No Contact Support Thread. Post here instead of contacting your ex.

[StrangerThanFiction]

It's been almost a year and for the last few days I've had to fight the almost impossible urge to resist reaching out to you. I don't understand why this is happening now, or even at all. You were a terrible boyfriend and you treated me like crap. Why would I want to reopen those old wounds by talking to you? Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to fully purge you from my heart and mind....

[K2z]

Healed? Meh. Numb is more like it. The scabs have grown into bark.

 

I am curious about you, but that's outweighed by a deep disgust I feel towards you.

 

I don't worship you anymore in absentia. Your absence does not leave a giant bleeding crater in my chest anymore that I try to self-medicate away with alcohol.

 

I exercise again. I read. I don't know if this is healing, but it's not howling with pain anymore.

[A11A]

Been a week since we broke up. Been a roller coaster the past few days. i didnt handle it as well as i could of course, but i didnt deserve the treatment i got from your friends either. I'm completely inexperienced at this break up stuff you being my first love and all, i'm a trusting person and mutual friends i thought i could trust going behind my back like that really hurt and obviously upset you. hearing that you never want to speak to me again hurts a lot though. I cant help but feel you panicked about long distance and our future which is what started all this.

 

We had a great time together we were very madly in love, but i care about you too much to ever consider being your friend, and after the last week it's highly unlikely we'll get back together. i'm just going to keep being me and i'm going to be awesome .

 

I'd love to tell you all that and feel as if i'd got closure on the whole thing. but i doubt it'll do anything. The best thing i can do is live well, and i wish you well, maybe one you'll realize that you had somebody who cared immensely about you.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I came so close to reaching out to you today. I had rationalized it enough to myself that I had my phone in my hand. But instead of dialling your number I came here and reread a bunch of my old posts about you. They reminded me of why we broke up in the first place and how awful I used to feel while you were in my life. They reminded me that how I've felt for the last few days won't last and I'll feel back to normal again soon, that this is just a moment of weakness. Giving in to it would make me feel much worse in the long run and that's what I need to focus on. I'm sure there will be other times where I may feel like reaching out to you, but at least I can look back on this moment and know that I'm strong enough to not give in to them.

[AuburnGreen]

5 days post BU, only one of those days I went full NC and you immediately texted me that morning telling me you hope I had a good day today and to sleep well.

 

Sleep well.? What a crock. You shoved me out of your life, shoved me out of our life that we had made for one another like I every thing I ever did for you, all the love I ever gave you, all the memories and tender moments we shared meant nothing.

I looked at you like you were made of magic. You told me, "You're my one and only. Unlike any other girl I've ever met or been with. No one will ever hold a candle to you. I love you." A month before I sat in the floor bawling my eyes out as you coldly looked at the floor and told me you weren't in love with me and "hadn't been in love with me for a long time."

Bull****.

I forgave every mistake you ever made and looked past all of your glaring flaws and you couldn't extend the same to me?

 

You're a coward.

 

I want to tell you I hate you for making me feel this kind of pain but I still love you and I stupidly, stupidly still want you. I want everything. I love you and everything about you, flaws and all because I was in this forever.

 

When I met you I told my heart I was done. You were it.

 

Now you text me out of the blue and I feel terrified, scared, and anguished that I can't just text you back and be myself. Tell you about my day. Tell you how I feel. How much I miss and love you and know that you'd text me back immediately comforting me and telling me about you day and how much you love/miss me too. Instead I have to force myself to be this stoic, stanger of a person and pretend that I don't know you like I do.

 

Because it hurts to know you and know you no longer care to know me

 

The last time we saw each other in person was two days ago. Even after breaking up with me you hugged and kissed me goodbye, waving and blowing a kiss to me as I walked out the door and softly smiling after me as you told me you'd "see me later..."

 

When will later be?

 

In a few days? Weeks? Months? Years?

 

I wish I could just whisk my brain to mush, eradicate every feeling, every memory, every thought, image, touch, smell that's burned into my brain.

I should have know better than to memorize every feature of your face, from the smell of your hair to the taste of your mouth. The feeling of my hand cupping your chin. The way my hands felt on the back of your neck. I should have known better than to...I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry... I should have known better than to memorize the way your arms felt around me, the way you brushed your fingers through my hair, the way you'd look into my eyes and catch yourself smiling uncontrollably. I should have never paid so close attention to the many uniquely ways you loved me because I wanted to cherish every second you spent loving me because I was certain you were the one.

