do they actually leave?

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

You don't have to leave LoveShack to close THIS thread about MM.  You can stay on LS and put this affair behind you by closing this thread.

I was saying I was staying away from affair reading is all. I might have some updates at a later date so I do not care if this is still open😊

[Myabee]

15 hours ago, SouthernIslander said:

Growth and learning  is always a good thing.  Hope you feel better tomorrow.  The sadness will fade with time.  
 

I'm good today. Very good😊

[Myabee]

23 hours ago, SouthernIslander said:

Honestly, most cheating men communicate with more than just one woman but all the what ifs doesn’t matter.  He gave you the respect of an adult conversation for closure and I strongly encourage you not to contact him anymore because the emotional clock indeed resets when you do.  

 

How are you feeling today? 

I will never be contacting him again. Happy to say that. 

[LynneVicious]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

What I learned.... Played by a cheater. Also learned do not talk to MM... If they are talking to other women outside of the marriage my gut knew something was not right.   

Well yes, because they are married! Married men = Off Limits. No matter what they say, they are married. You know he was married, so I don’t think he played you honestly. You were a willing participant, no?

[Myabee]

44 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

Well yes, because they are married! Married men = Off Limits. No matter what they say, they are married. You know he was married, so I don’t think he played you honestly. You were a willing participant, no?

I did know.Started out as a old friend reconnect. I have many on my social media and nothing like this ever happened before. If we had left it very generic hi... some jokes and such... old memory or two that would have been appropriate. It did not turn out that way.Yes I became a willing participant.  I'm really feeling good today. 

Edited January 10, 2022 by Myabee

[Snakesalive]

On 1/8/2022 at 1:38 PM, Snakesalive said:

Yes his wife will have to deal with him and his behaviour -that’s for him and her to deal with

@Mayladyim not sure how you have interpreted this as me slagging  off his wife -you have misinterpreted my comment 

 This man has not behaved well in their marriage and has lied to his wife she will have to deal with knowing  that this has happened  if she chooses ) and  that is totally her decision, which I respect . 

[Crazelnut]

6 hours ago, Myabee said:

I will never be contacting him again. Happy to say that. 

You've said that before. And then contacted him again.

[stillafool]

6 hours ago, Myabee said:

 I might have some updates at a later date so I do not care if this is still open😊

What updates?  I thought you received your closure, accepted that MM is working on his marriage and you're putting this behind you.  I hope you aren't still keeping hope that he will contact you in the future.  He would not have called you this time if it weren't for you asking him to return your call.  You still haven't moved on Myabee.

Edited January 10, 2022 by stillafool

[S2B]

Did you block him from every avenue of communicating with you?

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, S2B said:

Did you block him from every avenue of communicating with you?

But he wasn't trying to communicate with her.  She found another way to get to him to make him respond.  I agree that he should be blocked on everything but I have a feeling he has blocked her.

[hajk]

@Myabee I hope you got the closure you need and now are ready to move forward and leave him and all this behind.  Best of luck!

[RebeccaR]

42 minutes ago, stillafool said:

But he wasn't trying to communicate with her.  She found another way to get to him to make him respond.  I agree that he should be blocked on everything but I have a feeling he has blocked her.

He blocked her, but after getting he message he called her and spoke for an hour? Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense why he would respond.

[czanclus]

On 1/8/2022 at 3:07 PM, RebeccaR said:

You feel better because you got your fix. I’m not judging. Many of us have been there. But like a heroin high, it doesn’t last long, then you need more

I fear Rebecca is right, but I hope she is not. I hope you are done with him for good. Maybe unless he calls from a different address with divorce paper ink well dried. But to hope for that is a fool's errand.

So, as most suspected, the whole phrase from back in November that 'it is looking in your favor' was an unrepentant lie, and I bet money at the time he knew it. I still stand by my conviction that there's no love for his wife either, he's just a scared aging man, too weak to give up his comforts that the wife provides to significant level. And his wife, just as pathetic, instead of dropping the lame cheat, orders him never to contact you like he's some infantile wimp incapable of exercising his own judgment of steps he needs to take to make his marriage work. All he's doing is trying to save his sorry behind. All she is doing is asserting her control. Pathetic lame people that should be left far in the dust on the journey to memories of deserving quality.

Happy New Year, Mya, and let's leave this in the happily forgone past.

[Maylady]

Snakesalive..im sorry that I misinterpreted your statement.

Ok now moving on.  I find this new Addition to myabee's story so strange. The talking about how horrible the MM is.  The laughing faces about him working on his marriage.  The creating fake names to contact someone.  And then calling him a lying player. The callous comments about how this married fool has prolly had scads of other women. This story has gone off the rails.  I dont even know where to begin on trying to give helpful advice.

