snowcones Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) MalBA, I'm guessing you're struggling because at one point, he made you feel important and special and that made you feel good and validated, but now that he is with this vastly different girl, it's making you feel like all of that was fake and now you feel invalidated. Don't get caught up in this. Just realize that many men will go with whomever is in front of their face and the easiest at that time. This includes both you and her and whatever other woman he gets with in the future. There is no deep meaning or more meaningful love in any of it. They just go with whatever. Some are just more commitment-minded than others and that has to do with core family values, but outside of that most just go with the opportunity that is the easiest. With men, you just kind of have to ride the wave with them for as long as it's good. Edited August 2, 2020 by snowcones Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 You weren't replaced. He wanted her all along and staged the breakup. Stop following thier social media. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 45 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You weren't replaced. He wanted her all along and staged the breakup. Stop following thier social media. But we had already broken up? Then he met her again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 6 hours ago, MalBA said: how can you say I was a place holder? He himself chose me after his issue with her? He could seldom speak to her on his own while with me hw was comfortable. His friend told me how he would get blank and stare at her hopefully , waiting for a chat. And she has asked him out again which is how he got together. I dont get it. Can't even talk properly but place holder? MalBA, who is he with now? What more evidence do you need? He would stare at her hopefully because he was in love with her. He couldn't have her at the time for whatever reasons there were. He wanted to be with someone for sex, companionship,etc., so he settled for a while, whether it was intentional or not. It doesn't mean he can't be comfortable with you. It doesn't mean that he didn't like you at all. It you just weren't The One. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 1 hour ago, MalBA said: But we had already broken up? Then he met her again. That's right unfortunately. He jumped at the chance to finally be with her. But back to you. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 15 hours ago, MalBA said: . . . had no contact at all for 2 years , All evidence to the contrary. How can you be sure they had no contact for 2 years? Even if he didn't use his phone, there are such things as burner phones, computers, etc. They "got together" way too soon for people who had been out of touch for 2 years Apart from this, you say that your relationship with him was very sexual, kinky, etc. and not much emotional involvement. It sounds to me like he wasn't going to be with you for a long time, he was there for a good time. Quote With me, he was not really doing much except having fun with me and our friends and doing small jobs. We went out a lot and on holidays and outings with friends. Now he's suddenly secured a job and also does research work which he claims she has motivated him a lot. This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when a man is truly in love with a woman. He wants to pull his life together and prepare for a nice future for the both of them. Love is a great motivator. Edited August 2, 2020 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Redhead14 said: All evidence to the contrary. How can you be sure they had no contact for 2 years? Even if he didn't use his phone, there are such things as burner phones, computers, etc. They "got together" way too soon for people who had been out of touch for 2 years Apart from this, you say that your relationship with him was very sexual, kinky, etc. and not much emotional involvement. It sounds to me like he wasn't going to be with you for a long time, he was there for a good time. Because he was living in my country and he never had social media until now except whatsapp. His issues with her were ended on a negative note as he was unable to communicate with her. After our break up, he went back to our college for meeting with his old friend who was started a PHD and he met her there again as she started a masters degree. This friend was there when he met her again and he told me that he had excused himself on seeing her and stood behind her waiting until she saw him and said hello. That's how it began again. Same college, same place just different year and circumstances. Yes our relationship wds indeed sexual and I especially had a lot of interest in oral, kinky sex etc which I like him performing for me or just for us. Edited August 2, 2020 by MalBA Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 12 minutes ago, Redhead14 said: All evidence to the contrary. How can you be sure they had no contact for 2 years? Even if he didn't use his phone, there are such things as burner phones, computers, etc. They "got together" way too soon for people who had been out of touch for 2 years Apart from this, you say that your relationship with him was very sexual, kinky, etc. and not much emotional involvement. It sounds to me like he wasn't going to be with you for a long time, he was there for a good time. This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when a man is truly in love with a woman. He wants to pull his life together and prepare for a nice future for the both of them. Love is a great motivator. But he still did research work and worked here and there when he was with me?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 46 minutes ago, Redhead14 said: MalBA, who is he with now? What more evidence do you need? He would stare at her hopefully because he was in love with her. He couldn't have her at the time for whatever reasons there were. He wanted to be with someone for sex, companionship,etc., so he settled for a while, whether it was intentional or not. It doesn't mean he can't be comfortable with you. It doesn't mean that he didn't like you at all. It you just weren't The One. do you think he intentionaly settled? Because I do know now that when things went haywire with her, he was very angry and frustrated over losing the chance. But his friend still said that he was still having the crush but chose to walk away from her. He met my family, I met his and even add them on socials. So it didn't mean anything? Also he barely knew ger so how can he love her? Just looks? Edited August 2, 2020 by MalBA Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 1 minute ago, MalBA said: Because he was living in my country and he never had social media until now except whatsapp. His issues with her were ended on a negative note as he was unable to communicate with her. After our break up, he went back to our college for meeting with his old friend who was started a PHD and he met her there again as she started a masters degree. This friend was there when he met her again and he told me that he had excused himself on seeing her and stood behind her waiting until she saw him and said hello. That's how it began again Yes our relationship wds indeed sexual and I especially had a lot of interest in oral, kinky sex etc which I like him performing for me or just for us. This guy was never invested in you PERIOD. You were convenient and good enough for the time being. I'm not sure why you would have wanted this guy to be your boyfriend. He didn't have a good job, wasn't really treating you like a girlfriend. Bottom line, he wants this woman and he's with her now. Sex does not bond a man to a woman. They like sex but they don't marry the sex when that's all there is between them and a woman. The want the whole package when they decide a particular woman is The One. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 1 minute ago, Redhead14 said: This guy was never invested in you PERIOD. You were convenient and good enough for the time being. I'm not sure why you would have wanted this guy to be your boyfriend. He didn't have a good job, wasn't really treating you like a girlfriend. Bottom line, he wants this woman and he's with her now. Sex does not bond a man to a woman. They like sex but they don't marry the sex when that's all there is between them and a woman. The want the whole package when they decide a particular woman is The One. but with me he was nice and fun. I'm just amazed how an old crush can take the place ? Wouldn't you think her looks would also lead to more sex? He's literally eye se***g her Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 1 minute ago, MalBA said: do you think he intentionaly settled? Because I do know now that when things went haywire with her, he was very angry and frustrated over losing the chance. But his friend still said that he was still having the crush but chose to walk away from her. He met my family, I met his and even add them on socials. So it didn't mean anything? I can't say it was intentional. It was more about accepting the situation with her and still wanting to move forward and have someone in his life. But, apparently, his feelings for her were still very strong. Did meeting the families mean anything? No, not really. It would have mean't something if things between you were of more quality. This by itself doesn't mean much. You were just his plus 1 for things. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, MalBA said: but with me he was nice and fun. I'm just amazed how an old crush can take the place ? Wouldn't you think her looks would also lead to more sex? He's literally eye se***g her MalBA. Of course, they will have sex. But, it was about more than that for him for him to be holding a torch for her this long. Again, you can spin things, do all the mental gymnastics you're doing but the bottom line is that he is with her now. Do you think you're the only girl who has been dumped for another woman? Men can have tons of fun with a woman. He likes her on some level at least but that doesn't mean that girl is The One for him. Men and women date lots of people before finding The One. And, sometimes there's more than one The One but when they leave you, 99% of the time, you weren't The One Period. Edited August 2, 2020 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 2 minutes ago, Redhead14 said: MalBA. Of course, they will have sex. But, it was about more than that for him for him to be holding a torch for her this long. It could be guilt or feelings or unexplored the one that got away thing? But again how would that translate as love? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 7 minutes ago, MalBA said: but with me he was nice and fun. I'm just amazed how an old crush can take the place ? Wouldn't you think her looks would also lead to more sex? He's literally eye se***g her Well, probably, yes. He's hot for her in every way, it seems, so it follow that they will have a lot of sex. How is that your business? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Redhead14 said: I can't say it was intentional. It was more about accepting the situation with her and still wanting to move forward and have someone in his life. But, apparently, his feelings for her were still very strong. Did meeting the families mean anything? No, not really. It would have mean't something if things between you were of more quality. This by itself doesn't mean much. You were just his plus 1 for things. But we had. Common issues surrounding politics, friends, flying out to see each other, sex etc? Edited August 2, 2020 by MalBA Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 Just now, MalBA said: It could be guilt or feelings or unexplored the one that got away thing? But again how would that translate as love? Listen, after a period time together and really getting to know one another, he or she may decide it's not right. That's always a possibility. Its a process of exploration. But a man who waits as long as this to be with a woman they at least think they love, it's usually a pretty good sign. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 1 minute ago, Redhead14 said: Listen, after a period time together and really getting to know one another, he or she may decide it's not right. That's always a possibility. Its a process of exploration. But a man who waits as long as this to be with a woman they at least think they love, it's usually a pretty good sign. What do you mean by good sign? Edited August 2, 2020 by MalBA Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 2 minutes ago, MalBA said: But we had. Common issues surrounding politics, friends, flying out to see each other, sex etc? So what? You and he can have that with other people too. He did not have the kind of connection with you that he needed to keep him with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 Just now, MalBA said: What do you mean by good sign? A good sign that he knows she's the one he wants and is willing to invest a lot more of himself for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 Just now, Redhead14 said: So what? You and he can have that with other people too. He did not have the kind of connection with you that he needed to keep him with you. Including put families on social and meeting them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 Just now, Redhead14 said: A good sign that he knows she's the one he wants and is willing to invest a lot more of himself for her. I still think its only coz of looks because they didn't know each other when they first met. Unlike us , they were strangers who saw each other and got infatuated right after seeing one another? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 Just now, MalBA said: Including put families on social and meeting them? C'mon. If you think that is the indicator that a man is in love with you, you need a new love meter. That by itself doesn't mean squat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Well, probably, yes. He's hot for her in every way, it seems, so it follow that they will have a lot of sex. How is that your business? I feel replaced because I thought she was my rebound or replacement Link to post Share on other sites
Author MalBA Posted August 2, 2020 Author Share Posted August 2, 2020 Just now, Redhead14 said: C'mon. If you think that is the indicator that a man is in love with you, you need a new love meter. That by itself doesn't mean squat. I mean he came along with his brother to meet me and we add each other so I thought its legit? Link to post Share on other sites
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