Neck Tattoos - Am I Overacting?

[Origin]

Hello everyone,

My GF and I have been together for 5 years. We have one child together, 3 total. When I first met her the boys were still little toddlers. 

 

Anyways. When we met I knew she had tattoos, obviously. However, she let me know she wants one more tattoo, preferably on her neck as a location. 

 

I don't know how I feel about that. I find it so repulsive that it's hard to explain. I wish I didn't find it but I JUST DO. I don't know why because I don't mind tattoos, just not on the neck, face, and chest. It's so unattractive to me. 

My entire family is culturally different...I can't even imagine what to tell them. 

 

I told her that I find it unattractive and she's still bent on getting it.  I am ready to end it with her over this and I know how stupid it is. I just can't help it. I wish I could, but I find tattoos on necks, on females repulsive. I would never date anyone like that, ever. I just CANT. 

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

Out of curiosity why does she want one on her neck? 

I am the minority as I don’t like tattoos at all regardless of location. Many of my friends and colleagues have them, as well as people I have dated. That said a neck tattoo would be a big no go for me.

[basil67]

What kind of tattoo is she planning?   Is it something delicate or something large and bold?

[Donnas]

Not a fan atall.

But i can see why you may not like it on face , neck.

Since its more clear there and tatoos was first something gang and criminals do.

And for sure on your face. Beside it stands in your way to get many kind of jobs.

Even thou many wont agree i think there is alot of psycology in tatoos and the kind of people get. But thats a other topic.

Did you tell her with same words you telling us? And somewhere it sound a bit u are mad because ur family dont like it and you feel you may have to answer to them and u dont know how?

Be completely honest to her how you feel, and that it may make u wanna breakup. But at the end, its her own choice. You cant force her. You can only voice your opinion and concern.

And if you dont loke tatoos stop dating people that do. Because moat of them dont leave it to one tatoo often also.

[basil67]

I was thinking further on this.  If you would leave over a tattoo, then the relationship can't be all that strong.  Likewise, if she would choose to do it, knowing you would leave, also, not a strong relationship.  

[Cookiesandough]

Yes you’re reacting. Tattoos are hot 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Origin said:

 she let me know she wants one more tattoo, preferably on her neck as a location.

That's ok. It's your gut reaction to it.

Unfortunately you have a family together. So there's more to consider.

It seems like you are incompatible. She can do whatever she wants with her body just as you can do whatever you want with the relationship,such as end it.

Does she work? She may not be interested in any sort of professional job if she's doing this.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

I was thinking further on this.  If you would leave over a tattoo, then the relationship can't be all that strong.  Likewise, if she would choose to do it, knowing you would leave, also, not a strong relationship.  

I agree. 

I don't think the size or design of the tattoo is relevant if OP is so turned off that he's ready to leave her. My guess is that this is not the real problem between them.

[Blind-Sided]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

What kind of tattoo is she planning?   Is it something delicate or something large and bold?

Irrelevant.

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

I was thinking further on this.  If you would leave over a tattoo, then the relationship can't be all that strong.  Likewise, if she would choose to do it, knowing you would leave, also, not a strong relationship.  

Not necessarily.  A tattoo that can't be covered with normal clothing is a very bold statement.  and for right or wrong... changes the way the majority of the people around you judge you.  And by association... changes how you are judged when you are with them. 

48 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I agree. 

I don't think the size or design of the tattoo is relevant if OP is so turned off that he's ready to leave her. My guess is that this is not the real problem between them.

Possibly.... the tattoo could be a tipping point.  Let's face it... no one is perfect, and we all overlook small things that we may not like in a partner.  But, if there are too many things... then we have to make a choice.

I can relate with our OP in this subject... 100%.

My current GF is younger, and a free spirit.  There are a few things I don't care for... such as, she will get angry or turn off completely if I try to talk on a subject she doesn't like. (something political usually)  But there are a bunch of things that I like.... such as, she is active, and keeps me active... and is very nice to my kids, and family. 

With that said... she has tattoos. Her legs are almost completely done, and she has some  on her sides.  But really nothing on her arms, chest or neck.  (she has a small tattoo, behind her ear, and is covered by hair, so it doesn't count)  OK... now for the indelicate part... After being together for a while... I told her I don't really care for tattoos where they would be visible while we are having sex. (so chest, neck, face, arms) Personally... I want to see skin, and not a cartoon.   Over the past year, we have talked about it... and she has even said... "Why is it that society doesn't find it acceptable to have exposed tattoos?" (and is visibly upset when talking about it)  She understands that if she does her neck, or chest... she will be judged.

As for me... if she decides to tattoo parts of her body that I asked her not to... then she obviously doesn't care about the way I feel.  Sure... it's her life, and she can do what she wants... but for me... it will be a total turn off.  I can't help it... it's just the facts.

With that said... it's not the tattoo(s) them selves... heck, my entire family has tattoos (including my 74 year old mother)... it's just the way I feel.  

