Ex partner won't let go (update - he's threatening to show my pictures)

May 11, 2022

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Make sure you block and delete him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Stop contacting his people. That is stalking and you've been warned now. It's time to move on and leave him alone.

Yeah I’m done. I’ve helped enough and he can find other support from here.
Imagine trying to make me out to be the problem! Narcissistic injury right there ..

May 12, 2022

6 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

Yeah I’m done. I’ve helped enough and he can find other support from here.
Imagine trying to make me out to be the problem! Narcissistic injury right there ..

You seem very bent on labelling his behaviour this way...narcissistic this or that. You've used these phrases a few times in this thread.

I'm not sure if it makes you feel better to assign his conduct these sorts of pscychological terms, but I would try to avoid doing so. Concentrate instead on your own behaviour and the difficulty you had extracting yourself from this. He may have a lot of inner work to do, but I would shift your focus to the inner work you need to do with yourself so you don't wind up in another situation like this.

How did you wind up here, and where did you misstep? What can you learn from your own mistakes here? What can you do better next time? That's where I would take time to reflect.

May 12, 2022

11 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

Yeah I’m done.

That's good. Because after a warning from the police about stalking (yes contacting his therapist and friends is that) the next step would be a restraining order and that goes on your record. His therapist or people may have contacted the police.

May 14, 2022

On 5/12/2022 at 7:44 PM, Wiseman2 said:

That's good. Because after a warning from the police about stalking (yes contacting his therapist and friends is that) the next step would be a restraining order and that goes on your record. His therapist or people may have contacted the police.

It’s ridiculous because he’s the one stalking me! My therapist told me I should get help from his friends so I’m not the only one helping him.
I’ve quit helping him since that police chat and won’t do anything more but am just shocked it’s turned on me rather than the real abuser

May 14, 2022

On 5/12/2022 at 3:14 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

You seem very bent on labelling his behaviour this way...narcissistic this or that. You've used these phrases a few times in this thread.

I'm not sure if it makes you feel better to assign his conduct these sorts of pscychological terms, but I would try to avoid doing so. Concentrate instead on your own behaviour and the difficulty you had extracting yourself from this. He may have a lot of inner work to do, but I would shift your focus to the inner work you need to do with yourself so you don't wind up in another situation like this.

How did you wind up here, and where did you misstep? What can you learn from your own mistakes here? What can you do better next time? That's where I would take time to reflect.

It’s the only time I’ve had problems in a relationship. I’ve always had a thing with men and they adore me. He was also obsessed and fell in love quickly. He wanted to propose two months after we met.
I have read a lot about narcissism and he ticks all the boxes. I had the misfortune this time to choose someone who I thought was an alpha male but unfortunately has this disorder.
I fd up because I was dating the usual successful men and he was just a friend I was living with. We had a lot in common and I saw how much potential he had even though he was in a temp job at the time (I’ve been in that situation so I know) ..

He begged me to stop dating the others and go exclusive so I thought let’s give it a go.. If it doesn’t work out I’ll just leave as I always did. I’m very fussy. So he knew that suicide threats were the only thing that could make me stay .. he used my kindness and knew it was the only thing that would work on me.
As I said, I’ve always had great relationships and just been choosy but I’ve learnt a lot to not go for this type again

May 15, 2022

My point was less about him, and more about you.

What have you read up on your own behavioural patterns in this relationship? What have you learned about yourself from this relationship?

You have analyzed him a lot, and understandably so. It's normal to try to make sense of something we don't understand or is upsetting to us. But I don't think you need to any more deep-dives on him or his apparent narcissism.

It would be better to do a deep-dive on yourself now. You contributed to you own misery here as well, by lacking firm boundaries and agreeing to stay in his life far too long. What do you suppose that says about you?

May 15, 2022

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It would be better to do a deep-dive on yourself now. You contributed to you own misery here as well, by lacking firm boundaries and agreeing to stay in his life far too long. What do you suppose that says about you?

Agree and I think it would be interesting and enlightening to hear HIS side of the story.

I have been on many relationship sites like Loveshack and it's important to remember we only hear one side, the side of the person writing in. There is a whole other side, the side of the other person.

The truth typically lies somewhere in between.

Edited May 15, 2022 by Sabrina1990

May 15, 2022

18 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

He was also obsessed and fell in love quickly. He wanted to propose two months after we met.

Stop acting as if he's so in love with you but you're only helping him. You are head over heels for this man and that is why you wanted to marry him, right? If he is a Narcissist you knew this long before now and if so why did you want him to marry you? Maybe that's the question you need to ask yourself. You refuse to detach from him even though I'm sure you have business of your own to take care of. You mentioned you are staying with a friend. Are you looking for your own place to live or waiting to see what your ex does before you make a move?