It sounds like we are supposed to trash this married man/player in order to make it OK for myabee and her own bad decisions.  I'm really at a loss

 

Edited January 11, 2022 by Maylady

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, czanclus said:

I fear Rebecca is right, but I hope she is not. I hope you are done with him for good. Maybe unless he calls from a different address with divorce paper ink well dried. But to hope for that is a fool's errand.

So, as most suspected, the whole phrase from back in November that 'it is looking in your favor' was an unrepentant lie, and I bet money at the time he knew it. I still stand by my conviction that there's no love for his wife either, he's just a scared aging man, too weak to give up his comforts that the wife provides to significant level. And his wife, just as pathetic, instead of dropping the lame cheat, orders him never to contact you like he's some infantile wimp incapable of exercising his own judgment of steps he needs to take to make his marriage work. All he's doing is trying to save his sorry behind. All she is doing is asserting her control. Pathetic lame people that should be left far in the dust on the journey to memories of deserving quality.

Happy New Year, Mya, and let's leave this in the happily forgone past.

You have it pegged!!!!! Spot on. Happy New Year.❤️ I am good.

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, S2B said:

Did you block him from every avenue of communicating with you?

Yessssssss!!!!!!!!!!!! He can only contact me now if he unblocks me on FB. All other media he was on I blocked him and deactivated. 

Edited January 11, 2022 by Myabee

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, hajk said:

@Myabee I hope you got the closure you need and now are ready to move forward and leave him and all this behind.  Best of luck!

I did and no one believes me😫

[Maylady]

8Everyone is just taking shots in the dark.  We know nothing of this marriage and the inner circumstances to why this man cheated.  We only know what we've been told.   This man sounds dedicated to making things right with his wife and marriage.  Yo paint these people as just pathetic horrible people, seems naive, judgemental and completely counter productive of how to help myabee and give her good advice.

[Myabee]

8 hours ago, Maylady said:

8Everyone is just taking shots in the dark.  We know nothing of this marriage and the inner circumstances to why this man cheated.  We only know what we've been told.   This man sounds dedicated to making things right with his wife and marriage.  Yo paint these people as just pathetic horrible people, seems naive, judgemental and completely counter productive of how to help myabee and give her good advice.

Actually no. I think people here have offered a variety of opinions with regards to the at best most honest info I could type with regards to this situation. Now lets take a look at the word honestly. This is a MM who cheated with me for a year and 1/2. He did not really care what the wife thought then or else he would not have made that choice. I was a willing participant I see my wrong doing and own it.  I truly am leaning more toward the scenerio of the wife if truly did find out then it was talked around in circles that I was just a little more then a friend. He saved face! That's what he did here. My bet is no full disclosure took place to be authentic to get to the root of cheating. However that makes sense given his character. I liked leaving it on a happy note with that closure call. This way he knows I am on a healing road and happily do not need his malarky in my life. My therapist gave me a great exercise. List the pros and cons about him. Guess what? My list on cons was much longer then pros. I believe I should have some profound gratitude here that hes gone from my life. After that long of a time... sure it will take more then two months to work through the many emotions of this situation... but I'm now focused on putting in the effort to feeling it all by stage to put it fully behind me.  xx 

[heartwhole2]

On 1/8/2022 at 7:48 AM, Myabee said:

Update!!

So I guess my curiosity got the best of me. I used a fake number to text MM. I wrote this:

 

Hi. I am just reaching out to know that you are ok. It's real important for me to know that. If there is any possible way to send me a sign that is the case it would be super great. Thanks...

 

Then this...

I guess I will be booking a flight to see for myself. 

 

The second one did get me a reply a reply that was of this. I promised blank I would not contact you any more. 

I babbled on a bit more since I generated a response.After I typed the part I guess we can't be friends ever again I got back.

I can't talk to you. I should not even be having this convesrsation

 

So in my mind I was right. On that day in Nov he choose for whatever reason to just stop contact. I do not believe him for one minute that he made any such promise. And if he did it's complete bs because he can't talk to me but can chat with all the other women he is in touch with daily. I'm not stupid. And like the coward that he is he could not even give me anymore then that. I suppose 18 months was wasted on a lier who is clearly going  to continue on with women behind his wifes back have his cake and eat it too as long as she knows nothing about then. But if and when she does... then it's time to tell them he made a promise of NC😂 Oh boy well this Wife in truly in for it with this MM because he is a pos. 

 

The END! 

 

 

 

I think you need to pay a little more attention to your 180 on NC. I definitely believe that closure is important, and I hope you've gotten it, but my guess is that this was more about scratching an itch than it was a well reasoned measure to obtain closure.

Moving on is never a linear process; we move forward, fall down, go backwards, move forward again, etc. But I think you should investigate how easily you a) decided to contact him (by letter, which you swore was final, and then by fake phone #) and b) how you kept prodding him to get a response. And what if he had said, "Yes, let's be friends!" when you said, "So we can't be friends???" Then where would you be?

