How to stop feeling insecure/worried when friends aren't in contact

[Hokuto]

3 hours ago, Pumpernickel said:

They probably don't feel like facetiming right now. It's time-consuming, and you have to actually "make time" to FT, and plan it. I am guessing that they don't want to bluntly tell you "no, I don't want to facetime right now", so they just pretend not to see your messages, because that way, they don't have to hurt your feelings. It's always difficult to maintain a friendship long-distance. Your lives are different, you have less and less in common, and you're less of a priority compared to other things and people, when you're not close to them.  

 

They have told me before though and I even said "if you're too busy, just let me now and I said, sometime in July"

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Hokuto said:

They have told me before though and I even said "if you're too busy, just let me now and I said, sometime in July"

Yes but if they let you know they are too busy to FT or talk they feel like that statement alone will hurt your feelings so they say nothing hoping you'll get the message.

[KDav40]

Your friend is probably just busy and doesn’t have time to ft. Wait a week or so and text them again.

[Hokuto]

On 7/2/2021 at 8:28 AM, KDav40 said:

Your friend is probably just busy and doesn’t have time to ft. Wait a week or so and text them again.

I messaged them and they said no worries about the messages and we will facetime soon, they have just been busy and my other friend said they hardly hear back from them too, so not being ghosted

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Hokuto said:

I messaged them and they said no worries about the messages and we will facetime soon, they have just been busy and my other friend said they hardly hear back from them too, so not being ghosted

So now you have your answer.  That friend is just too busy with other things, other friends in their life right now and will get back with you later.  Is there a reason you are upset that this friend doesn't have time to FT with you?  People do have lives you know.

[Hokuto]

18 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So now you have your answer.  That friend is just too busy with other things, other friends in their life right now and will get back with you later.  Is there a reason you are upset that this friend doesn't have time to FT with you?  People do have lives you know.

I wasn't upset they didn't have time to FT, I was worried as they did not respond to my messages.  I told them we can FT in August instead of July 

But does getting back to me later mean/imply they do not value me as much as others

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, Hokuto said:

But does getting back to me later mean/imply they do not value me as much as others

No it just means they're busy.  Is this a platonic friend or a romantic interest?  That makes a difference.

[Hokuto]

10 minutes ago, stillafool said:

No it just means they're busy.  Is this a platonic friend or a romantic interest?  That makes a difference.

How so?

[stillafool]

Platonic friend - Busy and will get back with you when they can

Romantic Partner - Too busy to get back with you could mean loss of feelings, they're now involved with someone else and trying to give you the brush off.

So which is it?

[Hokuto]

16 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Platonic friend - Busy and will get back with you when they can

Romantic Partner - Too busy to get back with you could mean loss of feelings, they're now involved with someone else and trying to give you the brush off.

So which is it?

Ohm they are just my friend and all

[Hokuto]

I realized I likely have feelings for a friend as I worried about not hearing back from them or texting. However, it won't work out as they live abroad and i am certain they do not like me back. So how can I get over these feelings?

[Wiseman2]

Is this the same friend?:

 

[Hokuto]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this the same friend?:

 

Yes

[Hokuto]

 I have been into someone for a while and wanted to ask them out. I saw on tiktok, they made video of #pridemonth and wore a rainbow mask and 2 years ago, they said happy bi visibility day. Now I heard many people would assume someone is LGBT if they wore like rainbow colors and all. Since i am into this person, should I assume they are lgbt or bi maybe or ask before asking them out or am I reading too into it?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Hokuto said:

I realized I likely have feelings for a friend as I worried about not hearing back from them or texting. However, it won't work out as they live abroad and i am certain they do not like me back. So how can I get over these feelings?

Ok, this friend is away and busy with  his local life. All you can do is the same thing. Get involved in local dating. Is the friend a gay man?

 

[glows]

You’re reading too much into it. Ask him/her out on a date. If the person declines it doesn’t matter what their sexuality or orientation is. 
 

[Hokuto]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, this friend is away and busy with  his local life. All you can do is the same thing. Get involved in local dating. Is the friend a gay man?

 

no, I am a guy, they are a girl

[SumGuy]

Guess depends on where you live.   Know people whose children or friends are LBGTQ etc. and do such things out of solidarity. 

Then again so what if the person is?  It is a broad rainbow, you may be one of the "colors" they are into.  It's not like someone liking men and women are more or less likely to cheat, in fact cis people cheat all the time, there are plenty of negative stereotypes for cis people from players to gold diggers, and plenty of other things that turn folks off as well.  It is also not like you chance of rejection is any higher, plenty of cis people get rejected every day.

[Hokuto]

does it seem they are likely lgbt?

[Amanda92]

1 hour ago, glows said:

You’re reading too much into it. Ask him/her out on a date. If the person declines it doesn’t matter what their sexuality or orientation is. 
 

For me it would matter. I don't want to sleep with a man who slept or would like to sleep with men.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Hokuto said:

 should I assume they are lgbt or bi .

It's a much safer bet to specifically go to specifically gay apps such as grindr or set your regular dating apps for men seeking men.

[Tinyjaguar]

Never assume someone's sexual orientation. Character and habits don't dictate sexuality.

[ShyViolet]

If she lives abroad then it should be pretty easy to get over it.  It's not like you have to see her every day.  You are caught up with this fantasy of her in your head.  You're not even around her in person.  The way to get over it is to stop contacting her, and focus on other things..

[Hokuto]

3 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

If she lives abroad then it should be pretty easy to get over it.  It's not like you have to see her every day.  You are caught up with this fantasy of her in your head.  You're not even around her in person.  The way to get over it is to stop contacting her, and focus on other things..

I muted them on social media and all but I find myself thinking about them a lot.

I tried new stuff like gym but where am I is boring tbh, so I am alone with my thoughts a lot

[glows]

Those thoughts eventually fade. Just be patient and stay calm, don't give in to those thoughts. Do you have friends you can talk to and go out with?