Is it acceptable for my gf to talk about sex with another man

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

sudden she’s trying to rush threw and bring forward our wedding date.

Why do you want to get married? Who do you live with? Who moves to whom in that case?

Edited May 19, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Jonny80]

22 minutes ago, Miss Peach said:

I think this may be a mis-match of values you need to work out. I don't talk dirty (i.e., I want to do X to you) but I do like to talk about sex a lot and being in a relationship doesn't stop me. I don't bring it up around parents, work, etc. but I do bring it up socially. I also don't disclose things specific to my relationship's sex life. I've also been at several outings with others in relationships that have talked about sex. Even my boyfriend by my side doesn't stop me. I am quite an open book and am willing to say anything in front of him I would say in front of others. Having said that I had no interest romantically in any of these people and I have tunnel vision for the person I'm with. I even had a hall pass with women in my last relationship and couldn't even use it. It would bother me if I was told I couldn't do that anymore and I wouldn't be in a relationship like that. Having said that only a couple of people crossed the line with it but my boyfriends have confidence I'll shut them down and tell them about it. Openness and trust are huge things for me.

 

If she's rushing I wonder if she may be feeling insecure now after your argument and using speeding things up to try to get to a safe place emotionally. I understand your caution but it may not really be about the wedding. I would address trying to made her feel safe emotionally assuming you want to stay with her.

Ok, so you’re thinking the talking about sex in front of me is nothing to worry about?    I choose to tell her and not ask that the engagement was back on for that very reason, to reassure her and give her some stability to avoid unnecessary stress...       she did tell me the other day that men have picked her up and put her down in the past for what ever reason and she feels Iv done just that because of what had happened...

I’m a reasonable person but don’t want to get mugged off.  I did speak with her dad and mum today and the assured me there’s no way she’s going behind my back and the pub talk was merely pub talk.

[Jonny80]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why do you want to get married? Who do you live with? Who moves to whom in that case?

Iv got my place over an hours drive away, she has her place, I would be moving to hers and renting my place out.

as to marriage, she’s a sworn in Christian and it’s something she believes in, she believes this wedding would be my first abs last marriage and her 2nd and last,  she has faith in us.. she was talking about wedding venues with her parents today,  if they think she’s done nothing wrong I tend to have confidence in what they say as they would give her a hard time if they thought she was messing me around.

she actually apologised for us not making love last night as I fell asleep watching tv.

[Miss Peach]

7 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

Ok, so you’re thinking the talking about sex in front of me is nothing to worry about?    I choose to tell her and not ask that the engagement was back on for that very reason, to reassure her and give her some stability to avoid unnecessary stress...       she did tell me the other day that men have picked her up and put her down in the past for what ever reason and she feels Iv done just that because of what had happened...

I’m a reasonable person but don’t want to get mugged off.  I did speak with her dad and mum today and the assured me there’s no way she’s going behind my back and the pub talk was merely pub talk.

I think this really depends on you and what you think. For me if she wasn't sharing intimate details about your life or being overly suggestive it would be OK with me. I seem to be the dissenter on this thread. I am pretty sex positive though and to me it's nothing shameful or to be guilty about. But I do think it's something special I would prefer to share intentionally. Some sex positive people sleep around more than I do. Everyone has different values around sex and that's OK. You two just need to figure out a compromise or boundaries IMO.

[Timshel]

5 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

she’s a sworn in Christian and it’s something she believes in,  her parents today,  if they think she’s done nothing wrong I tend to have confidence in what they say as they would give her a hard time if they thought she was messing me around.

she actually apologised for us not making love last night as I fell asleep watching tv.

I don't understand any of this, that I left of your prior post. None of this makes any sense.

Since when do 'sworn' Christians discuss anal sex with new male friends? Her parents only worry for her well being, for her good...not yours. They will not be married to her, they will not live with her 13 cats, two children or sit with the two of you while she discusses her sex life with other men in front of you while you know that she is a liar.

The only person that is marrying her is you. It is only your opinion that matters. By the way, do try to find work so that your fiance is no longer supporting you. Do that before you are married. Marriage is for life, as your Christian fiance professes and if so, such an important commitment should never be rushed.

[elaine567]

I am sorry Jonny80 but you are sounding more and more gullible.
This woman is a mess and she is reeling you in
If I were you I would run, sorry to say.

