Mariana Carolina Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 So in 2019 I got out of a relationship the relationship was long distance.. and became unbearable it was not healthy... later on it was June I decided I wanted to meet and talk to other guys so I joined an app for a laugh it wasn't for a hook up it was to just talk to other guys and feel normal again I ended up meeting quite a lot of guys on the app I Joined and the majority of them were kind and nice I told my story about the past relationship to most because they had asked what I was looking for I was a bit confused at the time because I didn't know what I wanted apart from just talking to guys but a few weeks later I decided I wanted to have fun and actually meet up with guys and gain my confidence again. I met so many ONLINE who wanted to meet me personally and maybe hook up but they were so many I thought it was wrong speaking to so many guys about similar things "hooking up" to let go of the past because I was so Low. How many guys is acceptable to talk to in a go? is it wrong that I speak to so many guys ? or is it normal ish? Please let me know what you think! Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) You can talk to (and date) as many guys as you want. As they say, talk is cheap. So no harm done. Multi-dating is sometimes recommended. If one drops you, it's less painful because you have a fallback guy. I wish I could multidate but I'm too old, tired, and don't have enough bwain cells left to keep up with multiple dates! 😄 Someday, when you are ready and meet the one, you'll fall in love and have a relationship. Edited March 23, 2021 by Fletch Lives 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 I agree with Fletch: as many as you want - and can keep track of! I also favor multi-dating, at least until sex is involved, and even then, you can continue dating more than one and having sex with them if you disclose that to all partners (i.e., informed consent) and take suitable precautions. However, double standards still exist, unfortunately, so some men will judge you unfairly if you multi-date or have many partners. IMO, don't worry about it, just dump those. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 Supposedly, 3 is the suggested number for multidating. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 1 hour ago, Mariana Carolina said: How many guys is acceptable to talk to in a go? is it wrong that I speak to so many guys ? or is it normal ish? Please let me know what you think! You can TALK to as many people as you like & can keep straight. It gets more complicated when you start to go on actual dates with them. At that point it's better to whittle down the numbers if for no other reason than there are only so many hours in a day & so many days in a week. The ethical caveat is that if you are multi-dating, you cannot give anybody the impression that they are the only one you are seeing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: The ethical caveat is that if you are multi-dating, you cannot give anybody the impression that they are the only one you are seeing. I would not bring it up. Openess and honesty are two different things. However, you can't lie - if they ask, come clean. And I would not have sex with multiple people. It's risky anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 I'm not saying that the OP has to announce that she is talking to or dating multiple people. I am saying that she can't outright lie & say she's not if she is, nor can she imply that she's only dating one person if that is not true. If she gets the sense that one of the people she's seeing is under the impression that they are the only person she is seeing, she should take the high road & divest them of that incorrect notion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 Do you mean talking as a precursor of upcoming dates or where you are going on several dates with different people simultaneously? 1 hour ago, Mariana Carolina said: How many guys is acceptable to talk to in a go? is it wrong that I speak to so many guys ? or is it normal ish? Please let me know what you think! Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I'm not saying that the OP has to announce that she is talking to or dating multiple people. I am saying that she can't outright lie & say she's not if she is, nor can she imply that she's only dating one person if that is not true. If she gets the sense that one of the people she's seeing is under the impression that they are the only person she is seeing, she should take the high road & divest them of that incorrect notion. I think we agree. On a side note - With internet dating, I wonder if multidating is now obsolete? I mean, if you stop dating somebody, can't you just go to an online dating site and get attention from new suitors within hours? This may have been more difficult to do before online dating came about. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 29 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: With internet dating, I wonder if multidating is now obsolete? I mean, if you stop dating somebody, can't you just go to an online dating site and get attention from new suitors within hours? This may have been more difficult to do before online dating came about. That's an interesting thought. I think that finding someone new almost immediately is possible for some women, but is unrealistic for most men. But I believe that was true even before the internet made things even easier. So, I think multi-dating is still very effective if you are open to doing so (many are not). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 3 minutes ago, central said: That's an interesting thought. I think that finding someone new almost immediately is possible for some women, but is unrealistic for most men. But I believe that was true even before the internet made things even easier. So, I think multi-dating is still very effective if you are open to doing so (many are not). Good point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariana Carolina Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 3 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: You can talk to (and date) as many guys as you want. As they say, talk is cheap. So no harm done. Multi-dating is sometimes recommended. If one drops you, it's less painful because you have a fallback guy. I wish I could multidate but I'm too old, tired, and don't have enough bwain cells left to keep up with multiple dates! 