Author LaurenEliz Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 Hi, thanks for responding. He doesn’t know I know just yet..I guess I’m trying to think for myself why that number would still be there. What I’m about to ask might sound stupid but my head is abit of a mess so maybe I need to hear other people tell me..he wouldn’t just leave the number in and not use it would he? I mean this isn’t just any number this is a link to her Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 Just my opinion, your husband should be making every effort to show you that he's done with the affair. He violated your trust and should be showing you through is actions that the affair is over. You shouldn't have to tell him to take her number out of his telephone. He should welcome you to see there is nothing to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 It doesn't matter if he doesn't use her phone number to contact her. It's disrespectful and he should be showing you that you can trust him. He should want to remove it without having to be asked to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 5 minutes ago, skywriter said: Just my opinion, your husband should be making every effort to show you that he's done with the affair. He violated your trust and should be showing you through is actions that the affair is over. You shouldn't have to tell him to take her number out of his telephone. He should welcome you to see there is nothing to hide. Agreed. I haven’t told him I know yet. I’m just trying to think why it could still be there and it’s either he’s in contact with her or he’s planning to be Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 The only reason I leave the phone number of an ex on my phone is for caller ID. I want to see if he's calling, so I don't pick up. But given the circumstances, leaving her number in his phone says he doesn't really care that much about making you feel safe or making the marriage work. Let me ask you this ... is he genuinely pushing to go to MC and make your marriage work, or is he going along with it because that's what YOU want? Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 When you find out, what boundaries did you set in place? What has he been doing to earn your trust back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 Yeah thanks for posting this. I found out that I posted in the wrong sub yesterday even though I got some great comments. Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 Just remember Lauren, ultimately you will have to confront him with this. Doesn't have to be anything that can cause a fight. But he had an EA and must at least show you that you can trust him. As other posters mentioned. This would require steps such as deleting her number. Since indeed trust has been broken, it would be impossible for you to simply believe that he left the number there and is not contacting her ( again, this could be a possibility too), but you have no way to believe it to be so So deleting it would be the starting step to regaining your trust and bringing peace to this matter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 Probably because he’s having an emotional affair and apparently only stopped bc he was caught 😔 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Probably because he’s having an emotional affair and apparently only stopped bc he was caught 😔 Hi, thanks for responding if it were truely over he wouldn’t keep the number would he? Any honesty/opinions valued thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 18 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Just remember Lauren, ultimately you will have to confront him with this. Doesn't have to be anything that can cause a fight. But he had an EA and must at least show you that you can trust him. As other posters mentioned. This would require steps such as deleting her number. Since indeed trust has been broken, it would be impossible for you to simply believe that he left the number there and is not contacting her ( again, this could be a possibility too), but you have no way to believe it to be so So deleting it would be the starting step to regaining your trust and bringing peace to this matter. Hi again, nice to see you. I posted in this sub because I got a message saying I posted in incorrect sub..I agree there is no reason for him to have the number 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Hi again, nice to see you. I posted in this sub because I got a message saying I posted in incorrect sub..I agree there is no reason for him to have the number I saw. Well. You are in the right place. Plenty of helpful posters here who have been in both shoes. You will have to communicate to him this, well, eventually. Even if he continues in another form, eventually it would come out. But for now, his first step is getting rid of that number. It would only be right and ease your mind over it. I hope he does for your little one and both of your sakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 Thank you I guess I’m just trying to take a little step at a time and right now I’m trying to think of reasons why that number is there. I know I keep asking the same question but it’s because I don’t see it as a number, I see it as her. Everyone has has been so honest and nice on here, I guess I just like knowing other people’s opinions. It makes me feel less crazy. My opinion is that he’s keeping it for a reason 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Thank you I guess I’m just trying to take a little step at a time and right now I’m trying to think of reasons why that number is there. I know I keep asking the same question but it’s because I don’t see it as a number, I see it as her. Everyone has has been so honest and nice on here, I guess I just like knowing other people’s opinions. It makes me feel less crazy. My opinion is that he’s keeping it for a reason Excellent. Well, it is a good forum for a host of different things. Stick around and one day you may be able to help someone in a position similar to what you are going through now. Not much longer you will have greater forum access. Anyway I am rambling. I wish you the best! I'll be here lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 (edited) On 6/17/2020 at 5:14 AM, LaurenEliz said: Three months later, I’ve just discovered he still has her number. Why would he have it if it were over? Well that’s the thing, I would say that he kept it because he may need it again someday... But after your reading your most recent comment, it is perhaps a little naive to think that they ended contact. It sounds like they were quite involved with each other. Edited June 19, 2020 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 3 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: Agreed. I haven’t told him I know yet. I’m just trying to think why it could still be there and it’s either he’s in contact with her or he’s planning to be 1 hour ago, LaurenEliz said: if it were truely over he wouldn’t keep the number would he? Any honesty/opinions valued thanks You might consider if there's any way you could check phone records to find out if that number was used anytime recently. Or do you have separate accounts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 7 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Well that’s the thing, I would say that he kept it because he may need it again someday... But after your reading your most recent comment, it is perhaps a little naive to think that they ended contact. It sounds like they were quite involved with each other. Hi, oh 100%. I’d be lying if the messages weren’t very emotional/meaningful. I believe he maybe has cut contact for now due to what’s happening at home. And the fact he could lose her. However I think if this was permanently then the number would have been deleted Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, mark clemson said: You might consider if there's any way you could check phone records to find out if that number was used anytime recently. Or do you have separate accounts? We have separate accounts. I do believe it hasn’t been used recently but I also believe he has kept it for a reason Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 (edited) Hmmm. No easy answers here. IF you don't ask him to delete the # and then you think he may be in contact, then insisting that he (consents to) let you see his phone records might be a way to confirm things. However, that seems more convoluted than simply asking the #s be deleted, etc. Edited June 19, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 Totally see what you’re saying. I’m actually screenshotting everyone’s helpful responses so I can look at later when my head isn’t so messy. All I can think of right now is why that number is in his phone. I know o have to ask him, I’m just trying to think of what possible reason it could be Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 28 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I do believe it hasn’t been used recently... Why do you think that? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 2 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: Totally see what you’re saying. I’m actually screenshotting everyone’s helpful responses so I can look at later when my head isn’t so messy. All I can think of right now is why that number is in his phone. I know o have to ask him, I’m just trying to think of what possible reason it could be It could be anything my dear. Why, he could have it for a cushion for his fall, if should things turn real sour with all this. It could be that he has extremely strong feelings for her and doesn't quite want to lose her. Yet at the same time wants to keep you ( for any reason, kids ) Really, Lauren, you are and deserve better than this. I hope you get that. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 OP, I've been married almost 23 years now, and about ten years ago, my husband had an affair, we reconciled, and for the most part, we're fine. There is something about your story that makes me not trust your partner, beyond just the texts. I could be wrong, but I do think he and this OW had a physical affair, at least at one time. I would also question why he still has her number. I know there4's nothing wrong with keeping that sort of i9nformation, but since he cheated with her, the situation is different. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 Hi, thank you for sharing your story, sorry you e been through this. I agree, if it was over between them, why would he still have her number Link to post Share on other sites
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