S2B Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 7 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I never said old phone? It’s always been in his phone? in just asking if it’s possible to keep the number of a woman you had an emotional/physical affair with, without the intention of using it because I see no point in that He kept the number because he intended to use it. It’s as simple as that. What do you plan to do to change this situation? IF he really cared about never hurting you again he would have eliminated the number! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 13 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I wouldn’t call him calling to hear her voice actively pursuing her or do you think that’s him taking steps to contact her again YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! This is him actively pursing her. What is it going to take for you to wake up & accept that he will always chose her? Would you finally believe if you caught them having sex in your bed? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I wouldn’t call him calling to hear her voice actively pursuing her or do you think that’s him taking steps to contact her again I would. You seem very hung up on the meaning behind the number. That is not very important, imo, right now. You have evidence to suggest that he is using it to contact her, even if a little, and is. I am sure he is a lot! Why continue to rack your brain over the meaning of the number? Meaning is pointless. The action of him using that number, in any capacity, is what matters. It is plain wrong. Destructive to your marriage. Edited June 23, 2020 by Stevnx3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 Ok guys I’m going to take some time to myself because I feel like I’m snapping at people and it’s truely not meant, my heads just a total mess. I thought maybe because he hasn’t contacted her for a while that maybe it was over. THEN I discovered the number. AND now I find a couple of call records that last seconds. Long enough to hear her voice. Yes I understand you’re frustrated at me concentrating on her number. To me her number isn’t just some digits. It’s actually her. It’s a link to her and one he hasn’t got rid of whether they are speaking or not. Despite what you may think I am screenshotting everything you are all saying and I am grateful. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I'm glad you are going to take some time for yourself. I apologize for snapping at you too, You're right I was growing frustrated & that is not helpful. Again if it was an unused number, I could go with too lazy to delete but since you now have proof that he's been calling her you have to face what that means. Sorry. You will get through this as soon as you decide you have had enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 No don’t apologise. I don’t know part of me thought maybe he just left it there without ever planning to use it, and I think that’s why I came on here to ask if that was possible. I came on here for honesty and im glad I’m getting it Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 23 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: No don’t apologise. I don’t know part of me thought maybe he just left it there without ever planning to use it, and I think that’s why I came on here to ask if that was possible. I came on here for honesty and im glad I’m getting it Lauren. Do not worry. I do not feel like you are snapping at anyone. This is a very confusing time; your head is out of order, and sometimes asking the same thing over and over is a way to deal with it. I am definitely not frustrated with you. I am intrigued. You are very kind, and it hurts to see someone who is as nice and willing to forgive as you continue to suffer needlessly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 20 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Lauren. Do not worry. I do not feel like you are snapping at anyone. This is a very confusing time; your head is out of order, and sometimes asking the same thing over and over is a way to deal with it. I am definitely not frustrated with you. I am intrigued. You are very kind, and it hurts to see someone who is as nice and willing to forgive as you continue to suffer needlessly. Thanks for your kind words. So the bare bones of it is if it were over he would have deleted her number. There’s no way he’d keep it for zero reason Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 17 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Thanks for your kind words. So the bare bones of it is if it were over he would have deleted her number. There’s no way he’d keep it for zero reason Correct. He is still contacting her and who knows what else? Maybe not entirely now, but I am sure that it will be physical before you know it...it already was... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Next time you get a chance to look at his phone, look for messaging apps he may use to contact her. Does he have a tablet a laptop a PC? Do you have a garage, a gym, an outside space? Some guys have burner phones and hide them in places their wives /gfs never go. One guy used to spend a lot of time in his garage doing "manly" type stuff but he was actually spending a lot of time phoning his OW in there...revealed when she found his burner phone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 He hasn’t been in contact with her until now. Please believe me on this. This isn’t me wishful thinking it’s because a) I know he sticks his head in the sand about everything. He’s gone days without speaking to me before. He is frightened to tell her I’m pregnant so I think he’s kept her number for when the time is right b) we live in the uk and have been in lockdown at my parents house. I watch him like a hawk and he knows it. He rang her the other night because for once he was by himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 4 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: He hasn’t been in