BaileyB Posted July 2, 2021 Share Posted July 2, 2021 30 minutes ago, Vivalavi said: Naive about which part? That this kind of information would not be shared out of some kind of loyalty. It can be shared in a way that it can not be traced back to the original source. You have no control over this information once discovered, you are hoping for discretion. There are no guarantees. If you play with fire, you are bound to get burned. Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 16 hours ago, stillafool said: I know but they all fall in love. No they don't. If you think you're likely to fall in love with them, that's the wrong person to pick because it's guaranteed to get messy. The guys never seem to fall in love with the women. Most of them seem to find it easy to string the OW along. Why can't the OWs be the same? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 20 hours ago, Vivalavi said: That's would make perfect sense, however, I would never let a man touch me based on being attracted to him only. I need emotional connection and that's the problem besides others. For sure. There has to be an emotional connection, intimacy, shared interests etc. But that still doesn't have to mean love. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 2 hours ago, NYAG said: No they don't. If you think you're likely to fall in love with them, that's the wrong person to pick because it's guaranteed to get messy. The guys never seem to fall in love with the women. Most of them seem to find it easy to string the OW along. Why can't the OWs be the same? I was talking about the OW being the one who falls in love. Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 20 hours ago, stillafool said: I was talking about the OW being the one who falls in love. So was I. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Xerad Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 On 5/25/2021 at 1:28 AM, Vivalavi said: This hurts and I'm pretty sure I'm in denial right now. I'm hurting and thinking why he didn't have enough decency to tell me in person. Did it really mean so little to him? I feel such coldness from his last message. As if he simply throw me under the bus and didn't look back. I feel I meant absolutely nothing to him. May I ask how you wanted him to end it? How would he do it without you feeling thrown under the bus? Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 On 5/12/2021 at 4:35 AM, Poppy47 said: He never let up with the contact at all. Eventually he put his wife on social media. What I saw there was IMMEDIATELY a deal breaker. I walked away and have never had any communication with him since. Poppy Wow! Good for you. That would be a large deal breaker for me too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 I realized by reading and posting here I was dealing with a conflict avoidant person in a marriage he never had any intention of leaving. The last red flag was more stonewalling that seemed to be a big pattern for him. Also realizing that I had no business getting involved with him in the first place. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostinLove2 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 I’m still in search of my last straw. I’m stuck between wanting to wait it out and knowing it’s not going to ever happen. I need a clear sign to push me in the right direction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 10 hours ago, LostinLove2 said: I’m still in search of my last straw. I’m stuck between wanting to wait it out and knowing it’s not going to ever happen. I need a clear sign to push me in the right direction. I dunno, that looks like a clear sign to me. It depends on how happy you are with the situation . If you are, carry on. If not, the last straw should simply be that it's not making you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 12 hours ago, LostinLove2 said: I’m still in search of my last straw. It comes from you, not him. When you're feed up with the loneliness and being second rate. One day you'll look around at the happy couples/families while it's a holiday or weekend or whatever knowing he's with his family/wife and think to yourself "what the hell am I doing?'💡 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 On 7/4/2021 at 7:35 PM, Xerad said: May I ask how you wanted him to end it? How would he do it without you feeling thrown under the bus? I suppose there is no good way to end it without feeling thrown under the bus. Maybe if he did it in person would make some difference. Also, if he didn't do it out of the blue when everything seemed just as fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 On 7/13/2021 at 5:29 PM, LostinLove2 said: I’m still in search of my last straw. I’m stuck between wanting to wait it out and knowing it’s not going to ever happen. I need a clear sign to push me in the right direction. I know the feeling. It's no fun place to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 I feel like I'm losing my mind lately. Fighting between doing what's right and what's not. "My" MM was so responsive last week. He would text and send snaps all day. It didn't take him hours to reply. It was just like before. We flirted a lot and when I asked if he enjoys torturing me, be said he does because it builds me up. Builds me up for a good happy ending when we actually get together. Naive me believed he means what he says. When I asked when we can meet, he said when he get a chance. Is it a week, a month , a year? Interestingly enough, his responses went to almost 0 after that. When I asked if everything is okay he apologized for being weird. He said it's just one of those days when he feels like it for no particular reason. I don't know. I don't know what to believe. I worked with him yesterday. He said he was pleasantly surprised to see me. Kissed me in elevator. Joked, etc. I asked him to see me at our usual spot and he did. The thing is...I was the one asking. I feel like I have to "beg" for things. It makes me sick in my stomach to think about it. I had an old lady coming to me the other day, she said "you are the prettiest little thing. You are so beautiful and act like you don't even know it". It made me all teary. Just a stranger at work telling me that. She sees what I don't. And here I am. Basing my value on his responses. Why am I such a fool? