance for me. Be really carefull if you do go on the pill. I was on it for about 6 months and had to stop because I developed depression/anxiety on it. I have to say, I was really f'd up on it and didn't know it was the pill until I stopped. I even went to see a counsellor at school for therapy because I thought I was going crazy. The counsellor was really awesome and I really recommend therapy if you are or think you are experiencing any sort of depression/anxiety.

 

My opinion on childhood experiences:

 

These experiences really shape who you are. I encountered numerous situtations when people said really negative things about my physical appearence, whether they meant well or not. I've been so effected by this that many of these memories have been subconsciously blocked out from my memory. I have felt insecure about my body for a loooooooong time and thought that I would never escape. I was exactly like you...I would shut people out when I felt they got too close. I was so ashamed about the secrets that I hid....how I used to wear pants underneath pants, extra layers of clothing even in the summer, padded bras. I was so excited to leave highschool and escape the people who were mean to me...escape having no real friends because I was shutting people out. University really changed things for me...I had never been hit on by a guy and when I started first year, I was getting asked out left right and centre! At first, I felt so confused, but then I learned let myself feel empowered. Yes, I admit that it's not always healthy to feel empowered from sexual attention, but I used this to boost my confidence, and it worked. I learned to step away from my insecurities and try to look at the big picture of myself, rather than focusing on specific details. I have now been able to let a lot of my childhood insecurities go

 

My opinion on having no boobs and sexual intimacy:

 

For a long time I resented anyone looking at my naked body. Like you, I also resented looking at myself. I liked my face, but my body just didn't go. The first time a guy saw my boobs, I espected him to be disappointed. Even though I was already comfortable with him and knew he wouldn't be mean about my small chest, I felt inadequate as a female. To my surprise, he loved my body and was totally "wow'd"...and I definitely knew he wasn't lying from his physical reaction, if you know what I'm saying (wink wink, nudge nudge). Anyways, as soon as someone else accepted my body and actually thought it was beautiful and sexy, I started feeling beautiful and sexy myself. Again, validation from the opposite sex that you are beautiful and sexy is not how you should measure yourself, but this first experience made me realise how hard I was being on myself. It really opened my eyes to the fact that not a lot of people think like me. It was really hard for me to overcome my fear of sexual intimacy but this time, I finally said what the hell and jumped into the water. i had to stop holding myself back. I realised that anyone who knew me but rejected me once they foudn out I had a small chest was not worthy of my time. They were below me because they had an ugly personality. I think anyone would agree that having a personality flaw is worse than having a physical flaw.

 

My opinion on breast augmentation:

 

I think this should be a last resort. I'm sure you are aware of the health negatives so here are some negatives that you may not be aware of. I have a lot of guy friends and almost everyone of them says they like the look of (well done) breast augmentation, but the feel is just HORRIBLE. I bet if you squeezed some fake boobs you would run away! Unless you like the feel of hard, plastic-y feeling cold boobs I definitely don't recommened going under the knife. Having falsies would probably harm your intimacy rather than improve it. Guys don't really say it to your face when they aren't happy about your boobs, but most would rather have a soft, flat chest rather than two pairs of big rocks. I recommend fake boobs only if you are a stripper/porn star who is paid to be a visual stimulant. Nevertheless, falsies WILL look bad on skinny/flatter girls. The reason is because there is not enough breast tissue to make the edges of the implants blend with your body. Implants look the best on girls with more fat because the edges don't show.

 

All in all, I just want to say that you should definitely make yourself feel better, but don't hate yourself if you don't. It seems to me that you are really resentful of your body image (specifically your breasts, or lack thereof). I don't think I'm perfect (and probably never will), hence why I'm trying to gain curves, but I don't hate myself for not having many curves. I believe in constantly improving oneself but also accepting onself each stage of the way.

 

Please let me know if any of my advice helped and good luck with everything!