Should I send her a letter explaining my feeling after being rejected (ish). First time being rejected (ish)

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, Pulasari said:

(kindly refer to my prepared letter in the previous page. Thank you).

^this. That's one reason why people shouldn't write stuff...

[Pulasari]

Dear all,

After reading through all of your comments, I've decided that:

1. I will move on and not contacting her anymore. No letter. No recipe. Just AWOL.
2. I will look for another girl to build by experience with (local/international).
3. I should stop this negative loop.
4. Next time, I should stop texting a girl too much and make my move a soon as possible.
5. She was not into me, that's fine. It was not her fault, not mine as well.
6. I'm not going to do the same mistake anymore.
7. If she wants to contact me, she'll make her move. I wont be the one initiating the conversation.
8. Case close... I will let her go. To much of a burden.

Thank you very much everyone. Just hit me hard that she does not own me s***, she can reject whoever she wants... and I was one of them.

1. And... I will not over invest in a girl/woman so early. I should keep my options open, because she might end up not being worth it anyway.

Basta. Done.

[Pulasari]

Thank you

@Ellener

@schlumpy

@smackie9

@Emilie Jolie

@Cookiesandough

@preraph

@Fox Sake

@rjc149

@simpycurious

I think I have everyone here.

So yeah, I will not text her and move on to another girl/woman that deserve my affection and admiration.

This girl was blind, and I was an amateur... good combination for a wonderful rejection.

Anyhow, thank you everyone for sharing witj me your thoughts and words of wisdom. I would have done some stupid things in pursuing love which was not there.

I wish you all, the best in life. Till we meet again for another round of problem solving from me :).

Good day and... à la prochaine fois.

Edited May 30, 2020 by Pulasari
Typo

[smackie9]

Best of luck my friend Stay safe!

[Pulasari]

P/s: so many typos in my previous messages. Really hard making sure stuffs are grammatically correct etc.

Pp/s: Your thoughtfulness is a gift I will always treasure. Thank you.

[Fox Sake]

Good luck! And well done for opening your eyes so fast

[Emilie Jolie]

You steadied your own ship! Bonne route, Capitaine

[Pulasari]

10 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Best of luck my friend Stay safe!

Thank you. I will keep you guys updates for any exciting updates from my side.

Thank you @smackie9 for your advice. Stay safe and keep on helping others like me 😅

[Pulasari]

12 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

Good luck! And well done for opening your eyes so fast

I reread every single post... and made much more sense. I'm a man, so better act like one, and move on.

Not bad for my first rejection, will surely work more on my confession next time.

I was like a broken type machine (funny because this guy's in the navy -reservist- had comm issue with girls/women), uttering things that were hard to comprehend to a girl.

Thank you again @Fox Sake

[Pulasari]

7 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

You steadied your own ship! Bonne route, Capitaine

With everyone's help. I'd crash the ship if I chose to think with my heart. Allez, on avance!

Thank you @Emilie Jolie

[Emilie Jolie]

17 minutes ago, Pulasari said:

With everyone's help. I'd crash the ship if I chose to think with my heart. Allez, on avance!

Thank you @Emilie Jolie

Any decision you would have taken would have been the right one. This one is the right one, because you own it. That's it. That's the secret. Bonne suite!

[preraph]

Come back any time for any reason!  

[Pulasari]

Dear all,

First of all, I’m would like to thank everyone from this forum, for assisting me in my previous post (which you can read here).

Context
Updates since my previous post: I am still working to move forward from this experience and getting myself busy with my personal projects.

In my previous post, I mentioned that I wouldn't contact her, but... in the end, I decided to send her an e-letter (a really short one) with these points below. (really needed to let it out, irked my heart these few days - nothing emotional in the letter)  :

1. Words of thanks
2. Things that I will focus (briefly) in my near and mid-term future
3. Letting her know that she can contact me whenever she wants, but I will move on in life.

(I know that I said that I will not, I am sorry for letting you down).

Something that still bugs me is that during our, she told me that she wanted to rediscuss/review back my proposition when she's in my country (after the lockdown).

I have asked my circles to set up some blind dates for me after the lockdown has been lifted (maybe in a couple of weeks from now).

