Wiseman2 Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 11 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said: he can’t deal with it He seems to be dealing better because he or his people had the police pay you a visit to leave him alone. Set yourself free. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Don't look back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 On 5/15/2022 at 8:38 PM, ExpatInItaly said: My point was less about him, and more about you. What have you read up on your own behavioural patterns in this relationship? What have you learned about yourself from this relationship? You have analyzed him a lot, and understandably so. It's normal to try to make sense of something we don't understand or is upsetting to us. But I don't think you need to any more deep-dives on him or his apparent narcissism. It would be better to do a deep-dive on yourself now. You contributed to you own misery here as well, by lacking firm boundaries and agreeing to stay in his life far too long. What do you suppose that says about you? It says about me that I was too worried about him losing his life so I stayed. He overdosed in front of me a few times so I didn’t think he wasn’t serious.we were also stuck in heavy covid restrictions most of that time so part of it had to do with that - we couldn’t go anywhere without police monitoring Also he would take my bags and not let me go or block the door. So I left when he was out of the house. Just packed basics and went to a friends place to live Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 On 5/19/2022 at 7:22 PM, Wiseman2 said: He seems to be dealing better because he or his people had the police pay you a visit to leave him alone. Set yourself free. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Don't look back. The police didn’t pay me a visit. When I got all these messages from him and didn’t respond and then he ended with goodbye .. I’m leaving this world forever, I called the police. My therapist advised me not to go and check on him as he wants contact but just to call the police when he does that. So I did that and because he makes friends with police all the time, the guy thought I was bothering him. So I sent the policeman all the latest messages and the goodbye msg so he knows who’s the real manipulator Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 26 minutes ago, AlphaFemme99 said: It says about me that I was too worried about him losing his life so I stayed You really can't see where you made bad choices for yourself? Because from where I sit, what this says about you is that you allowed herself to be manipulated. His choices were never your problem, but you allowed him to make them your problem. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 2 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said: It says about me that I was too worried about him losing his life so I stayed. And also that you are very codependent and easily manipulated, unforunately. Until you recognize this, you will be an easy target for the next nefarious soul who comes along. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 2 hours ago, basil67 said: You really can't see where you made bad choices for yourself? Because from where I sit, what this says about you is that you allowed herself to be manipulated. His choices were never your problem, but you allowed him to make them your problem. I did because I care for people. It’s who I am .. he used to be my fiancé .. we had a great relationship until covid and all his problems became too much. I do take responsibility Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: And also that you are very codependent and easily manipulated, unforunately. Until you recognize this, you will be an easy target for the next nefarious soul who comes along. He was in hospital a few times .. if that makes me manipulated so be it. Even so it’s easy to judge without knowing the situation or being there. Also I know myself and have never been manipulated before or ever will again. I’ve had great experiences just have too many choices so always was the one dumping just because I thought there was even better around the corner. This one just took me longer to dump Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 1 hour ago, AlphaFemme99 said: He was in hospital a few times .. if that makes me manipulated so be it. I’m referring to how easy it’s been for him to manipulate you since the relationship ended months ago. If you refuse to take accountability for your own choice, this will definitely happen again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 4 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said: I sent the policeman all the latest messages and the goodbye msg Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps are. It doesn't matter. The police told you to leave him and his people alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: I’m referring to how easy it’s been for him to manipulate you since the relationship ended months ago. If you refuse to take accountability for your own choice, this will definitely happen again. He lost his dad not long before I left so he was worse after he lost me. That was only why. Im not in contact now .. it’s been long enough since Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 So is he now blocked on everything and there's no longer a way for him to contact you? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 Good you're leaving him. IMO this person is an abusive partner. Some abusers use suicide threats as a manipulation tactic and he seems to be one of those. In my personal opinion you should stay firm on no contact with him and keeping him out of your life. No good will come of continued contact with him, so "resolve" is necessary IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 6 hours ago, stillafool said: So is he now blocked on everything and there's no longer a way for him to contact you? Yes .. unless he tries through his friends or relatives . He introduced me as his fiancé when we were together to a lot of important people in his life. I can’t keep up to delete them all as I have thousands of contacts personally I told my family not to answer if he calls.. he recently tried to call my dad who he had the gall to ask for my hand in marriage in the early months when he was so in love. I could see it in his eyes. Somethings gone very wrong. Maybe he just fell out of love and is acting up Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 4 hours ago, mark clemson said: Good you're leaving him. IMO this person is an abusive partner. Some abusers use suicide threats as a manipulation tactic and he seems to be one of those. In my personal opinion you should stay firm on no contact with him and keeping him out of your life. No good will come of continued contact with him, so "resolve" is necessary IMO. It’s true. He tried tho and that’s what bothered me. If he wasn’t taken to hospital etc I would’ve left ages ago 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said: He introduced me as his fiancé when we were together to a lot of important people in his life. I can’t keep up to delete them all as I have thousands of contacts personally So you gave you contact info to everyone he's introduced you to? Why????? [ ] Edited May 25, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator antagonistic 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 (edited) 43 minutes ago, stillafool said: So you gave you contact info to everyone he's introduced you to? Why????? You really want to keep up with this guy don't you? No that happened in the early stages when things were amazing in our relationship and we were newly engaged. Now I’ve got all these people close to him on my Facebook I can’t keep up to remember all. Even one his cousins wives requested my friendship. They all like me .. and he obviously still wants to get back together but I have no answer to the treatment he later started giving me. I don’t care it wasn’t physical.. just not ok either way Edited May 25, 2022 by AlphaFemme99 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 2 minutes ago, AlphaFemme99 said: No that happened in the early stages when things were amazing in our relationship and we were newly engaged. Now I’ve got all these people close to him on my Facebook I can’t keep up to remember all. Even one his cousins wives requested my friendship. They all like me .. and he obviously still wants to get back together but I have no answer to the treatment he later started giving me. I don’t care it wasn’t physical.. just not ok either way They requested my friendship not the other way around. He wanted to introduce me to everyone in his life Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 3 minutes ago, AlphaFemme99 said: Even one his cousins wives requested my friendship. Relatives I might understand if they are immediate family, but thousands of contacts that someone else knows is a bit excessive to me. So you have every one of his relatives contact info which means there's absolutely no good reason for you to still be involved in his life at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 12 minutes ago, stillafool said: Relatives I might understand if they are immediate family, but thousands of contacts that someone else knows is a bit excessive to me. So you have every one of his relatives contact info which means there's absolutely no good reason for you to still be involved in his life at this point. Well I didn’t have to. I just get along with heaps of people and she’s lovely so I accepted her request .. just like a lot of friends etc he introduced me to. I accept people I get along with. I have thousands of contacts not just on fb and run social groups .. I’m just very social Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 if there's too much to block, just ignore and make your social media more private 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: if there's too much to block, just ignore and make your social media more private It is private. Only my profile pic and some info is visible to non friends. U mean just ignore messages by any of his contacts? That’s an idea Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 What makes this hard is my ex and I had thousands of messages between us. There were all these song requests and declarations of love by him and so much fun history. We wanted the same things in life. He messaged and called constantly even after I left, but then I put a stop dramatically to it. It’s like I was with two people. I feel a bit empty since deleting him everywhere. I know I was highlighting the bad stuff but it’s hard when there has been so much good especially at the beginning 8 months or so Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 34 minutes ago, AlphaFemme99 said: It is private. Only my profile pic and some info is visible to non friends. U mean just ignore messages by any of his contacts? That’s an idea Do they message you? If so, you really do need to take the time to clean them out of your social media. Yes, I get that you've got a lot of friends, so if it's too much to do at one time, then do it methodically as any appear in your feed or messenger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 28 minutes ago, AlphaFemme99 said: Quote What makes this hard is my ex and I had thousands of messages between us. There were all these song requests and declarations of love by him and so much fun history. We wanted the same things in life. He messaged and called constantly even after I left, but then I put a stop dramatically to it. You can delete them so you're not triggered. Quote It’s like I was with two people. I feel a bit empty since deleting him everywhere. I know I was highlighting the bad stuff but it’s hard when there has been so much good especially at the beginning 8 months or so You probably are feeling the relief from all the drama. It's like you've exhaled. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphaFemme99 Posted May 26, 2022 Author Share Posted May 26, 2022 23 hours ago, stillafool said: You probably are feeling the relief from all the drama. It's like you've exhaled. That part is true Link to post Share on other sites
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