😄 Someday, when you are ready and meet the one, you'll fall in love and have a relationship. Haha... Yes thats true I think thats why I carried it on because incase that happened I would have fallbacks its always nice to also talk to multiple people and not just stick to one... of course when ones single and not in a relationship but I also feel like even if someone was in a relationship they should always be able to talk to people and not always stick to one person something I definitely learnt when I was in my last relationship. but do you think I should tell the other guys im talking to that im meeting up with other guys whether they ask me or not? Like when I have been asked if I speak to other guys by some of these guys I say yes im talking to other guys but as friends aww no you're never too old to multi date or even date!! Age is just a number !! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariana Carolina Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 3 hours ago, central said: I agree with Fletch: as many as you want - and can keep track of! I also favor multi-dating, at least until sex is involved, and even then, you can continue dating more than one and having sex with them if you disclose that to all partners (i.e., informed consent) and take suitable precautions. However, double standards still exist, unfortunately, so some men will judge you unfairly if you multi-date or have many partners. IMO, don't worry about it, just dump those. Thank you , So would you say I should be honest with all the guys I speak to about everything even if there's intimate relations? Most are just friends really as im not looking to be in a relationship the majority of them were wanting to be friends and hook up but honestly im not that kind of girl a girl who hooks up with every girl but I was in a relationship before I met these guys and I just realise ive missed so much sort of like I haven't had as much fun as a young adult and I would like that. Yes of course thats always without doubt but girls will also judge guys right. Hahah thank you for your advice haha I will do with those ones ahah Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariana Carolina Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 2 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Supposedly, 3 is the suggested number for multidating. I'm Talking a few more than 3 I was talking to about 7 ish.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariana Carolina Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 2 hours ago, Alpaca said: Do you mean talking as a precursor of upcoming dates or where you are going on several dates with different people simultaneously? I'm talking like for upcoming dates to like meet up and get to know each one of them . but also in general talking to each one of them should I be honest with each one of them about talking to multiple of guys or its not needed I am honest with guys if they ask me if im talking to anyone else I say yes I have guy friends but nothing more because thats not what im looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 22 minutes ago, Mariana Carolina said: Haha... Yes thats true I think thats why I carried it on because incase that happened I would have fallbacks its always nice to also talk to multiple people and not just stick to one... of course when ones single and not in a relationship but I also feel like even if someone was in a relationship they should always be able to talk to people and not always stick to one person something I definitely learnt when I was in my last relationship. but do you think I should tell the other guys im talking to that im meeting up with other guys whether they ask me or not? Like when I have been asked if I speak to other guys by some of these guys I say yes im talking to other guys but as friends aww no you're never too old to multi date or even date!! Age is just a number !! Maybe not that you're meeting up with another guy, but definitely that its not exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 42 minutes ago, Mariana Carolina said: Thank you , So would you say I should be honest with all the guys I speak to about everything even if there's intimate relations? Most are just friends really as im not looking to be in a relationship the majority of them were wanting to be friends and hook up but honestly im not that kind of girl a girl who hooks up with every girl but I was in a relationship before I met these guys and I just realise ive missed so much sort of like I haven't had as much fun as a young adult and I would like that. Yes of course thats always without doubt but girls will also judge guys right. Hahah thank you for your advice haha I will do with those ones ahah If you're dating several, but not having sex (and not exclusive), then there is no need to proactively tell any of them that you're seeing others. If they ask, simply tell them that you're meeting other men until you decide to be exclusive, but some may only be friends. Of course, they may then ask to be exclusive, but you can say you're not ready to make that decision. Sex greatly complicates things, because if you have sex with more than one, you may be putting them at risk, and they have a right to know (just as you would, if they're having sex with other women) so they can make an informed choice. With those simple ethical boundaries, you can still have a lot of fun meeting and dating and figuring out what you want long term. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 4 hours ago, Mariana Carolina said: I joined an app for a laugh it wasn't for a hook up it was to just talk to other guys and feel normal again. Do you intend to meet any of them in person? Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) As many as you want to. Don't let those that are structured by archaic rules of social convention shame you into how you conduct your romantic life. And don't be shamed by desparate, scarcity-minded guys that can't handle that someone they're talking to may be seeing another guy. If a guy asks, all you have to say is "yes I'm dating but no one special." It's none of their business beyond that, they can either accept it or not. When it comes to sex, you have to determine what you consider safe sexual practices, and that's guided by your own diligence, education and your judge of character. Edited March 23, 2021 by dramafreezone Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariana Carolina Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 22 minutes ago, central said: If you're dating several, but not having sex (and not exclusive), then there is no need to proactively tell any of them that you're seeing others. If they ask, simply tell them that you're meeting other men until you decide to be exclusive, but some may only be friends. Of course, they may then ask to be exclusive, but you can say you're not ready to make that decision. Sex greatly complicates things, because if you have sex with more than one, you may be putting them at risk, and they have a right to know (just as you would, if they're having sex with other women) so they can make an informed choice. With those simple ethical boundaries, you can still have a lot of fun meeting and dating and figuring out what you want long term. Yes its not a relationship . Yes I would class them all as just friends as I don't t want to get into a relationship anytime soon as I want my freedom and be able to meet guys explore and see what happens. the thing is ive never felt this or done anything of the sort especially with someone I call a good friend ive been speaking to him since 2019 like nearly everyday most days sometimes only 3/4 days without talking. Yes I think its all about self respect as well of course I dont know if I would be able to sleep and have sex with another guy after this guy ive planned on doing it with I respect him and I have self respect too of course BUT ive had conversations with other guys but just not physically done anything. thank you yeah I hope so I cant wait to have fun and meet who I meet but I will for sure have boundaries and respect ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariana Carolina Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you intend to meet any of them in person? Yes I do because I have built strong friendships with most of them some of them I won't because they started changing but there's about 5/6 of them that I would meet in person for coffee or drinks or something nice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariana Carolina Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 24 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: As many as you want to. Don't let those that are structured by archaic rules of social convention shame you into how you conduct your romantic life. And don't be shamed by desparate, scarcity-minded guys that can't handle that someone they're talking to may be seeing another guy. If a guy asks, all you have to say is "yes I'm dating but no one special." It's none of their business beyond that, they can either accept it or not. When it comes to sex, you have to determine what you consider safe sexual practices, and that's guided by your own diligence, education and your judge of character. Thanks , yeah I just dont know what I feel sometimes its not feeling bad but I dont know if its right or wrong. maybe just me overthinking too much. yeah ok that sounds good to say thats true sometimes I do feel that way im like why does that matter but I start thinking is it because they are interested or are looking for something more serious.. Yes the sex is whats going through my mind ive never had a one night stand or friend with benefits so I dont know how I will react to after something happens but I will always have boundaries and self respect and respect whichever guy I wouldn't just go and sleep around with them all Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 2 hours ago, Mariana Carolina said: I'm talking like for upcoming dates to like meet up and get to know each one of them . but also in general talking to each one of them should I be honest with each one of them about talking to multiple of guys or its not needed I am honest with guys if they ask me if im talking to anyone else I say yes I have guy friends but nothing more because thats not what im looking for. On online dating sites and apps, I believe connecting and chatting with others is a normal part of the dating process. So, I don't think it's necessary to inform each and every person you are communicating with. I believe it is a given in that environment. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 If you really have zero interest in dating these guys but are open to meeting them but not having sex, throw the word "friend" around a lot. Make sure everyone understands that you are not looking for serious. Yes, some guys will assume that no matter what you say if you meet them, & especially if you let them pay for you, that you are DTF so make sure your boundaries are crystal clear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mariana Carolina Posted March 23, 2021 Author Share Posted March 23, 2021 2 hours ago, Alpaca said: On online dating sites and apps, I believe connecting and chatting with others is a normal part of the dating process. So, I don't think it's necessary to inform each and every person you are communicating with. I believe it is a given in that environment. Ahh ok thats cool then I had never been on an app before as I was in relationships so it was all new to me ahah that makes me feel better reading that then . Oh ok thats cool then thank you for that , that really helps . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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