Guys should not give women their phone number

[Ami1uwant]

On 6/9/2020 at 8:51 PM, Watercolors said:

...because it makes them seem "lazy," like the woman isn't worth the effort of asking her for her phone number. Sure, guys offer their phone number to women because they are shy, its 2020 and social media and online dating has changed courtship somewhat, or they are trying to impress the woman with their business card to show her that they are gainfully employed, therefore worth dating. 

Yesterday, when I was at the store, the lock on my SUV suddenly decided to stop working. A guy walked by and then grabbed my keys and pretended to run off with them but then came back. He tried to fix my lock and told me he has his own flooring business. He did fix the lock (which was great) and then he left. I was sitting in my SUV responding to some texts and he drives up in his business van and hands me his business card and tells me to call him to go out. I told him that I don't drink or smoke and am fairly low key. He responded, "Oh well I'm a wild guy you'll get used to it." Um, what?! 

I thanked him for his business card and then threw it away. I just think if he's that cocky, he probably gives his business card out to a lot of women. Had he asked me for my phone number, I definitely would have given it to him. Why can't men just ask women for their phone number anymore? Even if men give women their business card, there's a 50/50 chance she won't call which is the same if a he asks for her phone number -- she may reject him. Is romance dead?! I think it's sweet for a man to ask a woman for her phone number. Where are those men? 

 

 

Through my years of dating...I always give me phone number to her out of respect to her privacy.  If you give me my number, if it’s not a fake, prople with internet can dig up private info on you such as your address or where you work.

giving you the number put the ball in your court.

 

in his case bring a business owner it’s a way of networking even without any relationship with you..it could be work for him from you or you say something to a friend.

[salparadise]

8 hours ago, princessaurora said:

I don't like this guy. Everything he did...

Walt wouldn't have either. In your next movie, you could turn him into a mouse and have a big orange cat chasing him.

Edited June 11, 2020 by salparadise

[princessaurora]

6 hours ago, salparadise said:

Walt wouldn't have either. In your next movie, you could turn him into a mouse and have a big orange cat chasing him.

Not me, only my aunts can do that. But if they turn him into a mouse, I can perch him on my arm and sing to him for hours on end. ☺️

Edited June 11, 2020 by princessaurora
add emoji

[SumGuy]

On 6/10/2020 at 4:03 AM, contel3 said:

I guess it depends on the situation. The guy you're talking about was a bit tacky.

But if it was done in a respectful way I would think it's nice. But then I really dislike guys aggressively hitting on me, makes me feel unsafe. My experience has been exactly the opposite as yours, guys who pursue me too hard often turn out to be controlling and mean.

So if the purpose to give me his number was to not make me feel uncomfortable, I would absolutely reach out.

This.  
There is no magic augury if he asks for your number or he gives you his. 

Frankly as a woman meeting a stranger, I’d rather have his full name and a number so can readily vet him.  

The converse if you gave him just your first name and number, one can find where you live, and have lived for free in 15 min if you know what you are doing, and a lot more if spent an hour, and you have any sort of mortgage or any sort of professional life or went to college.  
 

I’d rather preserve my anonymity until figure out if the guy is sketchy, the inconvenience of calling him seems a small price to pay.  
 

Alas, sweet dreams are made of these...who am I to disagree. 

[Ellener]

2 hours ago, SumGuy said:

There is no magic augury if he asks for your number or he gives you his. 

I meet a few men who do silly stuff like this guy, it's just braggadocious flirting. 'Trying it on' we used to say. The one time someone super-confident came over and I did give him my number he sent random drunken texts asking to come over for sex. At least he was honest! But- no. I was in therapy at the time and my doctor said it's an obvious sign of a lack of social skills, approaching someone inappropriately. 

 

 

 

 

[basil67]

In response to the title "Men Should Not Give Women Their Phone Number", I would disagree.    A) They aren't hurting anyone and B) they are doing what they think is right or are comfortable with.    That his choice may not be the preference of some women doesn't make the act of the man wrong.  

Aside from acts which cause harm to others, putting the word "should" on human behaviour is far too dictatorial for my liking.  

