stillafool Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 1 minute ago, LaurenEliz said: I only came on here to ask people’s take on something, I don’t deserve this. Sorry Lauren, no one is trying to hurt you here. It's just frustrating for people to continue to tell a poster the same thing over and over and then they come back and ask the same question. Yet you won't answer our questions so we can get a better idea of how to answer you. Have you tried a psychic because all we're doing here is guessing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted November 17, 2020 Author Share Posted November 17, 2020 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Sorry Lauren, no one is trying to hurt you here. It's just frustrating for people to continue to tell a poster the same thing over and over and then they come back and ask the same question. Yet you won't answer our questions so we can get a better idea of how to answer you. Have you tried a psychic because all we're doing here is guessing. Yeah thanks for that. You know what, don’t worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 Lauren, what are you going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted November 17, 2020 Author Share Posted November 17, 2020 2 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: Lauren, what are you going to do? I have no idea which is why I came on here. Thanks for your advice. Will take it on board. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 The advice of virtually everyone on both threads is to confront him. Talk to him. If you can't do that, find a way to live with this other woman in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 Sorry to hear this. You want to hear he has it for some other reason like he 'forgot' to delete it. However knowing you are upset by the situation and asked him to stop romantic contact, unfortunately he didn't forget. It's odd he keeps it on his phone in such a high profile manner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted November 17, 2020 Author Share Posted November 17, 2020 5 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: The advice of virtually everyone on both threads is to confront him. Talk to him. If you can't do that, find a way to live with this other woman in his life. Would you say she’s still in his life even IF they aren’t speaking right now? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 Definitely laying low. You obviously have access to his phone, so text her a photo' of your baby from it with a message saying "Hey Homewrecker, how about not banging my daddy and screwing up the start of my life", and then just wait for the explosion. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 8 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Would you say she’s still in his life even IF they aren’t speaking right now? Yes, definitely. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 3 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: If I knew I wouldn’t be on here asking No, I think you’re hoping to hear a different answer. Your marriage is still way off the rails no matter how you phrase the question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted November 17, 2020 Author Share Posted November 17, 2020 32 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: No, I think you’re hoping to hear a different answer. Your marriage is still way off the rails no matter how you phrase the question. I’m not hoping for a different answer. I’m more than aware that whilst that number is still in his phone he’s not committed to our marriage - it’s just a difficult thing to say outloud. Yes part of me was hoping maybe this break in contact was the end. But by the looks of things if it was the end he would have deleted her. So he’s just laying low. And he still hasn’t told her about the fact he now has another baby Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 I don't think the number not being deleted is as significant as you're making it out to be. Your husband doesn't know you're aware he's in contact with the OW so why would he get rid of her number. Even if he did stop talking to her it probably wouldn't occur to him to delete it. As for your other point, 3 weeks is nothing timewise. The OW may have let him know not to contact her because she's going to be with her family more due to renewed lockdown or some other factor. They may have moved their contact to another method of messaging, something more secret. Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 Lauren, I think you need to get IC to deal with your feelings around your marriage. This is not a happy marriage destroyed by an affair (although he is 100% in the wrong). You were never on the same page about marriage, you were never on the same page about kids. The fact that your marriage has failed doesn’t make you a failure, but you need tools to deal with that. You have enough on your plate with 2 babies - you can’t go chasing after your husband’s phone 24/7 checking if they’re in touch. He will never be a devoted or even reliable husband to you, sorry to say. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 26 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I’m not hoping for a different answer. I’m more than aware that whilst that number is still in his phone he’s not committed to our marriage - it’s just a difficult thing to say outloud. Yes part of me was hoping maybe this break in contact was the end. But by the looks of things if it was the end he would have deleted her. So he’s just laying low. And he still hasn’t told her about the fact he now has another baby It’s just terrible, Lauren. He has a new baby. Such a terrible thing to do. I am very sorry this happened to you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 21 minutes ago, Amethyst68 said: I don't think the number not being deleted is as significant as you're making it out to be. Your husband doesn't know you're aware he's in contact with the OW so why would he get rid of her number. Even if he did stop talking to her it probably wouldn't occur to him to delete it. As for your other point, 3 weeks is nothing timewise. The OW may have let him know not to contact her because she's going to be with her family more due to renewed lockdown or some other factor. They may have moved their contact to another method of messaging, something more secret. Agree with your time wise comment but disagree about it not occurring to him to delete it. According to him, he thinks i think it was deleted three years ago. he’d get rid of it if he was committed to our marriage. See, i do listen to what people say on here. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 6 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: They haven’t been in contact for three weeks. Which I know isn’t a long time but that’s why I’m asking on here whether he is just lying low or it’s over He kept it the last time to contact her. He still has it for the same reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 Lauren Eliz can you quickly give some context for people who did not get to see your first thread. Did you tell him to delete the #? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 For those pushing Lauren to "deal with this now" I'd just remind all that she has a baby who's only a few months old to deal with. That's why she's waited thus far and IMO it's reasonable to wait even longer OR to not wait, depending on how she feels. At the risk of stating something that should be incredibly obvious, the prospect of dealing with a new baby on your own is NOT something to be taken lightly. Your vicarious moral outrage is NOT a reason for her to "hurry things up" unless she feels the need to do so. I do think Lauren is on the verge of action, but I don't think a reasonable person would blame her for postponing further in these circumstances. Comparisons to Edith are so extremely premature it's ridiculous IMO. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 She is “sleeping with one eye open” in order to try and catch him or stop him from contacting the OW. She is not caring for the baby while also planning a future without her husband. She is hoping that he somehow will stop wanting the OW and start wanting her, when he never wanted to get married in the first place and certainly never wanted a second child (which she knew). She needs to mentally start moving forward even if she is physically and financially still going to be with her husband for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 3 minutes ago, mark clemson said: the prospect of dealing with a new baby on your own is NOT something to be taken lightly. Good point. The action to be taken right now is probably setting up a consultation with an attorney and getting an idea of what her financial situation might look like if she eventually decides to divorce. Of course it's not all about the money, but financial security and stability goes a long way toward peace of mind. Having a co-parent in the home with you is great, but the anxiety over what's really going with her husband might pretty much erase any benefit it provides. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 Have you considered marriage therapy? Adjusting to a new baby on top of the general lack of communication and trust can slowly but surely erode things. Number or no number, your marriage is in peril. Focus on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 I dont remember, but did he put her under another contact or is she listed still as herself? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 At some level, it seems you know the number thing is just a symptom of long standing unaddressed marital problems. Rather than passivity monitoring his phone, start with individual counseling and then marriage counseling to address the underlying issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 Thanks everyone for your comments. It was a simple thing I asked your opinion on is he laying low and that’s why he’s kept her there or is it done and he doesn’t care if her number is there or not. instead I get told about my marriage problems (yes clearly my marriage is in peril) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted November 18, 2020 Author Share Posted November 18, 2020 42 minutes ago, Starswillshine said: I dont remember, but did he put her under another contact or is she listed still as herself? Under a mans name. But it’s on whatsapp so the photo is of her Link to post Share on other sites
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