[Jonny80]

17 minutes ago, Miss Peach said:

I think this really depends on you and what you think. For me if she wasn't sharing intimate details about your life or being overly suggestive it would be OK with me. I seem to be the dissenter on this thread. I am pretty sex positive though and to me it's nothing shameful or to be guilty about. But I do think it's something special I would prefer to share intentionally. Some sex positive people sleep around more than I do. Everyone has different values around sex and that's OK. You two just need to figure out a compromise or boundaries IMO.

I guess my biggest concern is why is she talking like this to this guy when they haven’t been friends for years, she only met him down the pub for the first time 3 weeks ago and that was because he invited her down to show her around the place as it’s been refurbished, he works part time as a chef..

she claims they only communicate using Facebook and don’t have his phone number..   the ease in which she chose to share such information about her body is still a surprise it was listening in to 2 people going on a date and getting to know each other. She was asking questions about his past relationships etc.  They’ve been talking when he delivers parcels for several months.. I keep asking why she desires to meet him in the pub now and not before she met me.   I’m suspicious if the whole thing, asking her won’t get me no where as she’ll blow up and get angry which seems pretty easy to achieve even her dad told me he’s been in the end of her outburst.

[Jonny80]

4 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I am sorry Jonny80 but you are sounding more and more gullible.
This woman is a mess and she is reeling you in
If I were you I would run, sorry to say.

Reeling me in for what perpous tho?

she could have other guys if she chooses ? She could be single and sleep around?  I’m not sure what she would want from me unless it wasn’t true love?

 

I’m open to exploring all possibilities..

[Jonny80]

27 minutes ago, Miss Peach said:

I think this really depends on you and what you think. For me if she wasn't sharing intimate details about your life or being overly suggestive it would be OK with me. I seem to be the dissenter on this thread. I am pretty sex positive though and to me it's nothing shameful or to be guilty about. But I do think it's something special I would prefer to share intentionally. Some sex positive people sleep around more than I do. Everyone has different values around sex and that's OK. You two just need to figure out a compromise or boundaries IMO.

Also if she wanted to cheat behind my back she could do this sex conversation via messenger behind my back and not in front of me as I was guessing that’s there first conversation regarding sex or he’d already know her sexual preferences ?

[elaine567]

10 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

Reeling me in for what perpous tho?

I don't really know why, but i guess you will find that out when it is too late...
Sorry,  but she sounds like a total b*ll sh*tter to me.

 

 

[Timshel]

Marriage is a legally binding commitment. She won't be a single (ill) mother any longer. She will no longer be her parent's worry. You'll be tethered. If she's the one for you and you for her, there's no harm in waiting. Improve your financial position.

Have you asked yourself why the sudden push?

[Jonny80]

9 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I don't really know why, but i guess you will find that out when it is too late...
Sorry,  but she sounds like a total b*ll sh*tter to me.

 

 

In what regards do you think she’s bull shitting about?

[Jonny80]

1 minute ago, Timshel said:

Marriage is a legally binding commitment. She won't be a single (ill) mother any longer. She will no longer be her parent's worry. You'll be tethered. If she's the one for you and you for her, there's no harm in waiting. Improve your financial position.

Have you asked yourself why the sudden push?

As miss peach eluded, she’s feeling insecure and wants some reassurance and stability?

if she didn’t love me, can’t see why she’d want me, it’s not like I’m a millionaire and she’s after my money. 

[Taramere]

49 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

As miss peach eluded, she’s feeling insecure and wants some reassurance and stability?

if she didn’t love me, can’t see why she’d want me, it’s not like I’m a millionaire and she’s after my money. 

If you've come to terms with the incident in the bar, and think this is the right woman for you - why are you continuing to engage in discussions with strangers online about her?  Do you think you're ready for as big a step as marriage?

[Jonny80]

4 minutes ago, Taramere said:

If you've come to terms with the incident in the bar, and think this is the right woman for you - why are you continuing to engage in discussions with strangers online about her?  Do you think you're ready for as big a step as marriage?

I’m unsure of everything at the moment, having said that I don’t think I should finish it over some comments made in the pub?  She did elude to the fact she accepts I was offended and said she would no longer talk like that..  if it becomes a problem for her and it keeps happening then maybe I need to ask serious questions?

Things are lovely between us when we get on, maybe it’s these good times that are clouding my judgement...

do people really Ditch the person they get engaged to over a couple of sexual statements made to other men?

I feel like I’d be overreacting...  we are engaged yes! Weather it goes on and we get Married is a long way off so I get time to think at least?