Questions
So, my questions are as listed below:

1. Should I text her in the future, whenever I've moved on with another person?
   • My argument : So that she know's that I wouldn't be available anymore (even when she's in my country for us to rediscuss). It would not be fair for the new person if I'm still "attached" to the previous one.
2. If, in the scenario where I'm still not committed to anyone, and she's in my country for us to rediscuss (if she really meant it as discussed last time), would it be a good idea for me to meet her? I'm not planning to initiate anything before hand, I'd expect her to make her move if she's really serious with my initial proposition.

I'm hope that you guys could share some lights on this matter. I'd appreciate your thoughts as well as your time reading this post.

Thank you again, and stay safe.

[Pulasari]

I would like to invite my previous acquaintances from my previous post to assist me.

@Ellener

@schlumpy

@smackie9

@Emilie Jolie

@Cookiesandough

@preraph

@Fox Sake

@rjc149

@simpycurious

Thank you again for your kind assistance.
(p/s: I know that I said that I will not contact her... I had to reevaluate my decision and sent her a really simple text as explained above).

[d0nnivain]

Why would you contact her?  She didn't want the email you already sent.  She rejected you . She doesn't want a future email.  She doesn't care that you are dating other women.  The more you contact her, the closer you come to crossing the line into stalker.  

You said your piece.  You tried.  It didn't work.  Be done.  

[ExpatInItaly]

I see zero reason to let her know you're going to meet other women. 

If she turned you down, she is not going to care that you want to meet others, man,. 

[Acacia98]

Pulasari, you don't have to contact her to inform her you're dating or you've found someone (if that happens). You've already told her you're going to move on in life. The fact that you're going to date other women and ultimately settle down with one is implied in that message. Just live your life.  If she ever reaches out to you down the road and you're with someone, you can simply wish her well and tell her you won't be able to communicate or meet. 

Also, since you've said you want to settle down and get married within one year (I think) in your other thread, I think you are best off concentrating on women who live near you. Online long-distance relationships are not conducive to actually getting to know someone. And one year is certainly not enough time. Then there would also be the problem of one of you having to move to the other's country or city. That is a difficult thing to do logistically and socially and culturally too. It's the kind of thing that can kill a relationship.

[schlumpy]

It's OK. We all have to learn from experience and this is yours. Who knows. She may relent. Anything can happen with human beings and does. Although having false hope can destroy you and make you feel damn foolish when looked back upon from the  future, hope is also one of the finest characteristics of being human. We hope and we dream.

Someone is going to recognize that quality in you and make it their own but I don't think it's going to be who you think it is. It rarely is.

[Pulasari]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Why would you contact her?  She didn't want the email you already sent.  She rejected you . She doesn't want a future email.  She doesn't care that you are dating other women.  The more you contact her, the closer you come to crossing the line into stalker.  

You said your piece.  You tried.  It didn't work.  Be done.  

Dear d0nnivian,

Thank you very much for your reply.

Actually, I sent her a pdf of my letter via her whatsapp (kinda weird, I know). So she just replied, "Wow... thank you soooooo much". I actually attached it with my mother's recipe that I've promised to send her last time. And... that was it, nothing from her since.

I going to have to go with you, I've put too much hope I guess. I'm not entirely sure how to react to this, since this is my first time dealing with this sort of "interaction".

This time, I will just hahve to suck it and move on. Yes, I've tried my best, but my best was not enough I presume.

Thank you again for your time dOnnivian.

[Pulasari]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I see zero reason to let her know you're going to meet other women. 

If she turned you down, she is not going to care that you want to meet others, man,. 

Dear ExpatInItaly,

Thank you for your comment. It's funny because I was hoping too much from her I think. I was actually questioning myself whether I should have posted this question. I was really looking forward for someone to say "Hey, you should go for it". But I think I was wrong, and the common norm is to just move on, and do not look back.

I have already asked one of my old friend (who is a hungarian expat here - like you in Italy ) to kindly organise some blind dates for me. There will always be a better person out there, some girl/woman that would really appreciate my appreciations and admirations (on croise les doigts).

Nevertheless, if she ever contacts me in the future (and.. if I'm still available), I'll think about it.

Yeah, I think she doesn't really care (I guess, I don't know... It does hurt to think that someone that you have feelings for, just doesn't really care much about you). Its a pareidolia, I want to see things that are not there, forcing my self to "believe".

