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Did she lie to me?


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I’m trying to get my ex back after I cheated and lied to her, I was a pretty shitty boyfriend and she still hasn’t forgiven me. We’ve been hanging out and spending time together for a few months, I want us to get back together but she hasn’t got over over my past mistakes. I’ve been staying at her place for a few days to help her with some stuff around her apartment and we’ve been having fun together. Last night she went out with some friends and I got worried cause she stayed out all night, I kept calling and telling her to come home, she ignored me for most of the night but assured me nothing would happen. A few hours later, when she got home I found out she had kissed some guy. Did she cheat? I’m embarrassed to admit I reacted in the worst way possible and got very mad at her. I’m not sure if I overreacted or not.

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3 minutes ago, Mike9982 said:

A few hours later, when she got home I found out she had kissed some guy. Did she cheat?

Yes, kissing is cheating.

It looks like you're both on equal footing now.

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7 minutes ago, Loooli767 said:

, I was a pretty shitty boyfriend .  I’ve been staying at her place for a few days to help her with some stuff around her apartment. I reacted in the worst way possible and got very mad at her. 

How long were you dating? How old is she? Why are you staying at her place?

Pack up and go back to your place. Don't try to get back together. Don't be her handyman. She's foolish to allow you to stay there.

Make a clean break. Of course it's not cheating. You two broke up. 

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1 hour ago, Loooli767 said:

 I want us to get back together but she hasn’t got over over my past mistakes. 

Given that she hasn't forgiven you and you aren't back together, she is free to kiss whoever she wants.  She can also have sex with whoever she wants.   You have no claim on her whatsoever 

Edited by basil67
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Right.

Different story if you were broken up.

Initially, I thought you were just requesting opinions on whether "kissing" is a form of cheating in the general sense of the word (which varies from person to person).

 

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8 hours ago, Loooli767 said:

Did she cheat?

Are you in a relationship with the woman? 

No. 

Well then, she is free to kiss whoever she likes.

It’s time for you to move on. Too much history here, this is a very unhealthy relationship for you both. 

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8 hours ago, Loooli767 said:

A few hours later, when she got home I found out she had kissed some guy. Did she cheat? I’m embarrassed to admit I reacted in the worst way possible and got very mad at her. I’m not sure if I overreacted or not.

OP, yes you overreacted.

You need to learn to manage your emotions better.  She's not even your girlfriend anymore, you broke up, you had no right going off at her like that, she's a free agent. 

You said you are trying to get her back as your girlfriend?  That was NOT the way to do it.  

In fact, by getting jealous and angry, you most likely pushed her further away.

But maybe not, some women get turned on when men get angry.😳  Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to romance and human interactions.

How did she respond to your jealousy and getting angry at her? 

 

Edited by poppyfields
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  • 3 weeks later...
On 9/11/2022 at 6:59 AM, Loooli767 said:

I’m trying to get my ex back after I cheated and lied to her, I was a pretty shitty boyfriend and she still hasn’t forgiven me. We’ve been hanging out and spending time together for a few months, I want us to get back together but she hasn’t got over over my past mistakes. I’ve been staying at her place for a few days to help her with some stuff around her apartment and we’ve been having fun together. Last night she went out with some friends and I got worried cause she stayed out all night, I kept calling and telling her to come home, she ignored me for most of the night but assured me nothing would happen. A few hours later, when she got home I found out she had kissed some guy. Did she cheat? I’m embarrassed to admit I reacted in the worst way possible and got very mad at her. I’m not sure if I overreacted or not.

No she hasn't cheated because you two are not  a couple. She is free to date and kiss whomever she wants. 

Why are you hanging around her house anyways, if you two are single you shouldn't be alone in her house doing her chores.  What if she wants to bring another guy around and you're there like a bad fart lingering. 

You said you've been trying to get her back for a few months, that is a long to linger, sounds like you're desperate.

Edited by BDDazza
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  • 2 months later...