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Vivalavi said: I feel like I'm losing my mind lately. Fighting between doing what's right and what's not. "My" MM was so responsive last week. He would text and send snaps all day. It didn't take him hours to reply. It was just like before. We flirted a lot and when I asked if he enjoys torturing me, be said he does because it builds me up. Builds me up for a good happy ending when we actually get together. Naive me believed he means what he says. When I asked when we can meet, he said when he get a chance. Is it a week, a month , a year? Interestingly enough, his responses went to almost 0 after that. When I asked if everything is okay he apologized for being weird. He said it's just one of those days when he feels like it for no particular reason. I don't know. I don't know what to believe. I worked with him yesterday. He said he was pleasantly surprised to see me. Kissed me in elevator. Joked, etc. I asked him to see me at our usual spot and he did. The thing is...I was the one asking. I feel like I have to "beg" for things. It makes me sick in my stomach to think about it. I had an old lady coming to me the other day, she said "you are the prettiest little thing. You are so beautiful and act like you don't even know it". It made me all teary. Just a stranger at work telling me that. She sees what I don't. And here I am. Basing my value on his responses. Why am I such a fool? I don't think you're a fool. I feel much like you fighting between doing whats right and whats not. I feel confused often. Go easy on yourself ok? Edited July 15, 2021 by Myabee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 22 hours ago, Vivalavi said: d when I asked if he enjoys torturing me, be said he does You are worth so much more . This is so disrespectful to you but I’m sure you know that already. You’re clearly not ready to let go and still willing to accept his crumbs . It’s strange and sad how hard it is to look after ourselves in this situation. All I can tell you is that there is a whole life -a much better life when you decide you are ready to let go . I know it’s hard to believe but I’m living proof it can be done . I think it’s only when you’re out of the situation that you will see that . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 23 hours ago, Vivalavi said: d when I asked if he enjoys torturing me, be said he does You are worth so much more . This is so disrespectful to you but I’m sure you know that already. You’re clearly not ready to let go and still willing to accept his crumbs . It’s strange and sad how hard it is to look after ourselves in this situation. All I can tell you is that there is a whole life -a much better life when you decide you are ready to let go . I know it’s hard to believe but I’m living proof it can be done . I think it’s only when you’re out of the situation that you will see that . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 On 7/15/2021 at 8:46 AM, Vivalavi said: I feel like I have to "beg" for things. He is expecting a child with his wife and your workplace will rejoice with him while you sit in a corner living a lie and believing his fake flattery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRising8 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 On 7/15/2021 at 8:46 AM, Vivalavi said: I feel like I have to "beg" for things. You don't HAVE to beg ... you CHOOSE to beg ... He would happily end it but you keep circling back and trying to entice him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted July 19, 2021 Author Share Posted July 19, 2021 On 7/16/2021 at 6:55 AM, Snakesalive said: You are worth so much more . This is so disrespectful to you but I’m sure you know that already. You’re clearly not ready to let go and still willing to accept his crumbs . It’s strange and sad how hard it is to look after ourselves in this situation. All I can tell you is that there is a whole life -a much better life when you decide you are ready to let go . I know it’s hard to believe but I’m living proof it can be done . I think it’s only when you’re out of the situation that you will see that . Your words are giving me hope. Thank you! There are moments when I feel like I can let go, but they don't usually last. Just like this weekend. I got one text on Saturday and a few next day. And as much as I tried to keep busy and not to think about it, I couldn't really. I was thinking of him and wondering why he is so different. Then I was reminding myself he isn't mine and he is busy with his family which is understandable. Needless to say, I keep hurting. Hurting myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivalavi Posted July 19, 2021 Author Share Posted July 19, 2021 On 7/16/2021 at 9:24 AM, Wiseman2 said: He is expecting a child with his wife and your workplace will rejoice with him while you sit in a corner living a lie and believing his fake flattery. I know. And while I wish him the best and want to be happy for him, I know seeing all that or social posts, will break my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
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