 

I never thought these memories would cause me this much pain when at one time they caused me such indescribable joy.

 

Now instead of waking up, feeling the weight of your arm around me, and rolling over to see your messy hair and sleepy smile.... I wake up alone, in the dark, on a too small couch disoriented and alone in a house I haven't lived in for three years. My things surround me in trash bags. I miss us, I miss our home, I miss my things among your things. Your shoes next to my shoes. Your soap and my shampoo. The way our apartment smelled, a mix of your cologne and my perfume.

 

I've not only lost you, I've lost my life. The life I made for myself in a city I loved with the person I loved in a place I worked hard to find and make it feel like ours.

 

I feel so pathetic and miserable but I won't let you know that even if it's all I want to tell you. You were my best friend, the love of my life...

 

 

I miss you.

[Souldier1234]

After being heart broken for the 4th time in my life, I figure its time to stop wasting time on people who dont understand what it means to love another. You cant love if your selfish or have an ego or think the grass is greener on the other side. In my 20's I made alot of mistakes so the heartbreaks I can accept. But being 31 and having had worked on myself to have not lied, cheated or abused my ex, and shared my money, time, heart and made sure everday she is happy and motivated, only to have it come crashing down on me, proves I'm not immune to people who dont know what they want.

 

I remember my first girlfriend use to say that "I was someone before you and I will be someone after you" proves to me that life still works out after heartbreak. I'm not afraid of being single and before this relationship I was happy single. I guess I just thought it would work out this time because I read somewhere, where someone said that in your 30's you tend to start looking for something real, as oppose to when your younger, and I thought I had found that in my ex, I thought she was a best friend, a lover & a life partner. But people change and so do dreams. So my goal now is to keep volunteering, keep living healthy, keep reading and learning, keep growing my business, start travelling more and keep enjoying my own company more.

 

Happiness attracts happiness, I'll find people who will keep shining a positive light, instead of my ex who almost made me believe I'm worthless. Its time to give love a break and enjoy my 30's, because 30 is the new 20. Maybe I'll try this love thing at 40 or 50 or not at all. Only time will tell.

 

So Let me enyoy my new life without my ex, because life is a journey, and the ultimate goal of our journey is to fulfill our purpose & find everlasting peace & hapiness.

[TimmyC]

Today is the day...

 

Today is the day that I am choosing to forget you and no longer giving you control over my life.

 

You have caused me so much emotional pain and termoil it is incredible. You've always told me that you would never be like the other girls and that you wouldn't hurt me like the other girls. Well you were right, you were the WORST woman I have ever met.

 

Because of you, I had lost myself, I stopped doing my photography, I stopped smiling, I distanced myself from the world and did not want to live, I tried to take my life over you. I looked in the mirror and heard your cruel words over and over:

 

"Your a lier."

"Your crazy."

"You never got enough hugs as a child."

"It's all your fault why we are no longer together."

"You need to be a man and break up with me."

"We have too many differences."

"My friends agree that you are crazy."

"This ring doesn't have any diamonds."

"You never made it through the army."

 

Over and ****ing over I heard these words that you spoke to me and today they no longer have power over me. I refuse to lie to myself. I still love you but the truth is you are a cruel, terrible person. How could you destroy someone that loves you so much? Even when I was crying and begging you to take me back you humiliated me by putting your phone on speaker. That's a new type of evil.

 

All I ever wanted was to take care of you, every time I saw you cry it broke my heart and I would of done anything to make you smile. I loved hearing about your dreams and I even started to save money so that one day I could of surprised you and helped you open your own bakery.

 

I wish I could rewind the day that I first met you, I never should of invested so much into you. I should of known you never loved me, but this isn't about regrets anymore. This is about me moving forward. Something you seem to have no problem doing so quickly just like before...while I was away at work it took one week for you to find someone else.

 

I'm so done with you, you don't deserve my tears, or anymore space in my mind. I deserve someone so much better and all I can do is hope that you didn't damage me to the point of bitterness.

Edited April 23, 2016 by TimmyC

[Trinity_84]

To you,

The person who didn't want to be my "only source of happiness". You aren't. You never were. I wasn't always happy with you. In fact, much of my sadness and loneliness was brought on because of you. Because I moved to a different country for you. Because you were selfish and angry. Because you never saw things from my point of view. You were never (and clearly now will never even attempt to be) my only source of happiness.

Take your over-inflated sense of ego and self-worth out of my existence. I never want to hear from you again. I am so much happier now that I left you and your drug-fueled lifestyle and friends.

I will survive very happily and you will probably say you played a big role. You'll think I couldn't have done it without you. Through you I did meet people who are now part of my professional life, but without you I gained MYSELF, my self-worth and above all, my independence again. Three things I never had with you.

Thank you for being such a ***** the last time we spoke. Thank you for reminding me what a bipolar, selfish ***** you can be. Thank you for not letting me ruin my life.

[Trinity_84]

You were condescending, you rolled your eyes at me when I said something you thought "beneath you", you didn't publicly aknowledge me on Valentine's Day and that night we went out to eat, it was like an awkward first date, not like two people in love. You didn't miss me when I was gone. You didn't love me anymore but felt pity for me, because I moved to a different country for you and my friends were all your friends first. You didn't have the guts to end it, so you started being a ***** to me, disrespecting me, taking me for granted.

You didn't get me anything for Christmas cause we'd "made a deal not to buy each other anything". Selfish ******, since when are presents/tokens of love and appretiation supposed to be bought? I had to cry that night and yell how wrong you were for you to do something about it the next day. You don't know how to be in a relationship, you are selfish and immature. When we were breaking up you said you were close to proposing. Why would you even say that? Why would you even be close to proposing to someone you rolled your eyes to? To someone you didn't respect? To someone you didn't love? You are a complete tool and I'm glad I had the guts to do your dirty work for you.

I feel angry at you, but happy that I knew myself well enough to know and understand my intuition. That voice in my gut that says "this isn't right, RUN." I'm glad I didn't run at first cause we had some amazing times together, and I will never take them back. But I am disappointed at myself that in a moment of sadness I gave in and called you, I wanted to go back and you shot me down. You were over it in only 2 weeks. You didn't love me anymore, perhaps you never did. You were infatuated by me, when I was no longer there it was like I never existed. I hope one day you see that I was right, everything I confronted you with about yourself is right.

 

I am so angry today.

[Jason9]

Dear Favourite Nightmare,

 

How long has it been now since we saw each other, since we communicated? It has felt like a year to be honest. It may seem like Im having fun, like Ive moved on, but the truth is, I suck at this.

 

I dont know if youre thinking of me, but even after disrespecting me in such a way, you're still the one on my mind every day. I hope these thoughts will decrease each day, so that I can live my life and enjoy it in every way. But I wont be able to fully forget you, and to be honest, I dont want to. I just want to forget you enough to keep me sane and just enough to ease the pain.

[panzerfaust69]

Only been a week since you and I last texted, over you wishing me a happy birthday. You said it wouldn't feel right if you didn't. But why do you give me so many mixed messages? I guess you don't see it, that your wanting to be friends is not possible for me. I love you. How can I be just friends. I'd take you back right now, if we could go back to talking and being with each other like before. But I think this has had to happen the way it has because I can see now that I was ignoring all the warning signs, all the times you said that you didn't live me the way I love you. That you weren't willing to or able to because of your health to make the effort to deal with the ****, but I was willing during the last 4 months to bend myself out of shape to try and become someone you wanted me to be. And I lost myself. It would never be good enough. I have to try and continue forward without you, I need to forget that I loved you. I will miss you

[urmysong]

I just want to let You know that I am still hoping that one day You will come love me again. Even just for our 4 year old son. I love You so much and You will always be in my heart even if You don't love me anymore. You are my first boyfriend, first kiss,first touch, first hug and first of everything and my husband for almost 9 years. You will stay in my heart forever.

You are a good husband, best Dad, good provider. I don't know how to convince You about the letter. I did not mean it to tell You how bad You are but I open up with You how I feel for You to understand me more about my behaviour. I never thought, to open up with You could make You feel that You are bad and made You decide to break up with me and throw it all away for almost 9 years of being together. I would be happy too where will You be happy. Cause I love You very much and I am wishing Your happiness.

I hope You are doing ok...God Bless You...

[Heatemyheart89]

I feel a lot stronger now, but my mind still wonders to why ? Why did you treat me the way yoy did & why did I put up with? The thing is ,I know the answers lie within me. I know I will never contact you again. I'm in this for the long haul.

[AT15]

I don't think I would have anything to say to you if you did contact me.

 

Your behavior answers all questions. I used to think that you would go off and find another woman to treat better. And you will change and be the loving caring person I wanted you to be. But, I seriously have my doubts. I think it was a stretch and a challenge for you to be faithful to me.

 

i kept taking you back. You would say all the right things and be sweet for a month then you disappear.

 

The great thing about not having you around is that I don't have to look over my shoulder or wonder if this will last. Oh the anxiety. You were wrong with how you handled the split. I'm sure you have justified it. And you might make out like R and marry this new girl and be completely different. But then again R cheated on her with me.

 

I'm not at the point that I can wish you well. Because you hurt me tremendously. All I wanted was someone all my own who I could love trust and be there for and vice verse. I honestly thought you were it, that's why I was willing to "ride or die" with you. but, used that desire in me.

 

I'm not going to wish you badly either. Because the choice was mine to stay. I took a gamble on someone with a terrible past and track record.

I couldn't change you. You can't change you. I wouldn't be surprised if we never spoke or saw each other again. And I am closer to accepting that now.

 

I don't need another "hero" - Tina

[drpepper1886]

I wish I could tell you happy birthday. You wanted me to plan something for it as you did for mine, I would have for you. But, you ended it before I had the chance.

 

I wish I could stay mad at you and I have every right to be. I am going through some difficult life choices right now and I miss having my best friend to help me figure out what's best. I feel as if more often than not now I'm flying by the seat of my pants.

 

We tried twice, you ended it both times and now I'd feel a fool if you came back a third time wanting to try again. But I can't say I wouldn't want to consider it.. For a second.

[The_Dork_Lard]

Agh... 9 months on and the tears are still hard to hold back some days. I'm having a BAD day today, and I still miss you like mad, even though you were the most uneducated, uncultured, self-centred person I've ever had the misfortune to be involved with. What you did to me was awful.

 

I just wrote you a letter, intended for my closure, to turn unfinished business into finished business. But I don't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing how I've been, and how I am about you. You totally don't deserve that... I do, however. Would it help me though? Or is it breaking no contact, and thus opening a wound instead of healing a wound? I know you'd text me to acknowledge it.

 

What do I do?

Edited May 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[urmysong]

It's been month and half since You broke up with me...still too hurts that You just throw it all away our almost 10 years of being together. You still chose to hurt me and more concerned on her feelings than mine. This is still unbelievable to me. I am just 28 and You are 56. But yet I am here feel so pained. I thought You will never let me down. I thought You will never hurt me. I saved the last dance for You and You promised me that You will be careful with my heart. Lots of promises and broken.

I will never regret of marrying You cause You gave me a wonderful son. I am just questioning how could You do this to me. I am always been a good wife loyal and faithful. I gave my wholeself to You.

I still feel blessed that You've been into my life. You teach me a lesson and I learned from it.

I dream to have a family. You and our son is my greatest treasure. The only treasure I had. Now You're gone, seems like I can never get over this. Life must go on. I have to be strong for our son.

[K2z]

So yeah, we're about at a year and change since I packed you off to the airport and you never came back. I guess you are at your five month anniversary of marrying that dumb-looking dude.

 

I function. I don't spend the bulk of my day drinking, or considering dark, gonzo paths of action.

 

Most people would call me "healed." But by God, I miss you so very much.

[lemondrop21]

Our former anniversary is coming up at the end of this week. I know I won't hear a thing from you since you are with her now.

 

Most days I think that leaving you was the right thing to do, and yet some days the pain is breathtaking. I'll never know for sure if what I did was right. All I know is that right now, you are much happier than I am.

[Jadedbyluv]

It's been a little over a month since you said you needed space. A rollercoaster of month. I've lost probably 10-15 lbs. I had to go on medicine. I have struggled with work, sleeping and just getting through some days. The last week, I have turned a corner. I guess I am at the acceptance stage or maybe the medicine is starting to work. I understand where you were coming from. It is painful and hard but I get it now.

 

The worst is just missing our friendship. I think about our talks and just the little things. Those I miss most. I had such an eventful weekend with a lot of good stuff that happened. You were the first person that I wanted to tell because you were always excited for me. You always seemed to care.

 

Then the fact I'm reminded of you everywhere I go and in everything I do. It still sucks. I went to brunch today at our go to spot. It reminded me of our first time there, and you holding my hand and pulling me close to you. I know one day everything won't remind me of you but right now it's hard. I guess I really just missed you this weekend.

[marshmallowcodeine]

It's been so long since I've seen your face in person but I can never ever forget that face, how it feels, how it looks, how it smells. I know we were never supposed to fall in love. I know you told me that right away but then why did you fall in love with me first? I know I made too many mistakes but even two years later I still wake up and cry because of you. I love you so much. I love you like no one will ever love you. You were and are my dream girl and as bad as I want to tell you that, I know it wouldn't even matter to you. You don't love me anymore. And why would you? I just wish you could know how I feel about you. I miss you so much my love. I miss you so much

[Trinity_84]

To you,

I wonder if you deleted our photos yet. You didn't delete her photos even after being with me for a year. I wonder if you deleted ours already. I wonder what you tell your friends happened, I wonder how you think of me. I wonder if you think I'm an ******* or strong for taking the initiative to finally put an end to a downhill relationship.

I wonder if you think about me and how you feel. I know it's over, I know I made the right decision by leaving. I know you fell out of love with me before our relationship was even over but you didn't know how to break up with me. I know all of this, even though you would deny it, you would say I am just paranoid, I know it, I felt it, which is why I broke up with you. And then you broke up with me. We dumped each other.

I really do wonder what you think of me now. You probably don't see me the same way, you might feel nothing for me/us/whatever at all. You're indifferent. That hurts more than resentment. I tell you I think about you and I hope you're alright (in a friendly way) and you say nothing back. Do you not hope I'm alright? Do you not think about me?

 

I know none of this matters. It's over. IT IS OVER. Yesterday I cried on the bus, the first time in around 2 weeks. I want to tell you how much you hurt me the last time we spoke, but you're indifferent to me and my feelings now. You have moved on, forgotten and indifferent. You feel nothing. You are cold and as good as dead. You buried whatever trace of an emotion you might have, deep down, and showed me a side of you I had seen before but didn't have the right to challenge. You are indifferent now, I wish I was too.

[Badger68]

I know you will not contact me but if you did.... I just want you to know that nothing has changed on my end. Every word, every syllable, every letter I wrote or spoke to you was the truth and I omitted nothing. So unless something has changed on your end, and I truly hope is has, but if it has not, we really have nothing more to say to each other. I wish I could go back to just being your "friend" or even "boyfriend" but now I know I can never do that again and I think you do too. I want you to be my wife with every fiber of my being and if I cannot have that then I need to go in a different direction completely. I love you so much I wish I could stay a part of your life somehow but it is not healthy anymore. You have been constantly in my thoughts and dreams for almost 14 years now. It's time for me to move on. As I said, "I love you so much and I want nothing but the best for you, that is why ..." That did not work out but I still want nothing but the best for you, so I will wish you the best of luck and I will miss you always. I hope I don't but I know I will.

Edited May 6, 2016 by Badger68

[loveiswar101]

I'm just lost on why you have not contacted me, you told me I was lovely, I did everything I could to try make you happy and see the light after the cards you were dealt. But I'm not a fool and you have painted the picture by not contacting me, I realize you don't care. You did for a while, but I can't make someone like me if they no longer do and I will not try too either. You an your girls will always be special to me, but i'm on the train leaving the station now....

[Trinity_84]

Today I woke up with a song in my mind, the one you played for me and said it was "our song"; I couldn't remember the lyrics and I felt bad, then I stumbled across it on YouTube, listened to it and read the lyrics. I'm sorry I never believed you, that song expressed your feelings for me better than your words ever did, but I didn't love myself enough to believe you. I'm sorry I ended up disappointing you as well. I'm so sorry.