Anyhow, I will take your advice.

Thank you.

[Pulasari]

1 hour ago, Acacia98 said:

Pulasari, you don't have to contact her to inform her you're dating or you've found someone (if that happens). You've already told her you're going to move on in life. The fact that you're going to date other women and ultimately settle down with one is implied in that message. Just live your life.  If she ever reaches out to you down the road and you're with someone, you can simply wish her well and tell her you won't be able to communicate or meet. 

Also, since you've said you want to settle down and get married within one year (I think) in your other thread, I think you are best off concentrating on women who live near you. Online long-distance relationships are not conducive to actually getting to know someone. And one year is certainly not enough time. Then there would also be the problem of one of you having to move to the other's country or city. That is a difficult thing to do logistically and socially and culturally too. It's the kind of thing that can kill a relationship.

Hi Acacia98,

Yes, I did mention that I will keep myself busy with my personal projets, and just live my life. I wished her all the best, and hope that she'll be able to sort her things out (to recover for her divorce, to advance in her carrier etc.), and to be able to open her heart for someone in the future.

Thank you for your concern, just sharing that I was actually planning to move to her country of residence (I nevert knew that she was there, before I contacted her). I don't really mind looking for someone from a different background (I used to live in different culture, eventhough I hold strong to mine. I actually grew up in 4 different countries before... so I don't really see myself having a life a local here, eventhough I was born in this country).

But I do agree that long-distance relationship would be typically hard to manage, due the distance and the non-presence aspect to it. I have to think again, if the things that I thought I could tolerate with, would... indirectly kill my relationship with someone that I would like to be with.

Thank you again, I will take your advice not to inform her. 

[Pulasari]

44 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

It's OK. We all have to learn from experience and this is yours. Who knows. She may relent. Anything can happen with human beings and does. Although having false hope can destroy you and make you feel damn foolish when looked back upon from the  future, hope is also one of the finest characteristics of being human. We hope and we dream.

Someone is going to recognize that quality in you and make it their own but I don't think it's going to be who you think it is. It rarely is.

Dear Schlumpy,

Delightful to see your response once again. As discussed before, yes... indeed something that I will learn from. (Haha... I hope that she would do that "relent" thing... Haha again, me being delusional).

I hope that I will find someone that would recognise and love me (thought it would be with her... but yeah, I'd go with your opinion on this).

Thanks again for going through my "case", for the second time. I hope the third time would be a good news from me.

Cheers ~

[Pulasari]

@schlumpy

Haha, I hope that I don't do something stupid after this 😅

[Emilie Jolie]

Hi Pulasari

You did what you felt was right for you by sending this letter, and that's perfectly fine. At least, you have no regrets. She avknowledged it, so implicitly agrees to whatever you put in there (hopefully that you're moving on and you're wishing her the best!).

 

With that in mind,  you already know that any future communication now has to come from her. You reached out one last time, so that's it, the chapter's closed. 

Good luck on those blind dates - sounds just like what the doctor's ordered.

This lockdown is not great for overthinkers - too much time to mull things over!

Hold tight for the next 2 weeks, it'll get easier with time.

[Pulasari]

8 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Hi Pulasari

You did what you felt was right for you by sending this letter, and that's perfectly fine. At least, you have no regrets. She avknowledged it, so implicitly agrees to whatever you put in there (hopefully that you're moving on and you're wishing her the best!).

 

With that in mind,  you already know that any future communication now has to come from her. You reached out one last time, so that's it, the chapter's closed. 

Good luck on those blind dates - sounds just like what the doctor's ordered.

This lockdown is not great for overthinkers - too much time to mull things over!

Hold tight for the next 2 weeks, it'll get easier with time.

Hi Emilie Jolie (Love the name... très jolie)

Yeah, it really irked me so bad not being able to reach her out for the last time. So that's why I did it.

It felt really good to just let her know my final thoughts (even though it was a simple letter... a pdf one 😅). I do wish her all the best getting her life back on track. I did wish that I'd be there to help her with that, but... maybe some other guy will. Nevermind.

Yeah, I hope that these bilnd dates would help me with my "adventure" 😇 (after the lockdown... that's for sure).

Thanks again.