[Taramere]

1 minute ago, Jonny80 said:

I’m unsure of everything at the moment, having said that I don’t think I should finish it over some comments made in the pub?  She did elude to the fact she accepts I was offended and said she would no longer talk like that..  if it becomes a problem for her and it keeps happening then maybe I need to ask serious questions?

Things are lovely between us when we get on, maybe it’s these good times that are clouding my judgement...

do people really Ditch the person they get engaged to over a couple of sexual statements made to other men?

I feel like I’d be overreacting...  we are engaged yes! Weather it goes on and we get Married is a long way off so I get time to think at least?

Yeah, of course.  Talking things out with other people can be helpful... but I think that when you discuss uncertainty about a relationship you're in, then people will often respond with some degree of negativity or pessimism about the relationship.   Which increases your uncertainty about the relationship and then it becomes a vicious circle.   

[Jonny80]

2 minutes ago, Taramere said:

Yeah, of course.  Talking things out with other people can be helpful... but I think that when you discuss uncertainty about a relationship you're in, then people will often respond with some degree of negativity or pessimism about the relationship.   Which increases your uncertainty about the relationship and then it becomes a vicious circle.   

Yes this can be true... but I’m genuinely confused..  my heart says stick with it but my stubborn side says get rid, but when I analyse the reason I feel like I’m over reacting...

 

what’s bothering me at the minute is yesterday when at work I thought I’d seduce her via txt in an attempt to have some fun,  seen as she was happy to tell a guy she liked anal sex I thought I’d offer to have sex and include some anal sex,  she said via txt she was happy I wanted to be close to her but when I got home from work there was no mention of sex or the raunchy txt I had sent..

which annoyed me considering she was happy to tell a guy what she liked 😳

[BaileyB]

On 5/16/2021 at 6:06 AM, Wiseman2 said:

To answer your question. No it's not acceptable to talk about anal sex with her delivery guy.

I’m honestly not sure why she would even want to do this... unless, she likes the attention or she is looking for sex.

[Jonny80]

Just now, BaileyB said:

I’m honestly not sure why she would even want to do this... unless, she likes the attention or she is looking for sex.

Same here I’m trying to understand why so I can make a decision on what to do about it..  all she’s said is that she’s an open person but as to why she needs to share this information is bizarre..

im engaged to marry her and I can’t even get her to engage in txt sex let alone her even kissing or touching me, this whole situation sucks..

[Taramere]

22 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

Yes this can be true... but I’m genuinely confused..  my heart says stick with it but my stubborn side says get rid, but when I analyse the reason I feel like I’m over reacting...

 

what’s bothering me at the minute is yesterday when at work I thought I’d seduce her via txt in an attempt to have some fun,  seen as she was happy to tell a guy she liked anal sex I thought I’d offer to have sex and include some anal sex,  she said via txt she was happy I wanted to be close to her but when I got home from work there was no mention of sex or the raunchy txt I had sent..

which annoyed me considering she was happy to tell a guy what she liked 😳

Well, by all accounts (reading your posts on here) it sounds as though she was talking up a good game in the pub.  She wouldn't be the first.

[BaileyB]

2 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

im engaged to marry her and I can’t even get her to engage in txt sex let alone her even kissing or touching me, this whole situation sucks..

Tell me why you are engaged to the woman? 

Edited May 19, 2021 by BaileyB

[Cookiesandough]

If she did it in front of you, it might be she liked /wanted the attention... like almost in an exhibitionist /shock type of way.., is this first time she’s ever done anything similar ( sorry if you mentioned) 

[Jonny80]

12 minutes ago, Taramere said:

Well, by all accounts (reading your posts on here) it sounds as though she was talking up a good game in the pub.  She wouldn't be the first.

But if she’s not wanting to take it any further why do it? She risks losing the guy she apparently loves?

[Jonny80]

12 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Tell me why you are engaged to the woman? 

Because I love her and have never met anyone like her for her good points..

[BaileyB]

2 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

Because I love her and have never met anyone like her for her good points..

Do her good points make up for the fact that she doesn’t show you physical affection or respect - in front of other men? 

I feel like three years down the road you are going to be back complaining about the fact that you are young and in a sexless relationship and/or she has cheated on you and you will be saying... “I didn’t see it coming...” And we will be like - really? Seriously? 

Edited May 19, 2021 by BaileyB