No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[Jy83]

I must say that reading all these entries are pretty theraputic. I actually feel much better about my own warped past relationship in comparison...

 

Sadly i am still feeling in turmoil (albeit less turmoil after reading everyone else's feelings).

 

So... Theme is no contact with the ex. Post here what i want to post to him in real life. Ok. I can do this. I think...

 

-----

 

Why do u want to meet up????? This is driving me mad!

 

What did you mean in your email "like the good ol days" cos there wasnt exactly good days..

 

I dont know if im over analysing your mail...

 

I wish i could just ask u but i cant

 

I cant think of any good reason i can meet u other than we've both become mature individuals... I highly doubt that we have become that... I truly wish i was...

 

I wish i could know why u wanted to meet when u are married and i am married already. What good can possibly come out from this???

 

Gawd !!!!!

[lakerman34]

Dear AP,

 

This is kind of messed up. It's messed up because you were my 2nd longest relationship, though, according to you, we were never in a relationship.

 

It's messed up because you are the FIRST girl I ever told "I love you too" and meant it, and you told me you love me.

 

It's messed up because you KNOW that you love me, but are keeping yourself from falling in love with me.

 

It's messed up because you won't let go of the past, and that's why we can't be together in the present (I am NOT your ex!)

 

It's messed up because I had to TEXT you that we were done, and I've never been so mean during a breakup in my life.

 

It's messed up because you emotionally abused me, but I know that you didn't even mean to and that you weren't even aware.

 

It's messed up because what I told you NOT to do, you went ahead and did.

 

It's messed up because I know I messed up in some ways, I always apologized, and you NEVER had the courtesy to apologize for all the things you've done to me.

 

It's messed up because intellectually, I know that it's better that you are out of my life, but I STILL want you. I still hope every time my phone rings, it's you.

 

It's messed up because there is SO much left unsaid, SO much left to be done, and you still have my book that is SO important to me (with all my notes).

 

It's messed up because part of me realizes that you will show up at some point, and I don't know how to react when that happens.

 

It's messed up because I can't even really BLAME you for some of the stuff that has happened between us, but I also can't live in this ideal of "a couple of years from now."

 

It's messed up because I KNOW there is another guy. I don't think you've cheated, and you may not have even done anything with him, but I KNOW you've at least had thoughts, and there is a chance that you got rid of me to make room for him. That's REALLY messed up.

 

I needed you out of my life. I'm going to miss your smile, those eyes, the weirdness, your cutesiness, your brilliance, and your butt, BUT the way you treated me, the way you disrespected me on many occasions, the way you projected onto me, the way you manipulated me, the way you ABUSED me by playing with my emotions is reason to leave you in the past.

 

I told you that one day I'll forgive you, and I will. I am a strong person. However, when I told you it was done, I FINALLY made you accountable for your actions.

 

If you want back into my life, maybe in 2 or 3 months. But it will be on MY terms, and I will be in the driver's seat.

 

I still love you, but I can no longer be with you, and no matter you do, I will not be sucked back into your trap.

 

Best,

lakerman34

[DrMario]

Dear you.

 

It's been a long time now since I last saw your face, since I last heard your voice, since you last wrote me anything, it's been a long time for everything, to say it broke my heart and crushed my soul would be an understatement, I can't ever remember feeling this kind of pain from anybody, the hardest part has been accepting that you was the one who put me through it and wanted nothing more to do with me, I feel so easily discarded, I feel like the time we spent together meant nothing on your side, or maybe you detached yourself from me long before you let go, looking back it feels that way, I can see no other reason why you would push me away and retain an attitude that comes across so cold, I feel like a fool as I feel like I am suffering alone, it's time to accept the truth that you won't come back to me, you won't apologise, I won't see any remorse for anything you have done or any of the cruel words that you spoke, I need to come to terms on my own and make peace with it somehow, I feel like I've made a start as anything left behind of you is long gone as of this morning, photo's in frames, teddy bears, letters I would never send, i have torn the letters to shreds and I have thrown the rest away, it broke my heart to do this but I needed to do it to reach that point of no return, I needed that moment to hit me so I could let go of the hope, whatever happens now, I'm on my own and in some ways that's not too bad, at least you can't hurt me anymore.