May 17, 2022

On 5/14/2022 at 7:24 PM, AlphaFemme99 said:

It’s the only time I’ve had problems in a relationship. I’ve always had a thing with men and they adore me. He was also obsessed and fell in love quickly. He wanted to propose two months after we met.
I have read a lot about narcissism and he ticks all the boxes. I had the misfortune this time to choose someone who I thought was an alpha male but unfortunately has this disorder.
I fd up because I was dating the usual successful men and he was just a friend I was living with. We had a lot in common and I saw how much potential he had even though he was in a temp job at the time (I’ve been in that situation so I know) ..

He begged me to stop dating the others and go exclusive so I thought let’s give it a go.. If it doesn’t work out I’ll just leave as I always did. I’m very fussy. So he knew that suicide threats were the only thing that could make me stay .. he used my kindness and knew it was the only thing that would work on me.
As I said, I’ve always had great relationships and just been choosy but I’ve learnt a lot to not go for this type again

Well, if there is anything I've learned from hard experience, is that the terms Alpha Male and Alpha Female make a lot less sense than many of us think. Just the same with "always having a thing with men" or "just having a way with women". I mean, the supposedly plain unassuming pair sitting next to you at the diner may be no Power Couple in the traditional sense of the word. But, for all you know, they could be spending their days saving people's grandpas who just had a heart attack or something. I say this, because, respectfully, I am picking up a lot of pride in your posts, and I don't think it always serves you.

You fell for your ex-friend, so much so that you stuck by him even when it stopped making any sense for you. Just as a lot of people less successful, attractive, or supposedly less confident than you did the same. That doesn't make you a sucker or anything it makes you human. And now thankfully you've finally woken up to whom your ex-friend really is.

[And....if you were to go back and reread the old posts on this thread here, a few people who tried to guide you were in fact right all along....]

Edited May 17, 2022 by TooLegitToQuit

May 18, 2022

On 5/15/2022 at 8:38 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

My point was less about him, and more about you.

What have you read up on your own behavioural patterns in this relationship? What have you learned about yourself from this relationship?

You have analyzed him a lot, and understandably so. It's normal to try to make sense of something we don't understand or is upsetting to us. But I don't think you need to any more deep-dives on him or his apparent narcissism.

It would be better to do a deep-dive on yourself now. You contributed to you own misery here as well, by lacking firm boundaries and agreeing to stay in his life far too long. What do you suppose that says about you?

I put so many boundaries in place but they kept being broken. It’s why I talk about the narcissism. They have no respect for boundaries.

My problem was I was too kind. I didn’t want him to suicide. The first time I was gonna leave him he took 8 mersyndol tablets in front of me and begged me not to call the ambulance because his dad was the next of kin at the time and he was famous and it would affect his image.. It’s the biggest mistake I made. I stayed and made sure he vomited as 8 strong tablets could’ve killed him

May 18, 2022

On 5/17/2022 at 1:29 PM, TooLegitToQuit said:

Well, if there is anything I've learned from hard experience, is that the terms Alpha Male and Alpha Female make a lot less sense than many of us think. Just the same with "always having a thing with men" or "just having a way with women". I mean, the supposedly plain unassuming pair sitting next to you at the diner may be no Power Couple in the traditional sense of the word. But, for all you know, they could be spending their days saving people's grandpas who just had a heart attack or something. I say this, because, respectfully, I am picking up a lot of pride in your posts, and I don't think it always serves you.

You fell for your ex-friend, so much so that you stuck by him even when it stopped making any sense for you. Just as a lot of people less successful, attractive, or supposedly less confident than you did the same. That doesn't make you a sucker or anything it makes you human. And now thankfully you've finally woken up to whom your ex-friend really is.

[And....if you were to go back and reread the old posts on this thread here, a few people who tried to guide you were in fact right all along....]

I had some feelings but he’s obsessed. I left him 8 months ago and he can’t deal with it

May 19, 2022

6 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

I put so many boundaries in place but they kept being broken. It’s why I talk about the narcissism. They have no respect for boundaries.

That can't happen very easily without your tacit consent and participation.

This isn't entirely on him, and it isn't all about you being too kind.

May 19, 2022

11 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

he can’t deal with it

He seems to be dealing better because he or his people had the police pay you a visit to leave him alone.

Set yourself free. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Don't look back.

May 25, 2022

On 5/15/2022 at 8:38 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

My point was less about him, and more about you.

What have you read up on your own behavioural patterns in this relationship? What have you learned about yourself from this relationship?

You have analyzed him a lot, and understandably so. It's normal to try to make sense of something we don't understand or is upsetting to us. But I don't think you need to any more deep-dives on him or his apparent narcissism.

