ExpatInItaly Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 It is extraordinarily wishful thinking to assume that post is about you, OP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 4, 2022 Author Share Posted February 4, 2022 16 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: It is extraordinarily wishful thinking to assume that post is about you, OP. She even told me there is no one else I didn’t even ask her she told me on her own Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 6 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: She even told me there is no one else I didn’t even ask her she told me on her own That doesn't mean it's true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 4, 2022 Author Share Posted February 4, 2022 3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: That doesn't mean it's true. Absolutely your right but I know her she would tell me even if I didn’t ask Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 Have you answered the divorce papers you were served?? Have you spoken to an attorney about the paperwork or process?? She can post whatever she wants on Facebook, it doesn't change the fact that you have been legally served with divorce papers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 59 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: Absolutely your right but I know her she would tell me even if I didn’t ask Gently, she's divorcing you. The dynamic of your relationship has forever changed. I think you need to stop assuming that she's going to behave in a specific manner toward you because that's how she has in the past. You also need to tell her friends/your friends to mind their own business and stop betraying her friendship by sharing information with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 5, 2022 Author Share Posted February 5, 2022 On 2/4/2022 at 9:58 AM, vla1120 said: Gently, she's divorcing you. The dynamic of your relationship has forever changed. I think you need to stop assuming that she's going to behave in a specific manner toward you because that's how she has in the past. You also need to tell her friends/your friends to mind their own business and stop betraying her friendship by sharing information with you. We just finished talking she told me she is so hurt that I can’t take back the hurt and pain I caused her she was very sad to me she is very scared I’m going to hurt her again it’s hard to trust me she even said it number of times before I really screwed up I really want To show her I changed I’m not a heartless guy I want to show her this marriage was important to me that I was blind I needed this to wake up that I’m very sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 5, 2022 Share Posted February 5, 2022 4 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: We just finished talking she told me she is so hurt that I can’t take back the hurt and pain I caused her she was very sad to me she is very scared I’m going to hurt her again it’s hard to trust me she. Just let her process her feelings and let her be. She already served divorce papers so ask around what you need to do with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 5, 2022 Author Share Posted February 5, 2022 7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Just let her process her feelings and let her be. She already served divorce papers so ask around what you need to do with that. In my state I don’t have to respond I also don’t want to make her feel forced to fight it I have a very good relationship with her whole family as well I don’t want to make things more difficult for her Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 5, 2022 Share Posted February 5, 2022 2 hours ago, Sadman101 said: We just finished talking she told me she is so hurt that I can’t take back the hurt and pain I caused her she was very sad to me she is very scared I’m going to hurt her again it’s hard to trust me she even said it number of times before I really screwed up I really want To show her I changed I’m not a heartless guy I want to show her this marriage was important to me that I was blind I needed this to wake up that I’m very sorry Your marriage has ended, she's basically telling you. I'm wondering what exactly happened. You're looking for indications she's changing her mind, but the thing is, she's still grieving the end of the relationship, which is why I think you read a little too much into her words with that quote she posted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 6, 2022 Author Share Posted February 6, 2022 (edited) I’m in a very bad depressed state her mom Spoke to me today in person she was crying how sad the situation is I disrespected my wife with words and actions accused her of cheating I’m being honest it took this to wake up I’m full of regret I hate this I wish I can prove to her I’ve changed internally not for her but because also myself that it took something like this to wake me up to see what I was doing was wrong I have a very playful friendly personality I’d make perverted jokes she wouldn’t like and drive like a a—ole like I tried to be a good husband but I also had my shortfalls I truly miss her I truly wish to reconcile with her no cheating was involved I was loyal as was she I wish we could come to a reconciliation Edited February 6, 2022 by Sadman101 To short Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 3 hours ago, Sadman101 said: I’m in a very bad depressed state her mom Spoke to me today in person she was crying how sad the situation is I disrespected my wife with words and actions accused her of cheating I’m being honest it took this to wake up I’m full of regret I hate this I wish I can prove to her I’ve changed internally not for her but because also myself that it took something like this to wake me up to see what I was doing was wrong I have a very playful friendly personality I’d make perverted jokes she wouldn’t like and drive like a a—ole like I tried to be a good husband but I also had my shortfalls I truly miss her I truly wish to reconcile with her no cheating was involved I was loyal as was she I wish we could come to a reconciliation So you accused her of cheating, why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 6, 2022 Author Share Posted February 6, 2022 35 minutes ago, Alpaca said: So you accused her of cheating, why? out of anger I directed the anger at her from my own personal battles 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 7, 2022 Author Share Posted February 7, 2022 I wish I could take away the pain I wish I could fix it she is very upset and hurt she has put up a wall she keeps saying she does not want to hurt me to let her go Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 7, 2022 Author Share Posted February 7, 2022 14 hours ago, Sadman101 said: out of anger I directed the anger at her from my own personal battles Just spoke to her she said she has no feelings but she loves me as a person and she can’t move on if I message her that it’s to late for sorrys that she wants to date and see the world through other eyes that I deserve better that I hurt her pretty much that my love did nothing for her she said she loved me to be nice a couple weeks ago but then she is crying to her friends saying she can’t believe it’s over that it didn’t work out with us I’m so confused lost I’m sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 7, 2022 Share Posted February 7, 2022 2 hours ago, Sadman101 said: that it’s to late for sorrys... OK... so you have your answer. You need to make sure you take care of yourself. Make sure you have all of your basic needs covered. Is there a "joint home" that needs to be sold?? If so, do you know where you are going to live?? Are there any joint loans or credit cards that need to be addressed?? Joint vehicles where new titles need to be issued?? Have you discussed possessions (furniture, appliances, electronics, etc.) Who gets what?? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 7, 2022 Share Posted February 7, 2022 2 hours ago, Sadman101 said: Just spoke to her she said she has no feelings but she loves me as a person and she can’t move on if I message her that it’s to late for sorrys that she wants to date and see the world through other eyes that I deserve better that I hurt her pretty much that my love did nothing for her she said she loved me to be nice a couple weeks ago but then she is crying to her friends saying she can’t believe it’s over that it didn’t work out with us I’m so confused lost I’m sorry This sounds like a really toxic, unhealthy relationship for you both. At this point, you are both just hurting each other. Time to let it go - focus on what you did to contribute to the end of this relationship so that you can be a better person and a better partner in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 7, 2022 Share Posted February 7, 2022 3 hours ago, Sadman101 said: Just spoke to her she said she has no feelings but she loves me as a person and she can’t move on if I message her that it’s to late for sorrys that she wants to date and see the world through other eyes that I deserve better that I hurt her pretty much that my love did nothing for her she said she loved me to be nice a couple weeks ago but then she is crying to her friends saying she can’t believe it’s over that it didn’t work out with us I’m so confused lost I’m sorry It is too late for you to save this relationship. You need to let her go and take time for yourself and work on the things about you that contributed to the failure of this relationship. Her friends should not be coming to you, telling you what she says. They are not good friends to her and they're just trying to stir up the pot. Tell them you are not interested in what they have to say. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 7, 2022 Author Share Posted February 7, 2022 1 hour ago, vla1120 said: It is too late for you to save this relationship. You need to let her go and take time for yourself and work on the things about you that contributed to the failure of this relationship. Her friends should not be coming to you, telling you what she says. They are not good friends to her and they're just trying to stir up the pot. Tell them you are not interested in what they have to say. I’m having a hard time because I know a lot of it is anger you know when you know someone this is it I’m devastated Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 7, 2022 Share Posted February 7, 2022 1 minute ago, Sadman101 said: I’m having a hard time because I know a lot of it is anger you know when you know someone this is it I’m devastated I understand what you are saying. The best you can do is work on the areas of yourself that you think need improvement. Maybe somewhere down the road, she will see the changes in you and you will find your way back to one another. Don't going into making changes with that expectation, but you just don't know what the future holds for either of you. You know that old saying, if you love something let it go....(I don't necessarily agree with that saying, but in this case, let her go do what she needs to do. During that time, work on becoming the absolute best version of yourself, and maybe she'll see that and give you another chance.) Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 7, 2022 Share Posted February 7, 2022 (edited) 19 hours ago, Sadman101 said: out of anger I directed the anger at her from my own personal battles It's likely either that your parents cheated as a child, that you were cheated on when you were young, or that you have cheated on someone in a prior relationship. It's not logical for someone to just wake up one morning and say, "Hey, I think my wife is cheating on me." Get to the bottom of it or you will be clinging to paranoia and the smallest of signs in the future and it will take a toll on your relationships. Edited February 7, 2022 by Alpaca Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 7, 2022 Author Share Posted February 7, 2022 27 minutes ago, Alpaca said: It's likely either that your parents cheated as a child, that you were cheated on when you were young, or that you have cheated on someone in a prior relationship. It's not logical for someone to just wake up one morning and say, "Hey, I think my wife is cheating on me." Get to the bottom of it or you will be clinging to paranoia and the smallest of signs in the future and it will take a toll on your relationships. No I’ve never cheated she hasn’t also we use to say things to hurt each other this is why I know we can be better we use to be so close so tight we were the best of friends this hurts bad 1 Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted February 8, 2022 Share Posted February 8, 2022 (edited) So you've accused her of cheating. Then it makes sense why she was quick to offer the info that she is going on vacation alone and also there is no one else without you prompting or asking. Cause she knows that you have and are capable of jumping to that conclusion that there is someone else. Perhaps she's subconsciously defending herself against how she thinks you view her. Edited February 8, 2022 by assertives 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 8, 2022 Author Share Posted February 8, 2022 4 hours ago, assertives said: So you've accused her of cheating. Then it makes sense why she was quick to offer the info that she is going on vacation alone and also there is no one else without you prompting or asking. Cause she knows that you have and are capable of jumping to that conclusion that there is someone else. Perhaps she's subconsciously defending herself against how she thinks you view her. Absolutely I really screwed up big time I’m not that person looking back now it was now I handled things I want to make it right make it work she is scared idk how to prove to her I understand how my behaviors ruined our relationship that it won’t Happen again that I love her respect her and cherish her and want to live the rest of my life with her not cause i am use to her cause I do love her things weren’t always bad with us I really understand looking back now what I did it won’t happen again I want to make it right Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 8, 2022 Share Posted February 8, 2022 25 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: I really screwed up big time I’m not that person looking back now it was now I handled things. Did she describe you as abusive, controlling or something else? Unfortunately it's too late to make it right if she already sent divorce papers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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