Liking two people at the same time

[Alpacalia]

What do you do when you like more than one person at the same time romantically?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you like more than one person at the same time?

How does one navigate those feelings?

Edited November 23, 2021 by Alpaca

[Wiseman2]

Depends. If it's dating, things will pan out with a forerunner. If it's an established exclusive relationship, well it's time to reevaluate things.

[Foxhall]

A tale of two mexicans,

the one from seven years ago was a game changer for me- put me back in the game as it were when I thought would never meet anyone,

but it did not quite work out which is always a regret for me,

now Ive coincidentally met another two years ago and well as I have posted here before going ok with the normal glitches,

The current one is a great girl and Im looking at hopefully she is my long term partner and all that,

but I still have that nagging longing for the original one, we still keep in contact and just her personality, she is very humble and so on, in a way we are probably more suited,

the current gf sometimes I am scared by her intelligence and ambition and she will kind of change me into living according to her ideals- she will not let me be dossing and things!

I look on it though I have not seen that other girl in person since 2015 , let go of that fantasy,

I have met someone really good now at a later age (41) lucky now to have met her and focused on making that work,

I am taking a risk even by putting these thoughts on here but what the hell,its not something I speak about to anyone really- have to bury those thoughts.

but answering your question- for me its accepting a good situation and maybe at this point I have to let go of chasing rainbows

[Uruktopi]

I might have alien ancestors but this never happened to me in all my looooong years.

[Alpacalia]

Just now, Uruktopi said:

I might have alien ancestors but this never happened to me in all my looooong years.

Me either, it's a first, definitely unnerving!

[Alpacalia]

35 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

A tale of two mexicans,

the one from seven years ago was a game changer for me- put me back in the game as it were when I thought would never meet anyone,

but it did not quite work out which is always a regret for me,

now Ive coincidentally met another two years ago and well as I have posted here before going ok with the normal glitches,

The current one is a great girl and Im looking at hopefully she is my long term partner and all that,

but I still have that nagging longing for the original one, we still keep in contact and just her personality, she is very humble and so on, in a way we are probably more suited,

the current gf sometimes I am scared by her intelligence and ambition and she will kind of change me into living according to her ideals- she will not let me be dossing and things!

I look on it though I have not seen that other girl in person since 2015 , let go of that fantasy,

I have met someone really good now at a later age (41) lucky now to have met her and focused on making that work,

I am taking a risk even by putting these thoughts on here but what the hell,its not something I speak about to anyone really- have to bury those thoughts.

but answering your question- for me its accepting a good situation and maybe at this point I have to let go of chasing rainbows

Thanks for sharing this.

That's what I don't want. I don't want any of those nagging feelings of what if.

I wish it was as easy as if the feelings went away for both then problem solved.

[Uruktopi]

24 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Me either, it's a first, definitely unnerving!

Life do not have contradictions........is made of them.

But I´ve never experienced THAT one. 

[Uruktopi]

2 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

...those nagging feelings of what if.

To be honest, during my "single" years, I had some retrospective what if thoughts about some few special ladies of my past.

Even so, never happened when nor while I was interested in someone in present time.

 

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, Uruktopi said:

To be honest, during my "single" years, I had some retrospective what if thoughts about some few special ladies of my past.

Even so, never happened when nor while I was interested in someone in present time.

 

Yes, it's never happened before.

I'm always completely focused on the person I am interested in at present time.

But I'm caught somewhere between retrospective and present.

One has a very strong influence on me for some reason and the other person I like a LOT.

 

[Uruktopi]

2 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

But I'm caught somewhere between retrospective and present.

One has a very strong influence on me for some reason and the other person I like a LOT.

I understand you quite well, though not same case

The woman I loved more than life is no more where I can reach her.

But, more than the memories of those happy years, is the high frame created by the couple we were what puts me in trouble for new openings.

[mark clemson]

There are always exceptions, but I'd say that generally you have to pick one. IMO more than one at a time tends to prevent either one from "gelling" fully and/or eventually causes things to blow up with one or both.

So, that's how you navigate it. 🙂 Typically, at least.

Being hung on a prior partner (if that's what's going on here) can sometimes interfere with emotionally bonding with a new one. Time tends to be the healer for that kind of situation, but sometimes it can take longer than we'd like/is convenient.

From what I understand, the biological tendency among humans is to be "serial monogamists". However in actual practice there is sometimes overlap in the "serial" part. Hence monkey-branching and similar stuff sometimes occurring.

Edited November 23, 2021 by mark clemson

[Otter2569]

7 hours ago, Alpaca said:

What do you do when you like more than one person at the same time romantically?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you like more than one person at the same time?

How does one navigate those feelings?

Just recently went through this.  Both women were very different with their own qualities and disadvantages.  A clear winner will naturally emerge.  IMO there is nothing wrong with seeing more than one person but beware when their feelings for you develop.  One or both of them may want more from you.

[Happy Lemming]

I've been in this situation a few times. I picked which ever one was better in bed...

[glows]

I've felt affection/attraction for more than one person, never in love with more than one person. Are you meaning a crush or dating? 

Any relationship takes active pursuit, work and dedication if it's to last in any way. Unfortunately I only have time for one man at a time. 