It would be better to do a deep-dive on yourself now. You contributed to you own misery here as well, by lacking firm boundaries and agreeing to stay in his life far too long. What do you suppose that says about you?

It says about me that I was too worried about him losing his life so I stayed. He overdosed in front of me a few times so I didn’t think he wasn’t serious.we were also stuck in heavy covid restrictions most of that time so part of it had to do with that - we couldn’t go anywhere without police monitoring

Also he would take my bags and not let me go or block the door. So I left when he was out of the house. Just packed basics and went to a friends place to live

May 25, 2022

On 5/19/2022 at 7:22 PM, Wiseman2 said:

He seems to be dealing better because he or his people had the police pay you a visit to leave him alone.

Set yourself free. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Don't look back.

The police didn’t pay me a visit.

When I got all these messages from him and didn’t respond and then he ended with goodbye .. I’m leaving this world forever, I called the police.
My therapist advised me not to go and check on him as he wants contact but just to call the police when he does that.

So I did that and because he makes friends with police all the time, the guy thought I was bothering him. So I sent the policeman all the latest messages and the goodbye msg so he knows who’s the real manipulator

May 25, 2022

26 minutes ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

It says about me that I was too worried about him losing his life so I stayed

You really can't see where you made bad choices for yourself? Because from where I sit, what this says about you is that you allowed herself to be manipulated.

His choices were never your problem, but you allowed him to make them your problem.

May 25, 2022

2 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

It says about me that I was too worried about him losing his life so I stayed.

And also that you are very codependent and easily manipulated, unforunately.

Until you recognize this, you will be an easy target for the next nefarious soul who comes along.

May 25, 2022

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

You really can't see where you made bad choices for yourself? Because from where I sit, what this says about you is that you allowed herself to be manipulated.

His choices were never your problem, but you allowed him to make them your problem.

I did because I care for people. It’s who I am .. he used to be my fiancé .. we had a great relationship until covid and all his problems became too much. I do take responsibility

May 25, 2022

12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And also that you are very codependent and easily manipulated, unforunately.

Until you recognize this, you will be an easy target for the next nefarious soul who comes along.

He was in hospital a few times .. if that makes me manipulated so be it.

Even so it’s easy to judge without knowing the situation or being there. Also I know myself and have never been manipulated before or ever will again. I’ve had great experiences just have too many choices so always was the one dumping just because I thought there was even better around the corner. This one just took me longer to dump

May 25, 2022

1 hour ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

He was in hospital a few times .. if that makes me manipulated so be it.

I’m referring to how easy it’s been for him to manipulate you since the relationship ended months ago.

If you refuse to take accountability for your own choice, this will definitely happen again.

May 25, 2022

4 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

I sent the policeman all the latest messages and the goodbye msg

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps are. It doesn't matter. The police told you to leave him and his people alone.

May 25, 2022

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I’m referring to how easy it’s been for him to manipulate you since the relationship ended months ago.

If you refuse to take accountability for your own choice, this will definitely happen again.

He lost his dad not long before I left so he was worse after he lost me. That was only why. Im not in contact now .. it’s been long enough since

May 25, 2022

So is he now blocked on everything and there's no longer a way for him to contact you?

May 25, 2022

Good you're leaving him. IMO this person is an abusive partner. Some abusers use suicide threats as a manipulation tactic and he seems to be one of those. In my personal opinion you should stay firm on no contact with him and keeping him out of your life. No good will come of continued contact with him, so "resolve" is necessary IMO.

May 25, 2022

6 hours ago, stillafool said:

So is he now blocked on everything and there's no longer a way for him to contact you?

Yes .. unless he tries through his friends or relatives . He introduced me as his fiancé when we were together to a lot of important people in his life. I can’t keep up to delete them all as I have thousands of contacts personally

I told my family not to answer if he calls.. he recently tried to call my dad who he had the gall to ask for my hand in marriage in the early months when he was so in love. I could see it in his eyes. Somethings gone very wrong. Maybe he just fell out of love and is acting up

Sign In

Ex partner won't let go (update - he's threatening to show my pictures)

Recommended Posts

AlphaFemme99

ExpatInItaly

Wiseman2

AlphaFemme99

AlphaFemme99

ExpatInItaly

Sabrina1990

stillafool

TooLegitToQuit

AlphaFemme99

AlphaFemme99

ExpatInItaly

Wiseman2

AlphaFemme99

AlphaFemme99

basil67

ExpatInItaly

AlphaFemme99

AlphaFemme99

ExpatInItaly

Wiseman2

AlphaFemme99

stillafool

mark clemson

AlphaFemme99

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...