Let's face it... life is being judged.  In my job... I'm a consultant for high end resorts.  I'm almost 50, gray... and I walk in wearing a tailored suit, and a $5000 watch.  That is image... 100%.  If I walked in wearing a t-shirt, and sandals... they wouldn't take me serious. 

OP... if you don't like them... and you have voiced your opinion to her... and she doesn't care... then you need to do what you need to do.

To me... tattoos, and piercings are body altering things.  That changes who you are visually.  To me... that is not "Hot" or attractive in any way.  So... you can take a very pretty girl... and quickly make her ugly with tattoos.  

****** EDIT ******
to anyone who may try to say... "If that's how you feel, then the relationship couldn't be strong"  or  "There were already problems".... the reality is... neck and face tattoos to me would have been such a huge turn off... if she would have had them when we met... we would have never dated in the first place. 

Edited July 19, 2021 by Blind-Sided

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

Possibly.... the tattoo could be a tipping point.  Let's face it... no one is perfect, and we all overlook small things that we may not like in a partner.  But, if there are too many things... then we have to make a choice.

Yes, that is my point. 

It is likely not just about this tattoo., but it's the straw that could break the camel's back. 

[Cookiesandough]

31 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

Irrelevant.

Not necessarily.  A tattoo that can't be covered with normal clothing is a very bold statement.  and for right or wrong... changes the way the majority of the people around you judge you.  And by association... changes how you are judged when you are with them. 

Possibly.... the tattoo could be a tipping point.  Let's face it... no one is perfect, and we all overlook small things that we may not like in a partner.  But, if there are too many things... then we have to make a choice.

I can relate with our OP in this subject... 100%.

My current GF is younger, and a free spirit.  There are a few things I don't care for... such as, she will get angry or turn off completely if I try to talk on a subject she doesn't like. (something political usually)  But there are a bunch of things that I like.... such as, she is active, and keeps me active... and is very nice to my kids, and family. 

With that said... she has tattoos. Her legs are almost completely done, and she has some  on her sides.  But really nothing on her arms, chest or neck.  (she has a small tattoo, behind her ear, and is covered by hair, so it doesn't count)  OK... now for the indelicate part... After being together for a while... I told her I don't really care for tattoos where they would be visible while we are having sex. (so chest, neck, face, arms) Personally... I want to see skin, and not a cartoon.   Over the past year, we have talked about it... and she has even said... "Why is it that society doesn't find it acceptable to have exposed tattoos?" (and is visibly upset when talking about it)  She understands that if she does her neck, or chest... she will be judged.

As for me... if she decides to tattoo parts of her body that I asked her not to... then she obviously doesn't care about the way I feel.  Sure... it's her life, and she can do what she wants... but for me... it will be a total turn off.  I can't help it... it's just the facts.

With that said... it's not the tattoo(s) them selves... heck, my entire family has tattoos (including my 74 year old mother)... it's just the way I feel.  

Let's face it... life is being judged.  In my job... I'm a consultant for high end resorts.  I'm almost 50, gray... and I walk in wearing a tailored suit, and a $5000 watch.  That is image... 100%.  If I walked in wearing a t-shirt, and sandals... they wouldn't take me serious. 

OP... if you don't like them... and you have voiced your opinion to her... and she doesn't care... then you need to do what you need to do.

To me... tattoos, and piercings are body altering things.  That changes who you are visually.  To me... that is not "Hot" or attractive in any way.  So... you can take a very pretty girl... and quickly make her ugly with tattoos.  

****** EDIT ******
to anyone who may try to say... "If that's how you feel, then the relationship couldn't be strong"  or  "There were already problems".... the reality is... neck and face tattoos to me would have been such a huge turn off... if she would have had them when we met... we would have never dated in the first place. 

I agree with this…I know guys who totally aren’t into women with tats . I feel the opposite way about them, but people like what they like. 

[ShyViolet]

You're entitled to your feelings about neck tattoos.  You hate them.  Fair enough.  She has made it clear that she's getting it regardless of how you feel about it.  If you want to end the relationship over it, so be it.  This relationship doesn't sound very strong to begin with.

[poppyfields]

This is a five YEAR relationship, not five weeks. 

And OP, you're considering calling it quits because of something being done to her body you find "unattractive" and "repulsive."

No judgment, we like what we like and you're entitled to your feelings.

BUT I'm wondering how you would feel if she had some sort of accident that severely disfigured her face or body, would you also find that repulsive and dump her?

Or is it different because one was a choice (getting the tattoo) and the accident wasn't?   Serious question.

So years ago, I was on a different forum and a male poster met a beautiful girl, Megan Fox look alike, she was young, mid 30's, had 5 kids and  bunch of tattoos all over her body.

He HATES tattoos on women, he had posted about that well before he had even met her!

I recall him being so torn cause other than the tattoos which like the OP, he found repulsive, he had fallen hard, I mean HARD, for this woman.

Well it took awhile but LOVE prevailed, they got married about a year later, and blended their families - her with five kids and him with three. 