[Watercolors]

4 hours ago, SumGuy said:

Frankly as a woman meeting a stranger, I’d rather have his full name and a number so can readily vet him.  

The converse if you gave him just your first name and number, one can find where you live, and have lived for free in 15 min if you know what you are doing, and a lot more if spent an hour, and you have any sort of mortgage or any sort of professional life or went to college.  
 

I’d rather preserve my anonymity until figure out if the guy is sketchy, the inconvenience of calling him seems a small price to pay.  

Me too. I did "vet" him. I threw away his business card after I did a quick search of his name on my cellphone. Nothing with his name or his flooring business phone number even appeared in Google search. That was a huge red flag for me. Most everyone is on social media -- including entrepreneurs. A business card with a name and phone number is sketchy, at best. No "name" for his flooring business was on his card. So, just because he told me he owned a flooring business and drove a white van, I should believe him? 

And yes, he unjammed my SUV's trunk lock but I wasn't expecting him to do that. He saw me struggling to get my trunk open, grabbed my keys from me and pretended to run away from me, then came back and inserted himself into my jammed lock dilemma. Then came back and told me he was wild, I'd get used to it, and gave me his business card and told me to call him. 
 

2 hours ago, Ellener said:

I meet a few men who do silly stuff like this guy, it's just braggadocious flirting. 'Trying it on' we used to say. The one time someone super-confident came over and I did give him my number he sent random drunken texts asking to come over for sex.

It was very braggadocios flirting and I did envision him doing something similar to your scenario -- sending me inappropriate texts were I to give him my cell phone number. Maybe he's a 50 year old guy with zero social skills. I have no clue. 

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

In response to the title "Men Should Not Give Women Their Phone Number", I would disagree.    A) They aren't hurting anyone and B) they are doing what they think is right or are comfortable with.    That his choice may not be the preference of some women doesn't make the act of the man wrong.  

A) Hard to generalize that all men are innocent until proven guilty. I had no idea if this guy's intentions with me were innocent just because he jumped in and unjammed my SUV trunk lock. Appearances can be deceiving and it's hard to know what would have happened had I called him and went out on a date with him. B) Again, that is quite a generalization my friend that all men are doing what they think is right -- when they give a woman their phone number. 

Like I posted before in this thread. All the men who gave me their phone number throughout the years, turned out to be commitment-phones, players, and only viewed me as a temporary option. They didn't have to pursue me because they gave me their phone number. I called them first. They made me wait to hear from them and everything was usually on their terms and when I would set boundaries, they would balk and break up with me or give me the silent treatment. So, the lesson this has taught me: do not take a man's phone number. Just wait for a man to ask me for my phone number. No, there's no guarantee he'll be a good guy because he asked me for my phone number, but the odds are ever in my favor if he does ask ('he' in the general sense). 

Edited June 12, 2020 by Watercolors
editing

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Watercolors said:

A) Hard to generalize that all men are innocent until proven guilty. I had no idea if this guy's intentions with me were innocent just because he jumped in and unjammed my SUV trunk lock. Appearances can be deceiving and it's hard to know what would have happened had I called him and went out on a date with him. B) Again, that is quite a generalization my friend that all men are doing what they think is right -- when they give a woman their phone number. 

A) A man who gives his number to a woman is not committing a crime.  There's no guilt to be proven.   Likewise, it's hard to know what would have happen if he asked for your number and took you on a date.    

B) If they aren't doing something they think is right or are comfortable with, then what are they doing?  And how would that differ from a man who asks for a number?

Giving or taking numbers is only about who makes initial contact.  The moment the contact is made, it's all the same.

 

Edited June 12, 2020 by basil67

[Watercolors]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

Giving or taking numbers is only about who makes initial contact.  The moment the contact is made, it's all the same

No it’s not the same. Not at all. 

[QuietRiot]

8 hours ago, Watercolors said:

Me too. I did "vet" him. I threw away his business card after I did a quick search of his name on my cellphone. Nothing with his name or his flooring business phone number even appeared in Google search. That was a huge red flag for me. Most everyone is on social media -- including entrepreneurs. A business card with a name and phone number is sketchy, at best. No "name" for his flooring business was on his card. So, just because he told me he owned a flooring business and drove a white van, I should believe him? 

