Author Gloriousdays Posted September 2, 2022 Author Share Posted September 2, 2022 19 minutes ago, Bubble_20 said: Sometimes people are just really reluctant to take things to that next level meeting parents etc. As I say, we never did and I got no pressure from my bf at the time. My friends thought it odd though but I had my reasons. It does seem odd that you’ve been able to spend special holidays and all that time together together for all this time so maybe it’s just a weird and uncomfortable family /home situation he’s paranoid about you seeing? Or he’s got involved with some else? also, I went away without him on my own holiday with a friend so it DOES happen lol. Having said that some of us have been on this forum for a couple of years and seen almost everything you could imagine! I guess you could pop around to the house to drop a little surprise off. Nothing weird like a meal or anything, which would be out of the ordinary for your relationship, just posting a welcome home card. Something daft like that. If someone answers the door then I’m sure you’ll handle it from there. I mean he has not met my parents either …. I’m going to the address tonight and to find out who lives there … I have been patient for way too long … I deserve to know where he lives and who he lives with …. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 1 hour ago, Gloriousdays said: Yeah I will definitely do so today after work …. Yes! Go girl! Don’t be shy. You deserve to know. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 39 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said: I mean he has not met my parents either …. Why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted September 2, 2022 Author Share Posted September 2, 2022 13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why not? Because we never spoke about it … he spoke to my mum on video though when she called us last Christmas when we were on holiday Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 2 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said: Because we never spoke about it … he spoke to my mum on video though when she called us last Christmas when we were on holiday To me, this is also very strange after 1.5 years. It seems there is only surface-level emotional intimacy in this relationship. You two are not deeply connected the way most couples are after this long. Did you not want him to meet your family? Was there something holidng you back from exploring this idea with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted September 2, 2022 Author Share Posted September 2, 2022 3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: To me, this is also very strange after 1.5 years. It seems there is only surface-level emotional intimacy in this relationship. You two are not deeply connected the way most couples are after this long. Did you not want him to meet your family? Was there something holidng you back from exploring this idea with him? I have to be honest with you … I wanted to meet his mum first before he met mine….. I don’t know why but that’s what I wanted ….. just to be clear he arranged for me to meet his mum before I received the email …. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 Seems a clear case of double life to me... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 1 hour ago, Gloriousdays said: I have to be honest with you … I wanted to meet his mum first before he met mine….. I don’t know why but that’s what I wanted …. Maybe your gut was already telling you something wasn't right, and you were holding off because of that. How did you make it okay (with yourself) for the last 1.5 years that you've met bascially nobody in his life? Did you ask him why you hadn't really met any of his friends? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted September 2, 2022 Author Share Posted September 2, 2022 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: Maybe your gut was already telling you something wasn't right, and you were holding off because of that. How did you make it okay (with yourself) for the last 1.5 years that you've met bascially nobody in his life? Did you ask him why you hadn't really met any of his friends? Well I met his DJ friend and because they are so close so I thought it was fine ….. his best friend lives in America so there is that but anyway …. He is coming back this weekend so I will just wait to see him and then ask to go to his house… Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 12 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said: Well I met his DJ friend and because they are so close so I thought it was fine ….. his best friend lives in America so there is that but anyway …. He is coming back this weekend so I will just wait to see him and then ask to go to his house… Why don't you just go to his house and park the car outside (if possible) and have a look? You don't have to ring the bell... just see if you notice anything suspicious. If your boyfriend is leading a double life, he will carry on gaslighting you... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted September 2, 2022 Author Share Posted September 2, 2022 2 minutes ago, giotto said: Why don't you just go to his house and park the car outside (if possible) and have a look? You don't have to ring the bell... just see if you notice anything suspicious. If your boyfriend is leading a double life, he will carry on gaslighting you... yeah maybe I should do that instead of ringing the bell …. Where do you think the wife is when I have spent Christmas and New Years with him though? Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 3 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said: yeah maybe I should do that instead of ringing the bell …. Where do you think the wife is when I have spent Christmas and New Years with him though? Maybe she is from a different country and went back there for Christmas and New Year? Not unusual. There could be hundreds of reasons. Why don't you go and have a look instead of endelessly speculating? 🙂 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 9 minutes ago, giotto said: Maybe she is from a different country and went back there for Christmas and New Year? Not unusual. This is entirely possible. I live abroad, and I go home to visit my family for 2 or 3 weeks at Christmas, and usually in the summer too. And yes, I have a local partner who sometimes comes with me but not always. OP: My best friend also lives in my home country, but I have plenty of local friends where I live now. My partner knows all of them. Your boyfriend having a best friend overseas shouldn't mean he has no other friends (apart from this DJ) that you can't meet. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 23 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This is entirely possible. I live abroad, and I go home to visit my family for 2 or 3 weeks at Christmas, and usually in the summer too. And yes, I have a local partner who sometimes comes with me but not always. I live abroad too... the UK is not my native country and I've been back to my own country - without the family - several times for Christmas or New Year over the years. Anything is possible. I think the OP is scared to go there in case her suspicions turn up to be true... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BreakOnThrough Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 I wouldn't pry OP if you have any plan on continuing this relationship if things do work out, if you go to his house without telling him, it means you don't trust him at all and without trust, there is no relationship. Of course you deserve to know the truth, but you really should confront him personally when he gets back, let him show you what you need to know. If nothing specific is up and you've passed a certain threshold yourself, you're relationship will be over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 6 minutes ago, BreakOnThrough said: I wouldn't pry OP if you have any plan on continuing this relationship if things do work out, if you go to his house without telling him, it means you don't trust him at all and without trust, there is no relationship. Of course you deserve to know the truth, but you really should confront him personally when he gets back, let him show you what you need to know. If nothing specific is up and you've passed a certain threshold yourself, you're relationship will be over. Some of us are saying to go and have a look from the outside. I agree it would not be right to go and knock on the door. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 40 minutes ago, BreakOnThrough said: without trust, there is no relationship. That’s what my ex used to say when I would question his whereabouts, while he was hardcore cheating. Btw I 100% agree with the don’t knock on the door approach. I’d just sit in the car and observe. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 3 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: He is coming back this weekend so I will just wait to see him and then ask to go to his house… Yes. Insist you see his place. Parking outside won't yield anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 4 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: .. his best friend lives in America so there is that but anyway …. My guess is his wife lives in America. He does live with his mom here. He’s separated. He hadn’t told his mom about you until recently likely because divorce is imminent. When you say you’ve been video chatting constantly, it isn’t literally constantly right? He probably is staying in a hotel in Vegas and tying up loose ends to finalize his divorce. My advice would be to wait for him to return. Talk to him. Meet his mom. If after that you still don’t trust him, then dump him. No sense carrying on if you can’t trust him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 8 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: My guess is his wife lives in America. He does live with his mom here. He’s separated. He hadn’t told his mom about you until recently likely because divorce is imminent. When you say you’ve been video chatting constantly, it isn’t literally constantly right? He probably is staying in a hotel in Vegas and tying up loose ends to finalize his divorce. this seems to be a possible explanation which makes all the puzzle pieces fit together. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 10 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: Wow that’s going to be a tough one if he indeed married … I just want to know the truth … no more deception or lies… I have had enough What was the reason he gave you for using your e-bay account? Does he have a social media presence? Apologies if this has already been answered. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 11 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: he said that’s my ex that’s doing all of this … but the thing is she is married to someone else now and has kids … so why would she do this … could it be another woman that sent me that email? I have seen pictures of this ex she seems happily married but you never know with people you know … It is possible there is an OW (not the X). It is possible the X is vindictive or "crazy" or whatever and sent it anyhow. It is possible things are "weird but legit" as some have pointed out. It sounds like IF all is well, you need to be closer to him so that you can trust and it's not so easy to drive a wedge between you. If that's possible and desired by you both. It sounds like you perhaps both have "avoidant" tendencies and your relationship is somewhat at arms length. That is comfortable for some folks, but as you have discovered it can leave room for all sorts of doubt to grow once doubt's been injected into the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 What’s the update? Did you go to his house? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 3, 2022 Share Posted September 3, 2022 Maybe his wife lives in Vegas? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 3, 2022 Share Posted September 3, 2022 (edited) [It sounds like] you entered into your relationship too trustingly and forged ahead even when things were off. The suspicion of infidelity given the circumstance has exacerbated feelings of distress. Now you're subjected to feelings of anger, depression, and despair. There's probably little you feel you can trust at the moment. He has become a stranger you try to talk with. The truth can be difficult to discern, but getting the answers you seek is crucial. Consider the type of action you'll need to satisfy your concerns. Edited September 3, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote Link to post Share on other sites
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