Last I checked, he embraced her tattoos as they were part of "her," and are very happy

100% true story. 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[BaileyB]

[ ]

As much as it’s her body and she can do what she likes, I would be bothered by her lack of consideration for my feelings. I can see how this would strain a relationship. That said, I wouldn’t leave the mother of my children over this decision. Still, I would be bothered by the way she has dismissed my feelings. Is this indicative of how she behaves in the relationship/makes other decisions? 

Edited July 20, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic

[poppyfields]

But isnt HE also dismissing her feelings about wanting the tattoo?

I dont know, this is a tough call, not sure there is even a way to compromise.

Either she acquiesces or he does.

Soneone wins, someone loses. 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Soneone wins, someone loses. 

It's a lose-lose situation. Sadly for the child.

One of them will need to move out and have to pay child support, set up visitation, etc. 

There is significant incompatibility and now a power struggle about this tattoo. 

Sad a child will have the family split up because she wants to do this to assert her expression.

It's clear one foot out is the door so maybe it's a good thing (except she may have trouble getting decent paying jobs), so he and the other children's father will be on the hook for more child support.

Frankly it sounds irresponsible to waste money on this, when she has three children.

 

Edited July 19, 2021 by Wiseman2

[BaileyB]

There is no compromise here, sadly. Unless she would be willing to get another tattoo on a different part of the body? That is perhaps as close to a compromise as they can get.

Edited July 19, 2021 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Frankly it sounds irresponsible to waste money on this, when she has three children.

Depends on their financial situation, but in theory I completely agree. Tattoos are quite expensive! 

To spend this kind of money on a tattoo that your partner does not like it a rather selfish decision. It makes me wonder if this is an e press ion of control - a passive aggressive response to other conflict in the relationship. 

I’m curious OP, and maybe I’ve missed this, is your partner aware that you are considering leaving if she gets the tattoo? That kind of information would certainly cause me to give serious thought to the decision. She needs to be aware of the possible consequence. 

[JRabbit]

oh man....I love a nice neck tattoo...I wish I could one but doesn't really fly with my work.

OP, how old are you? Just let me tell you the dating pool sucks out there...so careful for throwing away a perfectly good, although maybe scratched up fish....when you might be pulling back some half dead infected scaled tuna.....

What about when she grows old, or if she had an accident and was disabled....will you be repulsed then? What about if you got a new woman and that happened? Maybe investigate where this shallowness is coming from.

[poppyfields]

Also imo it depends on how big/small  and what the design of the  tattoo is.

For example, a tiny rose on the back of the neck can be sexy to some men.  I've seen on women and thought it looked pretty!  Especially with their hair  up with a few strands dangling down the back of neck. 

Very feminine looking!  

So perhaps there IS a way to compromise by her agreeing to go small in a discreet area of the neck and you being cool with the design, like a rose or something. 

Edited July 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[JRabbit]

18 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

To spend this kind of money on a tattoo that your partner does not like it a rather selfish decision

Are people not allowed to spend their money on things they want for themselves? Im sure if it was breast implants he would be loving it.

Her body, her choice. Save the judgements.  People get tattooed for many more reasons than listed here.

[Cookiesandough]

Don’t see at all how it is necessarily a waste of money or acting out in someway towards the boyfriend. Maybe she just wants a tattoo and has the few hundred dollars to get a tattoo on her neck? That’s kind of silly and could be applied to anything that someone wants that I think is frivolous because I don’t want it… like fine jewelry or luxury cars. If that makes you happy, go for it?  I get people, especially older people, tend to think tattoos are stupid, but for a lot of people they are a means of self-expression or the tattoo holds some kind of meaning. Maybe they just like the art or the way it looks. No different than getting your hair done at the salon a handful of times. 
 

I have been in this boat although not with the kids. I wanted to get a tattoo and I consulted my partners about what they thought l. one of which was a tattoo artist, And they both preferred women without tattoos(even though they both had tattoos) so I just let that one die while I was with them. But I still want that tattoo. Maybe she is very passionate about this so it’s no more selfish for her to give up her desire for a tattoo than it is for him to insist she doesn’t get one. However I will add that tattoos are also an aesthetic thing that change the physical of a person. While there are Demi sexual people, with most of us, the physical does impact our attraction. And attraction is a pretty important component of a relationship that we don’t really have direct control over 

Edited July 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[JRabbit]

29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sad a child will have the family split up because she wants to do this to assert her expression.

Why is SHE blamed? Can easily blame the man as well since he can't get over her wanting a tattoo, seems more like him exerting control. I didn't see him mention her threaten a break up if she can't get it. Its her body and its a tattoo, its not like she is removing her whole head. Ridiculous that a man has that much of a fuss over some ink. Get over it.  

[Cookiesandough]

8 minutes ago, JRabbit said:

Are people not allowed to spend their money on things they want for themselves? Im sure if it was breast implants he would be loving it.

Her body, her choice. Save the judgements.  People get tattooed for many more reasons than listed here.

Thank you 

[poppyfields]

Agree with @JRabbitit really does go both ways. 

Her body, her choice.

The breast implants was a great example!  

Most men would never complain, the opposite, but a tattoo?

Oh the horror!  Lol

Please.😳

 

Edited July 19, 2021 by poppyfields