Is it bad to not care about what other people think?

[ironpony]

I feel like people will think less of me if I do this and that in life, and I just got to the point where I feel like saying screw it, I am going to do whatever I want, live life on my own terms and I don't care what anyone else things.  Providing I am not out to do anyone any harm of course.  But is that bad to just do what you want and not care what others think?  Is that healthy and it will make me more happy and liberated, or is that unhealthy?

[basil67]

I write this with the assumption you're talking about people who know the areas you struggle with and want the best outcome for you.   

Literally not caring about what anyone else thinks is unhealthy.  Not doing anything you want because you care too much about other people's opinions is also unhealthy.   To me, the mid line is in caring about what your loved ones think, considering their views and ultimately working out what is best for you.  After all, if you respect another person, then their view should also be worth respecting.  Especially because if it all comes crashing down, it will be the people who's views you dismissed who will probably need to help you sort out your own problems.

 

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

Unless I owed that individual money, I never cared what anyone thought of me.  If I don't owe you money, I don't care what your opinion is, nor care what you think of me.  Once I've paid you off, I can do as I wish and no longer need to take your opinion into advisement.

After I moved out, I never cared what my mother or father or sister thought of me.  I did exactly what I wanted on my terms and dealt with the consequences (if there were any).  The mistakes I made were my own and the rewards I gathered belonged solely to me.  My parents did not agree with the vast majority of my decisions, but I lived my life... my way.  I did not take their opinion into consideration nor did I care what they thought of my choices.

Of course, I wouldn't purposely derail my professional career.  But if I had problems with a certain employer or boss, I moved on to the next employer. But (in the end) I didn't care what their opinion of me was.

@ironpony  What do you want to do with your life??  Is there something (specific) you want to do, but you are worried what others will think??

You only get one life... live it the way YOU want!!

 

[ironpony]

Oh okay I see.  Thanks for the input so far!

Well it's just that I want to spend a lot of money on making my own feature film to try to break into the business, and feel everything thinks I am idiot for taking such a business risk.

But also, the gf I have had for a couple of months now, I feel like people I know, family and friends, are judging me for it too, since she is 16 years younger than me.  But I feel I am just at a point where I just don't care anymore, and going to do what I want, if that's a healthy way of looking at it.

[elaine567]

Can you trust your own judgement?
Are you clear that what you want to do is the best thing to do in the situation?
Are you prepared to go against the wisdom of others and perhaps fail?
Can you cope with failure?
Doing what you want against advice, comes with consequences, are you prepared for such consequences?
Do you have the courage of your convictions?

In order to go against the advice of those who love you and who have your best interests at heart you have to be very sure you are doing the right thing.
In the years you have mulled over the idea of making a film, few IRL and online have thought it was a good idea.
Due to lack of knowledge, lack of experience. lack of money, lack of drive and lack of motivation to get things done...
Your friends and family do not want to see you plough your money into something doomed to fail.
Once the money is spent, it is spent, you do not get a second chance to do it better next time.
That feature film will eat up all your cash and then some... 

As for huge age gaps, 21yo girls are notoriously fickle, so just as you are starting to love her and make plans, she will find something newer and shinier elsewhere... That is one reason why your family think it is a bad idea, they don't want to see you hurt, unnecessarily

So yes go ahead and do what you want, but don't say you weren't warned.

[basil67]

To be at the point of not caring what other people think, you need to be supremely confident, resourceful, resilient and arrogant.  You need to be able to solve all your own problems and if things fail, pick yourself back up and keep going with no regret.   Make your own plans.  Solve your own problems.  If you reject the opinions of those who care about you, you'll be all on your own to work things out.  

 

 

 

 

 

[ironpony]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

To be at the point of not caring what other people think, you need to be supremely confident, resourceful, resilient and arrogant.  You need to be able to solve all your own problems and if things fail, pick yourself back up and keep going with no regret.   Make your own plans.  Solve your own problems.  If you reject the opinions of those who care about you, you'll be all on your own to work things out.  

 

Okay thanks. I think one of my problems is not having enough arrogance and I'm usually very humble but it will that hold me back?

 

 

 

 

[ironpony]

6 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Can you trust your own judgement?
Are you clear that what you want to do is the best thing to do in the situation?
Are you prepared to go against the wisdom of others and perhaps fail?
Can you cope with failure?
Doing what you want against advice, comes with consequences, are you prepared for such consequences?
Do you have the courage of your convictions?

In order to go against the advice of those who love you and who have your best interests at heart you have to be very sure you are doing the right thing.
In the years you have mulled over the idea of making a film, few IRL and online have thought it was a good idea.
Due to lack of knowledge, lack of experience. lack of money, lack of drive and lack of motivation to get things done...
Your friends and family do not want to see you plough your money into something doomed to fail.
Once the money is spent, it is spent, you do not get a second chance to do it better next time.
That feature film will eat up all your cash and then some... 

As for huge age gaps, 21yo girls are notoriously fickle, so just as you are starting to love her and make plans, she will find something newer and shinier elsewhere... That is one reason why your family think it is a bad idea, they don't want to see you hurt, unnecessarily

So yes go ahead and do what you want, but don't say you weren't warned.

I see what you're saying, but how do other people be happy if they choose to do what other people tell him should do and they never take any risks for themselves to gain any better rewards though? How do other people stay happy with that?

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

...they never take any risks for themselves to gain any better rewards though? How do other people stay happy with that?

As far as taking risks, why don't you try to live on your own for a month or two.  Try an extended stay hotel/motel or maybe a short term (month to month) rental (decent apartment) and see if that makes you happy. 

Take some of your savings (not a lot) and spend it on your independence.  If you don't like being on your own, go back home to your parents' house. 