contact with her until now. Please believe me on this. This isn’t me wishful thinking it’s because a) I know he sticks his head in the sand about everything. He’s gone days without speaking to me before. He is frightened to tell her I’m pregnant so I think he’s kept her number for when the time is right b) we live in the uk and have been in lockdown at my parents house. I watch him like a hawk and he knows it. He rang her the other night because for once he was by himself. This is a negative. He is just bidding his time for moments like this my dear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I asses people by what they do when no one is looking. he seems to fail on this one. When you’re not able to pay attention - he’s gonna do what he wants (which is to contact her)...knowing full well it hurts you and the relationship. and many times - just ringing someone is code for “let’s meet at our usual spot”. No need for a conversation if the have an agreement on place/time set up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 17 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: This is a negative. He is just bidding his time for moments like this my dear Would you say he’s just biding his time to get back intouch with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 1 minute ago, LaurenEliz said: Would you say he’s just biding his time to get back intouch with her? Well, the thing is he is already in touch with her, even if in subtle ways. I imagine he is waiting on covid-19 and lockdowns so he can go see her physically. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 3 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Well, the thing is he is already in touch with her, even if in subtle ways. I imagine he is waiting on covid-19 and lockdowns so he can go see her physically. She’s in a different part of the country right now so I’m just talking about over the phone Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 (edited) The reason we're getting frustrated is because you are literally asking the same 2 questions over & over, and we keep answering the same way every time. Why do you do this? are you looking for a different answer? Is your denial that deep? Yes, he has her number because he wants HER. Yes, everything he does proves that. Yes, he will go see her as soon as it's possible. He's in love with her. Of course he will moon over her until he can see her again. You have GOT to get your head out of your arse and accept this. Then you can figure out what to do. Edited June 23, 2020 by Crazelnut Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 UK lockdown, going out for exercise is allowed, do you go with him? Is he working from home or furloughed? Lockdown in England is easing Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 7 minutes ago, elaine567 said: UK lockdown, going out for exercise is allowed, do you go with him? Is he working from home or furloughed? Lockdown in England is easing I go with him and he’s working from home. I literally watch him like a hawk on WhatsApp. And he’s not on his phone when he’s at home. I’m aware lockdown in uk is easing. People on here in just asking you to believe that I know the mental state my husband gets in when he can’t handle things. He shuts everyone out and he hasn’t spoken to her for a couple of months. I know this completely for fact so I’d appreciate it if you all didn’t question that side of things. The number still being there? Yes it’s there because he is going to reestablish contact I am listening to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 I have almost caught him twice before. About 7 months ago. Sneaking off with his phone. I said something I shouldn’t have said to him I told him that if I catch him I will take away our son. That’s the reason I know. Is he trapped in this marriage? Maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 He's not trapped. A divorce lawyer is only a phone call away He married you out of obligation & probably feels that the honorable thing to do is stay for the kids. He doesn't realize that is making everything worse. Try telling him you release him. See if he can truly commit to staying away from her. I don't think he can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 I just want people on here to understand that out of everything that’s happening I know for a fact he hasn’t spoken to her until now. I know he had a drink the night he called, maybe he didn’t mean it? Or when you are drunk is that when the truth comes out? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Drinking lowers your inhibitions. . . liquid courage. It does not make you do things you didn't otherwise want to do. You really have to stop making excuses & trying to find ways to make this OK. It's not. He wants her more then he wants you. Knowing that why are you still sticking around? Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Is it just me or is anyone else getting flashbacks to Edith's threads here. OP do yourself a favour and go and read her threads to see what ignoring this type of thing does. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Drinking lowers your inhibitions. . . liquid courage. It does not make you do things you didn't otherwise want to do. You really have to stop making excuses & trying to find ways to make this OK. It's not. He wants her more then he wants you. Knowing that why are you still sticking around? I know it’s not ok. Honestly? I thought maybe he was done with her. My husband emotionally shuts off to people even ones he loves (I’m including her). I’m not making an excuse for him I’m just trying to make people understand I know that he has been silent with her. I thought he didn’t have her number and I thought it was over. Then I found he has her number. And then I wondered would he just keep it as sentiment? Which yes is a risk. And then I came back down to earth and realised he wouldn’t keep it for no reason Link to post Share on other sites
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