[central]

This happened to me several times.  Usually, I dated both until one emerged as the best match.  If my best match was also polyamorous or would consider an open relationship, I'd consider relationships with both if they were both okay with that; this actually happened several times, and lasted up to 10 years.

[dramafreezone]

8 hours ago, Alpaca said:

What do you do when you like more than one person at the same time romantically?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you like more than one person at the same time?

How does one navigate those feelings?

Date both until it becomes clear to who you want to devote more attention.

Edited November 23, 2021 by dramafreezone

[stillafool]

8 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you like more than one person at the same time?

Yes and I stopped seeing them both.  It was too much stress on my mind.  I just started over.

[Wiseman2]

59 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I've been in this situation a few times. I picked which ever one was better in bed...

Thank you for being more blunt than I am, lol. Actually that can be quite true.  Even with all the checklists, ticked boxes, on paper, etc., sometimes it just boils down to this, if it's generally a toss up.

[Alpacalia]

Thanks, I have to read a lot of these well thought out comments.

I laughed reading Happy Lemming's comment (and now Wiseman2).

Just throw in a T-Bone and some potatoes and you're set I guess.

[Fox Sake]

8 hours ago, Alpaca said:

What do you do when you like more than one person at the same time romantically?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you like more than one person at the same time?

How does one navigate those feelings?

Well, you already know my take on all this 😂 so I know it’s possible cos I’ve had the same problem creep up occasionally since I was just a kid in school hahaha welcome aboard! Just kidding 😋

I think once you spend more time with both of them respectively you’ll probably feel out which one is a better fit for you, if you’re considering a log term or primary partner. I wouldn’t write either of them off until you have a little more time and clarity under your belt. 
 

And just in case you’re feeling bad , do NOT feel any sort of shame or confusion for having more than one romantic interest. It’s okay to feel those things!  Society and people on high horses are the only thing that makes us question it as being “incorrect”. That doesn’t make it wrong unless it’s unethical for you to do so. 

We connect with different people on all sorts of levels, as I’ve come to learn.  You may end up finding that one of those 2 interests becomes a really good friend without romantic interest, or enriches your life in some other way just with conversation or similar interests. Just take your time and feel it out ☺️

[Alpacalia]

7 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

Well, you already know my take on all this 😂 so I know it’s possible cos I’ve had the same problem creep up occasionally since I was just a kid in school hahaha welcome aboard! Just kidding 😋

I think once you spend more time with both of them respectively you’ll probably feel out which one is a better fit for you, if you’re considering a log term or primary partner. I wouldn’t write either of them off until you have a little more time and clarity under your belt. 
 

And just in case you’re feeling bad , do NOT feel any sort of shame or confusion for having more than one romantic interest. It’s okay to feel those things!  Society and people on high horses are the only thing that makes us question it as being “incorrect”. That doesn’t make it wrong unless it’s unethical for you to do so. 

We connect with different people on all sorts of levels, as I’ve come to learn.  You may end up finding that one of those 2 interests becomes a really good friend without romantic interest, or enriches your life in some other way just with conversation or similar interests. Just take your time and feel it out ☺️

Yes, I know.

I think your thoughts rubbed off on me. 😆

I feel like saying screw it and forget about both because this just feels way too complicated.

And thank you! I was beginning to feel like I was going coo-coo.

Edited November 23, 2021 by Alpaca

[Otter2569]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

I've been in this situation a few times. I picked which ever one was better in bed...

LOL and the winner is "the dead fish!" Said no one...EVER! 😂  

[Happy Lemming]

14 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

I laughed reading Happy Lemming's comment (and now Wiseman2).

About 12 years ago, I was trying to decide between two women.  Woman (A) was blonde, thin, smart, pretty but when it came to sex she would just more or less "star fish".  Woman (B) was a bit chunky, brunette, not as intelligent & "a little rough around the edges" but in the bedroom she was a very active participant.  She made sex a lot more fun, so I picked Woman (B).  Overall, I was happier with Woman (B).

 

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said:

About 12 years ago, I was trying to decide between two women.  Woman (A) was blonde, thin, smart, pretty but when it came to sex she would just more or less "star fish".  Woman (B) was a bit chunky, brunette, not as intelligent & "a little rough around the edges" but in the bedroom she was a very active participant.  She made sex a lot more fun, so I picked Woman (B).  Overall, I was happier with Woman (B).

 

Well, you know what they say.

Blondes have more fun, but Brunettes get it done.

[Fox Sake]

9 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Yes, I know.

I think your thoughts rubbed off on me. 😆

I feel like saying screw it and forget about both because this just feels way too complicated.

And thank you! I was beginning to feel like I was going coo-coo.

Never! Haha 😂 sorry/not sorry 

The way I see it is you have 2 tickets. And you’re just about to throw them both away even tho they could be of value because you don’t want to have to make a choice!
And it’s perfectly okay to make a choice by the way, just because you’re potentially dating 2 at the start it doesn’t mean you’re going to have some sort of polycule.  Go with the flow and choice will be made clear after a little time , go with whichever one you think about more (providing they’re both equally as interested in you)