And yes, he unjammed my SUV's trunk lock but I wasn't expecting him to do that. He saw me struggling to get my trunk open, grabbed my keys from me and pretended to run away from me, then came back and inserted himself into my jammed lock dilemma. Then came back and told me he was wild, I'd get used to it, and gave me his business card and told me to call him. 
 

It was very braggadocios flirting and I did envision him doing something similar to your scenario -- sending me inappropriate texts were I to give him my cell phone number. Maybe he's a 50 year old guy with zero social skills. I have no clue. 

A) Hard to generalize that all men are innocent until proven guilty. I had no idea if this guy's intentions with me were innocent just because he jumped in and unjammed my SUV trunk lock. Appearances can be deceiving and it's hard to know what would have happened had I called him and went out on a date with him. B) Again, that is quite a generalization my friend that all men are doing what they think is right -- when they give a woman their phone number. 

Like I posted before in this thread. All the men who gave me their phone number throughout the years, turned out to be commitment-phones, players, and only viewed me as a temporary option. They didn't have to pursue me because they gave me their phone number. I called them first. They made me wait to hear from them and everything was usually on their terms and when I would set boundaries, they would balk and break up with me or give me the silent treatment. So, the lesson this has taught me: do not take a man's phone number. Just wait for a man to ask me for my phone number. No, there's no guarantee he'll be a good guy because he asked me for my phone number, but the odds are ever in my favor if he does ask ('he' in the general sense). 

Really? You dismissed a guy simply because he didn't appear in a Google search? That's laughable. No wonder you're still single.  The level of paranoia with you is outrageous!

Quote

A) A man who gives his number to a woman is not committing a crime.  There's no guilt to be proven.   Likewise, it's hard to know what would have happen if he asked for your number and took you on a date.

 

Yeah,  as I was reading through this thread...I was just shaking my head...it's no reason women keep themselves into a life of spinster-hood. If you're making THAT big of a thing of it about simply exchanging contact info...then you have bigger problems. 

 No, there's no guarantee he'll be a good guy because he asked me for my phone number

Right, which pretty much negates the entirety of this whole thread. The guy could be a wack job regardless.

Edited June 12, 2020 by QuietRiot

[QuietRiot]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

A) A man who gives his number to a woman is not committing a crime.  There's no guilt to be proven.   Likewise, it's hard to know what would have happen if he asked for your number and took you on a date.    

B) If they aren't doing something they think is right or are comfortable with, then what are they doing?  And how would that differ from a man who asks for a number?

Giving or taking numbers is only about who makes initial contact.  The moment the contact is made, it's all the same.

 

Apparently it IS a crime to some women. There's just a certain amount of demonizing men going on here in some of these posts. It's all speculative and reeks of paranoia. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, QuietRiot said:

Apparently it IS a crime to some women. There's just a certain amount of demonizing men going on here in some of these posts. It's all speculative and reeks of paranoia. 

Well, yes the OP makes it clear she thinks it's a crime for a guy to give a number.  But you earlier you said that women who like to be given a number are paranoid.  So basically, you think women on both sides of the argument are wrong.   You make it really tough for guys to ask you out.

Edited June 12, 2020 by basil67

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

No it’s not the same. Not at all. 

why?

[QuietRiot]

24 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Well, yes the OP makes it clear she thinks it's a crime for a guy to give a number.  But you earlier you said that women who like to be given a number are paranoid.  So basically, you think women on both sides of the argument are wrong.   You make it really tough for guys to ask you out.

Well...THAT said..it winds up being a conundrum. lol

[basil67]

There's no conundrum.  The man does as he thinks is right and the cards fall where they do

[simpycurious]

He definitely THINKS/THOUGHT that he is smoooooooooooth.  You have to give him a few kudos for trying.  Don't put much thought into it because you either are or are not interested.  He probably should have asked for your phone though.

[QuietRiot]

18 minutes ago, basil67 said:

There's no conundrum.  The man does as he thinks is right and the cards fall where they do

Sorry, I guess conundrum wasn't the right word. 