What are you going to do the next time you get "the itch"? If you say, oh, you never will, well that's exactly what you said before you reached out. Try to take ownership of your motives and choices here.

[Maylady]

16 hours ago, Myabee said:

Actually no. I think people here have offered a variety of opinions with regards to the at best most honest info I could type with regards to this situation. Now lets take a look at the word honestly. This is a MM who cheated with me for a year and 1/2. He did not really care what the wife thought then or else he would not have made that choice. I was a willing participant I see my wrong doing and own it.  I truly am leaning more toward the scenerio of the wife if truly did find out then it was talked around in circles that I was just a little more then a friend. He saved face! That's what he did here. My bet is no full disclosure took place to be authentic to get to the root of cheating. However that makes sense given his character. I liked leaving it on a happy note with that closure call. This way he knows I am on a healing road and happily do not need his malarky in my life. My therapist gave me a great exercise. List the pros and cons about him. Guess what? My list on cons was much longer then pros. I believe I should have some profound gratitude here that hes gone from my life. After that long of a time... sure it will take more then two months to work through the many emotions of this situation... but I'm now focused on putting in the effort to feeling it all by stage to put it fully behind me.  xx 

Well I'm truly glad you own you're own part of this completely hurtful situation. As one who has been in your situation, and made horrible decisions myself.  I'm so tired of the sugar coating and the victim card and the trashing of the MM who did make bad choices , like you and I did.  I'm tired of using a broad brush....saying these MM are the players, the bad villains,...in order to brush over our own horrible behaviour.   The MM are so freaking horrible.  And the wives are crap too, for forgiving and putting up with their cheating ways   I'm getting sick of saying ... but I'm the good one...he wronged me.  He's a piece of dirt for not rewarding me for being a cheating horrible person too.  This is mostly directed at myself, as I have also been in collusion with a married man.  We can't heal if we, ourselves don't call ourselves out on our own reprehensible behaviour 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, heartwhole2 said:

I think you need to pay a little more attention to your 180 on NC. I definitely believe that closure is important, and I hope you've gotten it, but my guess is that this was more about scratching an itch than it was a well reasoned measure to obtain closure.

Moving on is never a linear process; we move forward, fall down, go backwards, move forward again, etc. But I think you should investigate how easily you a) decided to contact him (by letter, which you swore was final, and then by fake phone #) and b) how you kept prodding him to get a response. And what if he had said, "Yes, let's be friends!" when you said, "So we can't be friends???" Then where would you be?

What are you going to do the next time you get "the itch"? If you say, oh, you never will, well that's exactly what you said before you reached out. Try to take ownership of your motives and choices here.

I guess you did not read the part where he left it kinda open... I needed to hear over... done... closure.... got that. Thanks 

[Myabee]

30 minutes ago, Maylady said:

Well I'm truly glad you own you're own part of this completely hurtful situation. As one who has been in your situation, and made horrible decisions myself.  I'm so tired of the sugar coating and the victim card and the trashing of the MM who did make bad choices , like you and I did.  I'm tired of using a broad brush....saying these MM are the players, the bad villains,...in order to brush over our own horrible behaviour.   The MM are so freaking horrible.  And the wives are crap too, for forgiving and putting up with their cheating ways   I'm getting sick of saying ... but I'm the good one...he wronged me.  He's a piece of dirt for not rewarding me for being a cheating horrible person too.  This is mostly directed at myself, as I have also been in collusion with a married man.  We can't heal if we, ourselves don't call ourselves out on our own reprehensible behaviour 

Yup! we have to own our part! Im doing that. Good luck to you.. xx

[stillafool]

On 1/11/2022 at 5:53 AM, Myabee said:

 I truly am leaning more toward the scenerio of the wife if truly did find out then it was talked around in circles that I was just a little more then a friend. He saved face! That's what he did here.

What circles?  Are you saying the wife has heard rumors about you and her husband in their social circles?  How would they know about you or want to discuss you with her?

[stillafool]

On 1/10/2022 at 7:31 PM, czanclus said:

I still stand by my conviction that there's no love for his wife either, he's just a scared aging man, too weak to give up his comforts that the wife provides to significant level. And his wife, just as pathetic, instead of dropping the lame cheat, orders him never to contact you like he's some infantile wimp incapable of exercising his own judgment of steps he needs to take to make his marriage work. All he's doing is trying to save his sorry behind. All she is doing is asserting her control. Pathetic lame people that should be left far in the dust on the journey to memories of deserving quality.

I'm not really sure that he doesn't have love for his wife.  Why stay?  Myabee has admitted that she has wealth, much more than MM's wife who is a nurse, so money would not be an issue if he left his wife for Myabee.  I doubt his wife knows anything about any of this.  It seems he's just using his "wife found out"  as his excuse to end this affair with Myabee.  He started pulling away from Myabee the moment he felt pressure.  Whatever his reason for ending it that goodness he did as Myabee deserves better than him and frankly so does his wife.