Women initiates the Divorce first

[FMW]

I wish my ex-husband was thriving and living well, I could handle the ding to my ego (probably because I got over the ego thing during the marriage because of the other women). Although I don't want him to be part of my life, I still have love for him and it's painful to think he's NOT doing well, including not having someone to love him.  We were married for 23 years, I'll probably never stop feeling some small level of responsibility for him.  I've never understood taking satisfaction from someone else's unhappiness, especially someone (the generic) you claimed to have loved at one point.  

     

[amerikajin]

On 9/3/2020 at 6:29 PM, FMW said:

I wish my ex-husband was thriving and living well, I could handle the ding to my ego (probably because I got over the ego thing during the marriage because of the other women). Although I don't want him to be part of my life, I still have love for him and it's painful to think he's NOT doing well, including not having someone to love him.  We were married for 23 years, I'll probably never stop feeling some small level of responsibility for him.  I've never understood taking satisfaction from someone else's unhappiness, especially someone (the generic) you claimed to have loved at one point.  

     

Yeah, splitting up doesn't necessarily mean that you stop loving that person. It just means that you stop loving the marriage or the idea of living under the same roof together, which is different. I still cared about my ex-girlfriends as people and it actually makes me feel better if/when I know they're doing well without me.

[amerikajin]

On 9/3/2020 at 5:10 PM, Woggle said:

The only thing that make some women regret a divorce is if their ex is thriving and living well without her. It does sort of hurt their ego a little bit when he isn't a broken shell of a man after the divorce. When he has truly severed that emotional bond from his end they tend to notice. It's even worse if his dating life is going well.

That might be true of female sociopaths, but I hardly think that's true of all women - or men for that matter. Most divorces I know are just a failure to work out differences. I understand your situation was quite different though.

[Woggle]

1 hour ago, amerikajin said:

That might be true of female sociopaths, but I hardly think that's true of all women - or men for that matter. Most divorces I know are just a failure to work out differences. I understand your situation was quite different though.

The funny thing is that when the man actually does something wrong the divorce tends to be more amicable. Another poster said he husband cheated on he multiple times and now she wishes him well. It is because she knows what he did wrong. It's these women who are married to good men but they somehow get it inside their heads that he is this ogre who is holding her back from her true potential that go scorched earth on him. My mother said she couldn't care less about me but refused to give my father custody because she will never let a man win.

[understand50]

Thinking about and maybe even going forward with the first steps, does not mean a divorce will happen.  In my case, I filled out paperwork, talked to a lawyer, and did a SWOT analysis.  (MBA stuff).  In the end I come to the conclusion  that it would be better to try and repair the marriage.  Of course, it takes two, and my wife and I had several talks.  Beginning with, "your behavior is not as if you want to stay married?  Do you? What are you willing to do to make things better?"   I gave her a month to think on it.  In the end she decided, or better, she had never realy wanted to divorce, but just was profoundly depressed and unhappy.  This had led to her overspending and hiding a affair 10 years in the past. 

Getting to the question, I think women decide they can not "take it" any more and look for a change.  Problem is, things are always not as great on the other side.  Not always, but mostly.  They tend to go first, as in our society today, they hold most of the divorce cards.  Men tend to lose more, and unless you have wealth to spare, you are not going to come out well. There is also the fact that your kids and family will go though much pain.  I do not care what age they are.  (kids are adults)  In the end, staying together, can and does work out, but it takes a lot of hard and painful work.  Yes, divorce is painful, but you have the idea you are starting over.  So it NEW. 

Marriage is, and has been for sometime, looked upon as a throwaway  thing.  It is not surprising so many do so?