[Cookiesandough]

28 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

He definitely THINKS/THOUGHT that he is smoooooooooooth.  You have to give him a few kudos for trying.  Don't put much thought into it because you either are or are not interested.  He probably should have asked for your phone though.

Agree. He was too cocky and that mixed with giving number puts a lot of women off. Personally, I think he should have politely said he’d love go out sometime and see how she responded and take it from there. But the truth is that some guys are afraid of asking a woman for her number; so they take the easy way for their ego and say here’s my number. If she calls, she’s prob super interested in him so he can avoid rejection.. Maybe he wants her to use his locksmith services again so he gave her the card. I prob wouldn’t call this guy

[simpycurious]

Agreed^^, I don't get the whole "being timid or unsure" thing.  If you are interested just be bold and if it doesn't work out NO biggie.  What I do see A LOT are the women doing the "approaching" and I have to say some of them are BOLD.  

[Watercolors]

11 hours ago, basil67 said:

Well, yes the OP makes it clear she thinks it's a crime for a guy to give a number.  But you earlier you said that women who like to be given a number are paranoid.  So basically, you think women on both sides of the argument are wrong.   You make it really tough for guys to ask you out.

Basil one thing I've noticed in my thread that you simply post to be heard, but you never post to converse. You just want to state your opinion as the 'right' one and everyone else be damned if they disagree with you. Not very good for a conversation. You have made assumptions about me despite everything I've said, that are simply wrong. That's unfortunate that you choose to converse that way with people you don't know. 

[SumGuy]

@Watercolors oh I do agree 100% with you passing on this guy, he has a whole bunch of warning signs in my book...

[Watercolors]

13 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

@Watercolors oh I do agree 100% with you passing on this guy, he has a whole bunch of warning signs in my book...

Thanks SumGuy. Yes, his behavior definitely was full of warning signs that he would be a mess of trouble for me. And I don't need or deserve that. 

[gaius]

Courting a woman is a lot like playing a song. You want to hit all the right notes and keep the timing perfect.

When you give your number to a woman instead of asking for hers you end up sounding like a 14 year old practicing the tuba in your parents garage. Who wants to listen to that? Nobody. This guy was in his 50's? How many years is it going to take him to figure it out? 100? Come on now.

Speaking of courting a woman, the 5th anniversary celebration of my wife and I's first date is tomorrow and I intend to put on a full concert for her. So goodnight all. Time for sleep. 😴

 

[amaysngrace]

My guy and I exchanged numbers the day I lost my job and he walked me out to my car.  He mentioned taking me to lunch someday when the pandemic was over and also told me to text him sometime.  I took it as a sign that he wanted me to reach out possibly to gauge my interest level but also maybe not to come on too strong?  I really have no idea but I did text him about a week later.

Actually I took his and some other guy’s number because the other guy at work was taking over my client base and I somehow mixed up the names and the numbers so texted the wrong guy first thinking it was my guy.

That was kinda awkward telling the one guy that I was trying to reach the other guy but he seemed cool with it enough.  

Anyway I’m glad I texted him, we’ve been a thing ever since.  A very good thing 

[CaliforniaGirl]

Either way I really wouldn't like this guy's style. The whole thing about him grabbing the keys out of the OP's hands and pretending to steal them (what??? Touch me again, boy, make my day), invasively "fixing" the lock (without even asking? WTF?) and driving up and tossing the business card and saying he's wild...yeah. Screw loose.

The OP is good with forgetting about it but let's see what happens the next time he looms up on a stranger, grabs things from her, starts to run away with the item, etc. He's going to wind up messing with the wrong woman. He'll grab some lady's purse she's trying to open and her husband will come out at that moment or something. He'd better dammed hope that's not a very big, very angry husband. You don't lay your HANDS on a stranger, a woman you don't know. Because it's hilarious and such a turn on. What the hell?

I mean that is all so screwed up I don't even know what end to pick it up by.

Now, standing in line together or something, a casual conversation, "I like you but don't want to put you on the spot...so if you'd like to continue this conversation, give me a call, I'd love to take you out for coffee," or something equally adult, interesting/interested, non-psychotic and involving no running up to grab people's property in order to turn them on might be more the ticket.

Edited June 13, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl