stillafool Posted August 20, 2022 Share Posted August 20, 2022 On 8/8/2022 at 2:05 AM, aitna said: For me was easier kai he knows it. He feels that he had to live his children while I have nothing difficult to do. I have nothing to lose he says. it's not that I feel more. i know that this is not the case. I know that he suffers with all this situation and I even he chooses the family after all it is because the children,the lack of money and his insecurities of an unsure future. Not beacuse he is not in love. But the result is the same. 20 days no contact and sometimes I feel sick. I am a lot out with friends,sometimes this helps me but other times I just want to go home and cry. I am thinking all the grief that will follow and I am wondering if it will be for many months or more and it is scary. To many MM with kids, real estate and property have filed for divorce to be with another woman they loved who had nothing to lose. When a man loves you he finds the strength to be wit you anything less is just talk and blowing smoke. My hope for you is that one day you will see that so you can get over him. I hope it's not when you turn 45. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aitna Posted August 25, 2022 Author Share Posted August 25, 2022 hello guys. Well he contacted,he starded all the same again,how he loves me,how in love he is with me,how he missed me,that this month no contact make him think a lot and he is more sure than ever that he wants to be with me and that it was the worst days of his life there and the thruth is he talked again to his wife on Monday that he is going to leave. They started a fight and the one child hear them and told them to stop and told him that if they are fighting then he will accept that his dad has to leave the house but not find another woman. He told the child that some time in his life he maybe find some new girl but he will never make children again (i dont want children too). So he is in a tournament with his son now. I am waiting to see when he will leave his home. I gave him a week. Some times I am wondering if I want him on my head all the time,he already started fights with me because I am going to my hobby and have men opponents etc Well if you ask me I think that he will leave his home and then when fight start between us he will go back sooner that the other times. Because I am already very angry with him and the time I will explode will come very soon. I try to be calm now but I am holding my self from exploding. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 4 hours ago, aitna said: They started a fight and the one child hear them and told them to stop It's sad that his cheating and their arguing is affecting their kids. However he is not moving out. He is not separating. He is not filing for divorce. He is just creating drama at home that he blames on his wife and family, or so he tells you to string you along.. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 4 hours ago, aitna said: They started a fight and the one child hear them and told them to stop and told him that if they are fighting then he will accept that his dad has to leave the house but not find another woman. How old is this kid? 4 hours ago, aitna said: I am waiting to see when he will leave his home. I gave him a week. You are going to be very disappointed when the week ends, aitna. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aitna Posted August 25, 2022 Author Share Posted August 25, 2022 25 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: How old is this kid? You are going to be very disappointed when the week ends, aitna. hello! He is 12. (like his father I would say) I know and if I dont get dissapointed this week I will get later even if he will leave his home for one more time. His son told him that he knew he was leaving again. His wife told him that he mother did not raised him well and he found that funny I think but I want to tell him but probably this is right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aitna Posted August 25, 2022 Author Share Posted August 25, 2022 57 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's sad that his cheating and their arguing is affecting their kids. However he is not moving out. He is not separating. He is not filing for divorce. He is just creating drama at home that he blames on his wife and family, or so he tells you to string you along.. He is not blame his family. He says that it would better to have fights every day but they dont. He is also telling and I have seen that,that his wife see him like a third son .Not even like brother but a son. But I see in here that this is common and they still stay. It is sad for me to have so much anger inside me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 (edited) 2 minutes ago, aitna said: It is sad for me to have so much anger inside me. You don't have to feel that way. You're overinvolved in his lies and drama. When you find a kind, decent, honest, single man of your own you'll feel a lot better. Edited August 25, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 (edited) 39 minutes ago, aitna said: He is also telling and I have seen that,that his wife see him like a third son .Not even like brother but a son. If she treats him like a child it is likely because he acts like a child - and that is certainly consistent with what you’ve shared - selfish, entitled, indecisive, irresponsible, unwilling or unable to communicate with his wife or yourself in a mature, responsible, and accountable way. You are definitely over involved in his family drama. Time to take a big step back. Edited August 25, 2022 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aitna Posted August 25, 2022 Author Share Posted August 25, 2022 36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You don't have to feel that way. You're overinvolved in his lies and drama. When you find a kind, decent, honest, single man of your own you'll feel a lot better. Μy husband is that man but I fell out of love years now. He really is one of the best man I ever know .I wish I fall in love again with someone and be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 3 minutes ago, aitna said: Μy husband is that man but I fell out of love years now. He really is one of the best man I ever know .I wish I fall in love again with someone and be happy. Why don't you divorce him if you don't love him and be free to be with someone you will love? It isn't fair to your husband to be married to a woman that's in love with another man behind his back. Why don't you divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aitna Posted August 25, 2022 Author Share Posted August 25, 2022 9 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why don't you divorce him if you don't love him and be free to be with someone you will love? It isn't fair to your husband to be married to a woman that's in love with another man behind his back. Why don't you divorce? I dont do this behind his back. We have 2 years that we live in seperate houses and 3 years that we are not together. We are not together we just havent make the divorce. Not for a reason. He have met several times my OM and I have met his new girl. We have a very good friendship right now. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 At some point you will need to actually divorce. It’s doubtful that many sincere and available men will want to be in a relationship with a woman who is legally married to another man - certainly not a serious relationship with a plan for the future Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 50 minutes ago, aitna said: I dont do this behind his back. We have 2 years that we live in seperate houses and 3 years that we are not together. We are not together we just havent make the divorce. Not for a reason. He have met several times my OM and I have met his new girl. We have a very good friendship right now. Why haven't you divorced yet? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 11 hours ago, aitna said: Well if you ask me I think that he will leave his home and then when fight start between us he will go back sooner that the other times. Because I am already very angry with him and the time I will explode will come very soon. I try to be calm now but I am holding my self from exploding. This doesn't sound like an emotionally healthy situation. Nor does it make much sense for him to be trying to "ask his kid's permission" who he dates. I get that he came to you. Still, I think you might ask yourself whether you've asked him to end his marriage for a relationship with you that has almost no chance of working out (if you're already seeing how he's going to head back to his wife). If you're going to try to make your relationship work long-term, you might consider seeing a therapist/marriage counselor together, e.g. for healthy conflict resolution strategies, as well as any other issues. I feel like there's a lot of dysfunction here. Consider researching the "Drama Triangle" online and see if you start to recognize some patterns in your affair and his and/or your relationships in that material. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aitna Posted August 25, 2022 Author Share Posted August 25, 2022 4 hours ago, stillafool said: Why haven't you divorced yet? We have said sometimes to go get the divorce but we dont. No reason.Just bored. I fell like I am not married already. It's not the paper that amkes me married.That is how I see it. Ti is like we dont care. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 2 minutes ago, aitna said: We have said sometimes to go get the divorce but we dont. No reason.Just bored. I fell like I am not married already. That makes sense. Single men are not going to get involved with legally married women even if you claim you don't "feel" married. Once you can pay for the divorce, set yourself free. Then you can date higher quality men. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aitna Posted August 25, 2022 Author Share Posted August 25, 2022 27 minutes ago, mark clemson said: This doesn't sound like an emotionally healthy situation. Nor does it make much sense for him to be trying to "ask his kid's permission" who he dates. I get that he came to you. Still, I think you might ask yourself whether you've asked him to end his marriage for a relationship with you that has almost no chance of working out (if you're already seeing how he's going to head back to his wife). If you're going to try to make your relationship work long-term, you might consider seeing a therapist/marriage counselor together, e.g. for healthy conflict resolution strategies, as well as any other issues. I feel like there's a lot of dysfunction here. Consider researching the "Drama Triangle" online and see if you start to recognize some patterns in your affair and his and/or your relationships in that material. he is not a person that would go to a counselor. His wife is a phycologist anf he told him that phychology sayw that once you are married with kids you are obligaded to stay with family. That's funny. I am very tired. He now does not speak to me because I went to the hobby today. So from all this love he is angry all day. Why I want him in my life? I want the fantasy of what we could be together. But all this jealously is crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 8 hours ago, aitna said: He is also telling and I have seen that,that his wife see him like a third son . If this is the case he should act like her son and do what he wants which would be to spend his evening hours with you. Why isn't he doing that? Also since you and your husband are "just bored", "don't feel married" and both have your own house it should be a breeze and not cost much to legally divorce. He may want to marry his girlfriend. Has he met your MM too? 1 hour ago, aitna said: he is not a person that would go to a counselor. His wife is a phycologist anf he told him that phychology sayw that once you are married with kids you are obligaded to stay with family. That's funny. Does he live in the United States? Surely he isn't that stupid because there are single moms and dads with kids everywhere. Did you tell him that was a lie and to look it up? He's just using that as another excuse not to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 Ok. You might still consider looking up the Drama Triangle. What you describe does seem quite "messy". No doubt some significant portion of that comes from him, but more insight into your own behavior patterns (IF it's relevant for you) might nonetheless help you form healthier relationships in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aitna Posted August 26, 2022 Author Share Posted August 26, 2022 8 hours ago, stillafool said: If this is the case he should act like her son and do what he wants which would be to spend his evening hours with you. Why isn't he doing that? Also since you and your husband are "just bored", "don't feel married" and both have your own house it should be a breeze and not cost much to legally divorce. He may want to marry his girlfriend. Has he met your MM too? Does he live in the United States? Surely he isn't that stupid because there are single moms and dads with kids everywhere. Did you tell him that was a lie and to look it up? He's just using that as another excuse not to be with you. He dont want to marry his girlfriend but if he wants I think is easy to get the divorce any time as we both not have a problem with that. Yes he met my MM a few times. But that doesnt matter. No we dont leave in United States,we are in the ther side of the world. In Greece if you know,in a town and we are already be discussed in our town for our realtionship. Almost everybody knows. But also here there are many divorces. He is not believing what his wife says of course. He told me that to laugh. She says many things to try to hold him there and he knows that are things she made up. Also she said some things about me that are lies. But ok i understand. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 I would recommend counselling for you, OP. There is a big part of you that is attracted to the drama and dysfunction. Until you understand why that is, and take steps to correct it, you will not be able to free yourself from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aitna Posted August 26, 2022 Author Share Posted August 26, 2022 26 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I would recommend counselling for you, OP. There is a big part of you that is attracted to the drama and dysfunction. Until you understand why that is, and take steps to correct it, you will not be able to free yourself from this. I dont think that I like drama. I want a person to live my life peacfully. I would like to be with him but I guess it will not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aitna Posted August 26, 2022 Author Share Posted August 26, 2022 But I want to go to phycologist,no conselor. Maybe helps to feel better. Maybe not,I have never been and I dont know how a psychologist can help. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 (edited) 2 minutes ago, aitna said: I dont think that I like drama. I want a person to live my life peacfully. I would like to be with him but I guess it will not. Your intent and your actions/choices don't match up, aitna. You want to live peacefully but are repeatedly choosing chaos. Edited August 26, 2022 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 4 hours ago, aitna said: I dont think that I like drama. I want a person to live my life peacfully. Then you have chosen the absolutely worst person/relationship for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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