If it turns out that you do like living on your own and making your own decisions without the input/advice/opinions of others, seek out a longer term rental.

[Happy Lemming]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

Make your own plans.  Solve your own problems.

@ironpony THIS IS GREAT ADVICE... Re-read these lines over and over, again!! 

100% Agree!!

[ironpony]

Okay thanks I can do that! Thanks!

But as far as not caring what other people think though, should I not care to seek other opinions when I do so? Will that just bring me down?

[Happy Lemming]

4 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Okay thanks I can do that! Thanks!

But as far as not caring what other people think though, should I not care to seek other opinions when I do so? Will that just bring me down?

There are times when I do seek the opinion of others.  Case in point, any advanced real estate transactions or seller financing agreements go directly to my attorney.  He reviews them and gives me his advice.  I ALWAYS do what he suggests/advises.  He is a very intelligent professional attorney that has my best interest at heart and I trust him implicitly.  Of course, he charges me for his work on these projects, but it is always money well spent.  No matter what problem arises after the transaction, this attorney has me covered and I sleep very well at night.

There was also one instance where I had an advanced "tax problem/situation".  I wasn't 100% sure my interpretation of this situation was correct, so I asked a Tax Accountant (that I knew) for her opinion, which matched mine.  Again, I paid her for her work/advice on the transaction.

Other than that, I don't seek the opinions of others.  If offered without provocation, I ignore them.  So to answer your question... "No, I don't care what others think, nor their opinions"  Again... with the exception of items where I don't completely understand what I am doing and don't feel 100% confident in making that decision, I will seek the advice/opinion of a paid professional who specializes in that field.

[Cookiesandough]

It’s healthy to care about what people think of you to an extent. I think most people could afford to care less, but it depends on what you’re talking about 

Edited August 8, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[ironpony]

23 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s healthy to care about what people think of you to an extent. I think most people could afford to care less, but it depends on what you’re talking about 

Oh okay. Well for example, since people think it's perverted of me to date someone with a large age gap, would my coworkers think that of me as well since me and her work together? Is that something that's worth caring about what they think, or no?

Edited August 8, 2021 by ironpony

[Happy Lemming]

Just now, ironpony said:

Oh okay. Well for example, since people think it's perverted of me to date someone with a large age gap, where my coworkers think that of me as well since me and her work together? Is that something that's worth caring about what people think, or no?

I do remember being 37 and dating a 22 year old woman, so that is a fairly close example.  I never cared what anyone thought of my girlfriends nor who I was dating, especially my co-workers.  For the record, my relationship with this 22 year old did not work out, there was just too much of an age difference, but if it works for you... Go for it.

Getting back to co-workers, I never discussed my personal life with my co-workers.  I only talked about work-related matters.  You need to compartmentalize your personal life away from your work life.  If someone asked me a specific question, I would say "Yes, I am dating a wonderful woman, but prefer not to discuss my personal relationship at work."  Then I would quickly change the subject and ask them if they had an accounting question for me.  This usually shut them up and the person left my office.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay. Well for example, since people think it's perverted of me to date someone with a large age gap, would my coworkers think that of me as well since me and her work together? Is that something that's worth caring about what they think, or no?

Was she also hired through a disability hiring agency?  

[basil67]

6 hours ago, ironpony said:

Okay thanks I can do that! Thanks!

But as far as not caring what other people think though, should I not care to seek other opinions when I do so? Will that just bring me down?

Going back to what I said earlier, to be able to not care what others think, you need supreme confidence in your own decision making.  You don't need the input of others.

 

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

Not every decision you make is going to always be correct or the right decision/choice.  Sometimes we make mistakes, we are human after all.  The trick is to not make mistakes on the big decisions.

As an example, I suggested a short term (month to month) lease or extended stay motel/hotel as a "test" to see if you like living on your own.  If you don't, you've only made a small mistake and you can go home to your parents' house with minimal loss of funds.  Now if you signed a one year lease on an apartment and didn't like it and wanted to move back to your parents' home after a month (the landlord may force you to pay the balance of the lease), then that would be a BIG mistake.

When in doubt try to minimize your financial loss.  If you really aren't sure, seek the advice of a paid professional (Accountant or Attorney).

[ironpony]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

Was she also hired through a disability hiring agency?  

No, I'm pretty sure she wasn't why?

Well I was listening to someone who gave me advice and he said that I can't live in fear, and not take any risks in life, because I am afraid of worst case scenarios.  Do you think he has a point?

Edited August 9, 2021 by ironpony

[S2B]

It’s your money you are risking with this project, right?

you’ve been on this project idea for a while now… so just do it. Get a solid plan of action together and map out YOUR budget to get it done.

it’s a risk. It’s obviously something you want so make it happen - and be smart while executing it.

 

[S2B]

15 hours ago, ironpony said:

Okay thanks I can do that! Thanks!

But as far as not caring what other people think though, should I not care to seek other opinions when I do so? Will that just bring me down?

maybe consider NOT sharing personal info about yourself when you work.

you are there for work - no need to discuss private things in your life.

[ironpony]

Well I don't think the workers know, but I guess I am worried they will find out, or at least highly suspect.

Edited August 9, 2021 by ironpony

[S2B]

It’s odd that you date someone and you are paranoid someone would find out.

i’m not sure…but seems like it could be disrespectful to her.

[ironpony]

Sorry if I didn't make this clear but me and my gf work together in the same place, and even though we don't talk about our relationship, I sometimes wonder if co-workers suspect, or maybe I am just being paranoid and it's probably fine.

[S2B]

You seem to repeat the same info. Is that a habit?

carry on… and stop worrying so much.