[Onajourneynow]

Yesterday I felt happy, knowing that you went on a roadtrip with a friend to New York. I felt pleased that you were distracted somehow. I had been worried since you were alone with not many friends or family around you after our break up. So I spent my day doing homework, drank coffee, did a 20 minute run, had a nice shower, I felt so calm and relaxed.

 

Today is a different story. I'm a mess

 

I've just realized that you are willing to drive 10 hours to go to New York, but you didn't even bother to drive 4 hours to break up with me.

 

The last time I physically saw you, I ended up driving home 4 hours with a broken car air conditioner in the sweltering summer heat. I had given you a crushing hug and had driven away with tears in my eyes. I then drove back, you were just entering back into your apartment, and I ran out the car and gave you a second and final hug. I told you I loved you so much.

 

It seems like I somehow knew we were going to break up.

 

Except I didn't expect you to do it the way you did. You always promised you wouldn't do it. You did it over text, videocall, the phone, causing me to go in hysterics. You told me not to come see you, as it wouldn't change your feelings. I felt hopeless and devastated.

 

I just want you to know that you changed my life. I'm not sure if it was for the better. Before I met you, I was so naive. I didn't really believe anyone could love me. No one paid attention to me like you did. No one asked the questions you did... no one was that curious about who I really was.

 

It shocked me to know that I was somewhat loveable. But it was too late. You started to ask me about my past. You became disgusted with the number of exlovers I had. And the final nail in the coffin, when you discovered I had sex with someone after three weeks we met one another. Although we hadn't made a verbal agreement that we were together, you felt I had betrayed you.

 

I'm sorry I'm not perfect. But my whole heart was for you, after we had told one another that we loved one another. I decided to believe in true love. I decided to give you loyalty for the rest of my life, and a lot of love and laughter and good times. I was there for you through your hard times, I comforted you when you were stressed out.

 

None of it was good enough. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you.

 

Sometimes I wish you did what the other men did. Just have sex with me and leave. What you did was far far worse. You took my heart, made me fall in love with you, and stomped all over it.

 

I hope you're happy now.

I'm bordering on giving up...

 

 

EDIT: You are such a ****ed up person. I hate you so much for doing this to me. I know you aren't perfect either, but I chose to see you as perfect. I gave you my love and my trust and you just threw it in the trash. Lovers will be lovers, while heart breakers will be heartbreakers. You are a ****ed up heartbreaker and I hope you vanish off the face of earth. Your life is a mess because you choose to make it a mess. Your father is dead, your family is all split up, your mom is a control freak, you have zero friends, you hate your life, you don't like your financial situation, you are getting old, you are jealous and insecure, you are suicidal and want to die, it's all because of you. I am leaving you behind.

 

In retrospect, I am devastated that you are such a moron. My ego is HURT that you will drive to go to some ****ty place in New York, but you couldn't face me, the one that was holding you tight at night and giving you so much care and adoration. I CHOOSE NOT TO BE HURT BY IT ANYMORE.

 

YOU ARE GONE FROM MY LIFE.

 

GOD I AM SO ANGRY. And I am so angry at myself for being angry!!! I don't want to be angry!! Why do I keep flip flopping between all these different feelings. God I hate myself for being such a typical griever. Acceptance, denial, bargaining, depression, whatever the **** it is, I want out of this cycle. Please god get me out of here!! I want off!!!!!!!

 

I just hate how much love I gave you. Why did I let myself love you so much... Why did I trust you so...

You always used to say you loved my warmth and my openness. You felt you could be yourself around me. You felt I accepted you. That was me... loving, open, happy, sensual. I'm a hollow shell of what I used to be. Love is a beautiful thing. People like you shouldn't have the privilege of being around lovers.

Edited January 16, 2016 by Onajourneynow

[Cora]

Today, for the first time, I thought of you and felt nothing. No sadness, no anger, nothing. It's taken me a long time to get to this point. I finally understand that you leaving me was for the best. No matter how badly I didn't want to see it....you're just not the one for me. This clarity is very much what I needed. There may be days in the future where I'll still feel sadness over you, but I'll know it will soon pass.

[Onajourneynow]

It's 2 am and tears soak my cheeks. I feel sad why people have to hurt each other like this. You were horrible to me. I will sleep now, dreaming of a better day. Where I'm happy and at peace. Far away from all this hurt.

[Onajourneynow]

Around 3 am last night as I cried thinking of you, I noticed you unblocked me on Whatsapp after a week. It seems that you are missing me too, despite being in New York. I couldn't unbear to unblock you. You kept it open until around 1 pm today. All you heard from me was silence. I hope you know I'm moving on, even though it hurts. I will not let you ruin me.

[Hls923]

9 days of strict NC.......do you even freakin miss me AT ALL???!?????? You are such a stupid stupid man......you said it was forever..

[Onajourneynow]

9 days of strict NC.......do you even freakin miss me AT ALL???!?????? You are such a stupid stupid man......you said it was forever..

 

I actually smiled reading that. We are both in the exact same boat. I HATE what my ex has done. I am trying to let go of our love. I can't control him at all or what he plans to do in the future. It's so hard but much needed....

 

Even if he were to come back, I wouldn't be able to get back with him together so quickly. He had so many insecurities and jealousy problems. But for some sick reason, I still care about him. I hate that I feel this way.

[Hls923]

I actually smiled reading that. We are both in the exact same boat.

 

Even if he were to come back, I wouldn't be able to get back with him together so quickly. He had so many insecurities and jealousy problems. But for some sick reason, I still care about him. I hate that I feel this way.

 

Same !!!! It's like the more he cares the more jealous and insecure he is. If I would go to the store on a Sunday night at 7 PM, he would be suspicious thinking I was going somewhere else!! Ridiculous, I know-- but in a way it proved that he cared about me I guess. I don't know. It's all just a big mess now.

[Gaby]

The week of xmas you texted me to see me, first time ever i heard from you after 4-5 months, i said i cant that day, you said then next time, i havent heard from you since, WTF is this kind of cruel game you're playing bitch?

 

either say what you want to say and call of meet up with me and say what you want to.

[Onajourneynow]

Same !!!! It's like the more he cares the more jealous and insecure he is. If I would go to the store on a Sunday night at 7 PM, he would be suspicious thinking I was going somewhere else!! Ridiculous, I know-- but in a way it proved that he cared about me I guess. I don't know. It's all just a big mess now.

 

Mine was the same way. They are controlling and ****ed in the head. The rose-coloured glasses are coming off now.

 

 

 

The week of xmas you texted me to see me, first time ever i heard from you after 4-5 months, i said i cant that day, you said then next time, i havent heard from you since, WTF is this kind of cruel game you're playing bitch?

 

either say what you want to say and call of meet up with me and say what you want to.

 

Last night ex contacted me after 11 days of zero contact. He said he feels "sad". When I asked him if he has anything else to say, he said, "Not tonight, no."

 

I just blocked his ass after that.

 

These people are so indecisive and big losers.

[Hls923]

Last night ex contacted me after 11 days of zero contact. He said he feels "sad". When I asked him if he has anything else to say, he said, "Not tonight, no."

 

I just blocked his ass after that.

 

I hope I have the strength to do the same!!!!!

[Hls923]

Last night ex contacted me after 11 days of zero contact. He said he feels "sad". When I asked him if he has anything else to say, he said, "Not tonight, no."

 

I just blocked his ass after that.

 

I hope if he contacts me I am at a point where I can do the same!!!

[Onajourneynow]

I hope if he contacts me I am at a point where I can do the same!!!

 

 

Believe me, I wished I had just blocked him and not even responded to him in the first place. I was hoping for some form of apology. As can be expected, he did not even come close to that.

[K2z]

If I live to be 100 years old, my heart will never fully heal from seeing your wedding pictures. Someone else's name next to yours up on the wall. Your parents giving their blessing to some other guy, who I suspect you may have only known for a couple months. Broken box cutters in my chest. No amount of vodka will make you less married... and thus even drinking doesn't provide a respite these days. I churn and heave through such emotions, and I think you are just blissfully switched off. How could you possibly have done this? Was I that blind? Was my trust so misplaced? If indeed it was, how do I ever trust myself to trust again?

[Onajourneynow]

Slowly getting over you. You said you had nothing to say "tonight", implying that we will talk again. Do you really think I'll allow you back in my life? You're mistaken. Give me six months, one year, all the time in the world, even if you were the last person on earth I still would not be with you. You hurt me so ****ing bad. I am moving on. You lost me.

[Hls923]

I want you to call/ text/ knock on my door----Something. Anything.

 

I hate that I still miss you..........

[Cora]

You know just the other day I thought of you and felt nothing. I was fine. Do you have any idea what a relief it was not to feel that pain anymore? Well today I have something on my mind that has been bothering me. I don't understand why you were so closed off to me when we were together? Why you kept some parts of your life so private? Yet you let your new girlfriend in. She's met your family and friends. I never even dreamt of meeting them because you were so secretive about them. You told me right off the bat you were hard to get close to, but I never once pushed you to be more open with me because I know how difficult that can be. To open up when you're not ready. I just don't understand how you could let your new girlfriend in, but not me? What does she have that I don't? Was it because I'm so introverted? Is it because I have trouble opening up myself? Maybe it is all my fault. Maybe I always ruin a good thing by being so closed off, but I have a fear of being hurt. Well guess what? I still got hurt. You hurt me! I figured with time and patience we could both help each other to get to a point where we both were comfortable to open up. Guess I was wrong. She apparently has everything that I don't. That really hurts me that you had such a better connection with her, but could not find it in your heart to just let me go. Instead you strung me along before completely cutting all communication. Hoping I'd get the hint and just disappear. That my dear cut me like a knife. I hurt because I loved you so much, but I just wasn't enough for you. You could never love me...

 

I don't understand why I keep going through these waves of emotions? One minute I'm sad, and then I'm angry, and then I feel like I could forgive you or I feel nothing at all for you. Then the sadness starts all over again. When will this end?

[Hls923]

Congratulation great uncle S., the new baby girl is beautiful!! I congratulated your sister on her first grand baby, but I will not contact you........nope, I won't do it. You screwed up, time is running out. Stupid, stupid 50 yr old boy......

[darkbloom]

Hey A,

 

It's been a long time since I've felt the need to ask you any questions. I really don't think you understand the effect that your actions had on me. I am having a really hard time figuring out how to think normal. Is it because of you? Or am I just really messed up?

 

Why did you do all of those things you didn't have to do for me? Why were you so nice to me and boyfriend-y if that's not what you wanted. And any time I would ask you questions to clear up the boundaries you would get so upset with me. Why did we waste that year? Why did you spend so much time with me if it wasn't going anywhere.

 

I will never know the answer to any of these questions.

[Onajourneynow]

I understand that you have issues. I'm not going to get involved. I know you'll try to contact my future boyfriend/husband and try to destroy my relationship with the secrets I told you. I'm not afraid of you. History has been filled with losers like you. And there's been people who overcome the damage losers like you cause. My future love will be stronger than you. He will be a warrior. And I am a warrior too. Don't even think about contacting me ever again.

[K2z]

Every single day my heart writes you 100 silent letters. I want so badly for there to be something to say, anything to say, that turns back time and reverses this nightmare of the past half year or so. There is nothing to say. An egg cannot be unbroken.

 

I walk around like a ghost; purposeless. The rest of the world seems to mock me. They know what I failed to see for so long; there is only family, and love. There is nothing to gain by hesitating to commit, and everything to lose.

 

If I live to be 100 years old, I will never completely heal from seeing the pictures of your wedding. Am I now just a knotty stump in the cold? Is time just something for me to endure from this point, rather than grow from?

 

By God, I will love you forever. And I can never, ever, see or speak to you again. You will have a family separate from me. It is like a nightmare from which I cannot awake. I can only distract. When I stop seeing it as distraction and am able to see my distractions as the central platform of my life, I suppose I am "healed." Big victory, that.

[Learningtowalkagain]

You pushed your way back into my life after a year apart by buying my daughter gifts for her birthday (your initial contact with me) told me you still loved me, I was the only guy you've ever loved, the only guy you've ever thought of as a soulmate, then to have second thoughts a few months in and say you don't want to go backwards in life. Thank you for getting me emotionally invested then pulling that ****.

 

It's good to know that when I unfriend you and block your number, you still find ways to contact me. I don't feel bad for making you feel bad, you deserved ALL of it. No I have no interest in grabbing a drink some time and no I don't want your friendship. In short go **** yourself you ****ing nut.

[NVO]

EDIT: Just finished writing this, it turned out to be a long post haha. Longer than I expected. But damn, I needed this.

 

I just need to vent. It's been eight months since you left me. Eight months. When typing this first alinea I counted the months. Haha, eight months is close to a year and I'm wondering where the time has gone. But in all those eight months this is my first and full month of NC since I blocked you somewhere in December. My first month with absolutely no contact at all. Not me begging you and trying to talk some sense in you, not you contacting me for just some text messages, not you saying you miss me as a friend, not us meeting up for a lunch, not you trying to get back in my life with a friend request on Facebook. Nothing. Silence. I like that and I wish I'd done it much sooner.

 

Eight months. And what a rollercoaster ride these eight months have been. I vividly remember how I felt when we just broke up. I was a total mess. I could not eat like I normally would. I could not sleep like I normally would. I could not focus on my job like I normally would. All I thought of was you. I was... obsessed. Addicted maybe. Heavy withdrawal symptoms. I was like a junky, addicted to you. Craving for a hit, a sign that you still loved me. Oh yes, you told me you loved me. But you were not in love with me. Ouch. That one did hurt. I was such a fool, trying to talk some sense in to you. I lost all my dignity. I mean, you are really not that great. I loved you with all of my heart, I really did. But the way you treated me during the break up and the times you could get really needy and manipulative... You became a total stranger to me. One day you would tell me I was awesome, the next day you would tell me it was all my fault.

 

I do not blame you. Looking back, I handled the break up quite bad. But I could not help it. It happend out of the blue. We booked our holidays two weeks before you left me. You told me how other people would tell me how happy we looked just three weeks before. Suddenly, it all changed. But that's who you are. This week you want to go to college, the next week you want to stay at work. This week you want a cat, months later you say you will never get a cat again. You are.. I don't know what you are but I think you feel empty inside. You always have. You have some serious self-esteem issues and I helped you out of it. I showed you my vulnerable side too and told you some of my greatest secrets. You knew I was insecure about some aspects of me. But I loved you because no matter what, you would stick by my side and made me feel awesome. And when we broke up, you knew how to exploit that weakness in me. You knew just how to hurt me, and how to manipulate me. Oh yes, I begged. Maybe you felt like I was a pain in the ass. But I wanted answers. And it did not justify the way you treated me. To this day I don't think you understand the way you hurt me.

