How much impact can a MIL have on a relationship?

[AlphaFemme99]

9 hours ago, kayx52 said:

 

Remember always "you marry the girl/boy, you marry the family" 

From my own personal experience with my husband's mother, it was a total disaster plus nightmare.  Unfortunately he, her only son, was the the moon and the stars in the atmosphere.  She despised me from the get go, was nicey-nicey to my face but oh, what a difference it was behind my back.  Sadly, my husband would balk at anything I said that as slightly negative about her but then again, he could say all the negatives things himself which he did on more than once occasion.  

She wanted to dominate our lives, tell us how to live, created untold crises that created such friction and sadness.  

Those who are fortunate to have a great mother in law should count themselves most fortunately.  Sadly, I never had that.

Sounds awful. Are you still together? It really impacts a lot, particularly if the MIL is so manipulative. 
and my guy is impressionable when it comes to her .. she would play games of affection towards her boys as if they needed to earn it and she still has that effect. Tonight when he again put in a sentence “even my mother would say” I said you can just move in with her .. she has that much control over how you think 

 

[kayx52]

17 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

Sounds awful. Are you still together? It really impacts a lot, particularly if the MIL is so manipulative. 
and my guy is impressionable when it comes to her .. she would play games of affection towards her boys as if they needed to earn it and she still has that effect. Tonight when he again put in a sentence “even my mother would say” I said you can just move in with her .. she has that much control over how you think 

 

Almost 48 years until his death.  She passed away late 1970s and I hate to say this but I felt some relief.

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

I said you can just move in with her

Do you live together? Fortunately you're not married so you can cut your losses and walk away.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

I think his mother will always and constantly sabotage your relationship with him because she doesn't want to share him you with or any woman. She wants his focus on her without competition. She sees you as competition and will always do whatever she can to take you down several pegs. Whenever he chooses her over you, she will secretly gloat to herself about how he loves her more, she's better than you, etc. 

Toxic toxic toxic!

Unless your fiancé sees everything from your perspective and actively takes steps to put boundaries in place while consistently firmly enforcing them, then you and your relationship with him are sunk. Sorry. Proceed with caution and really think this through. I personally wouldn't marry until I was confident my fiancé would enforce good boundaries and fully understands what that looks like.