If a girl you’re seeing (not your girlfriend) kisses another guy at a party when she told you she wouldn’t, would you consider this cheating? She came clean with me and said she didn’t really lie at the time she told me that cause she didn’t expect to get intimate with anyone else that night but later on she met a guy she liked and they ended up kissing. Did she lie to me or just doesn’t take me seriously? She knows I’ve flirted with other girls behind her back and was very upset by that cause she thought we were exclusive so maybe she feels like she owes me nothing, but I can’t help feeling like she lied to me.

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Another option would be to clarify where you two are at NOW, and proceed accordingly. If it's FWB, then neither of you have to stay loyal, if it's "committed BF/GF" then you both do. Sometimes the past is a "learning experience".

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Is there a reason why you’re not exclusive? Is it because you wish to see other women? 

I think you’re splitting hairs at this point and getting upset over your ego being bruised she kissed another guy. There is a strong possibility she doesn’t take you seriously and is just telling you to make you jealous and see you squirm. What a lot of headache and unnecessary drama.

If you’re not interested in being exclusive she can do whatever she wants and not tell you the whole truth either. You’re not entitled to her private or personal business/love life, the way I see it.

If she does let you in she’s doing you a favour but is under no obligation. It’s unfortunate she bothered telling you anything to start if you have no agreement to date exclusively.

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   I don't know why some women have wanted to juggle between me and a walking talking pigpen. But then again, I am only drawn to women and don't have their paradigm.

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She didn't lie - she changed her mind and came clean about it.

At any rate, she's not your girlfriend so she'd be better off not making promises and not telling you what she got up to at parties.  

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She thought you two were exclusive, and you flirt with other women behind her back (your words) and you're upset after she kissed another man and told you about it? What made her think you two were exclusive?

 

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14 hours ago, Kkyle said:

 She knows I’ve flirted with other girls behind her back and was very upset by that cause she thought we were exclusive.

How long have you been dating? Are you exclusive? How old is she? 

Why are you both flirting with others? Why isn't it clear whether you're exclusive or not?

It's hard to understand the point of dating if you two just want to talk about everyone else you two are flirting with.

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I'm confused, if she's not your girlfriend, then what right do you have to keep tabs on what she is doing?  Especially since you admit that you flirted with other girls as well?  It sounds like this is not much of a relationship at all.

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i think i'd be more concerned with my pseudo-girlfriend hooking up wth other guys at parties rather than the semantics of whether or not she "lied"

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I was staying with my ex for a few weeks in her apartment helping her around with some of her stuff, we had sex and were intimate with each other but she never agreed to get back together with me.  We broke up cause I broke her trust many times and was abusive. She went out to a party while I waited for her end even though she assured me saying nothing would happen with another guy, she changed her mind and ended up kissing a random dude she met. I had a feeling something was going on so I confronted her when she got back home and even though she didn’t want to tell me the truth at first, she ended up confessing everything to me. I lost my mind and yelled at her cause I felt betrayed and cheated, did I have any right to react in this way?

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If you are broken up, I guess she can't really cheat on you. You feel how you feel, but that is "emotion" not logic. You don't have a "right" to ask for her romantic loyalty if she hasn't said she intends to be loyal.

Although I don't know all the details certainly, TBQH from what I read in your post your relationship ("situationship"?) sounds somewhat toxic to me.

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6 hours ago, Kkyle said:

We broke up cause I broke her trust many times and was abusive. {snip}  I lost my mind and yelled at her cause I felt betrayed and cheated, did I have any right to react in this way?

You don't have any right to act in an abusive manner towards someone else.

Edited by basil67
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Of course you had no "right" to act that way.   No one ever has a "right" to offload their foul temper on another person. 

Beyond this, you aren't even in an exclusive relationship with this person.  You definitely should be firmly NO CONTACT with her ... for the rest of your lives, unless you want to escalate to abuse again.  Get some help for your anger and controlling behavior; there is no reason that this woman should be accountable to you for what she does at parties, who she kisses or has sex with, etc.

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You hurt her and betrayed her trust, so she hurt you back with vengeance. 

I think you have a bigger problem if you are lying to, yelling at and abusing women. 

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