 

I don't blame you. I'm slowly starting to feel indifferent. I blamed myself most of the time. I was so being myself in our relationship, and you told me I was awesome. There were no real signs that you were slowly drifting away from me. So when you broke up with me and blamed me, I was disgusted of myself. I hated me and the way I treated you. I was a good boyfriend who never hurt you, and deep down I knew this. But you manipulated me in thinking I really did treat you like crap. Inside I knew I was totally being myself, but from the outside it was you making me feel bad. So I just became a stranger in my own body. Do you know how confusing this was? It feels like you are being punished for being yourself. I wanted to change everything about myself. Thinking I was a really, bad, unloving boyfriend who did not give attention to his girlfriend. But it wasn't me... It was you all along.

 

You just woke up one day and thought 'Hmm, maybe this is not what I want.' You texted me we should take a break. You. Texted. Me. Haha, at that time I was really pissed off. But now I just laugh at it. Such a coward. And afterwards you thought I'd just walk. But I didn't. I wanted answers. I wanted to talk. I became a pain in your ass whereas you thought we would just switch from lovers to friends. Because you already did. So you started to get angry with me. And that's when you started to hurt me. Manipulate me. Trying to get rid off me. But at the same time, you contact me, telling me you miss me as a friend, asking my opinions on your new tattoos. And I, the fool, responded in the way you wanted. Within a few text messages you could tell I was still in love with you. Sometimes I would tell you because you made me feel like you still got feelings for me too. But when I opened up, you kicked me in the curb. "We are not getting back together. You are so annoying. I just want to talk like friends, but you always want me back. You are a fool." I don't remember if you used those exact words, but that's how you made me feel.

 

Now, eight months later, I'm myself again. I'm that funny, always smiling, happy guy I used to be when I was with you. You made me feel that way. But now its me that makes me feel that way. I love myself. I know people like me too. And if this means that I will end up alone, I actually don't mind at this moment. I have a very rich life. My family, friends, co-workers, are an amazing addition to my life. I love my life. I have a date planned this saturday. My first one since our break up. I'm looking forward to it, but if she does not like me or just gives me the friends vibe, I actually don't mind. I'm a great catch and if she does not recognize it, well it's her loss. Like it's your loss too.

 

Do I still think of you? Yes I do. On a daily basis. I wonder how you are doing. And deep down inside I would like to know how you experienced these last months. Who knows, we might be talking about this in the future. But not at this moment. I know talking to you means that I need to open up to you. And I can't. I won't be hurt anymore. I won't open up anymore and let you destroy me. I'm sorry, you've had your chances to treat me like a person you love. But you did not, and at this moment I'm done. I'm enjoying my new job, enjoying my friends and parties... I'm enjoying my life once again. And I will not give you the opportunity to destroy it all. Not like you would do this on purpose, but it's just how I feel. I told you I thought you were the one, and I still mean this. I could have grown old with you. But seeing you in the way you really are, after our break up, I'm glad we didn't. I can chase a girl who really appreciates me, a girl that I also really like.

 

You've given me so many new opportunities, and I'm quite thankful for that. You've let me experience the greatest pain since my parents divorce. You absolutely crushed me. But I'm glad you did. Because you gave me an experience I will never forget. Thanks to you I found this forum. Thanks to you I started to do some soul searching. Thanks to you I learned so much valuable life lessons. Thanks to you, I feel like a new person. The old one, but with a new touch to it. I like it. And although I still feel the hole you left in my heart, sometimes feel sad, sometimes even miss you how strange that may sound, I would not ever want this to happen any other way. I feel sorry for you, that you don't seem to have the capacities to find out who you really are. What you really want in life. You are lost. And I was there guiding you, enjoying every minute of it. I was.

 

I hope you are doing okay though. Maybe you found another love by this time. You deserve it, although I really doubt if you are capable of maintaining a long term relationship. I was your longest one, guess that will make you remember me. Maybe you still wonder about me. Maybe you will even regret your decision one day. Who knows, maybe you will even feel the same pain as me one day. One day, it will all make sense. That day you will come back to me, trying to tell me you were sorry. But by that time, I'm long gone.

 

All the best,

 

NVO.

Edited January 21, 2016 by NVO